Hope Is The Thing With Feathers
by CileSuns92
Summary: Post S8 finale. My take on what is going to happen as the return of the show approaches. Focus on Meredith and Derek but other characters will show up and have their little roles as well. Crappy summary. Rated T because it feels right. You decided it should have been more than a one-shot, now it has chapters!
1. Chapter 1

**Hope Is The Thing With Feathers**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or every other character connected to the series. They belong to Shonda Rhymes and her fellow writers, I'm just borrowing them. No copyright infringment.**

**Okay, I did it. I did my own hiatus story. I'm always publishing towards the finish line, but I hope it will be worth it.**

**There's no song in this one, just the chapter number. It's a first too, because not even the title is from a song but it's the first line of an Emily Dickinson's poem. **

**I hope you will like my take on this, enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

"Boise Memorial Hospital, secretary of the Chief of Surgery speaking"

The friendly voice on the other end of the phone didn't make Owen Hunt feel any less nervous about the call he was making.

"Yes, this is Dr. Hunt speaking"

"Dr. Sheenan will talk to you in a moment"

Hunt started fidgeting with the pen in his hands, replaying the moment he had fired Teddy in his head all the while being incredibly concerned for the well-being of his wife and the other five surgeons with her.

Something didn't feel quite right.

"Dr. Hunt, finally" a slightly irritated voice picked up "Your surgeons never showed up today, did something happen?"

"What?" Owen was shocked for a moment, his throat dried up as he processed the words.

"You said you'd fly out a team for the conjoined twins but nobody came. The newborns were ready and now I have a very upset family to deal with."

"I sent the team out Dr. Sheenan" his voice was grave, low and the other Chief caught up with his concern immediately. "Let me call you back"

Owen snapped the phone shut, then started pacing in the room, clutching at his phone.

He called both his head of Plastics and Neurosurgery but both their cellphones went to voicemail, just like the ones of Arizona Robbins and the rest of the team.

He didn't like this one bit.

He called then the team at SeaTac, the ones that had checked up the plane, and they confirmed the departure of the jet.

But, they never made it to Boise Airport.

His blood froze in his veins, his hands were shaking and he had no idea how to go from there. It just couldn't be happening.

* * *

Richard lowered his champagne glass filled with sparkling water and stared at his group of students. They were about to go out in the world and make a name out of themselves after his hospital had raised them.

Karev well, he felt a special connection with him, just because he had seen him from the beginning, scolded him from his very first day and guided him to make the right choices, but even the other two, acquired from Mercy West, had became a pretty nice asset to Grace.

He couldn't toast to the future without Yang and Meredith there though. The first was a force of nature, she had been through a lot and came out stronger and softer all at the same time; the other was like the daughter he never allowed himself to have, another reason why he had trouble to refer to her as Dr. Grey.

"Dr. Webber, should we start eating?" Kepner inquired, the gaze of the other two men wondering too about the same thing as the night stretched and the people around them neared dessert.

Before he could answer, his phone rang and he frowned at the ID: Hunt.

"This is Dr. Webber" he said confidently.

"I...The plane never landed" the man blurted and Richard's face fell.

"What?" he asked again, wishing he had heard wrong.

"Boise Memorial called to tell me that nobody arrived there, I called the airport and the plane never landed" Hunt said with a edge of panic in his voice "I don't...My wife is on that plane, Richard"

Webber knew that in that state of mind, he couldn't be helpful for the hospital. He remembered when a bomb had detonated inside Grace and it wasn't an easy situation to deal with.

"We'll deal with this together" he said, closing his eyes to gather his thoughts "I'll be right there" because he had a promise to keep to Ellis and two of his very first batch of students were on that plane.

He clicked the phone shut and the former residents sitting with him seemed almost relieved. He had to crash their joy immediately.

"Is it something surgical?" Alex piped up, like the perfect surgery-hungry intern he had been seven years prior.

"The plane with Yang and Grey never made it to Boise" he said simply, the screeching of his chair as he moved back seemed to echo in the buzzing restaurant.

Kepner's eyes glazed over and her breath caught in her throat, Avery's wide-eyed stare to him seemed disbelieved and Karev's jaw clenched, then he swallowed and mumbled "I should have been on that plane" before he stood up next to Richard.

"I'm going back in to help Hunt, this dinner is rescheduled" Richard said simply, but the other three followed him.

It was rare to see a group of residents -or interns- bond so fondly with each other. Usually it was just a competition, who was weaker fell and who could fight off more people, hunt more surgeries, became the Gunther. This batch of people was different. That's why they were destined to greatness.

If they made it out alive from all the troubles they could get themselves into.

* * *

"I called Boise Memorial and told them that they won't be arriving anytime soon, called the cops and the airport. They're tracking down the last time the plane appeared on a radar, it might take a while"

Hunt spoke to a room full of his attendings, in the front row sat Miranda Bailey and Ben, their hands clasped tightly as they scarily looked at the speaker. Next to them Callie Torres was shell-shocked, her eyes staring to a blank point behind Bailey's head. Nelson sat at the end of the table, wondering what on earth Derek Shepherd had done wrong to get hit by a bullet and lost on a plane in less than a three year span. On their feet behind the attendings, the three residents, still dressed up for a party, listened carefully to every word coming out of the Chief's mouth wishing they could have had the duck instead.

It was surreal, like everything still had to sink in and nothing seemed to be in the right place anymore.

"Police are doing their job. The airports are doing their job. We should go back to ours" Hunt concluded, fighting a lump in his throat.

"I want to help find them" Bailey spoke up, standing on her feet.

"And what, go out with a jeep in the woods to look for the burned bodies or wish on a shooting star? It's cold and dark and they're probably dead by now. Oh God" Callie's breath caught in her throat and they all turned to her, eyes wide.

Hunt felt the same, but he couldn't show it. He couldn't break. He had to be strong for this people and this hospital. He couldn't break.

"My baby won't have a father and a mother anymore. Oh God!" she sobbed freely then, before standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Alex "_You_ had to be on that plane, Karev, _you_!"

"I wish I was" was the man's answer when she crumbled back on the seat, one of his hands going comfortingly on her shoulder, squeezing it.

"Life indeed changes in an instant" Avery commented in a low voice, receiving the glare of the other two residents while the room slipped in a mournful silence.

* * *

_Hoot hoot, hoot hoot _

"Oh God what's that sound?" a scared Arizona mumbled, before a coughing fit.

_Hoot hoot, hoot hoot_

"An animal or something" Cristina replied tiredly

"Owl" Derek mumbled, groaning a little as he tried to sit up

"There could be bears out there or wolves or..."

"No" Cristina replied firmly "We can't think like that okay? We're gonna keep it together and stay calm. Owen sent help, I know."

Arizona opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut off by Mark, groaning something.

"What is it?"

"Tired" he said in a small voice

"You have to stay conscious Mark" she added a small plea in her voice

"Sleep"

"Sloan stay up!" Cristina ordered making Meredith jump next to her "You gotta be kidding me Mer" she spat

"Let's just make turns, Cristina. I'm so damn tired" her voice was low as she rubber her eyes, the dried blood on her hands scrubbing away

"If you fall asleep I swear to God..." Cristina whispered angrily "Mer, on the back of your head there's a huge gash and I can bet my ass you have a concussion. Just stay awake!"

"Mere" Derek mumbled, his good hand reaching out for her but just going to rest a little above her leg wound, making her moan in pain "Sorry"

"Here" she groaned, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly, wishing she could have just gone back. "We shouldn't have left Zola all alone" she mumbled, her eyes glazing over.

"Thank God you didn't bring her with you" Cristina replied

"Yeah" Derek sighed, but then groaned again.

"Guys" Jimmy, the pilot, intruded in their conversation, his voice feeble, but tinted with hope "Chopper" he said again, a small smile stretching on his lips.

They quieted for a moment, before they could stretch matching grins as Cristina echoed "Chopper" and they noticed a beam descend upon the trees.

Cristina jumped up and down, trying to find an area free from all kinds of leaves and branches; when finally the beam lit up her square feet of space, she just smiled.

The rest of it was a blur.

Paramedics came in and dragged away Mark first, rolling him up on the helicopter and leaving straight away, before another one could arrive. Arizona and the pilot were next, their helicopter pointing north, back home. Firefighters and other workers began clearing up the field, trying to recover Lexie's body.

Meredith refused to leave her side.

"She's my sister!" she shouted when a paramedic threatened to drag her away, her tears falling freely from her cheeks.

"I'm gonna stay with her" Cristina replied "Go with Derek, I'm good"

"Cristina, let's just go together, okay?"

"We can fit" the paramedic said simply when he noticed that the ladies wouldn't budge and Derek nodded in agreement. He didn't felt like leaving Lexie either.

Barely ten minutes later Lexie's battered body was being carried to the last helicopter and they were all climbing in, finally going home.

* * *

Meredith cried silently all the way back to Seattle, leaning against Derek's good shoulder while she squeezed Cristina's hand, her eyes fixed on Lexie's lifeless body in front of them, their silence filled with the flapping of the helicopter.

An endless rhythm, soothing, noisy, rough on the ears, something to let them know that they were still alive.

"You know, malheur in French means misfortune" Cristina piped up, breaking the monotone sound. "We landed right in the middle of Malheur National Forest"

At first they were quiet, then Derek chuckled, silently, repressing it, but he was soon joined by Meredith, before they would fall silent again.

There was no need to comment on that, nothing they had to say seemed good enough.

"Lexie would have brought that up for the rest of our lives" Meredith sighed and it was Cristina's turn to squeeze Meredith's hand. "She was a great little sister" she mused, before the noisy hum of the rotor could fill their silence once again.

The travel back to Seattle Grace was quick or at least it seemed so, time had a relative connotation at that point.

There was a flock of doctors fussing over the various stretchers down on the helicopter's bay, paramedics were quick to disembark the victims and leave to give the opportunity to the other choppers to land as well.

They were welcomed by Miranda Bailey and Richard Webber, both wide-eyed and shocked.

"Lexie Grey, thirty-three, DOA" the paramedic spoke up when they joined her and Meredith could bet there were tears in Bailey's eyes.

"Cristina Yang, thirty-five, dislocated shoulder" Cristina spoke before the paramedic could as she hopped down the helicopter "Meredith and Derek are here too, she needs a CT, MRI and stitches, he needs Torres as soon as possible."

Cristina was forced down on a wheelchair and led in a trauma room, she got x-rays done, which confirmed the dislocation, she received the necessary pain meds and a bunch of stitches, before she could be allowed to roam the halls freely.

Owen burst into her trauma room like a fury while she was signing her discharge papers, his hard eyes softening when they noticed how small Cristina looked on that exam table, her unruly hair sticking everywhere, her slim body trapped in a flimsy gown. He felt almost sick and overwhelmed with memories.

"Owen" she whispered, relief seeping through her as soon as she noticed him at the door, dressed up and in a lab coat, his gaze a little lost.

"How are you?" he asked with a knot in his throat.

"Alive, good" she said curtly, her eyes softening.

"That's..." he began, but he was unable to go on. He just moved forward and crushed her body in a tight hug, his tears threatening to spill. He held her close, his nose buried in her hair as her arm pulled him against her just as tightly.

"Ouch" Cristina mumbled "Shoulder is dislocated"

"Sorry" he whispered back a little embarrassed, shifting his arm but keeping her still in his hold.

"It's okay" she mumbled, burying herself even deeper in the embrace.

She finally felt safe.

* * *

Mark was welcomed on the roof of Seattle Grace by a full team of Cardio, Altman included, and Callie Torres almost in hysterics.

"Don't you dare dying!" she admonished him, squeezing his hand before moving back to meet Arizona who was arriving in the other helicopter.

The following moments were a mixture of flashbacks and memories he wished he could simply forget, alternated to blank, dark spaces when he knew he was passed out.

He could hear Teddy talking, but he couldn't focus enough to understand, the pain was unbearable and he just wanted some quiet.

"They reduced a cardiac tamponade in the field?" Altman said surprised

"Grey" he spluttered weakly, for once understanding the question "Yang helped her" he breathed out "Derek coordinated it all"

"Badass" Teddy mumbled a small smile stretching on her features.

"Lexie is dead" Mark replied out loud what his brain was trying to process since the moment her eyes closed in front of him. He felt a sense of dread envelop him, his chest tightened and his tears spilled over, unwanted but so relieving, even if the twist in his heart wouldn't leave him.

"I heard. I'm sorry" Teddy replied kindly, a little catch in her voice; he knew it wasn't something of circumstance when she said it, she meant every single syllable, because she knew loss and yet he knew too. He might not have known exactly the dynamics of her relationship with Henry, but she understood perfectly how it felt like to lose a partner and not being able to do anything to help.

He wish he didn't.

"You'll be okay. I'll make sure you'll be okay" Teddy said calmly, squeezing his shoulder, hiding her own grief because Mark's, right in this moment, seemed to swallow him whole.

* * *

Arizona was grateful for the pain medications.

The shock had long worn off and the pain in her leg was excruciating. The fact that she could see her bone with her naked eye wasn't good too.

"I might never walk again" Jimmy said as he laid in front of her on the chopper, his spine finally stabilized as it should have been done hours ago.

"It makes two of us. And our best neurosurgeon has his wrist kept together by a safety pin" she shook her head "You know, you just spent the scariest moment of your life with three of the top surgeons in the country" she laughed hollowly, the sadness dripping from every chuckle.

"And I still might never walk again"

The conversation stopped abruptly when the pilot announced that they were landing. They barely had the time to land on concrete before Callie appeared in front of her and Arizona felt relief seep through every bone in her, even the exposed ones.

"Thank God, thank God, thank God!" Callie mumbled, squeezing her in a hug, before assessing in a glance all her injuries. She frowned and Arizona knew well why.

"My femur is exposed" she said simply and when she uncovered her leg Callie cringed, tears filling her eyes.

"It will be okay, it's gonna be okay, I promise"

"I'm alive" she repeated, before coughing up blood again, "I'm alive" she repeated and for a second it seemed all that mattered.

Finally inside the walls of Seattle Grace, Arizona let herself succumb to the medications and drifted off into a deep sleep.

"I need x-rays and somebody please check for internal bleeding!" Callie shouted and immediately Webber and Karev joined her, proceeding with all the tests and the check up lists she was just too involved to perform by herself.

Callie just held her wife's hand through all this, wishing that her life could have stayed the same happy bubble a little while more.

* * *

Meredith and Derek were helped out of the helicopter by a paramedic then they just relied on each other to help Derek climb on the first available stretcher. He limply collapsed on top of it, his eyes closing "I'm gonna pass out" he said slowly, only for Meredith to hear.

"We're almost done, hang on Derek" she pleaded with him, squeezing his good hand during the whole flight.

"I love you" he said simply as soon as they disembarked, smiling as brightly as he could but it still looked closer to a grimace "Even if I'll lose my hand, I love you"

He didn't hear her answer as he disappeared inside the hospital, his thoughts furry as Avery and Kepner fussed over him.

So many people in this hospital had seen him weak, he didn't even bother to hide it anymore, he just went with the flow, his thoughts stuck on Lexie and all the memories they had shared together, to shift then quickly to Meredith and how further this whole thing could break her. Zola was last, but not least in his mind, because if they hadn't been found sooner, she probably would have been an orphan again and this wasn't really an option. He might be an one-handed Dad from now on, but he was going to fight with tooth and nail to be her Dad for a whole lot longer. She deserved that and Meredith deserved a real family.

"Dr. Shepherd there's a pin in your arm!" Kepner almost shrieked, making him cringe, his slight headache thumping in his head at the loud noise.

"It keeps it together, they didn't have stitches in the woods" Avery commented with a duh face as he sedated the limb to try and clean up the wound.

April set up the x-rays and he tried to focus back on something else, something happy, to keep his mind off the fact that his career might be over when he got out of the OR. There were tears in his eyes but before he could crumble, he needed answers.

"Dr. Shepherd" the well-known voice of his subordinate, his 'shadow' as they had dubbed him, reached his ear. It was calm and collected but there was a hint of something unusual in it. Like he was actually sorry.

"Dr. Nelson" he managed to mumble

The doctor sat on a stool and stared at Derek's hand, then did the preliminary exams and sighed; much for Derek's relief it sounded like a good sigh.

"Nerves seem intact, but I need a clearer visualization, I'll come back when you are in surgery" Nelson explained plainly, but with a hint of relief as well.

"Good, good" he mumbled, still a little incoherently, his thoughts fuzzy "Meredith" he managed to babble "I need to get to Meredith"

"She's been taken care of" Nelson said "I checked on her head wound right before coming here, she has a light concussion, nothing to worry about. Dr. Bailey is checking for other injuries, then she'll schedule more tests"

"I have to be there" he almost pleaded

"You can't move, Dr. Shepherd" April stated

"I know" he spat, his jaw clenching

"We could move you there as we wait for your test results and the OR needs to clear up for Torres to get in" Avery sighed, noticing how much more relieved Derek looked after this proposal.

"We'll go then" Nelson agreed and the two other doctors nodded as they wheeled him away.

Derek just wanted to be with his wife.

* * *

"I love you too" Meredith replied "We'll figure something out in either way" she sighed as Derek was brought away, then she stood in the middle of the ordeal on the helicopter bay, trying to make sense of things while the helicopters flew away and the paramedics scrambled around her in confusion. For a split second, she felt like she was back on the ferry dock during the accident and she didn't like the vibe of it one bit.

"Grey!" she heard Bailey call out for her, before she could help her on a wheelchair and bring her to a private room right away. Apparently, being married to a top neurosurgeon and working in the hospital had its perks when you were a patient, because his subordinate was already in the room to diagnose her a slight concussion.

Everything was fuzzy and distant for other reasons though, her mind volleying from Derek to Lexie, then Zola and Cristina, wishing and hoping they were all going to be fine, wherever they were, even Lexie.

She obediently followed all of Bailey's instructions when her former resident spoke to her softly and Nelson left them alone. She slowly stripped out of her clothes, left them in a pile on the floor and wore a gown, trying to ignore the blood, the marks and the cuts on her skin, just doing what she had been asked, pushing through, moving forward.

She was alive, that was a triumph.

"Okay, Nelson wants me to take you up for a CT and an MRI later, just for precaution, he's busy with your husband at the moment"

"How's Derek?" her voice was barely a scared whisper.

"It seems like there's no nerve damage, but we have to wait for Torres' surgery"

Meredith nodded, sniffing, before she could contain herself "Why are you here?" she said in a scared voice "I mean, people are in worse shape than I am and..."

"You are still my intern Grey." Bailey stated, stitching up the gash on Meredith's leg "Yang might be already in the OR cutting people open with a dislocated shoulder, so I have you" she smirked and Meredith had to smile a little at that, the tension eased away, at least for a moment.

Their conversation was interrupted by a gurney being wheeled in with Derek on top of it.

"Derek" Meredith sighed relieved, squeezing his good hand as he passed by. He rewarded her with a smile.

"I'll be in surgery soon and I wanted to spend time with you" he said, still managing a small grin as they stared at one another from the opposite ends of the room.

"You're not going to die" she stated strongly "Remember, worst break up ever"

"I know," he smiled at her, glad that she could still make light of the situation "I just want to spend time with you"

They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like eons, letting the situation and the surroundings settle in and disappear, before Bailey could push Meredith's back gently on the gurney.

"I need to check for internal bleeding"

Meredith didn't protest but she was immediately distracted by April, standing there with Jackson, a strange look on their faces. "How's Zola?" she blurted out as Bailey prepared the ultrasound machine.

"She's the cutest baby in the world" April said simply, managing a smile which made Meredith relax a little.

"Can you bring her down later?"

"Yeah, no problem"

"Thank you"

Meredith settled back staring at the ceiling as the rest of the people shuffled out, leaving her, Derek and Bailey alone in the quiet room.

Derek's breaths were comforting, just in the same way they comforted her after the shooting. Breaths meant that he was alive and she was alive and they still had their family together.

_Almost all their family_.

There were things to take care of on Lexie's behalf, people to call, stuff to do...

"Has anybody contacted Thatcher?" she mumbled and Bailey stopped her exam mid-stomach, looking up with sad eyes.

"I believe Dr. Hunt is doing it."

Bailey's eyes swept through her almost like a veil and they enveloped her in calm. She had some kind of power when she practiced medicine, Miranda Bailey.

"If you see him, you have to tell him that Thatcher has to wait for Mark to feel a little better at least. He'd want to be there for..." the last word got stuck in her throat.

If she said out loud 'funeral' it would all became so real and she didn't need any more real for the day. She was done. All her energy was drained. She couldn't take anything bad anymore.

Bailey looked at her again, stopping her ministration to squeeze her hand, then glanced at Derek who nodded, their understanding long practiced.

Meredith let out a shallow sigh, locking her eyes with Derek, drawing the comfort he always brought her and she knew it was hard for him to be at arm's length in such situations. He wanted to be there and he usually was, but she needed him to heal before they could hold each other properly again.

His eyes shifted from hers for a moment and she didn't like one bit the frown that appeared on his face.

"What is it?" he asked to Bailey, struggling to sit up even straighter. _Something was wrong with her_.

When Meredith turned to Bailey though, the attending was smiling, an unusual sight, but one that was much needed, even though the other two occupants of the room were both still puzzled.

"Looks like something good is gonna come out of this day, after all" Bailey replied cryptically, before holding the ultrasound wand still and turning the monitor towards Meredith and Derek.

And the room filled with the most unexpected _whoosh whoosh whoosh_.

* * *

**So, now you can decide. Do you want more? Are you bored to tears that *everybody* is writing about the plane crash? Do you want me to finish "I Missed You For 29 Years" first? [I know you do, it will be done, don't worry]**

**There's Chapter 1 written up above the page, but this whole thing started out as a one shot and it can be a nice stand-alone. It's up to you, but believe me, I have a lot planned for Meredith and Derek. I know, this was more of an ensemble exacution, but the rest of my story will be focussing on Meredith and Derek. I won't forget about Mark or Arizona, Lexie or even Cristina and Bailey's storylines, they will simply be mentioned along the way. **

**I don't want to spoil you a lot of things, but you can decide if you want me to update chapter 2 or to leave this as a one shot. Feel free to bash my hopes and dreams!**

**Here's the whole poem from which I borrowed the title, just so you can read it.**

**_Hope is the thing with feathers _**  
**_That perches in the soul, _**  
**_And sings the tune-without the words, _**  
**_And never stops at all,_**

**_And sweetest in the gale is heard; _**  
**_And sore must be the storm _**  
**_That could abash the little bird _**  
**_That kept so many warm._**

**_I've heard it in the chillest land, _**  
**_And on the strangest sea; _**  
**_Yet, never, in extremity, _**  
**_It asked a crumb of me._**


	2. Chapter 2

**The story has chapters now! :D**

**The response to this was incredible and a little unexpected. I thought you were bored to tears of post-crash stories ;)**

**I wanted to thank all the anonymous reviewers I couldn't thank through a private message. Thank you for the support, thank you for speaking up and letting me know you're out there reading, thank you for believing this could go somewhere because in my head, it's already in lots of places.**

**So, before I become all sappy and disgustingly sweet, here's the new chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Meredith"

Derek's voice, full of awe and worry, filled the awkward silence, perfectly blending with the quick, steady thumping of the brand new heart.

Meredith kept staring at the darker spot on the screen with her eyes wide, her jaw a little slack, no words coming out of her mouth.

Bailey froze the frame, stopping the whooshing sound and at that Meredith leaned back heavily on the bed, her eyes closing and her palms covering her face, her body tense as she fought tears taking deep breaths.

"Meredith" Derek's voice was far, like a distant memory, before a plane would crash and her world would shift. She could hear the wonder and the concern in the syllables of her name tumbling out of his lips. "Mere"

"Grey" Bailey piped up, just as worried as Derek was.

"Meredith, please, say something" he had tiny tears in his eyes, a mixture of utter happiness and worry, sadness and joy. It was indeed a good thing happening to them and he had no idea what was going on in Meredith's head at the moment.

"I want to see Lexie" she said simply, lowering her hands from her face and staring at Bailey, avoiding Derek's eyes as her fingers sprawled automatically on her stomach.

It was like everything had shifted with a terrible plane crash and she needed some rough, old-school grounding. Bits and pieces of what was happening around her disappeared from her sight, the world kept going in a blur.

Bailey turned to Derek who was at a loss for a second, but then he nodded in acceptance and confusion, asking "Do you want me to come along?"

"You need to be prepped for surgery, you should rest" Meredith replied gently and resolute, still avoiding his gaze "I'll be back before they take you in, I promise"

"Okay" he agreed, not entirely convinced but trusting Bailey to keep an eye on her.

"Wheelchair Grey, your leg needs to rest" Bailey ordered when she noticed Meredith struggle a little as she stood up.

Meredith strangely didn't protest, she simply nodded, sliding easily on the seat. Before she could wheel away though, she moved closer to Derek's bed and squeezed his good hand, her eyes filling with tears.

"I love you, Derek" she said simply and God knows how much he needed to hear that and see it shining into her tear-filled eyes just confirmed it.

"I love you just as much" he smiled, weakly, tiredly, but he smiled as he kissed her hand softly.

Then she was off to the morgue.

She had had nightmares of that place for a long time, after seeing her mother there and then dreaming of her own fake dead self. She remembered all the details of the place, the coldness, the steely surfaces, the smell -too chemical to resemble a real place-, the utter, deafening silence.

The coroner slid open one of the fridges and Lexie's pale, clean and slightly battered face appeared. Her darker hair framed her almost angelic features, her usually contagious smile reduced to a thin, colorless line.

A tear slid down Meredith's cheek as she stood up shakily, Bailey retreating behind her.

Meredith stared at Lexie for a long time.

_Zola had a resilient immune system. The little girl had puked for more or less twenty-four hours; this for Meredith was the third morning in a row. And that wasn't the tequila either._

"_Whoa, sorry!" Lexie's voice reached her ears as Meredith rose from the porcelain bowl, her tired eyes meeting the ones of her barely awake sister._

"_I didn't want to wake Derek or Zola" Meredith mumbled, explaining her reason to be hogging the bathroom in the hall instead of the one in her own room before it was asked._

"_It's not a big deal, Mer. Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah, just not dealing well with this virus, that's all" she sighed in defeat, her head leaning against the cold tiles beside the toilet._

"_Are you sure you're not pregnant? Molly thought she had a virus too, you know..." Lexie smiled, a gleam in her eyes._

"_I have a crappy uterus, Lex" her sad smile froze Lexie's expectations_

"_Right" she bit her lip "Sorry, I didn't..."_

"_It's okay, really" Meredith blinked slowly, already worn out and she had a whole workday ahead of her._

"_It surely would have a purpose otherwise uh? Not just a stupid virus..." Lexie made light of the situation easily, while rubbing gentle circles on her sister's back as Meredith fought off another wave of nausea._

"_It surely would" Meredith grumbled, collapsing heavily against the wall, defeated._

Meredith quickly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, but she seemed unable to stop crying.

There was no smile, no awkwardness, no secret feelings, no soothing hand on her back as she looked down. Just a body.

"You were right, you know..." she whispered sadly, her eyes trailing over the cuts on Lexie's face and making her lose the train of thought for a long second "You were right" she echoed.

Her pause seemed endless as she wished for an answer, her eyes closing to block out even more resurfacing memories. One hand moved to rest on top of the clean scrubs Bailey had brought her, low over her stomach. "You were a great little sister. Thank you for not giving up on me when we met, you were the first Grey who didn't give up and I'll be forever grateful. Thank you for everything"

She sniffed loudly, then brushed away a new tear that she had no idea when it had descended on her cheek. She stared for another endless minute, until she stepped back, set on leaving the morgue, before she stopped.

"You know, I listened to Euryhtmics when I was in college; I become an emotional mess when I watch The Notebook or other chick flicks; I wish I could play the drums; I still use the same conditioner I put on the night I met Derek and I really really loved having you as a sister. Five things about me that you didn't know, probably. I wish I could have said them before" she smiled sadly, then shuffled back outside, where Bailey was waiting for her with the wheelchair.

"Are you okay, Grey?" she said simply, noticing her tear-stained face and blotchy eyes. Meredith with honesty shook her head.

"Take me back to Derek"

Bailey didn't speak for the rest of their walk; she knew exactly when it was time to pry and when to keep her mouth shut and that was one of the countless perks of Miranda Bailey.

In the room three floors above, Derek was staring straight ahead from his sitting position on the bed, a small, dreamy smile brightening his features, his good hand clutching a piece of paper. Meredith knew exactly what was on it, since Bailey had probably printed it before they left. _One more thing she had missed in that span of time she was lost in her little world, apparently_.

There was adoration and devotion in his eyes and she recognized it as the same look with which he had stared at Zola during some of her most memorable milestones.

It made her breath catch in her throat.

She turned to Bailey and with a nod her former resident walked way with understanding in her eyes, closing the door behind her back with a gentle thud.

"Hey" Derek smiled widely but it turned to a grimace as he sat up straighter and stretched to reach for Meredith.

"Stay put" she admonished him simply, moving closer and standing up to sit on his bed.

He stopped clutching the sonogram picture, leaving it on top of his thigh, intertwining his fingers with Meredith's instead. She brought their joined hands on her stomach, sighing loudly, and she watched his face burst with hidden happiness when their gazes found each other. His thumb moved on top of the clean scrubs, rubbing gentle circles on the surface before it could shift on top of Meredith's hand to just hold it. She stared at the pile of limbs in utter confusion, not really freaking out but simply incapable to feel happy after seeing Lexie cold and dead, laid on a morgue steel table.

"It's okay to be happy and it's okay to be scared and sad" Derek mumbled, noticing once again the hesitation in her whole being and the sadness pooling into her gray eyes.

"Can I just lie here with you?"

He cocked his head almost amused at the request but then he scooted aside, muffling a sound between a groan and a grimace, to make more room for her petite body to nestle with his. She was pretty battered too but she had never looked more beautiful in his eyes. She was pregnant with his child and that mere thought made him want to stand up and run around the hospital to tell every single person that.

She was pregnant, she lost a sister and he might lose his job, on top of everything else, but until Torres would wield the verdict on his wrist, he didn't want to put the cart ahead of the horses.

He pulled Meredith close and let her cheek rest on his chest, right above his heart and the pink, old scar, memory of another horrifying moment of their recent history. She had done that a lot, when he was recovering from the shooting, he knew it helped her to hear his heartbeat and it always made her feel better.

Warmth spread on his chest through the gown and he realized in a moment that Meredith was crying. His heart squeezed inside his chest and he held her a little tighter, her limbs snuggling a little closer as she let go of her emotions; he allowed a tear to slide down his face as well.

"My sister is dead Derek" Meredith whispered, clutching a fistful of his gown

He didn't reply to that, he simply kissed the top of her head and held her, because words weren't going to fill the hole in their lives that Lexie had left.

"She's not going to walk in on us in the kitchen or interrupt car sex anymore" she sighed "I can't joke with her about making omelets or..."

"Just let it all out" he mumbled soothingly, the syllables getting lost in her hair

"I need my sister, Derek. And Zola had a real aunt here, not on the other side of the country; what will happen now? I don't..."

"Shh..." he cradled her and held her as she sobbed, because she was really grieving for family and he knew how painful that could be. When Ellis and Susan had died, they weren't close family, but Lexie was and they had helped each other, they finally were sharing a life and as usual the rug was pulled from under Meredith's feet.

He couldn't do anything more but hold her.

There was a knock at the door and Meredith immediately quieted, brushing away her tears, even if her eyes were still red and puffy when she croaked "Come in"

The door opened to reveal a very upset Zola wailing in April's arms, wails that got louder when she spotted her parents in the bed.

She quieted a notch as soon as Meredith had her snuggled to her chest and Derek encircled both their bodies with his still mobile arm.

"Zo, Mommy and Daddy are here, we're not going anywhere, we promise" Meredith whispered into the baby's hair, snuggling her closer and closer as they rocked quietly together, a lonely tear making its way down Meredith's cheek but Derek was quick to brush it away.

"Mama" the baby mumbled in between whimpers "Dada"

"Baby we're right here" Derek soothed as well, rejoicing in the moment as he brushed Zola's hair, feeling the girl snuggle even deeper between them.

"Dr. Shepherd" April's voice cut through the moment as soon as Zola had calmed down "A nurse will come right down to prep you shortly and your mother called at the desk"

Meredith's gaze shifted to Derek and she spoke before he could say anything "I'll can call your mother back while you're in surgery" she tried to manage a smile, but it barely showed up on her lips.

She slowly entangled from his arms, leaving Zola with him as she stood up and brushed his disheveled hair, kissing the top of his head. He relaxed under her soothing touch, his ear resting aligned to her stomach while he held Zola and Meredith cradled his skull gently as she kneaded his curls.

As a family, they waited for the nurse to get in and they both swallowed thickly when the door opened.

"We're not going anywhere Derek" Meredith blinked back tears when his lips brushed the fabric of her scrubs right above her navel, then lingered on top of Zola's head.

"I know. I'm going to be back all shiny and fixed in no time" he sighed tickling Zola and making her giggle "How can I not come back to this family, uh?" he cocked his head with a smile and finally, Meredith's features softened too.

"I love you" Meredith sighed softly, her lips finding his for a quick kiss.

"I love you too" he smiled, barely pulling away from her, their faces not an inch apart

"I can't take anymore death okay?" Meredith whispered, too low for anybody but Derek to hear.

"We'll have life Meredith. We already have." they pulled apart and his eyes moved down to Zola then lingered on Meredith's stomach, before going back up to meet with the green-gray-blue ones he loved so much.

"Go, get your two million dollars a year hand fixed, I have to call your mother" she kissed him one last time, gently, quickly, like they'd do for the rest of their lives.

"I love you" he whispered.

"Zo, say bye bye to Daddy" Meredith sighed, lifting up the toddler from his hold

"Ba ba!" Zola shrieked and Derek tickled her, making her laugh and wriggle into Meredith's hold.

"Dr. Shepherd it's time" the nurse smiled softly, professionally interrupting family time like she had done a hundred times.

"Okay" he sighed "Take it easy Mer, alright?"

"I promise. I'll take care of everything" she locked eyes with him and then waited for the gurney to disappear down the hall, following it with her gaze from the doorstep.

She sighed, squeezing Zola in her arms for a moment, then she slowly walked back inside the room where she retrieved her phone. The damn thing had survived a plane crash with a bunch of scratch and Lexie didn't make it. How unfair life was?

She switched it on after turning it off before the flight and leaving it at that when nobody had coverage. Immediately a dozen notifications of missed calls and texts appeared. She focused only on one and called Mrs. Shepherd back.

She moved into the waiting room outside the OR where Torres was busy with Derek, sitting with Zola on her lap. The phone on the other side barely rang one time before a voice would pick up.

"Oh Meredith thank God" there was a sigh of deep relief in Carolyn Shepherd's voice and Meredith swallowed thickly.

"Mrs. Shepherd" she greeted with a sad, spent tone.

"I heard about the plane crash on the news and I wanted to check on you guys. They didn't disclose the names of the doctors but I heard one of them is dead and..."

Meredith's eyes filled again with tears. _Keep it together, keep it together_. "We were there. On the plane" she began and the gasp on the other side adverted Meredith that she had Mrs. Shepherd's full attention "Derek was there with me, Mark, our Peds attending Dr. Robbins, Cristina my best friend and...Lexie, my sister"

"Oh dear"

"Mark had a cardiac tamponade and Dr. Altman is repairing his heart right now. Derek shattered his wrist and they just brought him into surgery, he might lose his hand function" she swallowed

"Oh"

"I can call you back as soon as they're both out of surgery"

"No, I'll probably be on my way already. I'm gonna be there as soon as I can" Meredith heard a few noises that were indication that she was indeed already on the move "What about you and your sister?"

"I'm fine, just a couple of bruises and an injured leg. My sister..." she stopped, holding Zola a little tighter against her, bracing herself to speak the truth one more time, feeling the dread of her next words "She's the one who didn't make it"

"Meredith, I'm so sorry -"

"Do you need to be picked up at the airport? We can stop at our place to leave the bags before and..." Meredith interrupted Carolyn right away and avoided the sympathy before it could dwarf her.

"Meredith, just stay there and heal your body, I can get to the hospital just fine. We'll meet as soon as I'm there"

"Okay" Meredith sighed "I'm sorry" she blurted then

"What for?" Carolyn's voice was surprised and soft, comforting into Meredith's ear and it brought her back to a time when she had indeed cried into the woman's arms, after Derek had a little coughing fit after his surgery and she was sure he was going to die, on top of everything else happening in her life.

"It's just that when I call you something bad always happens and...I just wish I could have called you to say that, I don't know, Zola's growing and that..."

"Meredith, you don't have to be sorry for that. It's not your fault all those things happened and just for the sake of it, we'll call each other on a random Thursday just to check how's life next time, okay?"

"I..." she swallowed, wishing that she will have random Thursdays from now on

"Then give a big kiss to Zola for me, we'll be able to catch up soon"

"I don't have your daughters' numbers. I should call them and tell them that Derek is not dying this time but I can't and..."

"I'll call them. Just take care of yourself and Zola until I get there"

"Thank you"

"See you soon Meredith"

"Bye Mrs. Shepherd"

Meredith leaned back on the chair and noticed that Zola had fallen asleep on top of her. Her small hand was tucked under her cheek and she was flushed to Meredith's chest, not an inch of space between them as Zola's legs wrapped around her torso.

Meredith didn't want to think about Mrs. Shepherd's visit or Derek's sisters.

She didn't want to think about her own sister, dead, or her husband under anesthesia as they put his wrist back together.

She couldn't think of the little life that was currently depending solely on her and how quickly she had failed last time.

She focused on Zola and her breathing, the puffs of warm air seeping through the rough fabric of her scrubs as the little girl slept peacefully. She could get through the next few hours without thinking of surgeries and dead sisters or anything else. She could do it.

_Keep it together_.

* * *

**I hope you're still around after this chapter! **

**Chapter 3 will be up soonish. _I Missed You For 29 Years_ is feeling a little neglected right now ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to everybody who reviewed the past chapter, I hope the way things are turning didn't disappoint you! Thanks to the anonymous reviewers, thank you for the alerts. Your support is always welcome!**

**Here, a new update, just because I'm feeling particularly happy about this story. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"You should be asleep in a bed"

Cristina's voice startled Meredith and forced her to stretch her sore muscles. Her friend slid in the empty seat next to hers and brushed Zola's sleeping head.

"I wasn't supposed to fall asleep either" Meredith's reply was furry and ended in a yawn.

"I know" Cristina looked at Meredith, trying to decipher her best friend's expression and failing, so she stuck to a neutral topic of conversation "Arizona and Mark are still in there. Torres is halfway done"

"That's good" Meredith sighed, rubbing Zola's back and winching a little as the baby shifted in her sleep.

"Do you want me to take Zola?" Cristina stared at Meredith poignantly, but she shook her head.

"I missed holding her and your shoulder is dislocated. Besides, she won't be this little much longer"

A comfortable silence settled between the two friends as they got lost in their thoughts for a moment.

"Derek's mother is coming here" Meredith voiced one of them "I was supposed to start packing our stuff to move to Boston and instead..."

"Teddy is leaving. She'll be back in the Army or something like that. She told me to take care of Sloan and the rest of her patients for her because after he's stable she'll be out of here"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep"

Silence stretched again, this time it was heavier though.

"How long since Derek got in?" Meredith asked, glancing nervously at her watch.

"I believe it's nearly four hours. His bones were shattered, Mer"

Meredith sighed and let her mind drift again.

"I need to pee. And Zola needs to eat and probably she'll need a fresh diaper soon. I think I might have a bunch of clean clothes for her in my cubby but maybe in Derek's office there's something -"

"First, you go and pee, take care of Zola then we'll go together to the cafeteria and we'll eat something. If you need anything at home I'll bribe someone to go and take it for you. Okay?" Cristina said resolutely, ordering the mess that was Meredith's head.

"This is why you'll always be my person, Cristina"

Meredith kissed Zola's head before shifting her dead weight on Cristina's non-bandaged shoulder. They exchanged a look and then Meredith sprinted to the bathroom to relieve her full bladder.

While she washed her hands she stared at her reflection in the mirror of the ladies' room for a long moment, assessing the damages: a stitched up cut on the back of her head, a few scrapes on her face and arms, her hollow, puffy eyes.

Then she went back.

_Keep it together_.

She couldn't sit still anymore and do nothing, wallow in the fact that her life was crumbling around her, again. She had to move.

She went back to Cristina and picked up Zola, who stretched and groaned a little, before opening her soulful eyes.

"Hey there" Meredith cooed, rubbing her back to ease her awakening "Did you have a good nap?"

Zola nuzzled deeper in the crook of her neck and Meredith took it as a yes.

"I'm going to make a quick stop for her diaper bag and a few things, I'll head in Derek's office if I can't find anything in my locker; you can save us a seat in the cafeteria" she spoke to Cristina then, who nodded and walked downstairs.

Meredith's mission started in the residents' locker room, where she found the diaper bag with clean diapers and formula, probably even snacks, then moved to Derek's office and retrieved more clothes and the spare baby carrier they kept at the hospital. She didn't care that Zola was more than able to walk, she had no intention of keeping her out of her sight in the next few hours.

She strapped the baby inside, but immediately Zola groaned and whined in protest, wriggling in her hold. Meredith took a deep breath, taking off the carrier, then put Zola on the ground and held out her hand for her, amazed at how big her little girl looked already.

"If you want to take a walk you have to hold my hand, alright?"

The baby looked up at her curiously, almost amused, then ignored her warning and waddled to the soft office chair always occupied by Derek. She patted it and squealed, turning to Meredith with a smile that was worth more than a million words.

"Yes, that's Daddy's chair. Wanna sit on it?"

Zola's smile widened and Meredith gave in, lifting her up and letting her sit there, her feet barely sticking out of the seat as she clapped her little hands delighted.

"What would we do without you, uh?" Meredith smiled, leaning against the desk as she stared at her daughter in wonder.

Barely a few minutes later though sitting there wasn't amusing anymore and Zola decided that eating was indeed more fun. Meredith changed her diaper first, then Zola walked side by side with her towards the elevators, she helped push the button to the cafeteria floor with an happy squeal, then jogged unsteadily to reach Cristina as soon as she spotted her sitting at a table with a full tray.

"Whoa kiddo, you're running already" Cristina grinned when Zola slammed against her thigh. The girl giggled with a contagious happiness, then frowned cocking her head to the side as she stared at Cristina's sling.

"Boo boo?" she questioned

"Yeah munchkin, I hurt my arm"

"Oh"

Zola stretched up to press a kiss over the blue fabric of the sling and Cristina stared at the baby surprised for a moment.

"In Derek's book kisses make everything better" Meredith supplied with an amused smile as soon as she got there and noticed Cristina's expression.

"Dada?" Zola turned questioningly to Meredith and it broke her heart a little to see her look for him already.

"We'll see Daddy in no time" Meredith sat at the table, brushing Zola's hair, and accepted happily the sandwich Cristina offered her. It was tasteless but she didn't care. She needed to eat and she was happy with anything that came around until it resurfaced again.

She left the half eaten sandwich on the table as she retrieved the empty bottle for the formula and the mashed fruit she had packed for April the day before leaving. She had surprised even herself when she had prepared and organized everything before the departure, not leaving anything uncovered. She had no idea when she became that mother or how could it happen, but she was grateful that Zola had mashed apples and formula ready. Zola seemed to be enjoying that too, because she squealed happily as soon as she spotted the mashed fruit.

"Okay, when did you do _that_?" Cristina pointed at the jar in Meredith's hands with her eyebrows raised.

"I left them ready for April. I might have packed a little more than what was strictly necessary" she blushed lightly at the admission

"I mean, you made them? And sealed the thing?" Cristina's eyes widened even further when the jar popped open.

"It's cut up fruit. You blend it and then stick everything in a jar, put it in boiling water upside down and it's all done. I can do that Cristina, I'm a surgeon. Who has days off and a daughter who still takes naps"

"They sell it ready"

"A patient gave Derek all those apples as a gift; organic apples. I used them"

Cristina looked at her amused, trying to keep from laughing then bit her lip "This, right here," she joked, waving her finger between the two of them. "This is why I can't be your person anymore"

Meredith looked at her and smiled, really smiled. They might have gone through a rough patch in their relationship as each other's persons, but she needed her support and this was Cristina being supportive.

"Give the little monster to me" Cristina stretched her arm to welcome Zola when she noticed that Meredith was struggling in feeding her without making a mess.

"Are you sure? I can just ask if they have a highchair or something..."

"No, go ahead, I might be injured and hate children but she's still my person's little monster"

Meredith smiled and plopped Zola on Cristina's lap. The baby looked up and giggled when Cristina tickled her, their eyes locking in laughter as Zola's two white teeth peeked from her lips. Meredith stared at two of her favorite people together and vowed that even if Cristina was going to move to the other side of the world they will visit her, just to hear Zola laugh like this again.

"Okay, open up" Meredith smiled encouragingly as the spoon neared Zola's mouth. The baby didn't wait a second before swallowing it whole and smile delighted.

In a blink, the jar was cleaned up, most of the apples ended up into Zola's mouth, a little on Cristina's scrubs but it was an accomplished mission for Meredith's expectations.

"Mo mo" Zola babbled, searching something with her eyes.

Meredith closed the jar and grabbed the bottle decorated with wild animals, making the joy of Zola.

"Okay, did she seriously asked for her formula?" Cristina smirked, skeptic

"She's a minute away from asking the whys of life, Cristina. She couldn't run last week, that's all I'm saying" Meredith replied with a sigh, standing up.

"Mama" Zola looked at Meredith with a slightly panicked face.

"Zo, I'm going to fill the bottle with warm water, you stay with Auntie Cristina, okay?"

"I'm no 'Auntie' Mer, Lex..." she stopped and watched Meredith stop dead in her tracks "Never mind. I can be Auntie Cristina"

"Ex!" Zola squealed happily and Meredith left quickly.

She had tears in her eyes as she waited for the warm water, the woman behind the counter was looking at her funnily, but she ignored it. How was she supposed to tell Zola that Auntie Lexie was not coming back from her trip? That the smooching kiss they exchanged at the airport was going to be their last one? How could she tell her daughter that?

She sat at a nearby table fixing up the formula as she let a few tears slide down her cheeks, then brushed them away and walked back.

_Keep it together_.

Cristina's expression was apologetic but Meredith simply shook her head and put the bottle of formula on the table, causing Zola to squeal and reach out for it, precariously perched on Cristina's leg. Meredith simply lifted up her light weight and snuggled her to her chest. Zola sat on her lap, bouncing happily as soon as Meredith offered her the formula. When the bottle was safely secure in her mouth and she was sucking quietly, her back relaxed against Meredith's chest.

Meredith encircled her tiny frame loosely and held her, her body relaxing as well against the seat. She kissed the top of the baby's head, then she looked up at Cristina.

"You look different" Cristina stated

"What?" Meredith's eyes widened, one hand moving self-consciously to brush her scrubs over her stomach and Zola grabbed it, shifting a little and leaning even more heavily on Meredith.

"I mean, you seal blended fruit, you interpret weird babbling, you just...morphed into a mother"

"I'm the same person, Cristina"

"The Meredith I met as an intern mixed cocktails, not formula" Cristina snickered "It's a good thing though, you stepped up. I couldn't do it; I respect your decision"

Meredith noticed the sincerity in her friend's gaze and turned back to stare at Zola, whose eyes were fluttering shut halfway through her bottle, her hand holding her finger almost like a security blanket.

"I don't really know when I became a mother Cristina, but I know that I want to be a good one and if that means organic blended apples and weird babbling, I can do that"

"You're being a great mother"

The bottle fell from Zola's mouth as the baby succumbed to sleep again. Meredith capped the bottle and put it away, then she turned Zola to hold her closer and the baby whined tiredly, before smacking her lips and falling back into a deep sleep, her head on Meredith's chest.

"How can she look like Derek when she sleeps?" Meredith wondered out loud, watching the relaxation wash on the baby's face.

"She looks like Derek even when she asks for things; you know the head tilt, the smile...that's McDreamy. She'll fidget and stutter before she's fifteen, I can tell" Cristina smirked "It doesn't mean that because she's not branded with your DNA you are not her parents, Mer. Some things, you just pick them up from the people around you. She's been around for a while."

"It's still baffles me sometimes"

"It would have baffled me even if I gave birth to her" Cristina smirked and Meredith sighed. "She's a cool tiny human"

"Let's go back, Derek might be out any minute from now on, it's been almost five hours" Meredith stated after a beat of silence and Cristina was quicker than Meredith to stand up and retrieve the diaper bag.

They sat again in the same seats in the waiting room, the people around them were different, but it was still familiar. They had been delivering news to families in the same spot for years and they were yet again the family.

Time passed, but nothing changed, until they spotted Teddy going out of the OR. The surgeon stopped to stare at them, before moving closer.

"Mark is all stitched up and I believe he'll be just fine, there were no complications in the surgery. You saved his life." she said honestly, looking between the two women "I peeked in Bailey's OR and her, Webber and the Ortho guy were closing up Arizona"

"Thank you" Meredith said with a nod

"There's no other family here for Mark?"

"I don't think so. Derek's mother is on her way, she'd want news on him, I'm sure"

"I'll stop by later to see how Derek's doing so I can inform her about Mark's condition"

"Alright. Thank you for the update" Meredith replied sincerely, knowing that any other surgeon would have ignored them and moved on.

"Cristina, before I leave I need to speak to you about the other patients and Mark's post-op instructions regarding his possible infection" Teddy added in a calm, collected tone.

"Can't it wait?"

"Of course"

When Teddy walked away, Bailey and Webber appeared behind her, physically exhausted.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith called out.

"Grey" her voice was worn out but not hoarse and filled with sadness, which gave Meredith a little hope for the outcome of Arizona's surgery.

"Is Dr. Robbins' surgery over?"

"Yes, but we can't tell you anything more" Richard replied quickly

Bailey was about to protest but Meredith roared before she could "Look _sir_, her wife is fixing my husband instead of waiting here next to me, the least I could do is update her on her condition as soon as she steps out of that OR. I owe her at least that"

"We repaired the internal bleeding, her leg is kept together by metal at this point but Dr. Carlson is hopeful for her regaining full function after some physical therapy" Bailey backed her up and even managed a small smile "We really can't tell you more than the fact that she's fine. You can tell Torres that"

"Thank you Dr. Bailey" Meredith took in the fact relieved, grateful to Bailey.

At the commotion, Zola rose from her mother's chest and rubbed her eyes, sleepy and uncoordinated, mumbling a barely conscious "Mama"

"Hi there" Meredith greeted Zola with a calming smile then nodded to the two other doctors who smiled back, leaving them to get to their well-deserved rest.

Zola tried to wriggle out of Meredith's grasp as soon as she was awake enough to keep herself balanced on her legs and Meredith let her toddle in the now empty waiting room, exploring every place. She pulled out a couple of small stuffed toys from the diaper bag to prevent Zola from ripping apart every magazine on the low coffee table and Zola immediately stopped her games to reach for them. She plopped on the floor, inventing stories and making noises as she played by herself.

For a moment, Meredith imagined another dark-haired toddler sharing the stuffed animals with Zola as they played together and tears prickled her eyes.

"Is it sanitary for her to play on the floor of a hospital?" Cristina wondered and Meredith had to repress a laugh at how concerned Cristina sounded.

"She'll be sick every other day if she doesn't build up an unbeatable immune system"

"Still, she had a stomach bug when we took the Boards"

"Daycare, probably. Sofia had it too" Meredith replied matter-of-factly

"She recovered quicker than you did. You were still a little pale when we left" Cristina commented with a teasing smirk, trying to lighten up the grim, tiring wait.

"I didn't have a stomach bug" Meredith said simply, grinning when Zola gave her back a stuffed teddy bear and grabbed the lion she held in her hands instead, her expression turning somber as soon as Zola turned away from her.

"Right..." Cristina snorted amused, then recovered "Wait, what?"

"I'm pregnant" she whispered, the word heavy on her tongue "We found out when Bailey was checking me up for internal bleeding"

"But..."

"I'm not gonna get attached to it like last time, Cristina. Not yet. It's not time to be attached yet and think about another tiny human sitting there next to Zola" she tried to reply strongly but her voice failed her and wavered, a clear sign that no matter what, she was already attached to this baby.

"Do you want me to quit talking about it?"

"Maybe. No. I don't really know" Meredith replied, squishing the teddy bear nervously "God, Derek...his eyes were sparkling" she bit her lip, sighing deeply, trying not to cry. "Please don't tell anybody, I don't want anybody to know and then..."

"Okay, okay, okay" Cristina interrupted the confession putting a comforting hand over Meredith shoulder and rubbing slow soothing circles in a way that made Meredith miss Derek. If he lost his hand he wasn't going to be rubbing her back anytime soon.

They remained silent for a while as Meredith watched Zola play delighted and she tried to calm her emotions.

_Keep it together_.

"Meredith?" a familiar voice called out and Meredith had barely rose to her feet when she was enveloped in a warm, gentle hug.

"Mrs. Shepherd" she managed a smile when they pulled away; the elder woman was looking at her almost in the same way she stared at Zola after she fell face-first the week before and tears prickled at Meredith's eyes again.

"I'm so glad you're okay" Carolyn Shepherd sighed in relief.

"Derek is still in surgery, it's a long one. Mark got out a while ago, you might be able to visit him in a few" she rattled out information because emotions were still rough on the surface and she needed to keep herself busy.

"Roar!" Zola squealed waving around the stuffed lion and the three of them turned to the baby who frowned, puzzled at the new face. Then, almost as if a light went off in her busy brain, Zola grinned and squealed "Nana!"

Meredith was sure there were tears into Carolyn's eyes when she said softly "Oh baby yes, I'm your Nana" Carolyn smiled, picking Zola up from the floor and snuggling her closer as the baby kept laughing gleefully "Gosh, she's even more beautiful than during our Skype sessions" she sighed

"Mama, Nana" Zola babbled happily with little coherency, her hands still busy with the animals.

"See baby, Nana came here to visit you and Daddy, she's gonna stay a little while"

Zola smiled and the heavy veil of uncertainty and gloom, which appeared after the topic of surgery was mentioned, suddenly was lifted.

"She really has a contagious laugh" Carolyn commented, holding the baby closer as the two women sat.

The brief moment was interrupted by Callie walking towards them and taking off her scrub cap a little defeated, sighing.

The three women rose up on their feet immediately, Carolyn still holding Zola as Meredith grabbed Cristina's hand.

_Keep it together_.

"I have tried to avoid a fusion to preserve the motions, since the nerves are intact and he basically broke it by himself. I'm hopeful for the fingers, I just want to keep a close eye on the wrist." Callie explained "If he won't be able to move the hand without pain at all in a couple of months, maybe more, I'll have to do a fusion and he'll lose most of his hand functions"

"But he might not" Meredith interrupted

"Right now, I tried to do my best to save his hand and not amputate"

Unexpectedly, Meredith flung herself into Callie's arms and hugged the doctor tightly. "Thank you, thank you so much" she mumbled, then pulled away and wiped away the tears that were cascading freely from her eyes.

"You're welcome Grey" her tone was short, tired.

"Arizona is already in the ICU with Mark. Bailey and Altman couldn't really dish me a lot of information but looks like everything went by the books for the two of them"

Callie's eyes brimmed with tears and she swallowed thickly "Thank you Meredith. I'm just gonna go and..."

Meredith nodded then sat back on the chair, her legs buckling in relief, finally able to breathe again.

Derek was going to be okay.

* * *

**I know it was not an update of "I Missed You For 29 Years", I hope you will forgive me and that you enjoyed this just as much, if not more.**

**Less than a week before the premiere! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here I am, picking up where I left off and just...pretending I got right every single thing of the premiere ;)**

**I was supposed to update this yesterday, but then I just needed a few moments to think about what was really happening and work out a few things in my head. It's here, though, there you go!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Cristina silently walked away with the excuse of finding Owen as soon as Meredith had evened out her breaths, leaving the two women with Zola in the waiting room.

"Do you think we can go and see Derek now?" Carolyn asked with an hopeful smile.

"Yeah, I..." Meredith sighed, then rose to her feet, smoothing down her scrub top and swallowing thickly "I'm gonna go and ask a nurse where he is"

As soon as she moved to the desk, she noticed Nurse Tyler; she smiled and he sighed, speaking before she could even ask "Dr. Shepherd is already in the ICU, box five"

"Thank you"

"I'll stop by in a couple of hours to check on him and see if we can move him to a regular room"

Meredith forced a smile, then walked back to Carolyn. The two of them moved to the assigned room, Zola still in Carolyn's arms, fascinated with the short, spiky hair of the elder woman.

They stopped outside the sliding door and Meredith's breath caught in her throat once again. Dozens of flashback blasted behind her eyes as she tried to block out the memories of a time not so long ago when Derek had been confined to a hospital bed, helpless.

He looked different, there were less wires and drains but he had a metal cage on his left wrist, his face was a little less pale, his stubble a little longer, but it was still scary.

"Dada?" Zola questioned innocently and Meredith turned to her, noticing her puzzled face.

"Daddy is going to be in the hospital for a while Zo. He has a big boo boo on his wrist but he'll be just fine" she tried to smile but Zola sensed the gravity of her words.

"Go ahead Meredith, I can stay here with Zola" Carolyn offered

"You can go first, you're his mother, you -"

"You're his wife and the mother of his child, it's quite the same" Carolyn smiled and Meredith swallowed thickly.

"Okay, I'll just..."

"Take all the time you need"

Meredith breathed deeply as she slid the door open, closing it behind her with a swishing sound, locking eyes with Carolyn and Zola one last time.

"Hey Derek" she spoke gently as she turned, ignoring the flashback and her shaky legs. She moved the only chair in the cubicle closer to the side of the bed, her hand closing around Derek's healthy one, her body stretching to press a kiss on his forehead before she sat next to him.

She had no idea what to say to him. She had wished they were never going to be back in this position, but there they were, barely a year later and she just wanted to cry.

_Keep it together_.

It didn't matter that he was fine and he wasn't on the brink of death like last time, that he probably could still go back being a surgeon someday, it simply didn't matter, because he was still in a hospital bed and she wanted to break down.

She kept it together the best she could, knowing that Zola was just outside and their baby girl had seen enough tears from her for a lifetime. She squeezed Derek's hand tightly, her fingers moving to brush his hair in a soothing motions, almost as if they were at home, in their bed, relaxing after a long day.

She didn't dare to look at all the crap on his wrist, she focused on his hair and his face, waiting for a sign of his imminent awakening, watching him breathe, listening to the comforting noise of the steady heartbeat coming from the machine right beside her.

She knew by heart all the lines of his face. After he was shot, she spent hours just looking at him, memorizing every trait, wondering what crinkle she could have easily recognized in their child, mourning the loss.

This time around, his crinkles were like coming back home.

She knew them, even if she had not paid attention so closely to him in a while, but she still remembered.

She kissed his stubbly cheek, just for the sake of it, and she was about to leave, before she felt a little more pressure on her hand and a gentle squeeze back.

His eyes fluttered open and a dull, tired blue sparkled back at her.

"Hey" she breathed out, relief filling her soul. "Welcome back"

"Hi" he croaked, blinking slowly, still a little out of it.

"Do you need some water?" she asked and he nodded faintly "Your mother is right outside with Zola, do you want me to let her in when I go and find you water?"

"Ma's...here?" he struggled to form words, blinking rapidly, his voice barely above a whisper. Tired, he sounded tired and broken, but at least he spoke.

"You have been in surgery for close to six hours" Meredith explained and he swallowed thickly.

"My han'?" the final letter got lost but Meredith didn't need him to finish to know what to answer.

"Callie did the best she could. We need to see how you'll respond to physical therapy and if nothing changes she'll go back in for a fusion"

"And I'll lose it" he spoke a little easier, but his voice was still furry.

"Most likely, yeah. At least partially" Meredith nodded and his fingers squeezed around hers even tighter.

"Damn" he muttered, his eyes closing shut to block out the world.

"We'll be okay, Derek, you and me, we'll be just fine" she rested her lips on his forehead for a fleeting kiss, wishing that she was not telling him a big fat lie.

"I want to be able...to hold our children Mere" he struggled, their eyes locking in a meaningful stare and she could see the tears building up there.

"And you will"

"I need..." he hesitated

"You need water right now. I'll send your mother in, then I'll be back with your water and Zola. One step at a time, Derek" tears prickled at her eyes when she noticed how sure he was of the future.

He sighed, knowing that right then she had the upper hand, but he just wanted to be happy, for a little while.

Meredith felt forced to smile back at Derek, she kissed his lips quickly then moved out to call Mrs. Shepherd in.

Derek didn't even have to pretend to smile when his mother appeared, sliding the door back into its place and turning the room silent again after the noisy hum of the hospital had filled it for a few seconds.

"Hi Ma" he greeted, his voice still tired and raspy, but perking a notch.

"Sweetheart" she moved closer, kissing the top of his head, then she cradled him in half a hug.

"You could have waited a little you know, to come out here" he smiled, watching as if his mother took in his injuries.

"Nonsense Derek, you are my only son. You have a beautiful family and a wife who needs my help as well, of course I'm flying out"

"Ma, it's just my wrist, I'm gonna be fine"

"I know you, Derek. You would push yourself and do more damage than good. I know what happened with the speeding tickets and the night in jail"

"What?" he blinked

"I'm gonna be here as long as you and Meredith need me" she said resolutely, no room for an objection "Besides, Zola is possibly the most adorable grandchild I have and she deserves a little spoiling"

As soon as Zola was mentioned, Meredith came back with a plastic cup of water with a straw and Zola perched on her hip, her eyes still glassy but a smile on her face.

"Dada!" Zola grinned widely, clapping her chubby hands as soon as she saw him and Derek grinned widely back.

"Hey there baby girl" he touched her leg with his good hand as the baby reached out for him while Meredith handed him the cup.

He took a few sips carefully, grateful for the fresh liquid, then exchanged the water for Zola, who sat next to his hip and frowned at the things on his wrist.

"Boo boo?" she pointed at the metallic cage, puzzled.

"Yes Zo, I have a boo boo, but this one needs a little more than a big kiss to go away" he smiled sadly when he noticed her lips ready for a kiss "You can kiss me right here though" he pointed at his cheek and Zola climbed along his chest to smooch his stubble. She then leaned her head on his shoulder and molded into his body, her eyes still trailed warily to the metal cage.

"Are you sleepy?" he questioned, kissing her forehead softly and Zola simply closed her eyes.

"I don't think she slept much when we were away" Meredith piped up, removing Zola from his shoulder and holding her instead.

"Meredith, why don't you go home so the two of you can have a good night's sleep then you and Zola can come back tomorrow morning?" Carolyn suggested "I will stay with him"

Meredith locked eyes with Derek, biting her lip. Home sounded really appealing at the moment; even if home without Derek was terrible, a bed without a bulky mattress would really be helpful after God knows how long spent wandering around. She could barely keep her own eyes open.

"Go home Meredith" Derek piped up "Take Zola home" he added, his eyes sweeping lower to her stomach and she knew herself that it was better to leave.

"I don't want to leave you" she argued in a small, unconvincing voice.

"I'll be okay. Mom can page you if I get too annoying" he smiled dreamily and she gave in once again.

"Alright" she sighed, managing a small smile then moving closer to him again "Let's smooch Daddy a little then we'll get home, Zo" she turned to the baby, who perked up as they walked back closer to Derek and she leaned in to place a soft, wet kiss on his cheek. Meredith moved next, her lips finding his gently, minding the audience, but she still stroked his hair as he cupped her face with his healthy hand; he moved it slowly down to her shoulder and further, until his hand rested on her hip and his thumb was barely grazing her stomach.

They parted and Meredith sighed, their noses still touching, their eyes still closed as she whispered "Don't push yourself too much okay?"

"I won't. I love you Mer" he kissed her again then, just because he still could kiss her.

"I love you too" she replied as soon as she pulled away and straightened up, resettling Zola on her hip. The little girl was closer to sleep each passing minute. "We'll be here first thing in the morning to say hi"

"I'm looking forward to it" he grinned, their eyes locking and he noticed that Meredith was much more relaxed than a few moments earlier.

"Carolyn if anything -and I mean anything- happens, just page me"

"I can note every time someone gets in this room in his chart if it's comforting enough for you" she smirked "Go home, dear"

"I'm going" Meredith sighed "Bye"

"Bye Mer, bye Zo" Derek called out when she slid the door close, then he turned to his mother "Thank you for that Mom"

"I'm just looking out for you kids, sweetheart" Derek leaned a little more tiredly against the mattress "And you can sleep too you know"

"But I haven't seen you in ages" he argued, faking a pout.

"We'll have time to catch up"

For a second, Derek closed his eyes, tiredness having the better of him, then he asked "Did Meredith tell you about the speeding tickets?"

"Yeah, the evening Zola was fussy and you took her upstairs to bed we had a little chat. She was worried sick. It was completely irresponsible and immature of you, by the way"

"Believe me, I know that better than anybody else" his cheeks pinked up a little "I just needed to feel something other than anger"

"You're not angry now, aren't you? Because you have a family who relies on you; it's not just you and Meredith anymore"

"I know and I am angry, but I'm mostly sad, Ma. Then again, I have the perfect cure for that, have you heard Zola laugh?" he replied dreamily, his lips curling up at the mere memory.

"I did Derek" she smiled as well

"Then I have Meredith" he sighed, the smile still gentle on his lips "She's the best mother Zola could ask for"

"I'm happy for you, Derek. I'm glad you straightened up your life, made your own family..."

"It feels good to have a family, Mom"

His eyes closed again and Carolyn sighed, stroking his hair "Sleep, sweetheart"

"Night Mom" he mumbled, before finally succumbing to sleep.

Carolyn watched his son sleep peacefully and rejoiced that once again, he was alive and happily joking with her. He and Meredith had been through much more than a couple deserved to go through in the past years and they were still going strong. She didn't know how, but she wanted to find out in the time she got to spend with them.

* * *

**If you want to talk about the premiere, feel free to do so in a review. I really hope you'll stick with me and my story despite it steers clear from most of the subjects of the actual show. **

**Thank you for your support, I have a long way ahead of this! I hope you won't get bored!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, this is my therapeutic update after watching the second episode. **

**Nothing major really happens here, but I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Derek opened his eyes to a soft, whitish light, filtering from his new room on the Ortho floor. They had moved him an hour after Meredith had left and he had been poked and prodded a lot during the night.

His mother was sitting wide awake next to him, sipping what was certainly a very strong coffee from a paper cup.

"Good morning sweetheart" she smiled at him, leaving behind the coffee to kiss his forehead as she stood up.

"Tell me you slept at least an hour" he grinned, falling easily into the routine of having his mother there. He was a grown man already, but it felt nice to be mothered for a little while.

"I'm an old woman Derek, I have time to sleep"

"Mom, -" he protested, but she shushed him immediately

"You don't have to worry about me"

"I just..."

"I know. You worry about everybody, even when it's not necessary. You worry about the people you love"

Derek sighed, not knowing how to get back to such statement because she was more than right.

"Have you seen Mark?" he asked, after a beat of contemplative silence.

"They're keeping him in a medically induced coma, he has a slight infection and they don't want to tire his body too much"

"Oh God" Derek swallowed thickly "I need to see him"

"Derek, he's asleep, there's nothing you can do. When they'll wake him up we'll figure something out" Carolyn replied sternly and he sighed in defeat. She was right after all.

"Is Meredith back yet?"

"Not yet. Do you want me to page her?"

"No, she needs her rest. Let her rest." he said resolutely

"You're worried about her" Carolyn stated again

"Of course I'm worried about her." he shook his head almost in disbelief "She's alone in that house and her sister died under a piece of metal and she's..." he caught his tongue right on time "It's hard for her. Life is always hard for Meredith"

"I'll keep an eye on her, Derek. She's a grown woman though"

"She's amazing Mom" his smile softened imperceptibly, but Carolyn was able to catch it.

"I remember. I'm glad I can stay a little more this time around"

"I missed you, Ma" he said honestly, before he could squeeze his mother's hand tightly.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door and a bubbly Zola toddled unsteadily in the room in a frilly orange dress and fuzzy pigtails, followed by a still tired Meredith carrying a gym bag with toiletries and clothes. She glowed for Derek, even with bags under her eyes and a slow pace, she was still a breathtaking view first thing in the morning.

"Dadadadadada" Zola kept babbling as she hopped towards the bed and Derek grinned widely.

"Hey Zo. You look a lot less sleepy this morning uh?"

Zola simply giggled as Meredith put the bag on the dresser, lifted her up on the bed, then the girl cuddled in the crook of Derek's good arm after placing a wet kiss on his nose.

"She slept through the night despite the naps" Meredith sighed contentedly, before leaning in for a quick kiss on Derek's cheek.

"She did, huh?" he grinned, locking eyes with Meredith and there was something there that didn't convince him much. She was the one who didn't sleep through the night.

"Hey Carolyn" Meredith greeted the older woman with a nod and Carolyn smiled back brightly.

"Nana!" Zola turned to say hi as well and Derek beamed.

Carolyn grinned at the baby, then noticed how tired Meredith still looked and once again, she intervened in her grandmotherly duties "What if I take my favorite granddaughter out for a walk?"

"Sounds exciting, right Zola?" Meredith put up a smile and Derek noticed immediately it was a strained one.

Carolyn picked up Zola from Derek's hold and after all the routine goodbyes, disappeared behind the door. She had barely walked out that Meredith suddenly turned green, then bolted to the en-suite bathroom. Derek felt immensely guilty for not being there as she heaved out her breakfast in the toilet.

When she reappeared at the door she was pale, her red-rimmed eyes were spent and looked even more beaten up than before.

"Come here" Derek suggested, opening his arm for her

"Derek..." she croaked, the plea to just forget about it all hidden in her eyes

"I can't hold your hair back, let me hold you afterward" he said simply and she gave in.

She sat by his good side and he pulled her closer to him, her head nestled in the crook of his neck out of an habit as her whole body stretched next to his, their legs intertwining as his lips found her forehead out of a habit.

"How bad was it? On a scale from one to ten"

"Six, maybe seven" she replied honestly, sighing "I was just nauseous this morning"

"It will pass, I promise"

"Yeah" she barely whispered, holding him tight as she hid even further into his gown.

He simply lied there with his wife in his arms, stroking her golden hair evenly as she relaxed, his good hand moving soothingly down her back, rubbing it in slow circles.

"Last night was horrible" she mumbled out of the blue, her tightly shut eyes clearly relieving the memory "Horrible" she echoed and he felt a warm tear fall on his gown, her body tense all of a sudden.

"What happened?"

"We have to move. I can't stay in that house anymore; Lex..." she chocked on her words "She's everywhere. I can't breathe. There's always something that reminds me of her and you weren't there and -" she chocked back a sob, her fist clenching his gown tightly.

"Shh." he soothed, his lips finding the crown of her head, barely above her scar "You can go to sleep at the new house if you want, it's ready. Furniture should be delivered soon"

"But you are not going to be there" she mumbled and he marveled at how their life had changed in the past few years. Then again, he had never seen Meredith so scared and vulnerable before this day and he wished he'd knew how to deal with it. When he woke up after the bullet had been removed from his chest, she had been stoic, unwavering; and he had been grateful. This time around, she seemed unable to keep her emotions in check and he knew it wasn't just the pregnancy.

"I'll be there soon" he said simply and she sniffled "We'll figure something out before tonight, alright?"

"Okay" she croaked, relaxing again under his touch.

His hand kept roaming her back evenly, until he reached her hip and sneaked his hand under her Dartmouth t-shirt, resting it gently on top of her stomach, covering her skin almost entirely as he detected the barely noticeable change in shape.

"Derek..." she chocked, her voice wary

"Let me just enjoy this. You. Us" he kissed the crown of her head "Please"

She didn't say anything, she simply kept laying there in his hold, breathing on his neck, relaxing and pretending she felt little pieces of her shattering.

"I'm happy about this Derek, I'm just..."

"It's okay, Mer. I understand" he said, because he was scared too. Hell, he knew that chances were less than by their side. But his wife was still pregnant after a plane crash and the hostile uterus diagnosis. He just wanted to let the feeling sink in.

If they lost this life at this point, their world would fall apart once again. They still had Zola and for them it was more than what they could have imagined, but this unexpected surprise had already took root into his heart.

They had lost Lexie already, Mark was barely hanging on, they didn't need this on top of everything.

Derek tried to memorize every inch of skin of Meredith's stomach, wishing that he could see it swell and grow to accommodate their child in time, his fingertips trying to engrave in his brain forever how perfect a seven-weeks-pregnant Meredith looked, because he had no idea how long this was going to last and the first time, he had missed it all.

"I love you" he whispered, finding her hairline with his lips and breathing in the fresh lavender scent, before noticing that she had fallen asleep as he sifted through his thoughts.

He had never felt the need to say those three words a lot, but since he had faced life or death situations, they didn't seem so big. After his last surgery, just looking at each other was enough for them to know that they were thinking them. A hand squeeze, three blinks, a different stroke of her thumb on his jaw were all signs that she was saying those words, without actually saying them. As soon as he was able to communicate without feeling like he was dying and his chest was going to be ripped open from the inside, they never failed to leave her lips. He had embraced the new Meredith with his arms open, saying it back every single time.

When he was stuck in a forest of tall, evergreen trees with no idea whatsoever if they'd make it out there alive, he knew why she kept repeating the endearment over and over again.

The door opened and his mother appeared there, childless and with a gentle smile on her face. She interrupted his thoughts, but Meredith didn't even stir at the slight commotion.

"Hey" she greeted quietly "Does Zola have a favorite snack so I can spoil her rotten? She's with Cristina right now, if you're wondering"

"Hopefully Meredith had grabbed one of those apple thingies in a jar. They're handmade, Zola loves them. Check the diaper bag" he smiled, holding Meredith a little tighter and only then noticing that his hand was still resting on her stomach.

"Is she okay?" Carolyn asked, slightly concerned, noticing once again a strange tenderness in the way Derek touched Meredith.

"Just a hard night. Can you keep an eye on Zola so she can sleep for a couple of hours?"

"You don't even have to ask" Carolyn smiled eying the snuggled hug and how brightly her son was smiling; then she just knew all she needed to know. She had been pregnant five times after all and had seen her fair share of pregnant couples in her lifetime, those gestures simply confirmed her predictions. Her smile doubled.

"Keep an eye on Meredith too for me today, will you?" Derek added, seeing the knowing look in his mother's gaze.

"Dutifully noted" Carolyn sighed "Congratulations" she added with a wide smile, before moving out.

"Mom" he called her back and she looked at him questioningly "She'll probably lose this baby" he whispered, his voice grave, filled with sadness, a lump prevented him to elaborate further.

"I know you two were in a plane crash but maybe she won't" Carolyn replied reassuringly and at that he was about to protest so she added "I'm not gonna say anything to her, don't worry"

"Thank you Mom"

"Sometimes prayers don't get lost" she smiled softly, then she left.

Derek stared at the closed door with his lips parted in surprise. His mother had prayed for them to have another child. She had prayed. How long has it been since he had prayed? Probably since he had had a gun pointed to his chest.

"Mmm...no, don't, please, Lexie...Lex!" Meredith started turning and tossing beside him and he tried to shake her awake from her nightmare.

"Mer" he whispered loudly enough for her to hear him, but she kept trashing beside him.

"No, Derek!" her eyes snapped open and she clung to him, tears filling her eyes, a slight sweat covering her brow.

"I'm here Mere, it's over, it's done; I'm not going anywhere"

Meredith nodded, hiding even deeper in his embrace, her eyes closed shut as he tried to calm her even further.

Her labored breaths evened out as he rubbed her back, wondering what kind of horrible dream had her so worked up.

It didn't take him long enough t find out.

"Lexie was walking away with our baby, Derek" she whispered, sharing it with him and making him swallow thickly, wishing he hadn't been this curious "Then you were going with her"

"Lexie is gone but I'm not going anywhere and so is our baby" he stared at her reassuringly, trying to calm her fears.

"You don't know that"

"I know. I have a feeling" he said simply, kissing the top of her matted hair.

Meredith relaxed as her breaths evened out, then she whispered "In the dream...we were having a boy" she said simply, her eyes glazing over and Derek's heart broke into million pieces as her words sunk in.

"He's still here" he sighed, his hand moving automatically on her stomach.

"I know" she replied, squeezing him tightly "I know" she echoed, her hand joining Derek's.

* * *

**So, Zola was there, they're laying together because it feels right and talking about the baby, because it's really happening, no matter how overwhelming that feels.**

**If you feel like ranting about the show, feel free to do so, I'll surely listen.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**So, this chapter is short. I began the story with very long chapters and they're getting shorter and shorter. I apologize, it's just how the scenes pictured in my head. **

**I really hope you are still enjoying, your kind reviews tell me you do so I'm going to keep updating :D**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Derek had been in the hospital for two days already and they had settled a small routine. He walked around, visited Mark and spent time with his mother and Zola any chance he got. Mark seemed to be improving and they were talking about waking him up from the medically-induced coma, which finally brought a sincere smile on Derek's face.

Sometimes he stopped by Arizona's room, simply checking on her and the progress on her leg, which seemed to be healing nicely. She was going to need physical therapy for a long time, but she was always so optimistic about it that she made Derek feel better.

The metal cage on Derek's wrist had been replaced by a cast and Zola had spent an amusing afternoon drawing lines and dots on it, making a mess on his sheets and gown in the process. The nurses had been happy to change them and Derek couldn't stop smiling, even when Meredith proposed quieter games to play, like reading a book.

Zola was in fact sitting up nestled into the crook of Derek's arm, his bigger hand holding the story as he read, while Zola turned the pages for him. She was still too quick or too slow sometimes, but they were getting good at this. Meredith watched and listened in awe -sitting in the armchair and exchanging amused looks with Carolyn, who sat in a chair on the opposite side of the bed- when Derek mimicked different tones of voice for every character in the story.

There was a knock at Derek's door and he immediately stopped reading to Zola as he turned towards the noise. He watched with a confused look a dark-haired, petite figure enter in the room.

"Amy?" he said, a hint of a smile brightening his face at the sight of his sister, but then he frowned when he noticed how sad and broken she looked.

"Oh Amelia, you're here" Carolyn rose from her chair and went to hug Amelia, who simply opened her arms, almost in a daze, tears filling her bright blue eyes, perfect match to her bother's.

"Can you give us a moment?" Derek whispered to Meredith, who nodded, his concern mirrored in her gaze.

"I'm going to take this young lady for a walk" she smiled gently, picking up Zola and kissing Derek's cheek lightly. "We'll be back"

Meredith slipped out of the room almost unnoticed, leaving Carolyn standing in front of Amelia, the silence thickening.

"Are you okay, Derek?" Amelia asked in a barely audible tone, concern and a little bit of fear dripping from her tone.

"I'm going to be okay after a lot of physical therapy" her answered easily, watching how the emotions changed on his sister's face.

"Really?"

"Yeah" his smile was sincere, but Amelia still wasn't convinced

"This is not you protecting me from the big bad wolf?"

"No" he tried to smile again, but was taken aback when his sister flung herself into his arms, climbing on his bed.

Before he could hold her back properly she was already sobbing.

Their mother moved closer and rubbed Amelia's back as she clung to Derek for dear life.

"I lost too much already, I can't lose you" she whispered in his ear

"There are a lot of women saying that to me" he tried to lighten up the mood and he managed to slow a little the tears cascading from Amelia's cheeks.

There was something different about her. He had no idea what was it, but he was sure that when she came up last time she wasn't like this.

"Are you okay, Amy?" he asked, feeling a little stupid; he was the one in the hospital bed after all.

"No" his sister mumbled simply and he tightened his hold around her.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not using, I promise you, I'm clean" she stated immediately and he frowned, scooting aside to make room for her on the bed. "Almost a year"

"I believe you. We saw each other a few months back and you were clean. I'm proud of you"

At his praise she snorted, then disentangled herself from his arms, before she began pacing back and forth in his room. She paced and looked up at Derek or her mother alternatively, almost as if she was trying to find more words or a coherent train of thought.

Derek had never seen her like this.

"Amelia, tell us what's going on, you're making my head spin" Carolyn said simply and Amelia stopped, dead in her tracks, staring alternatively at the two other occupants of the room like a deer caught in the headlights.

Tears filled her bright blue eyes again and Carolyn recognized a tinge of fear.

"I'm a mother" she said simply, the two pair of eyes staring at her widening in surprise. Carolyn gasped and Derek's jaw dropped. "A little boy" she said simply, tears filling her eyes "He had no brain. He died three weeks ago" she bit her lip as she sat and Derek looked up at her with sadness and sympathy.

"You were pregnant when we saw each other last time?" Derek blurted out, still wide-eyed.

"I didn't know. I was in rehab. I lost both my fiancé and my baby, Derek" she said harshly and when her tears finally fell, there were her mother's arms to hold her up.

"You should have called Amy" Carolyn whispered gently "I could have been there for you when you went into labor"

"There was nothing beautiful in giving birth to a dying baby, Mom" she snapped, but then she locked eyes with her mother and she simply hugged her back. "Please don't tell anybody" she whispered and they both nodded.

"Come here" Derek said softly, stretching out his hand to reach for Amelia's "You didn't have to come all the way here"

"I was going crazy in LA. Everybody is looking at me like I will magically appear with a baby in my arms one day and show him around. It's horrible and I can't take it anymore"

"You're welcome to stay with me, Amy" he said without second thought "I'll ask Meredith so you can stay with us as long as you need"

"At home your room is always ready" Carolyn added and Amelia almost smiled at that. "Even if I'm going to be here with Derek for a little while longer, you can come and stay anytime"

Amelia nodded, looking at her mother with gratitude, sniffling.

"I decided to donate his organs" Amelia said simply "He saved many other babies"

"I bet he was beautiful" Derek stated, little tears building up in his eyes too.

"He was"

Amelia slid back into her brother's arms and let him hold her.

Silence stretched as Derek rubbed her back soothingly, bringing back memories of them many years younger, after their father's funeral, laying on the couch in their living room just trying to get by, day by day, afternoon after afternoon of pitying at school and weird glances at home.

If he couldn't protect her from the world, the least he could do was comfort her.

"I lost a baby too" Derek broke the silence, making the room gasp. "The day I was shot Meredith was pregnant. I know, almost six weeks doesn't add up to your kind of pain, but on some extent, I understand" he concluded simply.

He watched his mother's eyes fill with tears and disbelief "Meredith never said anything, not even when I came to see you"

"It took her months to say that to me and I don't blame her" he sighed sadly, the memories of her tears after the revelation still breaking his heart.

"You know, he didn't cry, he..." Amelia changed the subject radically, almost talking to herself "It was the most beautiful sound in the world. My little unicorn."

"I'm sure it was. You have to hold onto that" Derek managed a small smile, kissing the top of her head. Amelia took a deep intake of breath as she relaxed in his arms.

"You're a Daddy" she said then, a small smile brightening her tear-stricken face "I barely saw her and Meredith when I came here with Erica"

"Are you sure you'll be okay around Zola?" he asked, the fact that he had a toddler in the house just dawning on him.

"Yeah" she sighed "But I think I'll go back and stay with Mom for a while when she goes home"

"I understand" Derek sighed "I love you Amy and I'm sorry I failed to keep you away from harm"

"You didn't fail anything, Derek. It's life."

At that, as Amelia sniffled one last time, the door opened, revealing Meredith standing there and smiling slightly as Addison stood behind her.

* * *

**I wanted Amelia to come back. It was selfish of me because I didn't really like the crossover when it happened last season, so I wanted to bring her back. Addison is there too, you noticed. I'll talk about her more in the next chapter. It is not in any way a Grey's-Private Practice crossover, I'm just borrowing their characters who somehow are connected to Grey's and bringing them back. Amelia has the support of her brother and Derek gets to see his sister, it's a win-win situation in my opinion :D**

**Either way, since this chapter was rather short, I'll try to post the next one sooner, maybe before Monday, so we are not going to die of Grey's withdrawal already. I wanted to posted yesterday, but I had classes until five in the afternoon and when I got home I wanted to crawl under a rock and never get out. I'll be better for chapter 7!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Editing fanfictions can't be considered studying for the TOEFL exam I have to take on Friday, right? What about watching random episodes of TV shows for the listening part? No, uh? *walks away pouting***

**I almost promised this chapter to be delivered in the weekend, but I couldn't get to the editing sooner, so here it is, on Monday. I hope you don't mind this slight delay. It could have been worse, believe me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

* * *

Addison sneaked in a room while she left Amelia alone with Derek and her mother. She had accompanied her almost sister to Seattle not for her sake only, she really did want to see that Derek and Mark were okay with her own eyes.

She still called Mark from time to time, just to see how things were with him, despite their conversations were kept to the basics for the most part. Derek had been shot and survived a plane crash since the last time she had seen him, he was more than ready to get out of the box she had put him in after their divorce.

Last time they all saw each other they weren't even parents and if somebody told her that she'd be the woman sneaking into an empty exam room to call home and check on her baby when she had left only five hours before, she'd laugh in their faces.

But in fact, she was that mother.

Something wasn't quite right when she entered the room though, because there was a slight commotion behind her and when she turned around she saw no other than Meredith Grey with her scrub top rolled under her boobs, her stomach exposed and a tub of gel in her hand.

"Crap" Meredith blurted, turning suddenly redder than Addison ever thought possible "Hi" she whispered

"What are you doing?"

"I was...uh..." Meredith stuttered and Addison imagined how uncomfortable it must be for her being caught doing self exams in a hospital full of competent doctors.

"I was looking for an empty exam room to call at home and check on my son for the fifth time since I got here –five hours ago; I'm not going to judge" Addison offered her own sneakiness with a warm smile, trying to convince the woman in front of her that she was not going to bite, despite their less than idyllic past.

"You have a son?" Meredith smiled surprised, putting the gel away and rolling down the top, her hand resting on the fabric almost in a reverential way.

"Yeah, his name is Henry. He's precious and it's the first time I leave him alone for more than a few hours and..." Addison trailed off, her rambling a little foreign to both women.

"You're freaking out" Meredith completed with a small smile of her own "Do you have any idea how much convincing I needed when I had to fly to San Francisco to take my boards and leave my sick baby at home with Derek?" she shook her head at the memory "You know him, he's wonderful, he's a surgeon, he can take care of a stomach bug, but there I was, with my phone in my hands every hour, dialing the number then hanging up before it could even ring." she rambled, then sighed "It comes with the territory"

Addison wondered how could they ended up talking about their respective children as they sneaked away from the world, despite all the water under their bridges.

Then something clicked, finally understanding why Meredith needed an empty exam room with an ultrasound machine. Somehow, Addison wasn't even a little bit angry or upset at the possibility of Meredith being pregnant. Mark told him that Derek had adopted a baby girl and she was happy that he could finally have the family he always wanted and they were never able to build.

"Are you being irrationally worried right now?" Addison asked vaguely, trying not to pry but unable to keep her curiosity at bay.

"A little. Maybe a lot" Meredith replied with a honest smile, her eyes looking down briefly at her stomach as she skimmed a finger along the imperceptible bulge gently. "I can't stop worrying that tomorrow I'd wake up and there won't be a heartbeat anymore. I'd have cramps and my back would kill me for weeks, I'd bleed for just as much and..." she stopped, her voice giving away "I can't worry about Derek's recovery, Zola, his family, our careers and add this to the list, so I come up here and I see it for myself" she admitted "Please don't tell Derek, he'll just...worry" she whispered when she diverted her gaze and Addison felt a wave of sympathy for the woman sitting in front of her. Something had happened and the sadness in Meredith's eyes after the confession was proof of it.

"As long as you don't tell anybody about my secret attempted phone call" she smiled, easing the situation and winning a smile from Meredith. "I'm sorry, I interrupted you" she was about to walk out when she rethought that "Would you like some help?"

"It's okay, I guess" she mumbled "I just need to hear the heartbeat"

Addison sat on a stool and waited for Meredith to get ready again for the exam, then watched her face relax as soon as the wand was placed on her stomach and barely a minute later a heartbeat filled their silence.

"Hi there" she mumbled, her eyes closed to enjoy the sound. It was a side of Meredith she never had imagined to witness, especially considering the woman she was back at the beginning of her internship. She had changed, but they both had.

"Did you have a miscarriage?" Addison asked bluntly when her trained eyes picked up the signs on the grainy image on the screen. She regretted the bluntness immediately when Meredith's smile turned into a thin line and she physically flinched, her breath hitching in her throat.

"During the shooting. I needed a D-and-C afterward" Meredith recalled the painful memories in a free ramble "Then I was diagnosed with hostile uterus, the fertility treatments made me temporary blind and finally Zola waltzed in from Malawi" she smiled with unadulterated joy at the memory, though "We fought a lot to get to keep her, but it was worth every second spent arguing or running around in courts and with social workers" she stopped, taking a deep breath as more memories piled up "What about your son?"

"Well, I just signed up to be a foster parent and lost hope of ever having a baby until one of my patients called me because she wanted to give this little bundle of joy to me. I mean, the first night I had nowhere to put him, I hadn't been home the whole day and it was just a mess" Addison giggled, shaking her head

"I remember the first night with Zola..." Meredith recalled with a sad smile, trailing off.

"At least you could ask Derek to stay up and watch her breathe" Addison shook her head in amusement, imagining Derek doing just that.

"He wasn't there. We got into this huge fight and he didn't came home that night. And my house was still a brothel" Meredith giggled, cutting the tension "Zola was kind of amused to see the same faces she saw at the hospital having breakfast with her the following morning"

Addison smiled too at that and was relieved somehow -even if sorry- to hear that they still fought. The never really fought much, her and Derek, and after eleven years she understood why.

"He's amazing with her" Meredith sighed, smiling brightly "How old is Henry now?" she added

"Almost four months old" she grinned "It's amazing how fast they grow up"

"Right?" Meredith's eyes twinkled proudly with the same knowledge.

"You're what, eight weeks along?" Addison asked, still studying the screen.

"Yeah, seems like it." she confirmed "Nobody knows except for you and Dr. Bailey. I'm just trying to get to second trimester safely, then I'd probably stop checking for a heartbeat every chance I get"

"It's understandable, you know. Just sneak in every day and enjoy your moment of peace. Tomorrow morning we can pretend to have coffee together so we can sneak in the basement and do this again" Addison stated, surprising even herself.

Meredith wasn't a friend, but she wasn't an enemy either and if this helped her feel better Addison was willingly to do this.

"Wait, you don't think I'm crazy?" Meredith's eyes widened

"I think you're simply worried. I remember when Derek wrapped his motorbike around a pole..."

"The scar on his forehead" Meredith commented in a whisper

"He told you about that?" it was Addison's turn to be surprised

"Not in detail, just that he doesn't drive bikes anymore after that scar"

"His bike was in pieces. He was lucky enough to jump off before it could crash with a pole and smash against a wall. Well, when he was recovering at the hospital his mother yelled at him for a good half of a hour, then everything got quiet and when I went back in the room he was fast asleep and Carolyn was sitting there, watching him breathe. You're doing the same thing, more or less"

"We all faced death too many times already" she took a deep, cleansing breath, her thumb rubbing circles on her stomach for comfort.

"I hope you don't mind me here"

"I know you left on good terms. I'm sorry I didn't even think to call or something" Meredith bit her lip "There were so many people and I..."

"Amelia kept me in the loop" she added

"Did...something happen to her?" Meredith asked, steering away the conversation from the still too vivid memories of the crash "When she came up here she was sober and she looked wary, but not like this"

"Something happened, but wait for her to tell you. It's a miracle I even convinced her to face Derek and their mother"

"Alright." Meredith smiled, then sat up, fixing her top and redoing her hair "Are you ready to go or do you want a moment for your phone call?" Meredith grinned

"I'll just come with you, if you don't mind"

"Not at all"

The two women exited the exam room together, winning a lot of surprised looks from most of the staff in the halls, especially the ones who had been around for a while, since they were talking and sharing stories about their children like two normal mothers.

"Do you think I can visit Mark later?" Addison asked, her eyes darkening

"He's out of the medically-induced coma but he's still weak and in a dark place, you could try to cheer him up. He's not the same since Lexie..." Meredith trailed off, her eyes misty only at the mention of her sister.

"I'm sorry for your loss" Meredith faked a smile at that, fighting her tears, then knocked on the door of Derek's room and opened it of a crack to peek in, glad that they could avoid the issue.

Meredith was pleasantly surprised to see Derek sitting up in bed with Amelia curled up next to him, her head on his shoulder as Carolyn watched over them. Probably, everything that they needed to say had been said and she was relieved that Derek could have brought her some comfort.

"We can come back later" she whispered, her eyes locking with Derek's as she spotted his sadness ready to overflow.

"No, stay" Amelia croaked, entangling from her brother's arms

"You stay there too" Meredith smiled, walking closer to Derek's bed and kissing the top of his head, before she could sit on the opposite side and smile at them.

Addison instead stepped in and stood at the end of the bed, a small smile on her features.

"Hey Addie" Derek greeted her warmly "Thank you for traveling with Amy"

"How's your hand?"

"Not better enough, but I'll be fine" he smiled "How are you?"

"Worried about my son" she met Meredith's eyes and they grinned "It's stupid, I know..."

"Please, don't turn into my mother" he flashed a grin to Carolyn who faked to be offended.

"Hey, I just suggested that I can stay indefinitely here, not that I'm moving to Seattle"

"Well, it does have ferryboats" Derek shrugged, finally making Amelia smile and with her the whole room followed suit.

"We are surely not staying indefinitely" Amelia said, locking eyes with Addison.

"I have a case in three days and I believe we'll be out of here tomorrow with a red-eye"

"You can come visit any time" Derek smiled softly, his eyes moving alternatively from Amelia to Addison.

"What about you fly South someday? Take a stroll on the beach, nag Sam a little..." Addison smirked.

His eyes locked with Meredith's and they both could spot the fear deep rooted in there "Maybe. But I believe we'll drive" he sighed, holding up his wrist.

"Oh" Addison shut up, swallowing thickly.

"Maybe a consult, a lecture, a conference; who knows?" Meredith piped up, trying to ease the tension and succeeding.

"Yeah, that could be nice"

"Indeed"

The silence that fell for a moment in the room was cut when the door opened and Cristina got in the room. She was holding Zola from under her armpits, keeping the girl at arm's length, Cristina's nose wrinkled up in disgust.

"She stinks" she stated putting her down and watching as Zola waddled pitifully towards Meredith.

"I left you the diaper bag. It's not a chemical weapon" Meredith said in disbelief, shaking her head amused at her friend's reaction.

"Smells like one" Cristina defended her pride as she handed Meredith the diaper bag.

"I'll be right back" she excused herself from the people in the room and led Zola towards the bathroom, changing her quickly.

"There all clean" Meredith exclaimed, coming back in the room and noticing that all the seats were occupied then. "Go say hi to all these people, Zo" Meredith locked eyes with the baby, who shyly walked towards Derek's bed.

"She's gorgeous" Amelia smiled sadly, her eyes filling with tears

"Hi" Zola mumbled as a greeting while Meredith helped her up to sit next to Derek on the bed.

"Hi Zola. I'm your aunt Amelia, do you remember me?"

"Me-lia" Zola studied the woman in front of her until her face lit up in a gorgeous smile. Derek grinned as well, amazed by how easily Zola could remember faces and people.

"That's me. You're a little lady already" Amelia cooed, a genuine smile brightening her features.

"I almost believe that when I put her in the tub she grows an inch" Derek shook his head "You know, that lady next to your Auntie is Addison, say hi" he prompted

"Hi Zola" Addison smiled, a little blown away by the situation itself. Never she had imagined to see her husband having children with someone else and not being even mad in the slightest.

"Hi" Zola grinned and Addison's smile stretched before she could notice. That baby had a way to steal smiles.

"I have a baby too you know? His name is Henry, I think you would be great friends"

"We have to drive down to LA then someday" Meredith smiled, locking eyes with Derek and watching as he happily agreed.

Happy suited them.

* * *

**Well, Amelia and Addie had their visit. I know Addison might seem a little out of character, but years have passed since she had been dubbed Satan and well, I always imagined her and Meredith getting along as their lives established. Let the past be the past or whatever, right?**

**Anyways, that bit with Cristina completely wrote by itself, I have no idea how I could come up with such a thing but at least it was hilarious after a bunch of more serious chapters and themes. **

**I'll be updating 29 Years before posting chapter 8 here, but it won't be long hopefully. This might become a weekly thing, if my schedule remains the same. I'm starting to balance things after two full weeks of courses (and curses).**

**Thank you for stopping by and the great support you always show for this story! **


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter might not be long, but it's intense. ****I had this scene in my head that somehow begged to be written, no matter what. I really hope you'll like it!**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

* * *

There are moments in life when you realize that your life is going to change and will never be the same. Derek had lived through many of them: his father's death, his first wedding day, the night at Joe's when he met Meredith, the day she drowned, the day he got shot...He could go through them as quickly as the grains of the rosary his mother was holding as she snoozed quietly in his room.

When Callie walked through the door to check on his wrist on his fourth day post-op he had the feeling that something big was going to happen.

"Hey Derek" she smiled gently, bringing in the tray with her tools.

She had revolved into calling him Derek after the accident and not simply because he was a patient. It was an unspoken decision, but all the colleagues at Seattle Grace had never been closer than how they were after the plane crash.

"Hey Callie. What are you doing here?"

"Admiring my handiwork" she grinned, sitting on a stool and taking his wrist to examine it. "I'm going to cut your cast and replace it with a smaller one, so you can try moving your fingers and you'll have more mobility in your forearm. I want to keep the wrist in a cast until you're ready to be discharged, then I'll make you a new one, hopefully softer. Or maybe we can go straight to a protective sleeve" she stated in a low voice, but Carolyn woke up anyways.

"Good morning" she smiled groggily, standing up

"Do you mind going downstairs to grab me a cup of coffee?" Derek smiled sweetly, knowing that his mother was going to freak out a little at the sight of a saw near her son's wrist "I can have coffee, right?"

"What about juice?" Callie smirked, understanding that it was a simple distraction.

"Alright" he sighed in defeat

Carolyn smiled "Of course, dear. I'll be right back"

She walked out of the room gracefully, despite her old age and Derek sighed, grateful to have her there when Meredith was not.

Callie had already grabbed the saw to cut through the cast when the door opened with a slam and a very frazzled Meredith barged in the room.

She looked frantic and panicked, her eyes wide, filled with tears when she blurted out "I can't hear the heartbeat" and she stared at Derek, pleadingly.

His eyes bulged out and Callie immediately stopped whatever she was doing. They both stared at Meredith, standing in the middle of the room like a deer caught in the headlights. The rest of the world around them disappeared, just Meredith remained.

"What?" Derek asked a little breathless, the babble hardly registering in his brain as he fought not to freak out just as badly as Meredith. He had to keep it together for her.

"I have back pains Derek and..." she stopped for a sniff, trying to block the tears "Every morning I get into an exam room and check if there's still a heartbeat because I'm hormonal and worried and it's stupid, I know. There's no heartbeat today" she bit her lip to keep from crying, failing miserably.

She finally allowed her tears to fall freely when Derek opened his arm and welcomed her there. Her face hid in his chest as she tried to calm her erratic breaths, climbing into bed with him.

"Shh" Derek whispered, his eyes misty as well as he nuzzled his nose in her hair, trying to remain calm as he breathed in the soothing smell of fresh lavender.

"I need a heartbeat Derek" she mumbled and he kissed the top of her head.

"Let's check again, alright?" he tried to remain reasonable, sitting up straighter.

He was suddenly aware of Callie, who was staring at them with something akin to shock in her gaze."Why don't we wait a little, let Callie cut my cast then we go upstairs and we find the heartbeat?"

"She's cutting your cast?" Meredith repeated, snapping out of her moment

"I am" Callie piped up and Meredith lifted her body from Derek's chest, wiping away her tears. "Replacing it with something smaller"

"That's...good" she tried to smile, but failed short

"Can I proceed?" Callie asked in a soft voice and Derek simply turned to Meredith, waiting for a nod which arrived promptly.

Meredith stood at Derek's bedside, holding his hand tightly, more for her comfort and her unwillingness to part from him than his actual need for something to hold on to during the procedure.

He stared as the saw set free part of his forearm, his skin red and sore underneath as Callie worked on it. His mind was in overdrive and for the moment, he could focus only on his wrist. Nothing less, certainly nothing more.

The door opened and Meredith squeezed his hand even tighter as Carolyn entered the room with his juice and a bright smile, clashing with the somber, sad mood inside.

"Hey Meredith! I saw Zola downstairs with your friends, I was sure I'd find you up here" she greeted simply and Meredith forced out a very strained, tearful smile.

"I just arrived" she replied in a croaky voice.

"Okay Derek, I want you to wriggle your fingers" Callie cut through the tension with an intense, poignant stare.

Derek focused back on his hand, noticing in fact how much more free it felt and he sighed in relief before grimacing, a sharp jolt of pain hitting him as he moved his index finger, only to become a faint, dull ache the more he exercised it. It was still raw and painful, but at least he could move his fingers.

"How bad is it, on a scale from one to ten?" Meredith asked, in their usual fashion, because despite the obvious fear and despair in her eyes, there was a faint hint of happiness when he moved his fingers. He winced, but he moved his fingers.

"I'd say it's still a nine, but it will get better" he replied softly, squeezing her hand.

"Good" she mumbled "That's really good"

"It really is" Callie finally smiled "I want you to keep exercising, alright Shepherd?" she concluded "You can take your walk with Meredith now"

For a second, he didn't understand her intent, then it painfully clicked.

Meredith faked an enthusiastic smile and his mother didn't protest. When they reached the hall, he had no idea who was holding up whom.

Meredith looked fragile and shaky like a leaf at the beginning of the autumn; honestly he had no idea what to do or say to make things better.

They silently found an empty exam room and walked inside, the door shutting too loudly, almost startling both of them.

Tears were already pooling into Meredith's eyes when she sat on the exam table, her gaze locking with Derek's as she swallowed thickly and lifted up her top, exposing her skin, covered immediately in goosebumps.

"Do you want to call somebody?" he asked, moving closer

"Can you do it?" her voice was so small and scared he was worried it could simply get lost in the room.

"I can" was the only possible, acceptable answer.

His newly freed fingers rested on top of her bare skin as he sat on a stool between his wife's stomach and the machine, the little swell already detectable for his trained eyes. His breath caught in his throat.

He leaned up to place a gentle kiss on Meredith's forehead and he saw how tightly she squeezed her eyes shut. He moved down to rest his lips fleetingly on top of her curving bump, wishing this wasn't going to be the last time he could do so knowing there was a little life underneath.

When Derek looked up to spread the gel where his lips had been, a lonely tear was sliding down Meredith's cheek, her eyes still shut.

"Hey Baby" he spoke softly, gently, almost as if this was a soap bubble he could burst "Daddy wants to say hi"

When the wand moved on Meredith's skin, they were met with an eerily quiet; and it scared the crap out of Derek.

"I told you -" Meredith began, her heart squeezing in pain and grief as their gazes met in despair.

There was a long moment of silence when they kept staring at each other blinking back tears, then out of the blue Derek's lips crashed with hers; possessively, hot, full of passion and sadness. It was one of those kisses they rarely shared out of the confines of their bedroom those days and it blindsided her. Her toes curled, an unexpected, unwanted moan escaped her lips when he bit on her lower lip and for a millisecond, she had forgotten even her name as his tongue dueled with hers in their well-practiced dance.

She was panting and her eyes were wide when Derek's pained gaze shifted back to the monitor, a flicker of hope well hidden in the dull blue.

He had the wand in his good hand and this time, when he placed it on her stomach, the already familiar thumping and whooshing filled the room, making the two of them sigh in relief.

"Your beats were in synch" he explained simply "I had to change yours" he grinned cheekily and she pulled him in for an equally passionate kiss, only to bury her face in the crook of his neck as they hugged tightly.

"It happened to Kathleen when she was pregnant with my third nephew, she told the story the last Thanksgiving I spent with them" he recalled "I'm not ready to give up on this yet"

"I'm not either" her voice, despite being muffled by the cotton of his t-shirt, sounded clear into his ear. "I'm so happy to have you here" she added simply, kissing his jaw softly.

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon" he replied brightly "Wanna take another peek?" he smiled smugly and she grinned back despite the tears, nodding imperceptibly as she lied again flat on her back and he moved the wand, looking for their child.

"I really hope it will have my nose" Meredith blurted out as they stared at the grainy, peanut-shaped figure on the screen.

Then they finally laughed.

* * *

**I hope you weren't convinced that I'll have her lose the baby without warning, right? This chapter was here only to make their worry palpable. It's not just lingering behind the surface, it's in plain sight. It was rough and I wanted to cry too as I wrote and edited, but it needed to be done to progress with the story. At least we know everything is alright and Derek is getting better. That's a plus, uh?**

**I know this whole scene might not be medically plausible (I don't think that they can simply occupy an exam room as they please, not even if they work there. And your husband usually doesn't give you exams, especially when wounded) but I really hope you can overlook that tidbit.**

**What do you think, should the baby get Meredith's nose? ;)**

**Thank you for stopping by!**


	9. Chapter 9

**First of all, there are more than 100 reviews already and well, I want to hug you all virtually for the support! You guys are amazing!**

**It took me a little while to get this chapter done but hey, it's a long one! I kind of used the bonus hour we got as we put the clock one hour behind for the final editing of this chapter, so here it is.**

**I hope it will make you Sunday better, mine is rather gray, dull and rainy. Now it's 5pm and I have the light on already...**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

* * *

A week had passed and Derek was ready to be discharged.

Meredith had visited Mark multiple times when Derek was asleep, keeping company to the fellow member of the Ex Dirty Mistresses Club. He was still heavily medicated, but he was fighting with tooth and nail to remain alive. Arizona instead was doing a lot better than when they brought her in, even if the recovery was long and painful. Her leg had miraculously caught only a slight infection and the medications had fought it off almost completely.

Meredith had spent most of her days and nights at Derek's bedside, alternating with Carolyn to bring home Zola and once even Cristina offered to monitor him and Mark through the night. Meredith still hadn't had the courage to go to sleep at the new house alone and her nights at home were spent mostly tossing and turning in the bed, waking up at inglorious hours to pee or to puke. She was exhausted, but she knew at some point it was all going to pay off.

"All set" Derek smiled brightly, standing next to his bed, his wrist firmly wrapped in a protective sleeve as he zipped his bag shut. He was in sweats and a simple t-shirt, sneakers and a zip-up hoodie at the end of the bed ready to be worn. His cast had been removed completely and he looked genuinely relieved to go back home.

"Good" Meredith smiled, moving closer to him, smoothing the wrinkles on his t-shirt as he stood in front of her, before she stole his lips for a quick kiss. It soon became something more heated as Derek pulled her closer and sneaked his good hand under her t-shirt to rub her back, feeling her up, then rested it on her hip, his thumb stroking her stomach in a feather touch.

"You still need the wheelchair" Meredith grinned, pulling away from him and panting, her lips swollen and her cheeks rosy. _Not bad for their first proper kiss not in a hospital bed_.

"I know" he grinned cockily and watched delighted as the smile spread widely on Meredith's cheeks as well.

Carolyn entered the room rolling in the chair with Zola on it, the little girl looking just as delighted as her parents. Meredith picked up Zola to let Derek sit and he lowered his body without complaints on the wheelchair. He let Zola hop on his lap as they walked towards the lobby, bouncing her and making silly noises of a zooming car as they rolled to the exit. Many people said hi on their way or simple turned to him with a nod of recognition and a smile, the scene feeling like a deja-vu for Meredith, if it wasn't for Zola's presence and Carolyn. The same faces were somber and sympathetic when they rolled out last time, just the two of them.

"We're going home" she said with a slightly nervous smile, after they reached his Porsche in the parking lot and Carolyn buckled in Zola while Meredith helped Derek in the car. He had struggled a lot more last time.

"We are" he smiled at Meredith when she sat in the driver's seat and squeezed his thigh. Her warmth seeped through the sweatpants and made him smile even brighter.

Carolyn sat in the back with Zola as Meredith started the car. It still felt wrong for Derek to see her drive this car -his car- but she was pretty good at maneuvering it, despite the fact that he was usually the one driving.

"This monster has blind spots the size of Texas, I hate it" Meredith mumbled between herself as she backed out of the parking lot and Derek grinned. He definitely had to buy a new car for her, since the Jeep had exhaled her last breath a couple of weeks prior.

"Do you want a minivan?" he smirked and she simply glared at him.

He stared as she carefully exited the parking lot and drove the car through very familiar roads. She looked a little less pale than the other mornings and she had whispered to him, right before leaving, that so far she hadn't puked even once, despite feeling a bit nauseous. He was glad that Baby was behaving.

"I don't want to be the mother who ran over her daughter backing away in the driveway, Derek" she snapped, her expression softening when she thought back to a patient they had and her sad story.

"I know" he kept grinning, his eyes finding his mother's in the rear view mirror and she was smirking as well.

"Whatever" she scoffed, her gaze steadily on the road

When at an intersection she turned right instead of left, he turned towards her, puzzled "Mer?"

"What!?" she snapped, annoyed

"Um, you turned right" he hesitated, swallowing thickly and dreading her reply.

"So?"

"You have to turn right at the next intersection, not here" he stated cautiously

"Oh, freaking trust me Derek Christopher!" she spat and Zola giggled in the back seat at the stunned face of her father.

"Don't argue with your ladies, Derek" Carolyn grinned and Derek suddenly wished the baby in Meredith's womb was indeed a boy. _His girls were already ganging up against him and he was even wounded, Baby definitely needed to be a boy_. He sighed deeply, ignoring what Meredith's plans were and deciding that for once, she could be the one surprising him.

After a couple of turns, he suddenly recognized the road and he grinned dreamily, whispering "You're taking us home"

"I'm taking us home" she growled, but then her gaze softened.

She turned to look at him as soon as they reached the docks and smiled softly while they waited for their turn to board the ferry, noticing his bright, twinkling gaze. "We're not all moved in yet. I just..."

"We'll move everything" he smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it gently, appreciating the kind gesture "Thank you"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you" she mumbled

"Don't worry" he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, making Zola giggle once again.

"Isn't Daddy silly?" Meredith grinned through the rear view mirror at the amused gaze Zola shot her.

"Dada" she echoed and Derek grinned back at her

"Daddy is happy because we're going to stay in the new house baby girl" he smiled softly, his eyes meeting Zola's "I planned every single inch of that with your Mama; you'll see, it's amazing"

"The house is finished?" Carolyn smiled brightly, interfering in the somewhat one-sided chat.

"Yes, it is" Meredith confirmed, moving the car on the ferry then they all climbed out to stand on the deck.

Derek and Meredith stood side by side against the railing, Zola in Meredith's arms and Carolyn a few steps further on their side, all staring at the bay as they moved away from the docks.

"It's beautiful out here" Carolyn commented, taking in the islands ahead and the city of Seattle they were leaving behind.

"You understand why I have a thing for ferryboats now, right?" Derek smirked, brushing Zola's curls as he pulled Meredith closer to him, his hand resting discretely on top of her stomach. Her fingers intertwined with his as they silently stared at the scenery, the wind in their hair. Carolyn moved a few steps away from them while they enjoyed their closeness, finally outside the four walls of Seattle Grace.

"Ull!" Zola pointed her chubby finger to the sky and shrieked as soon as a bird flew over them, following the trail the boat was leaving, its wings using the blows of air at its advantage.

"Yes baby, that's a seagull" Derek grinned, then turned to Meredith a little puzzled "This is a new word"

"I just brought her with me once that I went checking on the progress at the house and I, uh, ran out of ideas to keep her still so I started babbling about birds and physics and apparently she remembers that stuff" Meredith blushed

"We have a little genius in the making" Derek smiled proudly at his daughter who promptly grinned back.

"I need to tell Cristina to watch her mouth around her" Meredith sighed, nuzzling her nose in Zola's curls and breathing in her sweet baby scent.

The two of them remained quiet, then they saw Carolyn come back towards them with her phone in her hands.

"Okay, I managed to keep the rest of your sisters away at least for the next few weeks. I'm not sure they won't fly here at some point, though" she smiled gently

"I just hope they don't have matching vacations" Derek smirked, pulling Meredith a little closer, knowing that the idea of being around family still bothered her. Especially now that her only resemblance of blood-related family had died under a plane wing.

"They just love you too much to stay away, Derek" Carolyn teased him and he sighed loudly.

Before he could argue with that, the docks of Bainbridge Island came in sight and they had to walk back to their car and move onto the island.

The drive to the house was quiet, but filled with expectations. Zola played happily with a toy in the back, blissfully unaware of the meaningful trip. Meredith somehow managed to fidget while she drove, tapping the gear stick or rubbing her fingertips against the steering wheel nervously. She was worried he wouldn't like some details she had added last minute. There were things to which he had given her free reign and that scared the crap out of her.

She had never needed to decorate a house. Her college room had the essentials plus things she had collected along the way, there was no need for memorabilia from her own house, a place she had dreaded to come home to. She had framed a couple of photos of her old friends and added a bunch of medical posters stolen from her mother's stack and that was it. She liked to decorate, but not the tiny college room they had assigned her.

This time around she had a dozen of rooms to furnish. Some she didn't even knew existed before she had seen the name scribbled on the blueprints. Derek was almost set on building a guest house at this point, if their future guests got too annoying. Or if the family expanded even further.

"Mer, I'm going to love the house" he said simply, squeezing her hand when he noticed her fidgeting.

She bit her lip but she didn't answer, afraid to start up a full blown ramble if she opened her mouth. He kissed her knuckles again and made Zola giggle in the same perfect way she did before. He made sure to kiss her knuckles more often as she drove, just to hear that cute little giggle. Crazily, it somehow reminded him of Meredith and he found it even more endearing.

"Is there any resemblance of civilization nearby?" Carolyn asked amused and almost amazed by the steady wall of evergreen trees and orchards along the street.

"A few miles down the road from here, otherwise it's the small shop at the docks or Seattle" Derek grinned widely, pleased.

"We're in town basically every day. It's not a big deal Carolyn. We're almost home" Meredith added, sensing a little concern in her tone.

"Isn't it a bit far from work? Is it practical during emergencies?"

"Hunt knows we live a bit far, he will call me in advance when he can or otherwise he can ask the on-call fellow for a consult until I'm there. Meredith now can schedule her shifts better so it will be fine for her too" Derek explained, seeing the last house before their property.

"It's still twenty to thirty minutes away"

"Totally worth the hike, Carolyn. Totally worth every single gallon of overpriced gas" Meredith smiled softly, sighing as the picture of her house flashed in her mind.

When Meredith turned the car towards the graveled road leading to their property, Derek was almost bouncing in his seat.

"You can change whatever you want if it's not good enough. Especially the mud room" Meredith stated, still worried despite Derek's giddiness.

"Mud room?" Carolyn frowned

"It kind of rains every day here, so there's an entire room to put our soiled clothes and boots when we come home so I won't have to clean up pools of water every single night" Meredith explained a little roughly what Derek had defined 'the best room this house has, after the bedrooms'. "Apparently a hallway wasn't enough" she smirked and Derek chuckled.

"Should have had it with Mr. Treeclimber here" Carolyn grinned at the memory of a seven-year-old Derek and his adventures in the nature.

"Hey, it was Mark who wanted to launch water balloons on the head of the girls passing under our oak" Derek frowned, defending his pride

"But you were the one who stomped on the stairs with mud under his trainers" Carolyn fueled the teasing, making Derek groan.

"I wanted to build a tree fort. He didn't" he almost pouted

"Aw, Derbear" Meredith teased him with a mischievous grin.

"I should kill Amy for teaching you that" he muttered under his breath and when the women laughed out loud, Zola obviously joined them, making Derek sulk all the way to their paved driveway.

The house came into view immediately as the gravel turned to nice smooth stones and Derek beamed while Carolyn gasped.

"That's..." she started, unable to finish the sentence.

"Home" Derek completed, turning towards Meredith and smiling brightly at the small tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.

Meredith stopped the car under the wooden three-walls shed, letting the engine die and envelop the car in silence. Zola was the first one to break the quiet with a tiny yelp, noticing that everybody was simply staring around as the car didn't move.

"I'll get Zola. You have the keys, right?" Meredith snapped out of the moment quicker than the other adults, turning to Derek for an answer.

"Should we get in from the mud room or the main entrance?" he asked

"Main entrance" Carolyn grinned, opening her car door and stepping on the stones, similar to the driveway, paving the way to a simple wooden door, preceded by a granite step. "I just want to take a good look at the house from outside" she said simply, stepping on the path leading up to the front door and tracing her fingers on the stony wall, admiring the colored pots of flowers on top of it.

"I made this" Derek said proudly, touching the wall as he followed his mother on the deck. "I tried to build the deck too but I had to give up"

"It wasn't even!" Meredith bellowed as she held Zola on her hip, making Carolyn giggle and Derek turn a little pink.

"I called out here all the guys from the hospital, just to blew off some steam after a long day at work and well, it was indeed a little askew" he chuckled, the memory funny but bittersweet at the same time.

"Your father would have been proud" Carolyn whispered gently, her fingertips finding the cushioned porch swing and moving to the wooden table right opposite to it, perfect to enjoy a nice dinner out during the rare warm evenings. There was also a barbecue grill and pizza oven, made especially for Meredith so she could finally enjoy homemade cold pizza the morning after.

"This house is magnificent, Derek" Carolyn said simply "You showed me the bare land last time, but this is beyond every wild dream I had for a house here"

"We just put on paper what should and what shouldn't be in our new house and went accordingly to budget"

"That's a lot of budget"

"Not as much as you think it is" he grinned, thinking about the multiple trips to Ikea he had to endure as soon as Meredith stepped foot in the place for the first time, after having the blueprints approved. The main rooms had been furnished by a local, renowned craftsman, but the rest was all durably cheap.

"Om!" Zola squealed as soon as she heard the tingling of the keys in Derek's hand.

He beamed at her, watching as her face split in a grin "Right Zo, we're home"

He put the key in the lock and turned it twice, feeling the wooden barrier give in.

"You're not mad I'm incapable of carrying you through the threshold, right?" Derek smirked to Meredith, whose eyebrows shut up in mock surprise.

"Derek, don't you think we're past the traditions?" she motioned to herself, holding Zola and clearly, he could see the faintest hint of her pregnancy in her body and mostly in her smile and eyes.

"Just checking"

The door opening revealed a secluded foyer with coat hangers and umbrella holders, opening up to the open-space living room and kitchen floor through a little wall, similar to the one leading to the deck, this time topped with wood instead of granite.

"Wow" both Carolyn and Derek breathed out together and Meredith smiled nervously.

"It is fully furnished, even if we're not moved in" she explained, blushing a bit.

"When did you do all this?" Derek turned toward her with a wide, dreamy smile.

"Well, I looked at some stuff before the boards, while I traveled, then I went out and bought the stuff missing. With you" she smirked.

"I mean this, the setting up?"

"I had Cristina's help. And Jackson helped. April probably arranged the kitchen nicely and in some kind of order I wouldn't know because I will never use the kitchen -"

"What?" Carolyn finally intervened "You won't use _that_ kitchen?" she yelped, almost horrified, her eyes wide when she noticed the beautiful stoves and the central island and bar stools.

"It's an amazing kitchen. You can have fun with it as long as you're here" Meredith shrugged.

"Nope, _we_ are having fun"

"Say goodbye to the nice, pricy kitchen" Meredith giggled and they all joined her.

She perched Zola on the island and took off her coat and tiny trainers, allowing her to wander barefoot around the house.

"We'll get to the cooking later" Carolyn smirked at the diversion

"At the end of the hall there's a bathroom and right behind that door there's a office, but that room is still a work in progress. Wanna see upstairs?" Derek beamed and Zola, almost hearing him, ran right through the living room towards the wooden stairs at the end of it, hiding a broom's closet right next to the pantry, closed by a sliding door.

After two short flight of stairs, lit up by natural light filtering from the windows placed strategically, on the first floor there were five bedrooms and two bathrooms, one en-suite one for the master bedroom while the other four rooms shared a bathroom in the middle of the hall.

"This is the guest room" Derek pointed at the one with the door right in front of the stairs. "You can put your bags here and get comfortable"

"I wanna see all the rooms before I get comfortable" Carolyn grinned

Derek opened the door to a mustard-colored room, the style essential and yet elegant. The furniture looked solid and the comforter went along perfectly with the colors of the room, the walls and the light wood of the bed set, wardrobe and dresser.

"This is very nice" Carolyn commented "Did Meredith choose the fabrics?"

"April found the right magazines for inspiration" Meredith smiled, peeking in the room as she held Zola once again at her hip, then it died a little on her lips when she added "Lexie helped me pick the best one, since she was sure she'd use it at some point" she sighed poignantly, biting her lip and Derek locked eyes with her, knowing that it was going to be okay, soon.

"I think it's a great guest room. I'll see the bathroom later" Carolyn smiled softly, reassuring Meredith.

"I might have forgotten to put towels in there" Meredith blushed

"Oh, don't worry dear, I never remember the towels. Or the toilet paper"

"There's a dispenser with five rolls for a reason" Meredith smiled again and Derek laughed out loud.

"I knew that was for the guest room!" he commented, remembering her excitement at seeing the object during their furniture hunt.

"We have one in our bathroom too" she snorted, pretending to be offended.

"Your room is the one at the end of the hall, right?" Carolyn wondered, as they went out in the corridor again and Meredith let Zola scramble into her room.

"Yeah. Zola's room is the one in the middle. The room next to yours is still empty, just like the one next to ours"

"We were thinking about a smaller playroom or another office"

"What about a nursery?" Carolyn smiled knowingly

"Oh, we..." Meredith swallowed thickly "Maybe" her forced smile was a thin line on her lips and her eyes met Derek's while her hand moved to her stomach automatically.

"You can keep this room for storage at the moment or use it whenever you need space for a project. The idea of a playroom is nice"

"The official playroom is in the attic, with a view on Seattle. There's a big TV, stereo hi-fi and bookcases for the adults and a lot of space for Zola to play freely, but maybe she can keep some of her toys down here too, right?" Meredith wondered out loud, smiling at Derek.

"We'll see" he grinned "We still have a couple of rooms to furnish after all"

They peeked into Zola's room and they smiled when they saw her sitting on her beanbag pretending to read out loud one of her books.

There were many soft toys scattered on the hardwood floor next to the cherry wood crib and matching changing table, the whole room painted in a green forest theme with the typical animals of Malawi drawn there, the linens and padding covered with more jungle animals while a leaf covered the bed.

"Gosh, this looks like something from a catalog" Carolyn commented right away.

"Even the baby uh?" Derek smirked

"Especially the baby" Meredith grinned "She likes jungle animals and I thought it would have been nice to bring a little piece of Malawi to her. We even got around to find Malawian lullabies now" she sighed, sadly remembering their first night together.

"This is great" Carolyn was still a little stunned.

"I really like how everything is placed Mer" Derek beamed at his wife with pride.

"She'll outgrown the crib soon, I thought it would be nice to have a room made for that already"

"She's already this big?" Derek wondered with a sigh.

"They grow up right under your nose, get used to it" Carolyn smiled softly. "What about the master bedroom?"

"Tan tones, dark wood furniture" Derek smirked "It brought out the blue post-it and the framed draw underneath"

They left Zola in her beanbag, opening the door to the master bedroom revealing the framed post-it and spinal cord tumor right above the four poster bed, exactly like they had in the room they used to share at Meredith's house, but this time they were both framed.

"I love this place, really, it's simple and very...you" Carolyn grinned "This whole house is amazing"

"We still have to bring up things for the attic so we'll show you that later, okay?"

"Still, I'm sure it's amazing as well"

"It took us long enough to get here, the least we could do is get a reward" Meredith smiled softly.

"You deserve all kinds of rewards"

* * *

**Lexie was mentioned a couple of times, more or less directly. I haven't forgotten about her, don't worry! **

**Well, they moved in the house in the woods! I had waited for so long for them to live there and I have to admit, the house Shonda wrote in exceeded my expecation. I'd live there in a heartbeat. Have you seen how much natural light it might have?[Silly, I know.] And the deck? Wow! ****They did a pretty good job with that, even if it took them ages to build it. I wrote this house before I actually saw the real one, so any similarities are pure coincidence. It was hard to remember what I had in mind as I edited without their new house popping in my head, though. I really hope I gave justice to the dream house. If not, just say so.**

**I don't know when you can expect the next chapter, but the weather has taken a turn for the worst so well, if I'm not busy planning my next year overseas and juggle my classes, I'll see what I can do before next weekend!**

**Thank you for stopping by!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I have to warn you, this chapter is rather sad. I kind of avoided Lexie until this point, mentioning her here and there, but here, she's one of the protagonists, I'd say. I hope it didn't upset you that I kind of put her aside to focus on Meredith, Derek's recovery, Zola, the new baby and all that stuff. Lexie's here now and I put a box of tissues in reach as I wrote. **

**It wasn't a simple chapter to write, I always felt like I wasn't giving it justice the more I re-read it. It's time to publish though, so I hope you will like how it turned out. Feel free to say where it could have been better! ****And remember the tissues!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Meredith wanted to make things right with Lexie.

She felt like she had been a bad sister all along, no matter what people kept saying her so she had decided to take in the responsibilities of Lexie's funeral, voiding Thatcher of them; he probably would have fallen back in the pit of drunkenness otherwise.

She had organized a wake in her old house, a place that was now empty and felt bare since nobody lived there anymore. Lexie died, April and Jackson had moved out, they had moved out.

It felt surreal for her to open that door and get in, black dress and all. It took her a little while to find a dress that didn't show her imperceptible gain of weight, but Derek had been amazingly understanding when she had spent an hour sifting through their walk-in closet, asking comments on the outfit.

He stood behind her in his black suit and tie, Zola wearing a dark blue dress as she toddled next to him, somehow feeling the somber mode, even if she couldn't really understand what was going on.

They told her that Aunt Lexie was not going to come back and she was now one of the little stars brightening the sky, but they knew it will take a while to sink in.

How could they explain something big like death to a child? Children shouldn't even know the word existed, let alone deal with it. But Zola was smart already and they knew, at some point, she would understand.

Derek deposited on the table the chicken pot pie his mother insisted on cooking for this event and Meredith had let her cook. She remembered the Shiva they held in memory of Denny, cooking was good.

Somehow it didn't surprise her that Carolyn had insisted on coming as well and keep an eye on the children when they went to the cemetery. That was Carolyn Shepherd and Meredith hugged her profusely for that. She knew how it felt like to be in their shoes and they were glad to have her around.

Meredith was close to a break down.

She hadn't really allowed herself to cry over Lexie's death after her first night at home alone, but she knew that before tonight she was going to crack. She felt it building slowly in the pit of her stomach and make its way to her eyes.

"I told Thatcher to come here and invite his family" Meredith recalled, distracting herself, staring at Derek, wishing she could keep it together a little longer.

"Okay"

He stood in the kitchen stoically, her rock for the day, despite his own grief. He told her he had grown closer with Lexie lately and she believed it. He was good at being the big brother, even if he was the in-law this time around. She had caught them often together, talking about things not involving the hospital and he had often pushed Meredith towards Lexie when the younger sister needed some sort of advice. He was getting back into the role of the big brother and was enjoying it, before it was all over.

"Last time we had people over here it was Zola's birthday party" Meredith sighed sadly, her gaze darting towards the living room where she could hear Carolyn talk softly to Zola and the child babble back in response.

"Lexie had agreed to do with me the lost causes cases. We sat on the bench under the stairs that day. We flipped a coin, to decide if we should keep going or give up" Derek recalled

"She didn't give up easily"

"No, she didn't" he swallowed, coming closer to hug her and she settled in his arms perfectly. No matter what, they still fit.

"I miss her so much" she admitted "I almost miss her more than my own mother some days"

"It's okay to miss her. I miss her too. She was nice to come home to when you weren't there and we worked well together. She would have been a great neurosurgeon" he sighed loudly.

"You know, she worked so hard to impress you. She always came to me every time you asked her to do something and wondered if I'd do the same. Then she ended up doing it in her own way and it worked out as well. I'll miss her rants"

Derek nodded, words suddenly unnecessary as he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her closer, their eyes closed as the memories played behind their eyelids.

"Mama?" Zola appeared at the door, forcing their eyes open. She was followed by Carolyn who looked a little apologetic.

"Oh baby, come here" Meredith managed a small smile, disentangling from Derek's arms and welcoming Zola there. "Mama is sad because today is going to say goodbye to Auntie Lexie"

"'tar" Zola looked up and pointed to the ceiling, understanding passing through her features

"That's right baby," Meredith choked back a sob "She's in heaven and she's a very bright star now" Zola sighed and frowned at that "I know baby, we miss her too, very very much" Meredith concluded with a gentle kiss on top of Zola's head, still fighting tears as Derek's arm went around her and Zola to pull them closer to his chest.

The doorbell rang, shaking them out of the moment "I'll go" Meredith sighed, holding Zola a little closer and nodding to Derek as they disentangled from the hug.

"I'll start setting up the drinks" Derek smiled gently and Carolyn began helping him out as well.

Meredith stood in the foyer taking a deep breath, then opened the door to reveal a shaky, slightly pale Thatcher; next to him an equally drained but a little more composed Molly stood with Laura standing in all her six-year-old self and black dress in front of her mother.

"Hello" Meredith said politely, letting them in.

"Meredith, hi" Thatcher greeted awkwardly, staring at the baby in her arms, who looked at the new people with curiosity.

"This is Zola," she explained simply "She's my daughter" Thatcher's eyes widened a little in surprise, then he managed a small smile.

"Hey Zola, I'm Thatcher" he sighed and she smiled shyly at him, hiding into Meredith's shoulder.

"L-Lexie told us you have a daughter" Molly added, smiling at the baby "She's gorgeous"

Meredith smiled, feeling the awkwardness, then crouched down to be at eye level with Laura, depositing Zola on the floor even though she still hid against her "You must be Laura, uh?" Meredith smiled and the girl nodded, her long blonde hair swaying a little on her shoulders

"Is Zola my cousin?" she asked timidly, her brow furrowing.

Meredith looked up and around then nodded "Yeah, she is. Why don't you two go in the living room and play together? I know that she's little but I trust you to keep an eye on her, alright?"

"Do you have crayons?" she asked

"Of course" Meredith smiled, standing back up and grabbing Zola's hand "Come with me"

Laura looked up at her mother and the hand Meredith stretched towards her, waiting for Molly's nod to clasp her smaller hand into Meredith's and hop next to her towards the living room.

"Can I call you Aunt Meredith?" Laura asked shyly.

"Yeah, Laura, you can" Meredith replied simply. With Lexie, she had understood that her problem was with Thatcher, not with her half sisters. She could be Laura's aunt if she wanted her to.

Derek met them halfway and he couldn't help but smile, seeing Meredith hold the two little girl's hands.

"This is Uncle Derek" Meredith explained to Laura and she smiled sweetly, replying a muffled, barely audible salute.

"Hey Laura, it's very nice to meet you" he greeted, then looked up questioningly at Meredith, who shrugged, dismissing his questions.

"Aunt Meredith said she gots crayons to color" Laura said with a little more confidence.

"She does. I'm sure you'll make a really pretty picture" Derek grinned, the years of experience with his own nieces showing brightly as Laura nodded, then they moved to the living room, joining Carolyn.

Derek went back in the foyer and found Thatcher and Molly awkwardly looking around, a little lost.

"Hello, I'm Derek Shepherd" he held out his hand to Molly "Meredith's husband"

"We heard a lot about you from Lex" Molly's smile dimmed

"How long have you and Meredith been married?" Thatcher asked a little surprised.

"Almost two years" he sighed. "There was no ceremony though, just a couple of signatures to write" and Thatcher seemed to relax when that bit of information was disclosed. "Come and sit in the kitchen, Meredith will join us right away, the girls are going to stay with my mother, she's in the living room"

"She's from Seattle?" Molly asked

"Oh no, she lives in New York, she flew out after my surgery to help us out and meet Zola; she's been here ever since" he explained, showing the sleeve on his wrist "She offered to babysit knowing that some of our colleagues have kids and we weren't sure if Laura would come over. She thought it was better if the kids didn't go to the cemetery, she always regrets that about my Dad's funeral" he had a sudden thickness in his throat that didn't help him to continue.

"I brought apple pie" Molly changed subject radically, avoiding the uncomfortable questions "Meredith told Dad to bring food and Lexie loved my apple pie"

"Let's...put it on the table" Derek grabbed the bag she held out, leaving the still warm pie on the table.

"A gathering like this was a nice idea. This house looks great, do you live here?" Molly asked, looking a lot like Lexie.

"We lived here. Meredith inherited this from her mother, she had let most of her friends live here at some point and Lexie was the last one in. We were about to move out and go to Boston before..." he sighed, "We built a house on my land and now we live there. Meredith wanted to let Lexie live here and find her own roommates but I guess that this house will be sold now" he sighed

"It is a beautiful house" Thatcher commented "I thought I'd live here for the rest of my life" he sighed, clearly reminding happier times with Ellis.

"I think me and Eric are going to move back West. He's always on missions and we have nobody in the Middle East. We still haven't found a place that is big enough for our needs and it doesn't cost a fortune" she sighed, exactly when Meredith walked back in, taking a deep breath.

"The girls are settled with your mother" Meredith stated, walking beside Derek and putting her hand in between his shoulder blades, needing to feel him there, with her. Not dead like Lexie.

"Thank you for doing this, Meredith" Molly said simply, trying to smile.

"I...Lexie was family" she replied, the implication of that big and scary.

The doorbell rang again and one by one all the guests walked in. Almost the whole hospital stopped by at some point, even if only for a quick greeting and a sip of soda during their lunch break. The kids in the basement weren't making a peep, despite being numerous. Probably they sensed the sadness as well.

When Mark arrived, still a little banged up and with red-rimmed eyes, Meredith didn't say anything, she just led him to the couch and gave him a slice of apple pie, sitting across from him.

Callie and Arizona sat worriedly next to him, unsure of what to say or what keep to themselves, but silence seemed to dominate in that room.

"How's Derek?" Callie stated out of the blue, looking around to find the neurosurgeon.

"He's doing okay. He's downstairs with the kids, he led Tuck there" Meredith explained, noticing a lack of response by Mark, who simply stared ahead "How are you Dr. Robbins?"

"I'm...better" she explained, pointing at her crutches, but smiling to Callie for a brief second "And it's Arizona. We're going to work together soon"

"Right" Meredith nodded

"You're not going to the Brigham?" Callie asked, feeling a little out of the loop.

"No. I mean, not yet. We wanted to wait for Derek to get better. They said the spot in Harvard is still open but we don't..." she bit her lip.

"Oh" Callie nodded, watching how Meredith folded her arms protectively in front of her stomach.

"Mom told me it feels like home now, with all the kids around" Derek entered the room and locked eyes with Meredith, placing then a soft kiss on top of her head as he stood behind her on the couch. "Hey there. Hi Mark" he tried to elicit a reaction from him but he simply groaned.

He looked at Meredith and she found a certain determination in his gaze, something that prompted her to suggest to the other occupants of the room "Did you have something to eat? There's plenty of food in the kitchen"

The three women locked eyes in understanding and left Derek and Mark alone on the couch, sitting one in front of the other.

"Mark" Derek called out, trying to catch the attention of the man sitting limply like a dummy on the couch.

"Hm" he mumbled incoherently, staring at his plate, picking at his pie

"I know what Lexie meant to you. Believe me, I know. But you were there for me when my father died and you pulled me out of the black hole of grief; can you let me return the favor?"

"Derek, she's dead" he chocked out

"You almost died too, we all did. Now you're the one who is alive"

"I don't...I can't..." a big man like Mark was stuttering, on the verge of tears.

"You have a daughter Mark. Sofia depends on you to be her father. You have a family, you have friends, you can't shut down like this. You were the one who told me that even if my father was dead, I shouldn't be feeling guilty if I cracked a smile or I played with my sisters and allowed them to smile. Lexie would want you happy"

"I lost so much time being with other girls, screwing around and I -"

"And that doesn't come back. She knows that you loved her, that's all that matters"

"I still love her, that will never go away"

"I still love Dad too. You can miss her every day, but you still have to put one foot in front of the other and...walk."

"I'm damaged goods" he swallowed

"You save lives, Mark. Every day, you try to change people's lives for the better. That's something. Those same hands can hold Sofia and make her feel safe, because you are her father. She's not something that fades"

"You are strong Derek. You are a family man. I'm just..."

"You're my best friend Mark. You are my brother. That means that I'm allowed to kick your ass sometimes, especially when you're disappearing in front of my eyes. Today is for crying. You can cry tomorrow and every day until you die, but you still have to put one foot in front of the other."

Mark's eyes finally locked with Derek's and he broke down, a loud sob shaking his being as Derek's put his hands on his forearm, indeed returning the favor.

"You remember when Meredith drowned. Do you remember the amount of pain you were in?" Mark asked, when his sobs subsided, their memories clearly aligned.

"I remember" Derek swallowed "I can't imagine living like that every day. But it gets better. I promise, Mark, things will be fine"

"I'm not going to be okay" he admitted, his voice cracking again.

"You are. I'll make sure of it"

The two men shared a look and Derek saw Mark's eyes soften, almost as if he was thanking him. His hold on Mark's forearm tightened a little bit.

"Derek, Mark" Meredith's soft voice called out from the door after a knock that both of them missed "It's time" she said, her voice thick.

Derek stood up and squeezed Mark's shoulder. "I'll be right out" Mark added, wiping away his tears and nodding towards Meredith.

Derek walked out and quickly hugged Meredith, the need to feel her warm body wrapped in his was immense, the comfort of knowing that she was housing a life in the confines of all that warmth made Derek almost dizzy in relief.

"Stay with Mark at the cemetery" she whispered, their foreheads touching in an intimate but discreet gesture, her palms rubbing up and down his back.

"Mer, -"

"I'll be okay. If I need you I'll come closer" she said, kissing his lips, then squeezing his hands in hers. "He needs you more right now. He lost the love of his life"

"Lexie was your sister"

"I know, Derek." her eyes glistened with tears "Mark...I'd need his support if I lost you" she swallowed and he kissed her quickly.

"We're still here, Meredith. All of us" he smiled, his fingers touching her stomach for a moment, before he pulled away.

"Let's go" Mark mumbled, emerging from the living room looking like a zombie, but walking.

They got into the car and drove quietly, Meredith navigating the SUV easily in the rather calm traffic, her eyes meeting Derek's in the passenger seat at every red light.

The cemetery was gloomy, dark clouds towering above them as they stood all around a dark casket; the minister in front of them spoke as the people gathered there sniffed and looked at the ground, next to them the tombstone of Susan Grey shining when a ray sun shyly peeked out.

Meredith was standing next to Molly, who was holding up Thatcher, literally preventing him to fall as he cried. Meredith's eyes were dry, but she couldn't respond to anything she was supposed to as the ceremony went on. She looked at her hands, folded in front of her stomach, and the tears finally came when she imagined what it could have been like to have Lexie here for all this.

She remembered her with Zola, the babysitting and the nights they simply spent together, sharing stories and bonding over Zola. That baby girl had been a blessing in more ways than one and Meredith's heart felt heavy at the thought of not having Lexie there anymore.

She had avoided thinking about her during all those days, the worry for Derek and the baby and Zola were too great, but right then, she had to worry about Lexie only and it almost swallowed whole.

She heard Molly take a deep intake of breath next to her, before she sobbed. Automatically Meredith's hand reached out for hers and she held on tightly. She was the oldest sister, it was her job. She had to be strong.

_Keep it together_.

She let one tear slide down her cheek as the minister sprinkled the casket with holy water, then one by one every guest left a fistful of warm, brown earth fall into the deep hole.

When it was her turn, Meredith felt the texture of the soil as it trailed down through her hands and splattered on the wood, a long lost memory of doing the same with her mother's ashes pouring out from her brain and making her swallow thickly.

Mark was behind her and, after leaving a red rose with the other flowers, he left the site, followed closely by Derek.

The rest of the guests shuffled away after a quick prayer, some lingered longer than others, but at some point it was just Meredith and Thatcher left, the latter knelt on the freshly moved soil, tears sliding down his cheeks slowly.

He was crumbling.

_Keep it together_.

"Come on" Meredith moved behind him, gently touching his shoulder not to startle him. He looked up and his gray eyes clashed with hers, shimmering with despair. "Come on, I'm taking you home" Meredith completed, hooking her arm with Thatcher and leading him towards her car, the only car still in the parking lot.

They climbed in silently and the ride was quiet, even a little bit awkward.

Meredith remembered his house, the driveway, him showing up at the doorstep, their pathetic first encounter. It all came clashing back, but she buried it, together with her grief.

_Keep it together_.

She found Molly inside, pacing with the phone in her hands as Laura sat quietly at the kitchen table coloring, still in her black dress.

"Oh thank God you brought him home. I just...left" Molly bit her lip in a familiar habit, almost ashamed.

"It's not a problem, Molly" Meredith managed a strained smile as Molly settled Thatcher in the living room and came back.

"Auntie Meredith, this is for you" Laura stood up and walked shyly towards them, handing Meredith a drawing of what looked like her family, Zola in between her and Derek, Laura's name signed in the top left.

"It's really beautiful, Laura, thank you. Uncle Derek and I will surely put this on the fridge" she smiled, but it almost felt foreign and fake.

"Can I see you and Zola again?" the little girl asked innocently and Meredith caved.

"Here" she said, handing Molly her business card "You can call me whenever you want and we'll see if I'm busy"

"You're a doctor like Auntie Lexie, right?" Laura was much more confident now as she spoke, her eyes shining with something Meredith couldn't name.

"Yeah, I am"

"I think it's cool too be a doctor" Laura stated, before shrugging her shoulders and waving "Bye Auntie Meredith!" as she left for the stairs.

"Don't feel obliged to meet us, Meredith" Molly toned down right away, afraid that Laura had stepped over long forgotten boundaries.

"It's...I really would like it. I should have done this a long time ago" Meredith admitted sadly. "Lexie would have wanted us to meet"

"So we'll catch up sometime" Molly's eyes had a certain spark of hope in them

"Yeah" Meredith managed a sincere smile, before leaving.

She kept it together until she was on the ferry, then she broke down.

She sat on one of the benches and bawled her eyes out, looking at the blurred Elliot Bay into which she had almost died the second time.

Was it fair that she got all those chances at life and Lexie had to die so suddenly? Tears were her only answer to that.

It began drizzling lightly, but she couldn't care less.

She sobbed and cried, wiping her snot with the back of her hand as the ferry brought her home. The deck was empty but she would have cried anyway. The need to cry was overwhelming, almost too much to understand or to tame, so she let it win this time, in the loneliness of the ferry at dusk.

She managed to drive home safely, still sniffing and hiccuping, but without tears, only to crack again as soon as she opened the door and found Derek there, walking from the living room to the kitchen.

He cocked his head in confusion, wiping his hands on his sweats he had changed into instead of his suit, staring at her.

She simply flew in his arms and cried some more.

She let go of every pent up emotion she had building up in her chest, burying her nose in the crook of Derek's neck, mashing her cheek with the cotton of his soft t-shirt, breathing in his soothing, musky scent she was so used to.

He held her tightly, his lips gently resting on the crown of her head, whispering little unintelligible words to her.

"It will be okay" was the only thing she understood and she blindly believed him.

* * *

**Cathartic cry, have you ever tried it? It's amazing, really. That's what Meredith did here. I had her bottle up every possible emotion only to get here, in Derek's arms. There wasn't much of an interaction between them in this chapter, but I hope that what little I wrote was enough.**

**If I can settle a couple of storylines I've been working on in this week I have off from classes, the update will surely come quicker. Thank you for your support and your kind reviews, they are always a great motivation to improve my stories and keep the updates going.**


	11. Chapter 11

**So, I'm gonna ride the wave of _Beautiful Doom_ and post this one. I'm more in love with this season every time a new episode comes out. **

**So, I'm gonna go with the spoilers at the bottom of the chapter, I just want to thank you all for sticking with me and this story, no matter where I'm headed.**

**Enjoy this update!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

* * *

Meredith woke up to the alarm after what felt like years. Derek was spooning her in his arms, loosely holding her while his hand rested gently on top of her nine weeks baby bump. He groaned and stirred behind her, while she shut the alarm and basked in the warmth of their hug.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, nuzzling his nose in her hair.

"It's five to eight, we need to get going if we want to make it for your therapy at nine"

"Can we just stay in bed forever?" he sighed, kissing her neck and slowly moving to her shoulder.

"Tomorrow" Meredith smiled, molding in his kisses.

"Quickie?" she felt him grin, before he turned her flat on her back and hovered over her.

"We are going to be late" she complained halfheartedly, but he kept kissing her anyways, knowing that it wasn't really hard to convince her.

Zola though decided that they were needed and babbled from her room, making Derek sigh in disappointment and Meredith smile, as she kissed him fully and promised "Tonight I'll make it up to you"

She slipped away from Derek's hold and he sighed, rolling onto his back as he stared at the ceiling, waking up fully.

It was quiet, safe, warm being in bed with Meredith, sleeping spooned, holding each other gently. He didn't really feel like going to his physical therapy today and hear the verdict that he'd probably never operate again. Every time he got into that room he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He heard toddling and he turned to spot Zola, wobbling towards the bed as Meredith trailed behind her. Her fuzz of dark hair peeked from the side of the bed and her small, strong hands clutched the blanket to hoist herself on the comforter, before she launched herself on his stomach.

He groaned with a dull sound, before he began tickling her. Zola giggled and wriggled and giggled some more, before he stopped and gathered her properly in his arms for a kiss. He locked eyes with Meredith, watching the two of them with a soft smile of her own, her eyes full of joy and teeny tiny tears.

After the breakdown when Meredith had came home from the cemetery, she had not really cried, but he felt like something inside her had shifted. She was living with a certain determination, a spark that somehow wasn't there before. She looked wise and glowing and beautiful and only a light slap from Zola could distract him enough from their loving exchange of stares.

"Dada!" Zola shrieked, almost indignant that he wasn't paying attention to her anymore.

"Sorry Zo, I got distracted" he smiled fully and Zola seemed content of his apology "Did you see how beautiful your Mama is? Of course I get distracted" he grinned and Zola giggled too at his cheesiness.

"She's too excited that you are going to go with her to visit her physical therapist to hold it against you" Meredith smiled, a soft blush covering her cheeks. She still wasn't used to have him say those things.

"I'm excited too baby" he grinned at Zola, kissing her forehead. "We're gonna have so much fun together, I promise"

He stood up sighing delighted, while Zola scrambled down the bed to the kitchen.

"So, you're coming with us, right?" he locked eyes with Meredith, stopping her walk downstairs.

She turned to him with questioning eyes "Your mother wanted to go to the hospital to visit Mark, I thought she'd drive you"

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" he asked, managing a small smile "I'd like to have lunch with you after"

She looked at his lopsided smile and the pleading eyes and she couldn't resist "Okay, I can drive you. I'm just gonna wait for you in Mark's room"

"You can steal a surgery, I won't mind waiting a little as well" he kept smirking

"Maybe" she replied, but she wasn't convinced.

He caught up with her and put his hand on the small of her back, kissing the crown of her head as he pulled her a little closer, before they moved downstairs.

Zola was already trying to climb on a chair as Carolyn greeted them with milk, tea, coffee and a still warm slice of apple crumble.

Derek's mouth watered, Meredith grimaced when a whiff of coffee reached her nostrils.

"Excuse me" she mumbled, then bolted out of the room, a little green in her face.

Derek sighed loudly, wishing that she could speed through this very unpleasant part of her pregnancy.

"Go Derek, I'm going to give Zola her breakfast" Carolyn suggested with a smile and he didn't need to hear it twice before he quickly chugged the coffee from his warm mug and left half of it on the counter.

He stood at the doorway of the bathroom, grateful that she had left the door open, but worried for her. He watched as Meredith slid against the tiles on the floor, sitting close to the toilet with her leg slightly bent, her eyes staring straight ahead with her right hand resting on top of her stomach.

"I know you're here" she mumbled softly, looking down at her hand "Believe me, there's not a moment I don't remember it. You don't need to remind me every morning or afternoon or night" she sighed, closing her eyes. "I've been a little busy lately dealing with your sister and your daddy, remembering your aunt but I know you're here"

She folded her hands together, then looked up and met Derek's eyes.

"Hey" he greeted, crouching in front of her, then sitting next to her.

"Hi" she smiled back, leaning her head against his shoulder, seeking his silent comfort.

"Are you feeling better yet?"

"A little. This helps" she sighed, when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her onto his lap, his hand running down from her shoulder to her thigh in a soothing motion.

"When you feel like moving, we'll go downstairs"

She nodded and they spent the next moments quietly in each other's arms, her nausea quelling down while he calmed his worries about his hand function.

"Your mother won't mind if I eat the crumble for dinner, right?" she mumbled at some point.

"Believe me, she will not" he smiled, kissing her temple quickly once again, then he helped her up on her feet.

When they climbed downstairs Zola was already dressed in a comfortable tracksuit and Carolyn was washing the dishes she had used for the cake.

"Zola helped me out to pick the clothes for the day" she smiled softly at Meredith "I'm hopeless when it comes to her hair though"

"I can show you a couple of different braids tonight if you want" Meredith smiled "Even Derek knows how to do some of them"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" he frowned and both women smiled, ignoring his retort.

"Are you feeling better, Meredith?"

"Yeah, but I'll pass on the cake" she smiled sadly.

"Of course" Carolyn nodded "Are you coming to the hospital?"

"Yeah" Meredith replied with a little less hesitancy

"We can take two cars then, so I can go for groceries before I forget"

"Yeah, no problem. My car is a little old, but the trunk is bigger"

"That's settled then" Carolyn nodded "Go change, or you will be late"

They changed into a comfortable attire and drove to the hospital at a relaxed pace, for once enjoying an awake Zola babbling in their ears and not groggily asleep after they had pulled her out of bed still in her pajamas.

They reached the physical therapy room and said their goodbyes, then Meredith trekked downstairs to the surgical floor to peek at the OR board.

She decided to sit in OR three, where Nelson was placing a shunt on a six-month-old baby, then she waited for Cristina still in the same place, watching her perform a valve replacement. When she was done and the patient was closed, Meredith looked at her watch and noticed that it was lunchtime already.

Meredith sat in the cafeteria with her tray full of food, more unhealthy than not, waiting hopefully for Cristina.

Derek and Zola's physical therapy was due to finish at any moment, but she wasn't really worried about them. Being in the hospital gave her an unsettling feeling, almost as if she didn't belong there anymore.

Or maybe it was just her hormones.

She spotted Cristina looking for a table with her own tray of food and she waved her hand towards the free spot next to her. Their eyes locked and Cristina moved slowly towards her, almost hesitating.

"Pregnancy is not contagious, you know? You can sit next to me" Meredith snickered humorously and Cristina slid into the seat with a mournful look in her eyes. "Look, I know I haven't been there much for you but I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. You can come over one of those days and we'll just...hang out"

Meredith thought that the issues as each other's persons were over, but it didn't seem so when Cristina almost grimaced at the mere thought of hanging out.

Meredith sighed, drinking a sip of water, regrouping her thoughts.

"Let me rephrase that..."

"I'm going to Mayo" Cristina blurt out and Meredith almost choked herself.

"What?" she asked in a strangled whisper, wishing that for once she had heard wrong and Cristina was simply commenting on her sandwich choice.

"Owen and I...it's not working. Mayo is a strong program. Shepherd went there once for a consult, he told me it was nice"

"What?" Meredith's eyes widened

"I'm going to Minnesota"

Meredith simply stared at Cristina for what felt like years, her eyes filling with tears, the food forgotten on both their trays.

Cristina's pager shrieked in the seemingly quiet cafeteria and with one last look, she bolted away towards her emergency, leaving Meredith with a tear sliding down her cheek.

_Keep it together_.

"Mama!" a well know, jovial voice made a few heads turn and Meredith plastered a fake smile on her lips for her baby girl.

She helped Zola up to crawl on her lap and cooed at her some nonsense words while Derek sat in the chair previously occupied by Cristina.

"I'm sorry, it dragged a little late" Derek apologized right away, grabbing her lips for a quick kiss.

"How was it?" Meredith asked with a subtle sniff. Derek caught on that immediately.

"Okay. I mean, it feels like I still have a hand so I'd say it was good. Zola was a trooper."

"Good" Meredith echoed and Derek knew something wasn't right.

"What do you think if we migrate in my office? Zola looked pretty tired and in need of a nap. She can stay in the travel crib for a little while"

"It's fine, we can go outside for lunch and then leave, your mother is home all alone"

"She has lived alone for the past fifteen years, she'll be fine"

Derek used his pleading eyes on her and she gave in "Alright"

Meredith took care of Zola and her diaper bag while Derek brought their food upstairs. As predicted, Zola's eyes closed slowly on the elevator ride and didn't open until she was shifted and settled in the crib. She whined for a moment in distress, but she fell right back to sleep as Meredith's soothing hand rubbed her belly evenly.

In the meantime, Derek had cleared up the papers on his desk, sighing in nostalgia at the sight -even of the papers. He stared at Meredith, simply looking at her, being a mother.

He enjoyed every second he could spend with her almost as if it was borrowed. He knew she wasn't one-hundred percent okay after the funeral, that's why he had wanted her to come along for his therapy, so she could get out of the house a little instead of being forced there because of her leave. He knew she was getting restless, but she had adamantly requested one week more to stay with him and Zola.

Maybe she dreaded her return to the hospital just like she had dreaded her return to her old house.

"So, how was today? Nice to be back?" he asked

"I'm not back. I just observed a couple of surgeries" she sighed, sliding in the comfortable armchair opposite to his seat, curling up in it almost as if she was shielding the world away.

"Still. Was it good?" he asked

"Fine" she sighed, picking at her food absentmindedly but not eating it.

He pushed his food aside and decided to dive into the issue head first, no matter how pissed off Meredith would be at him. "What's wrong?" he asked gently, his eyes trailing to hers, but she immediately lowered her gaze to her food.

"Nothing" she choked out

"Clearly, it's not nothing" he sighed, a hint of frustration seeping in his tone

"Did you talk to Cristina about Minnesota?" she asked, her voice filled with dread

"When we brought her back to our place after you went to San Francisco and we met her at the airport. Why?" he frowned at this question. He was expecting anything but to have Cristina thrown in their conversation.

"She's leaving, that's why!" Meredith's voice rose as she dropped her plastic fork on the plate, glaring at him "She's going to Minnesota because you told her it's the paradise and she's leaving me and Seattle Grace Mercy Death!" she almost yelled and Derek was quick to grab her hand, silencing her.

He watched as a lone tear slid down her cheek as Zola tossed a little in the crib, resettling after a few moments.

"Mer, she asked me about the place, I told her I went there, that the attendings are almost the same ones I met back in the day and the people are nice. I didn't tell her to move across the country"

"But she is moving and..."

Derek simply stood up and crouched in front of her, their eyes at the same level, in the same way he did to get Zola's undivided attention. "Mer, in a few months, when I'm better, we'll move to Boston. Harvard is keeping my option open. I might research and teach if my hand is still not one-hundred percent but I'll be okay with that"

"Derek..."

"You'll go to the Brigham, I'll stay at home with the kids with a more reasonable schedule. We can visit my mother every other weekend, we'll see Cristina as often as we can...Things will work out"

"I'm not moving to Boston" she said resolutely, pulling away from him.

"Again, Meredith? It's your once in a lifetime chance, I'm not letting you throw it away" he said resolutely.

"We're not leaving" she said once again "Thatcher walked through the door"

Derek stared at her, frowning "I'm sorry?"

"When I gave him the liver, I told him that if he wanted, the door to get to know me was open. He crossed the threshold" she bit her lip "And Molly can't do everything alone, he's gonna drink again and she..."

"Meredith," he looked at her in the eyes

"He called me and told me that my mother just vanished one day. He had left, but after a couple of days he came back to visit me, arrange a few things and my mother was just...gone." Meredith let a tear slide down her cheek "She left him the divorce papers on the kitchen table and left. He knew we were in Boston only two years later, when he saw her face plastered on the new issue of the Journal of Medicine"

"Oh Mer" he sighed and she scooted aside to make room for him to pull her in his strong arms.

"I can't do this without Cristina. I'm..." she stammered, her eyes locking pleadingly with Derek's as they shone with tears.

"We'll visit her as often as we can, I promise you"

"I..." she swallowed thickly

"I know, Mere, I know" he pulled her strongly in his arms and she let him lull her into an apparent calmness. "I love you and I'm not leaving, ever"

"Everybody leaves"

"We're staying. You're stuck with us" he managed a smile, bringing his hand on top of her stomach as he kissed her temple and Zola moaned something in her sleep. "I'll tell Cristina about the wonders of video chats, okay?" he cleared up the air again, finally drawing a smile from Meredith's lips.

"Okay," she agreed "Thank you, Derek"

He squeezed her closer in his arms and simply let her rest there, snuggled into him, wishing things would simply settle into a routine for her and nothing could sneak up behind her back to chip away another piece of his wife.

Their long, quiet moment was interrupted by Zola waking up and demanding to go home.

The issue of Cristina's departure seemed to fade lightly as soon as Zola had Meredith engaged in a long session of peek-a-boo and other silly games Derek never imagined her to do in their living room. Zola was a little grumpier than usual, a little more clingy to Meredith than how she had been lately, but he couldn't blame her. If Derek could see the sadness in Meredith's eyes, so could Zola.

That didn't stop the girl to start throwing her food at dinner though.

It was just the three of them at the house, since Carolyn was visiting Mark for the night, and Zola seemed absolutely furious that they were having mashed carrots for dinner.

They tried everything, Zola seemed to be mocking them as she launched globs of orange all over the kitchen and giggled. Meredith was stewing but she kept a calm façade for her, persisting into feeding Zola.

When the bowl of food tumbled down and splattered on the floor, Meredith let the spoon rattle on the plastic tray of the highchair with a remarkable cool, then looked at Zola with a meaningful, hard stare. It immediately made Zola stop dead in her tracks with her hands in the orange mess.

"Okay Zola, dinner is over. Let's have a bath" Meredith stated with authority, cleaning up Zola's hands with a dish towel and picking up the baby from her highchair, despite the tears rushing down the little girl's cheeks.

Zola kept whining and fussing as Derek looked sympathetically at his two favorite girls "Take the baby monitor and call me up if you need anything, okay?"

"Do you think she's teething again?" Meredith immediately worried, her lips finding Zola's forehead to check her temperature as the girl let out a louder sob and trashed in her arms "She has never been like this" Meredith sighed exasperated.

"She must be exhausted after the non-existent schedule of this past weeks, she'll be fine, she just wants a little more attention, probably. She had me for herself all day" Derek smiled softly, his eyes locking with Meredith's and reassuring her.

Meredith sighed loudly, her lips still lingering on Zola's forehead "You'll be okay cleaning up alone?" she nodded towards his wrist, still concerned

"Yeah, I'll just put everything in the dishwasher, I'll manage"

"Alright, just...holler if you need anything. Your mother will be home soon, she can do the rest"

"Go" he smiled, kissing both his wife and his daughter on the top of their heads then placed the baby monitor on the kitchen counter.

He felt like he was eavesdropping when he began listening to Meredith talk through the baby monitor, her voice a little muffled since she had probably left the device on the dresser and was picking up clothes for Zola.

"So, pajamas with cupcakes, they're cute, right? Do you like them Zo?" Meredith spoke gently, a tone she never used with anyone but Zola and he enjoyed listening to their conversation, no matter how little Zola took part in them at this point.

Zola had stopped crying at this point and was just sniffling. He could imagine Meredith holding Zola close while their girl rested her head in the crook of Meredith's neck, her hand latched around it in a firm grip as her legs steadied her body on Meredith's torso.

"Mama" Zola whispered a little tiredly, followed by a miserable sniffle as he heard some shuffling.

"I know baby that you're tired. I'm kind of exhausted too but when you had your bath you can go to sleep"

"Bub bub" Zola perked up and Derek could picture her showing barely a hint of her teeth as her lips curled up in a sleepy smile.

"You can have bubbles. Daddy bought a new soap that makes even more bubbles, I bet you will love that"

"Dada?" she asked

"He's going to be upstairs for bedtime baby, he's busy cleaning up the mess you made with your carrots" Meredith's tone was stern, but not angry.

Never once Derek had heard her yelling at Zola so far but she never went lightly with the reproaches. It was almost scary how calm she was as she explained things to Zola and Zola looked back at her with her wide, guilty eyes. He imagined he'd look just the same when Meredith gave the same bossy treatment to him.

He heard Meredith open the faucet and pour the bubbles in the bathtub, making Zola giggle and clap her hands, babbling "Bub bub!" before she sniffled again

Derek cleaned up the counter and the table with his girls' voices in the background, a smile never leaving his lips as Meredith talked gently to Zola and the baby replied delighted, the splashes of water as the perfect background noise to their conversation.

Gone was the screaming monster of a few moments before as his little girl clapped and giggled with his wife, who kept entertaining her with amusement. He tuned out the words, just the simple fact that they were happily sharing a conversation during bath-time upstairs was comforting for him. He sighed loudly, leaving the glasses they had used in the sink, feeling blessed.

_He had almost lost all this once again_.

When he was done with his work and ready to join his girls upstairs he found them sitting in the middle of their king-sized bed, Meredith with a brush in her hands, Zola playing with her stuffed giraffe.

Zola sat in between Meredith's legs, her back to her front as Meredith ran the brush on her still damp hair, careful not to hurt her. It looked like a big mass of curls at this point, getting longer and longer by the day.

Meredith hummed quietly as she braided Zola's hair, oblivious to anything but the task at hand. She looked relaxed and free of worry, just like Zola seemed to enjoy the humming and the braiding, her demeanor reflecting the innate trust she put into her mother.

"Oh, hey" Meredith looked up for a moment, noticing Derek standing there and simply staring at them, an amused expression on his face. "Dada!" Zola weighted in excitedly, still sniffling.

"Was that..." Derek grinned, leaning against the doorframe

"_Sweet Dreams_?" Meredith smirked, blushing a little at being caught humming a not very childish songs "Yep, stuck in my head since they passed it on the radio today"

"Zola will listen to The Clash when she gets older, right Zo?" he cooed, walking closer.

"Not if I can intervene sooner. Eurythmics and Duran Duran will rock her world"

"Sad, Mere"

"Do you want her with pink hair on a motorbike?" she smirked, knowing it was a sore spot for him

"You have a point here" he sighed in defeat "She'd look pretty cute with a helmet and all those hair, though" he crouched in front of Zola and locked eyes with her. When he smiled, she happily giggled back.

"That's why I'm trying to tame the mess" Meredith smiled softly "Did you stop riding bikes because your hair didn't fit under the helmet?" she joked and it felt good to joke with Meredith again.

"I'm hurt" Derek smiled widely, sitting next to Zola and just watching Meredith braid, her fingers moving quickly, expertly, her whole demeanor relaxed and somehow, happy. Her eyes told him she was happy.

She had never looked like this before and Derek took his time just to stare at her, the way she was with Zola, the gentle curve of her lips, the even more imperceptible one of her stomach.

Sometimes she was still able to knock the air out of him.

"Here, done" she sighed after putting the last tie, her lips finding the top of Zola's head for a kiss. "I could braid your hair forever, you know that?" she added, turning Zola to face her and they grinned at one another before Zola could lounge forward to kiss the tip of Meredith's nose and the two of them erupted in giggles.

"You know I always braided Anatomy Jane's hair when I was little?" Meredith smiled at the memory, leaning against the headboard and gathering Zola in her arms as she turned to look at Derek.

"She must have had pretty hair"

"I just wished my mother one day stopped and braided mine. When I was eight I cut them so short that sometimes people thought I was a boy" Meredith smiled widely, rubbing Zola's back as the little girl's body slackened.

"A little rebel already"

"Just...disappointed. They grew back anyways, just a shade darker" she smiled smugly.

"Wait, you were blonder as a baby?"

"There's a photo of me and Thatcher in a field during my first summer and they were almost white" she grinned

"Really?" he grinned, running his hand through her loose strands

"Pretty crazy, uh?"

Derek had a flash of a small child with chubby cheeks and almost white hair, styled in a fuzzy tomahawk and he grinned.

"Yeah"

Meredith's hand ran through his messy curls as well and she smiled softly at the blissful expression on his features.

"Great hair must run in this family" he commented simply, his fingers finding Zola's braids as the baby quietly closed her eyes at the soothing motion.

They heard the front door open and the moment broke, bringing them back in real life, Carolyn's steps echoing in the empty house.

Right in that moment Zola's small cough rumbled in her chest.

The first time Meredith simply patted her back, the second and third time, when the baby's eyes filled with tears, Meredith frowned and pulled Zola even closer.

"I told you something wasn't right" she looked at Derek who rubbed Zola's back as Meredith laid back against the headboard.

"Mama" Zola rattled out, coughing again.

"Mama's here. Don't worry baby" she whispered, kissing the crown of her head. "Do you mind going downstairs and grabbing her a warm bottle?" Meredith turned to Derek.

"Of course" he smiled sadly, standing up and reluctantly leaving the two of them alone.

"I'm not going to leave you when you get sick. I'm going to be here to lay on top of every single time, I promise" Meredith mumbled closer to Zola's hair, before the baby could sneeze, then burst into tears.

"Shh, it's just a sneeze. Isn't sneeze a funny word?" Meredith tried to smile "I know sneezing isn't funny, but you'll feel better soon, Zo"

"Mama" Zola kept moaning, her little hands clutching Meredith's t-shirt like a lifeline.

"I'm right here" Meredith repeated "Right here"

She began humming _Sweet Dreams_ again and Zola seemed soothed by the quiet mumble, until the door opened again of a crack and Zola moaned, triggering another little rumble.

"Oh, poor sweetheart" Carolyn's voice made Meredith lift up her gaze from Zola and smile politely "I suggested some honey to add in the formula, for her throat. It always soothed Derek when he was little." she sighed "He's almost done with her milk by the way" she added.

"Thank you" Meredith sighed in relief of having Carolyn there for all those old, natural remedies. She was sure she would have called her anyways if she was in New York. "I'm sorry, I forgot about the braiding" Meredith bit her lips, suddenly remembering the promise

"Don't worry, Meredith. This is a way more pressing matter." Carolyn smiled softly, then closed the door, leaving Meredith convinced that she could get through every coughing fit with Zola.

In the middle of the umpteenth sniffle and moan, Derek came back with a warm bottle, a sad smile still etched on his face "Here you go"

Derek sat next to Meredith, the three of them snuggling closer as Zola latched to the bottle, her rosy lips avidly sucking the warm drink until a cough or a sneeze interrupted her.

"Poor thing, she's miserable" Derek whispered, rubbing Zola's back as she tried to fall asleep.

"I can stay up all night with her if she needs to" Meredith said resolutely "I'll just move to her room"

"You can stay here and we can take turns" he smiled softly, knowing how tired in fact Meredith was.

"I wasn't there last time, she needs to know I'm not going to run off every time she has a bug" she mumbled, as Zola's sucking slowed sown considerably

"Mere -"

"Just go with it. It was a crappy day and despite everything, Zola makes it all bearable"

Derek smiled softly at Meredith, kissing her cheek and wondering what did he do to deserve such a perfect woman by his side for the rest of his life.

* * *

**Okay, this contains a few SPOILERS for _Beautiful Doom_. If you haven't seen it, please skip this part.**

**...**

**Alright. Cristina is back and I'm shipping her away to Minnesota. It's kinda mean of me, but this is just bad timing. I have always thought Cristina would leave, but I also knew she'd come back.**

**Secondly, the fact that Zola had a fever in the show and she's coughing/sneezing here is purely coincidential. I added this part at the beginning of September, when I was debating how rumbly and heartbreaking the cough of a toddler sounds. I loved seeing Meredith on the show as a badass attending and a very concerned mother though. Zola was barely with her the whole episode, but she always knew where she was -sorta ;)- and how to make the best of the situation. Seriously, it reminded me a lot of the day of the interview when Zola was in surgery. And you gotta love the burned fish sticks :D**

**...**

**END OF THE SPOILERS! :D**

**Meredith will go back in the OR in my story, she just needs a little time. It hasn't been long since Lexie died and was buried, she simply needs to deal. I'm just keeping her home a little longer, appreciating the gift of life. I hope you won't mind.**

**Oh, last but not least, I know that Mayo is most likely _not_ in Minnesota, but just go with the flow and pretend there are two Mayo hospitals, alright?**

**Anyways, I thank you in advance for reading if you want to comment on the episode feel free to do so, I'm still giddy and a little tear-eyed about it.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I am so sorry for the delay. I got tangled in a mess of deadlines and appointments and grownup stuff to do. It was a very long week. So well, here's chapter 12. A little note on chapter 11: I didn't credit _Sweet Dreams_ but I implied that it's the Eurythmics' one. Oh and the line "Everybody leaves" was written way before it aired. Which is weird, but hey, everybody can see that, right?**

**All right then, I really hope you will enjoy this chapter, I'm branching a little from the linear storyline I had been carrying out and I hopw you won't be disappointed. So far you have all ben wonderful so thank you for the great support. I also would like to know if the story is moving too slowly for you or you like the pace. I worked out some kind of timeline in my head and I'm trying to make everything fit in there, but I'm horrible with numbers so yeah, tell me if something stands out. **

**I rambled enough, enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

* * *

"This is a bad idea" Meredith sighed, leaning her hands on the ferry railing and putting a little weight on the bar.

A shy sun peeked out from the clouds in the early morning light. As usual of late, Meredith had woken up for her round of vomiting and Derek had supported her despite the inglorious hour. Strangely, the fresh air and the motion of the ferry helped on the matter.

Derek sighed loudly, locking his eyes with Meredith's worried ones "Just because we're leaving Zola for a weekend doesn't mean we're abandoning her. My mother was overjoyed to look after her" he said gently, his voice barely a whisper over the waves and the ferry sounds.

"I just..." Meredith protested faintly, but he interrupted her with a soft smile.

"We've both been through a lot. You are going back to work on Wednesday and I wanted you to relax a bit" he wrapped himself around her, his hand resting on top of her stomach as he sighed into her neck.

"But Derek..."

"Zola's cough is gone. It's gone and she's fine" he emphasized, kissing her below her earlobe "I know that as soon as you're back you will be a fellow and Cristina will not be there, I know. But Alex is there, Jackson and April will be there..."

Meredith turned slightly and looked at him amused, then sighed loudly, her gaze moving to the line of the horizon "So, Lopez Island, uh?"

"We'll be back before Sunday afternoon. Pinky promise" he grinned and Meredith shook her head when he handed her his bandaged wrist "It's the honeymoon we didn't get to do after City Hall" he added more seriously.

"I'm no honeymoon material right now" she sighed "I'm pukey and gross and..."

"Shh" he silenced her with his lips on hers and she molded under his touch "_You_," his lips found hers again "Are having my baby" he whispered against her lips. "You can't be more perfect right now. Well, you could, if you were naked" he grinned, whispering the last part in her ear, and she lightly hit his chest, giggling with him.

"You really think we need this?" she sighed, turning serious again.

"I really do" he pulled her even closer and she let her eyelids close as he held her against his broad chest.

They were able to see Lopez Island not long after their conversation and Meredith had to admit that it was indeed beautiful.

There was a lot of nature around them as soon as they were standing on the small dock and the salty air made Meredith feel at peace. It was a high contrast from the smell of hospital she seemed to never get rid of lately, since she had been spending a good part of her day at Derek's bedside. After he had been discharged they came back there for his cast, for the protective sleeve, for the physical therapy...she oozed of hospital and she new it wasn't healthy.

"Hey, you look miles away" Derek interrupted her thoughts and she turned to him with a smile.

He had some color back on his cheeks, his hair had been styled decently, his sweater clung to him all in the right places and the shy sun illuminated his skin to make him look even healthier.

"We are miles away" she replied, grabbing his arm as they walked to their hotel in a comfortable silence, carrying their suitcases.

Derek leaned against the counter with a smile, handing his ID to the concierge who smiled back and handed him a key "Honeymoon suit as you requested Mr. Shepherd. Kenneth will lead you there" he pointed to a scrawny young man with an untamed ginger afro and sun-kissed cheeks sprayed with freckles.

"Good morning Mr. Shepherd, Mrs. Shepherd. I'm Kenneth" he smiled politely and Meredith felt herself blushing. She still wasn't used to being someone's wife, but the feeling was nicely settling and she was actually happy to be Mrs. Shepherd outside the hospital, even if she never expected it.

Meredith Grey-Shepherd had a nice ring to it, at the end of the day.

Kenneth led them to a secluded hallway almost at the opposite end from the entrance, the small wooden tag on the door declaring that it was the honeymoon suit made them stop. The young man opened the door for them and Meredith gasped a little at the stunning simplicity and elegance of the room.

"Derek" she whispered, a little too overwhelmed to elaborate further.

"I will be your bellboy for the entire weekend." Kenneth began proudly "Everything you need just ask, the numbers are pinned next to the phone. I am also available for tours of the island, hikes, museum visits and suggestions; if you want, I can help you scheduling a tour of the rest of the islands as well" he rattled out, smiling brightly.

"Thank you" Derek replied, watching a still stunned Meredith take in every detail "We're surely passing on the hikes" Derek grinned, holding up his wrist and Kenneth blushed.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I just..."

"Don't worry. I worked in a restaurant when I was younger, I know what it's like" Derek's smile softened as he tipped the teenager "Thank you for everything, Kenneth"

"You're welcome sir. I hope you and your wife will have a pleasant stay" the boy added with a smile, moving towards the door, then he stopped for a second, almost as if he had forgotten something important "Do you need any help with your luggage?"

Derek smiled softly at Meredith, watching as she slowly explored the room lost in her little world, a hand placed low on her stomach as she walked around on the hardwood floors.

"I think my wrist is going to thank you" Derek smiled

"I'll be back with your suitcases right away" Kenneth nodded professionally, before closing the door behind his back.

"Oh Derek" Meredith sighed again, turning to him with an unreadable expression and he simply watched her smile.

They have never traveled together; the realization hit him out of the blue.

She had seen fancy hotels as she had wandered around the country to find a fellowship and he had wanted to take her to a tropical island for their wedding-that-wasn't, but at the end of the day, they had never really traveled together, except the disastrous outcome of their trip to Boise Hospital.

This was the first time he could really enjoy marveled Meredith.

He had seen her in all possible moods, but this, the way her lips were slightly parted, her eyes misty and her whole body moved almost in slow motion, this was a first.

He could stare at her forever.

"This place is beautiful" she whispered "It's very woodsy and...you"

"It's us, Mere" he grinned "It's for you"

He came closer to her and held her in his arms from behind, his hand finding her stomach almost out of an habit already and she sighed as they stared at the view of the ocean right outside their wide window.

"Maybe we really needed this" she admitted, sniffing a little louder than she expected.

"Hey, no tears" he twirled her around, kissing the tip of her nose and smiling dreamily.

"Stupid hormones" she growled, scrunching up her nose and wrapping her arms around his mid section, holding onto him for comfort as her lips stretched into a relaxed smile.

On other occasions, they probably would have barely closed the door before shredding their clothes off -say on their actual honeymoon- but now Derek couldn't imagine spending the first moments of this trip in any other way but holding Meredith.

He was glad he could hold her for as long as he wanted, even if awkwardly sometimes, even if not fully because of his wrist, but he could still bury his nose in her hair and smell her sweet lavender scent and feel at peace.

There was a knock at the door and they reluctantly untangled to allow Derek to open it. Kenneth politely deposited their suitcases in a corner, then left quickly, giving them privacy.

"What do you want to do now?" Derek asked, his face still sporting a true smile.

"I have no idea" Meredith smiled back softly, still a little overwhelmed. It reminded him of the time they went seeing the 'churchy church'.

"Are you okay? Are you tired?" he asked immediately when she sighed loudly, her smile dimming a little.

"I should be the one asking this question" Meredith smirked

"I'm good, Mer. I'm great. Are you feeling queasy? I'm sorry I forgot about the ferry ride and -"

She interrupted him quickly with a smile "Derek I've had constant nausea for the past week, it doesn't matter if I take a ferry or not. Apparently Baby Shepherd likes ferryboats" her voice had a reverential, awestruck quality as she finished the sentence and they both locked their misty eyes.

"He'd better be" Derek smirked, then he turned serious again "I'm still sorry you're not feeling good, though"

"What about lounging a bit over there?" Meredith brushed off the issue, eying the spacious covered deck with large, comfortable seats outside their French doors.

"Sounds perfect" he smiled, grabbing a book from the front pocket of his suitcase and bringing a blanket outside as he followed Meredith.

They could hear the waves crash against the shore as they listened for a moment to the quiet, before sitting snuggled together in the same lawn chair.

"Are you comfortable?" Meredith asked, intertwining her feet with his.

"Definitely better than a hospital bed" Derek smiled in bliss, taking a deep breath of the fresh, marine breeze with his eyes closed.

He felt his book slip from his fingers and Meredith's head rest in the crook of his neck. The cover creaked as she opened it, the pages crinkled and he smiled.

Meredith suddenly had a flash of Mrs. Banks, a patient she had on the Valentine's Day Derek was Chief, the one who told her that sometimes is nice not to have to talk when she spent time with her husband. Finally, she could understand it fully, even if they definitely hadn't been married for fifty years.

Being in Derek's arms was nice.

His hand rested on top of Meredith's abdomen and he traced the faintest change of shape he could already detect.

"You know, Kenneth is a nice name" he said casually

"What?" she stiffened a little in his arms and he opened his eyes to find hers for a reaction.

"For Baby Shepherd. If it's really a boy" he prompted tentatively.

"I..." she swallowed, her eyes filling with tears again "It's soon, Derek" she whispered, her gaze avoiding his and settling on the ocean.

"I know. I just..." he took a deep breath, afraid that he had ruined a nice moment "We have to pick out a name at some point"

The scared look he was faced with almost made him want to turn back the clocks and decide to play hooky with her the day of the shooting.

She remained quiet as they stared at his book in her hands, her finger tracing the outline of the letters in the title, printed on the first page.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, her voice cracking "I'm so sorry"

"Don't be" his lips found the crown of her head and she gave in to his touch "I simply find the name Kenneth nice and unusual" he whispered into her hair.

"Okay" she sighed, then they continued to stare into silence as she began reading his favorite book.

She turned the pages carefully as he simply watched her read and somehow read with her. He remembered almost all the events in _The Sun Also Rises_ but it never ceased to please him. Then again, having Meredith in his arms was something he could never get tired of.

At some point, the quiet was interrupted by a low growl and Meredith giggled nervously, turning bright red.

"I believe someone is hungry" Derek smirked

"Whoops!" Meredith smiled again, bookmarking the page she was reading and then entangling herself from Derek's arms.

They found Kenneth waiting for them in the restaurant room, ready to pull both their seats away from the table and hand them the menus.

Meredith eagerly swept through the list of choices, only to lower the booklet and smile; a smile that Derek will probably remember forever.

"I kinda like Kenneth too" she said simply, turning back to the first course section and leaving Derek with a stunned grin shining on his lips. "Do you like Kyle? Daniel?" she asked again, making Derek smile even wider

"I'm definitely leaning towards Daniel" he watched her and couldn't remember a time she was more beautiful. She was talking baby names for a baby they were scared shitless to lose. She was amazing.

"Hadley" she smiled at that suggestion.

"Hadley?" he almost tried it out on his tongue and it sounded indeed nice

"Your favorite book is dedicated to a Hadley. It's unisex, even though it sounds better for a girl to me" Meredith smiled at his expression of utter joy.

"Hadley was Hemingway's wife" Derek boasted his knowledge proudly "Lyla for a little girl" he grinned, leaving behind his menu "Like the song"

"Oh" Meredith sighed, a gentle smile playing on her lips "Lyla is lovely"

Kenneth interrupted them for their orders and discretely wrote them on a notepad, leaving for the kitchen right away.

"Martha" she blurted

"My sister, the one between me and Amy, her middle name is Martha, I'm sorry" he smiled.

"Right, I didn't -" Meredith trailed off, blushing

"Sissy" he blurted out and Meredith actually laughed at that

"Seriously? Sissy Shepherd?"

"No, not really" he grinned "Elizabeth is a good one though. Beth for short"

"Like the first survivor of our first clinical trial" she smiled at the memory

"Or your middle name" he smiled smugly.

"I don't really like Christopher, I'm sorry" she smiled innocently "I mean, it sounds nice with Derek but..." she bit her lip.

"I'd like the middle name to be Michael. After my Dad's middle name" Derek said simply, but his eyes showed all the emotions buried here. "Usually the first boy in my family gets his name or middle name from the grandfather, but I don't...I can't name our baby Christopher" he admitted and she put her hand over his to squeeze it gently.

"Caroline was Lexie's middle name" Meredith echoed and he nodded just like she had done a few moments before, her unspoken words saying more than any sound could.

"I think that issue is settled, then"

Her stomach growled and she pointed a finger towards it almost in a reproach "Thou doth protests too much, methinks"

Derek stared at Meredith, biting back a laugh, but he was unable to suppress the chuckle that escaped his lips as she started munching on the breadsticks.

"_Hamlet_, really?" he cocked his head, his eyes shining with laughter.

"We can't just teach surgery to our children, Derek. They will need an all-around education to decide that surgery is the best career path for them" her voice was resolute, her eyes serious, despite the dangerous twinkle.

"Okay, right now, you sound like Cristina" he admitted honestly, then they both started to laugh.

Kenneth brought their dishes and found them with rosy cheeks and a little short of breath as they stared at each other with eyes shining with love and happy tears.

"William could be a nice name too, considering the recent developments of our conversation" Meredith smiled, then Derek chuckled again, unable to stay serious.

"Yeah, William" he smiled, trying it out on his tongue. "What about Hamlet?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Part 2 of their Lopez Island adventure is here. I forgot last time to mention that the idea for this trip came after I watched Lucky 7 with Patrick Dempsey for the umpteenth time. I felt like I had to add the Orcas Islands in this story somehow, so I came up with this. It seems to me that you eanjoyed the previous chapter, so I'm hopeful for this one.**

**Thank you for all your reviews and for stopping by to read!**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

* * *

The next morning Derek woke up to the sound of his wife throwing up in the bathroom. Again.

He was quickly kneeling at her side, rubbing her back evenly, as she heaved her dinner in the porcelain bowl.

Their previous day had been pleasant, they had settled their stuff quickly after lunch then they had taken a long, relaxing walk around the island, getting to know the main sights of the island before it all became dark. They had been rewarded with a sunny day both of them will never forget.

Derek wished Meredith could have skipped the nausea after all that beauty. He was very wrong.

"We jinxed it" she mumbled, panting slightly as she wiped clean her mouth, leaning heavily against the wall, glaring at Derek "And Baby probably hates the name we want to give him -or her- and he's going to hate us for the rest of his life or change his name when he turns eighteen, then..."

"Breathe, Mer" Derek smiled encouragingly, seeing the mist in Meredith's eyes.

"It's too soon Derek. It's too soon" she chanted as she broke out in a sob.

Derek was quick to shift her into his arms and pull her close. She grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and held on tightly, crying desperately in his arms.

"What if I lose this baby and it has a name?" she cried out.

"Shhh, Mere; it's a list, we haven't decided anything yet"

"No plans Derek, please; no more" she sobbed even louder and it provoked another round of vomiting that left her absolutely drained.

"You need to calm down and breathe, okay?" Derek soothed calmly and she obeyed like a child. "I'm going to ask Kenneth for some ginger ale and crackers when you feel like getting up, does that sound good?"

She faintly nodded on his chest and he kissed the top of her head, before pulling her onto her two feet and reaching together the phone.

Kenneth was quick and professional as usual to deliver the order on a tray, but sympathetic of Meredith as well when he noticed her already curled up on the bed.

"Do you need a prescription for something?" he asked, before leaving

"No, thank you. We're both surgeons." Derek sighed, managing a small smile

"Oh" he blushed again

"My wife is just pregnant" Derek said simply, looking at the lump of covers on the bed and, despite the awful morning they were having, a proud smile spread slowly on his lips.

"Congratulation Dr. Shepherd"

"Thank you Kenneth. And thank you for everything"

Kenneth left the room with a smile and a tip in his hands, leaving Derek to tend to Meredith.

"You shouldn't tell people yet" she mumbled as she felt him come closer, swallowing thickly.

"Mere -" he began, crouching at her level and leaving the tray on the nightstand

"I told you not to" she snapped, her eyes blazing and glazing over.

"Ten weeks today Mer. Ten weeks" his smile was sincere, so was her scowl.

"It's not twelve and it's not forty"

They shared a long, indecipherable look after her admission before she looked away, then Derek simply kissed her forehead and climbed in the bed behind her, encircling her still tiny frame with his good arm and just holding her.

"I've never been this scared in my whole life Derek. Last time I was this scared you almost bled out to death. Or we almost died in the woods." she confessed, her voice wavering as her hand found his on top of her stomach and she held on it tightly, her eyes squeezing shut. "Or..."

"I know." he interrupted her before she could recall exactly how many times he felt like he could blink and lose her "I'm scared too." he admitted "We'll get through this together, however it will end up. I promise" his lips found the back of her neck and she relaxed a little.

"No running"

"Absolutely no running"

Meredith sighed and Derek buried his nose in her hair, their eyes closing in contemplation of the situation.

"I still think William and Daniel are prettier than Kenneth, though" Meredith whispered and Derek allowed a small smile to spread on his lips. "Maybe we should look into gossip magazines and see what are the trends this year" she giggled and it warmed his heart immensely.

"Cristina will never make you live that down"

"No, probably not" she sighed loudly, hiding deeper into in his embrace "She called me to announce that she got an apartment in Minnesota"

"Oh, Meredith" he sighed

"I'm happy, really, I don't want her to live in the hospital or be homeless, it just feels...permanent"

"Did she buy the apartment?"

"No, she rented a room"

"See, it's not like renting a room keeps her there forever" he reasoned, but she still wasn't convinced.

"She drove there. And I can't fly. It's -"

"I'll make sure she will spend the holidays with us this year, okay?" he smiled, rubbing her upper arm in a soothing motion, turning her around to lock eyes with her. She was sad, but she managed a smile.

"Thank you Derek" she sighed, looking up and kissing him lightly. "I'm sorry we can't go to your mother's like we've been talking about"

"They will understand Mer" he smiled, his mind going to his herd of nieces and nephews.

"Maybe we can invite Amelia" she sighed "I don't know if we will celebrate a big Christmas or Thanksgiving, but if we do, we should invite her"

"We'll see. We still have time. I'll call Amy to let her know though" he smiled, then Meredith nuzzled her nose into his chest, breathing him in as she closed her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just feeling a little nauseous again. Your smell helps"

He had to smirk at that "It does, uh?"

"Stop mocking me. I told you I have crappy genes" she mumbled and he chuckled "And if we're having a boy I will have to cope with two McDreamys smelling good, flashing smiles and leaning against stuff"

"Should I feel sorry?" he indeed smiled

"A little. Cristina would understand" she sighed

"You can call her, you know"

"Will you stay and hold me while I call? Pretend you're sleeping and not listening" she smiled and he melted. Her smiles had the same effect his had on her. "Or maybe I'll call her later today, after we take a walk or something"

"A walk?" he frowned

"Yeah, see stuff. I hope you didn't bring me here for sex only" she grinned

"Would you mind?" he smirked, kissing her

"No, probably not"

As on cue, the phone rang on Meredith's nightstand and she rolled out of the embrace to see Cristina's name flash on it. She smiled at Derek, who simply spooned her and let her answer.

"Hey"

"Hey Mer" she said neutrally "I just did a CABG all by myself today!" Cristina gloated "Well, McDinosaur was watching over my shoulder and McCreepy tried to flirt with me when I was scrubbing out, but it was still cool"

"Wait, McDinosaur?"

"Yeah, the Really-Old-Guy surgeon version, Dr. Thomas. He's cool and all that, but he uses mid-century techniques. Last century" Cristina emphasized, making Meredith crack a smile.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. He's giving me a lot of OR time though, I can't really complain"

"What about McCreepy?"

"The Chief of Surgery. He's trying to get into my pants" Cristina shrugged like it was nothing.

"Did you remind him that you're married to another Chief of Surgery?"

"Didn't need to; my snarky remarks are enough"

"Good" Meredith sighed, imagining the smirk on her friend's face

"Are you back at work yet?" Cristina asked eagerly, clearly not satisfied enough to hear about surgeries.

"No, I'll be back on Wednesday" Meredith sighed, completely content if she could be in Derek's arms like this forever.

"God Mer, what do you do all day at home?"

"I'm not at home per se" she stammered "Derek took me to Lopez Island, with a ferry. We're staying the weekend"

"It's the weekend already?" Cristina sighed "What do you do there, then? No, wait, I don't want to know"

"Sex is not everything we do when we are alone!" Meredith snorted and she felt Derek's smirk behind her. "We talk too, you know!"

"Uh uh" Cristina's hum was clearly amused.

"Baby names"

"What?"

"Boys names mostly, but we seem in tune with the decision"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously" Meredith swallowed, waiting for one of her proverbial snarky remarks.

"Please don't start so soon if you'll name him Diplodocus" Cristina smiled and Meredith knew she was doing it even without actually seeing her.

"Diplodocus is definitely not on our list" Meredith giggled "Like people would know it's a dinosaur"

"It was a legit association of ideas with McDinosaur." she argued "I might have lost some brain cells to the giddiness of my CABG"

"I'll pass you that, then"

There was a moment of comfortable silence where a normal pair of friends would have said that they missed each other. For the two of them the quiet was enough.

"Take care, Meredith" Cristina broke the comfortable atmosphere gently

"You too Cristina"

Then the line was disconnected.

Meredith snuggled even deeper into Derek's arms, sighing loudly.

"I miss her" she whispered "I really miss her"

"I know" he kissed her just below her earlobe "You'll see her soon"

Meredith suddenly had a realization and groaned "I'm sorry I didn't mention her about coming back for the holidays, we got sidetracked"

"By dinosaurs" he grinned

"I told you not to listen!" she giggled, turning into his embrace

"Mere, -" he began, but he was immediately interrupted by a deep, passionate kiss that left him almost breathless and definitely aroused.

"Bad boys need to be punished" she smirked "I have a couple of unforgettable ones"

He smirked, amusement clear on his face "You know, you went from puking to sexing me up"

"Are you complaining?" she smirked back, kissing his jaw.

"Not a bit"

Surely he was more than satisfied as they laid panting one next to the other, smiles wide on their faces as the sun rose a little higher in the sky. Meredith cuddled closer to Derek and sighed in bliss, feeling his warmth next to her.

"Do you want to walk on the beach before we pack our bags and leave?" she asked in a whisper.

"We could do that. It seems to me that you're feeling much better" he smirked and she laughed softly as his chest rumbled as well.

"Definitely feeling better" she grinned. "But let's just stay here one more minute"

They waited in silence before getting dressed casually and get out of their hotel suite, strolling hand in hand down to the beach.

Meredith was barefoot and dipped her toes in the water with each wave, not caring for a bit that they were covered in sand at this point, while Derek dug his feet in the softer, drier sand and held tightly on Meredith's hand, watching as the breeze moved back and forth the strands of hair escaping her ponytail.

"We should tell your Mom about the baby now that she's here" Meredith announced, her voice losing in the breeze as she looked at the horizon. "Not right away, I mean" she retreated immediately "Before she leaves. I'll be twelve weeks and I want her to be the first one to know"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Even if I lose..." she swallowed "I want her to know because last time I didn't tell her and it almost felt worse than keeping it from you"

"We'll tell her then" Derek smiled proudly, even though he knew she was already aware of the pregnancy she would have been over the moon when it was confirmed "We can do whatever you feel comfortable to say or do. You know, I trust you with my life. And our babies' lives"

Meredith stopped, turning her back to the sea and facing Derek "I failed last time" she admitted, vulnerable and raw like Derek had hardly seen her. "And I kidnapped Zola"

"Doesn't mean you'll fail again" Derek managed a smile "And if you do, I'll still love you"

"How can you still love me if I fail?" she whispered tearfully

"Because you do love me when I fail"

His smile was sincere then, just like the slow kiss they shared on that beach, their bodies coming closer in contact to simply get lost in this dance of lips and tongues and emotions as the breeze blew around them.

There was no need to add more as they walked back to the hotel and packed up their belongings. They said goodbye to Kenneth and promised to come back someday, maybe with the kids. Kenneth grinned excitedly and politely as he had been doing for the entire weekend, carrying their bags over to their car, waving as they drove away to catch the ferry.

They spoke about little things and everyday topics as they left the island and the peace the place could offered. Derek was glad they could have more time in the woods in the new house but he couldn't hide his worry at Meredith's return to work on the following Wednesday.

He buried it and simply watched Meredith fidget with her sweater just as worried, weaving the fabric back and forth or smoothing down the wrinkles on her stomach as they impatiently waited for the ferry to dock.

She ran back to the car and asked him to drive a little faster as their house approached, almost bouncing in her seat.

When they opened the door, Carolyn was standing there with Zola in her arms, the baby peacefully asleep.

"Hi baby girl" Meredith whispered softly, gathering Zola in her arms and squeezing her gently as she resettled her limp form in her arms "I missed you so much, ZoZo. I love you"

"Hi Mama" Zola mumbled more or less coherently, her eyes fluttering open for a second, just to fall back shut in complete trust as Derek moved closer to encircle both of his girls in his arms and kiss the top of Zola's head.

"We're home Zola. We're home" Meredith repeated, cuddling the baby as closer as possible and just letting every worry fall away.

As much as they had needed Lopez Island, they needed Zola just as much.

* * *

**I admit that, as much as I imagined Dr. Thomas to be in Minnesota, the McCreepy idea was a little stolen from the show. And I know this one was mostly about the two of them cuddling and comforting, but I feel like we get so little scenes when they simply hold each other that I wanted to write about this side of them. It's a tough time and they're being each other's rocks; let's be happy about it.**

**I hope you liked this chapter and this short getaway from the linear storyline, they will be back to their hectic lives in no time, don't worry ;)**

**Thank you for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm sorry this chapter got delayed a bit, I wanted to update on Sunday, but university and errands got in the way. On the bright side, _I Missed You For 29 Years_ has been updated! About time, you you're right.**

**Alright then, enjoy this one and thank you for stopping by!**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Derek squeezed the stress ball with a groan, feeling every muscle and tendon in his hand and wrist tense; he remembered the textbooks telling him exactly how many of them he would need to clench his fist, but the actual feeling all was another story entirely. All his forty-eight nerves were screaming at him.

He hated physical therapy, even if it meant getting back his hand function and being closer to Zola; he hated it with a passion.

He had hated it after his life-saving open heart surgery and he was hating it more now that he could live a relatively normal life, except for his left hand.

He hated that one part of his body felt just about useless.

He hated the world, right in that precise moment.

He threw the green ball at the wall and it smashed with a dull sound against the flat surface, turning a bunch of heads and unexpectedly even Meredith's, who had just entered the room.

She was frowning and she was concerned and for a second, he did even miss the navy scrubs. She seemed born with those on.

"Derek?" she called him tentatively, bringing back the green ball and sitting in front of him, calm and collected. He still had to get used to this multifaceted Meredith Grey.

"What?" he snapped, a lingering anger bubbling out

"Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes never leaving his, her concern easy to spot.

"Just..."

"I know I'm coming back to work today but your hand is progressing nicely, you'd be in the OR before Bokey realizes you're missing" she tried to make him smile, failing. She failed to smile sincerely too.

"It's not that simple"

"It shouldn't be hard either" she shook her head with a sigh, standing up and moving closer to where Zola was, cooing to their baby girl and helping out the therapist with her exercises.

He felt ashamed that he was sweating as he moved his wrist and did some stupid cardio exercises. He was in perfect shape before Clark with the stupid bullet and the even worse plane. He felt suddenly old and useless.

"I can take it from here" Meredith smiled brightly to the young therapist and Derek watched her bond with Zola as she stretched and exercised her muscles.

Zola had learned to walk and talk and they knew they were blessed parents because their little girl didn't have major side effects from her spina bifida and Derek could almost count on his hands how many cases like hers he had in his whole career. He had suddenly forgot that, overwhelmed by his own physical issues and he was even more ashamed of himself.

He stood up and moved right behind Meredith, his lips curling into a smile right when Zola locked eyes with him and shrieked "Dada!" loudly enough for the whole room to turn to them.

"Yeah baby, Daddy just finished his exercises" Meredith smiled to the toddler and ignored Derek, bending Zola's knee and rubbing her soft skin, kneading her muscles gently "You're almost done too"

She whimpered a little when Meredith stretched her and Derek was quick to rub her forearm soothingly, trying to keep her calm.

"Good job, baby girl" Meredith whispered as she concluded her therapy with a kiss on her forehead, then picked her up and held her against her chest.

When Zola encircled Meredith's waist with her chubby legs and bare feet, Derek noticed the looser scrubs and he smiled inwardly, seeing the fabric strain a little. He wore back his protective sleeve, then welcomed a tired Zola on his healthy side, rubbing her back in a soothing motion as she leaned her head on his shoulder, looking spent.

"So, you're taking her home" Meredith said, a little fear dripping into her tone

"We're gonna wash up, have lunch then we'll take a nap so we can be all fresh and bright when Mommy comes home tonight for dinner after her first shift as a fellow attending" Derek spoke to Zola, his smile stretching with sincerity. He was proud of his wife, even if he had disagreed on a lot of her medical decisions in all the years they have been working together; she was intuitive and quick in evaluating a situation and her hands were just as gifted as her mother's, no matter how much she denied it.

"Derek..." she began, but the way she spoke his name was enough for him to put aside all his problems and focus on hers.

"You'll be alright. You rocked my OR the first time I saw you in this scrubs" he smiled and she recalled clearly the bright smile he wore under the mask when he had arrived after she had cauterized the bleed.

"This is it" she said simply, weaving the foreign navy fabric in between her fingers.

When she looked up she was smiling.

"I changed my name" she added and he frowned for a second "It's Grey-Shepherd now." her grin turned into a thin line "I thought it would be confusing with Lexie and then we were going to move to Boston and I didn't want to be compared to my mother..."

"You hyphenated my last name?" he smiled, bringing her away from her dangerous ramble.

"I'm...we're a family now, we will all have the same last name, more or less" her hand rested on the back of an almost asleep Zola and their eyes locked with Derek's, before he pulled her in for a soft, searing kiss.

"It's kind of long to put on a lab coat, uh?" he grinned

"I'll still answer to Dr. Grey" she smiled back "I didn't say anything to Hunt about the leave, though" she said in a whisper, her hand moving low to her stomach.

He brought his to touch hers and smiled softly "It's okay, Bailey knows, talk to her and work things out. You'll tell Owen when you're ready."

"I'm definitely not ready yet" she sighed, leaning imperceptibly closer to his hand, seeking his warmth and the comfort of his arms like Zola was doing.

"We'll get there"

"Do you still think it's safe for me to work?"

"Yeah, I do. Just kick some General's butt and don't overdo things" he grinned looking down at Zola "Then you'll come home tonight and you'll tell me and Zola all about today"

"Her bedtime stories will include too many hospital related topics in the near future" Meredith sighed "I feel bad enough that she has to stay in the hospital daycare"

"For a while, she won't" Derek tried to smile, but it didn't really reach his eyes. No matter how great it was that he could spend time with Zola and his mother at home, he wished he could have chosen to.

"You have to ask your mother to teach you how to do laundry though, no more costumes from now on, unless you're playing" Meredith smiled and he grinned

"Yes, _Dr_. _Shepherd_"

She shoved him lightly, then kissed him, glad that the tension had ebbed away "Go home and enjoy Zola" she added, kissing the top of the baby's head. "Bye bye Zo, Mama loves you so much and will see you tonight"

"Ba-bay, Mama" Zola mumbled into Derek's t-shirt.

"Go" Derek grinned pushing her gently towards the door "Go and be awesome"

He watched her pick up her lab coat and leave, her perfect silhouette disappearing down the hall.

Meredith walked quietly out of the room almost in a daze then immediately fidgeted with the pile of charts the resident on her cases had piled up on the nurses' desk, unsure if she really felt like working. She had dreamed of this moment for the past seven years, maybe more, and yet, it didn't feel an ounce like she had imagined it.

She took a deep breath, then fixed her pen in her pocket and left for the room where her first patient was resting, putting a smile on her face and wishing that it would all be alright eventually.

Her rounds began by shaking the hand of the sixty-something woman admitted for a possible cholecystectomy, all the residents gathering around her, eager to learn and scrub in with her. It was surreal to be the one posing the questions, the one that the fresh faces looked up to, the one that had to take responsibilities for everything in the case.

"Can I scrub in Dr. Grey? Er, Grey-Shepherd" her resident corrected himself right after they got out of the patient's room, smiling smugly. _Was she this over-eager a year ago? _

"Dr. Miller, we don't even know if our patient needs a surgery to scrub in in the first place. Please, just bring her to CT"

"Sure thing, Dr. Grey-Shepherd" he smiled a little too widely and she wanted to groan. Or slap him. Or both.

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd?" Alex's smug smile appeared at the nurses station where Meredith was standing and they exchanged honest smiles "You and Shepherd got hitched for real, without a post-it?"

"We did that a while ago" she shrugged

"What?"

"For the adoption. I just changed my name now that I'm a fellow"

He grinned, watching her "What is it? Marking your territory before your hubby comes back and the new interns drool all over him?"

"Alex! They will not drool!"

"If you say so..."

"Look, we are a family, it just feels right. Weird, but right" she sighed, "And don't call him hubby" she winced just saying it, then quickly changed the subject "So you're staying in Seattle?"

"Hopkins decided that I can wait for Robbins to come back, so the department won't fall apart"

"How nice of them..." Meredith snickered

"They also added a zero in my paycheck to convince me to really leave" he grinned

"So you are leaving"

"Maybe. Not right now though. How's Yang? Has she turned into a popsicle yet?"

"Alex!" Meredith yelped, smiling widely, but then it faded "She's enjoying her stay so far"

"She can stay at work all day, I bet she is" he sighed, shaking his head, sobering up at his next question though "How's Derek?"

"Hanging out with Zola upstairs, doing PT"

"His wrist?"

"Healing"

"Will he come back someday?" he asked tentatively

"I hope so, Alex. He said he'd take up teaching and stay with the kids otherwise" Meredith sighed, Alex's eyes widened.

"Kids?" he turned puzzled "Found another stray to welcome home?"

Meredith grinned and whispered "Not exactly found"

"Then what..." Alex's eyes widened then he yelped "Oh!" his eyes darting down to her stomach.

"Yeah. Just...don't tell anybody yet"

"My lips are sealed" he mimicked a zipper, making Meredith giggle loudly "How far along?"

"Halfway to eleven" she bit her lip to keep from flashing a dazzling smile, but her eyes were easier to read.

"Congrats, Mer. I'm happy for you guys" he grinned, pulling her in an awkward, quick hug that made her giggle again.

"You'll find a girl to have pretty babies with too, Alex"

"Yeah, yeah" he waved his hand, before he left her in the middle of the aisle, smiling.

Suddenly, Meredith's first day back was not as horrible as she had thought. Yeah, Cristina wasn't there, she had to deal with an over-eager resident, but it didn't feel like the world wasn't turning in the same direction anymore.

It was awkward, waiting for Lexie to show up, to see Mark flirting with a nurse and Arizona chastising him or wait for Derek to show up behind the elevator doors, but she could get used to it.

She had to.

It didn't take her long to fall back in her usual routine, even though she couldn't really keep up with the rhythm she had before. When her shift was over, she felt like a truck had run her over. Every bone in her body ached, she felt a little bit nauseous and she had yet to change into her street clothes, which felt like such an unnecessary effort she was really tempted to avoid.

She dragged her feet out of Seattle Grace after checking one last time on her very first two patient, sighing in relief when she noticed that they were both still alive and doing well, then she metaphorically patted herself on the back and went home, still in her scrubs.

The drive seemed endless as she tried not to doze off behind the wheel. She managed a small catnap on the ferry and thanked the man in uniform who tapped against her window to wake her up.

Her head felt a lot less fuzzy as she arrived home and found Derek going from the kitchen to the living room and he immediately bombarded her with questions.

She sort of ignored him, picking up Zola from the floor in the living room where she was playing with her blocks and greeting the little girl after such a long day. "I'll draw her bath tonight" she proposed, feeling Zola relax in her hold "Since your mother is not here and all that" she dismissed with her hand, smiling honestly.

"Are you sure? You look tired. You were too tired to change"

"I'm exhausted, but I can make time for my baby girl"

"Mer" he gave her a lopsided grin and she smiled sweetly back.

"I took a catnap on the ferry" she argued, but he still cocked his head questioningly "Alright, you have five seconds" she said sheepishly and he gave her back a McDreamy smile.

He placed his hands on Meredith's forearms, supporting Zola as well, while the girl stared at them puzzled as Meredith closed her eyes. He kissed Meredith's right cheek sweetly, then her left, making her smile widen. Then he nuzzled his nose behind her right earlobe, leaving behind a fleeting kiss; he repeated then the motion to her left. Lastly, he found her lips for a quick peck, before he pulled both her and Zola close to his chest and added a bonus kiss on her forehead.

"You cheated" she whispered "I sad five"

"Oh well, you deserved one more"

They stared at each other with twinkling eyes as Zola kept smiling in Meredith's arms; Meredith sighed then, breaking the stare and feeling the tiredness seeping back into each one of her bones.

"Bath time" she stated simply and Derek agreed with a nod, pressing his lips to her one last time.

"I'll be right up, I have to wash the dishes" he smiled apologetically

"We'll be there splashing" Meredith smiled softly, then left.

Meredith prepared the tub and she giggled endlessly with Zola at the bubbles and the babbling as the girl played with her wide choice of rubber duckies, feeling the small bout of energy of the slow kisses dissipate.

"There, squeaky-clean" Meredith sighed as she wrapped Zola in her frog-shaped bath robe, smiling widely when the girl grinned happily and then squealed as Derek appeared in the doorway.

She was done for the day at this point.

Her shift had drained her, the fact that Cristina was in Minnesota had left her almost powerless and coming back home and putting Zola to bed felt like a monumental task, no matter how delightful.

Carolyn was out with Mark, helping him put his life back together and Meredith didn't blame her for looking after her almost-son. She just wished she could have been home already.

Derek looked at her apologetically when she handed him Zola and he noticed the tiredness and her economized movements. He recognized them all too well, even if this time around there was something more adding tiredness to the one of her shift and he felt bad for not being able to really help. A barely healed wrist and a wriggling little girl didn't make a good pair and they definitely didn't need a trip to the ER for Zola on top of everything else.

"Leave them there, I'll dry it up later" he sighed, when she noticed Meredith pick up the toys and duckies left behind in the bathtub.

"Just put her to bed" she replied in a low, tortured voice.

He sneaked an arm around her waist, rubbing her stomach for a second, then he kissed the back of her neck. "Go downstairs and pick a movie, I'll be down in a second and I'll bring food"

"But Derek..."

"I put Zola to bed then I'll be right down, the bathroom can wait"

His tone was firm and he knew she was too tired to argue with him. He felt bad for all the pressure she was under from day one, but he couldn't do anything about it.

"Night Zo" she whispered resigned, economizing even in her word count

"Nay nay Mama" the baby replied with a grin, accepting and returning the sloppy kiss. For a moment, Meredith's features relaxed, then her shoulders hunched over again.

He pushed her a little towards the door and she mumbled adorably "I'm going, I'm going"

Zola smiled sleepily for the entire duration of her bedtime routine; clean and content, she fell asleep even before she touched the mattress of her crib.

When Derek climbed downstairs to grab some food, Meredith was already snoring on the couch, her pajama-clad legs bent on the cushions as she held the remote in her hand but the TV was displaying only a dark screen. He chuckled, marveled that she hadn't fallen asleep mid stairs. He was ready lo move closer and lift her up but a jolt of pain shook him as soon as he curled his wrist around her hip.

He groaned and it startled her a little.

"Let's go to bed Mer" he whispered when she opened her eyes "I'll carry you but I can't" he replied guiltily again "I'm sorry"

"'s fine" she mumbled "Just hold me up" she added and she clung to him all the way to their bedroom, before collapsing on top of the covers.

He laid next to her and she curled up on him instinctively, mumbling "Food later; so tired" before she succumbed to sleep.

Derek chuckled and held her loosely as she unconsciously nuzzled her nose into his t-shirt, then he remained still, listening to her even breaths until sleep claimed him as well.

* * *

**So, now that you all have enjoyed this, can I say how excited I am that this story is almost canon now? I keep smiling like an idiot every time I think about that scene, I will never get tired of re-watching it. Who's waiting for Thursday with a wide grin like I am? Good, it feels good to know that I'm not alone :)**

**Alright, thank you for bearing my ramblings, I know I will never deliver exciting and complex storylines like Shonda can make up, but I really hope you are still interested in reading more. Even if there is only one of you who does, I will still update, because I have many loose ends to tie up. I hope you didn't mind that I added a little bonding moment over the physical therapy session and that Carolyn has been somewhat a ghost lately. She's still around, I'll tell you when it's time for her to go back to New York. As much as I love having her around, she can't stay at the house in the woods forever.**

**Thanks again for reading, knowing that you're out there (hopefully) enjoying this makes my day!**


	15. Chapter 15

**I know, this chapter is not as long as the others have been. It's the length I usually wrote before Hope but this story seems to have a life of its own and some chapters are really longer than my standard. It is an important chapter because it builds up some things, so I hope you will enjoy this as much as I had fun writing it, especially the first part!**

**Thank you for all your reviews, even if they are a little less than before, they are still amazing and they manage to always put a smile on my face. I'm glad you're still interested in reading this and if you have any request or suggestion, feel free to send them to me!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

* * *

Meredith descended in the kitchen tiredly, hearing voices and a soft murmur coming from the ajar door. She heard a squeal and frowned when she realized that Zola was already up; for a moment she wondered how could she miss hearing her little girl wake up. Her first week back at work seemed to have drained her of all the energy she had banked in her stay at home in the previous weeks.

Meredith found Carolyn at the stove cooking pancakes, while Zola played with her bottle as she sat in her highchair, still in her pajamas. Derek was at the table with the fruit bowl in front of him, a suture kit sprawled on the wooden surface as he focused intensely on stitching up a banana.

"Good morning" she phrased tentatively, almost like a question, unsure of what was happening exactly.

"Good morning dear" Carolyn asked, barely turning towards her to acknowledge her presence, before she put another pancake in the pan.

"Mama!" Zola grinned immediately, smiling widely and waving her bottle happily. Meredith walked closer and left a kiss on top of her head, rubbing her cheek softly as the baby giggled.

Derek kept stitching.

"I hope you don't mind I started up breakfast." Carolyn continued "I made a big batch so you can freeze the leftovers and heat them up when you'll need them"

"Oh, that's..." she sighed, narrowing her eyes at a very focused Derek "Very nice of you, Carolyn, thank you so much"

"I'm going to teach you how to make them next time, Meredith"

Her eyes widened and finally Derek's head snapped up hearing her name, confusion etched in his gaze. "Hey" he smiled softly, oblivious to the world around him.

"Good morning to you too" Meredith snapped and glared before she was fully aware of what she was doing, standing up to grab herself a glass of water and ignoring his puppy dog's eyes.

"What?" he frowned at her reaction.

Carolyn smiled smugly "Looks like the first time he came home during med school" she recalled, the smile softening considerably in a pleasant memory.

"What did I do?"

"Suturing is more important than greeting your wife or playing with your daughter, apparently" Meredith looked at him poignantly and he turned a deep shade of red under the scrutiny.

"I was..." his voice was small, hesitant

"I know you were" she glared a little more, then smiled softly at him and shuffled closer to him, kissing his lips quickly.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you coming down Mer, I was focused on the stitches and..."

"Is the banana still alive?" she asked, sitting next to him and staring at his handiwork.

"Probably" he finally grinned, all his tension releasing. "What do you think, Zola?" he turned the banana to their little girl who giggled at the colorful embroidery on the peel.

Meredith stole the banana from his hand and stared at the stitches "A little crooked, but I wouldn't complain much. Better than my interns." she smiled softly, handing back the banana "Where did you get the kit?"

"I, uh..." he hesitated, his face coming closer to her ear before he whispered "I stole it"

"I heard that, Derek Christopher!" Carolyn piped up from behind them and he blushed again, making Meredith smile widely.

"They were just there Ma, begging to be used" he tried to reason "I was waiting for the physical therapist and they called us in right before I could open it. The nurses throw away a dozen of them every day" he put on his most innocent face and Meredith giggled.

"Are you using your left hand too?" Meredith asked to save him, a little more seriously this time.

"Just for support. I tried, but it still gets tingly" he sighed

"I'm sorry" she squeezed his forearm

"It's okay, it will get better" he smiled softly then he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it and again, Zola burst in a fit of giggles.

"Your daughter is still amused by chivalry gestures, apparently" Meredith grinned widely as his eyes lit up.

"She will get used to them at some point" he repeated the motion, triggering more giggles, then he lifted up Zola from her highchair and showered her with kisses, turning the soft giggle into a full-blown laugh.

"Here you go, you pick the topping" Carolyn interrupted them, placing the plate with the steaming pancakes on the table with a gentle smile and pushing the chocolate topping closer to Meredith.

"They smell divine" Meredith commented, her eyes closing in bliss as she covered her little stack with chocolate.

"They are divine" Derek grinned, placing Zola back in the highchair and placing a stack of three pancakes on his plate, topping it with butter. "She can taste a bite, right?" he grinned mischievously, glancing to a very expectant Zola.

"Just a bite" Meredith indulged, watching Derek as he cut up a neat square for their little girl and placed it on the plastic tray in front of her.

Zola devoured the piece and promptly asked for more.

"They're good, uh?" Derek grinned "Nana makes the best pancakes in the whole world"

"Oh, don't flatter me" Carolyn shook her head, placing a dish towel on the table and sitting across them, grabbing a single pancake for herself as well.

"Mmm, dthey're dreally good" Meredith moaned as she chewed, enjoying every single bite "Best I've ever had" she added, as she cut up the following morsel.

"I told you"

"My gosh, the texture is just...and the fluffiness...they're simply..."

Derek stopped eating his breakfast and plainly stared at his wife, blissfully shoving away all the food.

"How many did you freeze?" Meredith asked to a very amused Carolyn as she cleaned up even the last bit of chocolate left in her plate, before eagerly helping herself to another two pancakes.

"Plenty for survival, but I can make more. Or teach you the recipe, I told you -" Carolyn smiled softly and Meredith's eyebrows rose, the bite remaining halfway between her plate and her mouth.

"Take them out of the fridge and heating them up? I'm a champ. Making stuff from scratch? Definitely not." she said resolutely, her eyes widening in disbelief at the mere request.

"I don't believe it" Carolyn smiled softly.

"I almost set fire to the whole kitchen the first time Izzie, my old roommate, asked me to help her out with the muffins. It was bad, really bad" she recalled, shaking her head in defeat.

"The kitchen smelled of burnt stuff for two days" Derek added, cocking his head in a gentle smile as he glanced at his mother.

Meredith turned bright red and yelped "Derek!"

"What? You brought up the muffins" he smiled smugly and she groaned, burying her face in the pancakes.

Three bites later she was smiling again.

"How come you can't make such amazing pancakes?" Meredith smiled smugly and Derek's eyes widened.

"It's a Shepherd secret. Passed down from generation to generation" Carolyn grinned

"Of girls" Derek groaned then.

"I couldn't teach him if I wanted to. But you and Zola can learn that"

Meredith's phone rang from the place on the counter and she was glad for the diversion. It felt nice to have family but sometimes it was still overwhelming, especially when she knew she'd be part of something as big as a family secret recipe.

Meredith stood up to answer the call, frowneing at the screen name while stealing the last piece of pancake left in her plate and devouring it as she moved in the living room.

"Cristina?" she spoke doubtfully, unsure if she had read the display wrong.

After the confession that she was leaving for Mayo Clinic their friendship had been strained. Cristina had called and video-chatted once or twice, just to catch up and ask about the hospital or to wonder not-so-subtly about Owen; strangely, she had asked about Zola and Derek as well.

"Hey Mer" Cristina greeted neutrally, as usual.

"How are you doing?" Meredith asked, sitting on the couch and tucking one leg under the other and letting her body relax on the cushion as she dangled her foot absentmindedly.

"I'm good. Bored to tears, but good"

"Bored?" Meredith frowned; that was not the answer she was expecting from Cristina.

"This place is full of old people. Old patients, old doctors, old nurses. I mean, the examiner of my boards, McDinosaur, do you remember him?" she fired up, making Meredith nod "He follows me everywhere! I scrub in only on his surgeries"

"So this means more kick-ass surgeries for you?" Meredith wondered, still unable to grasp the bigger picture.

"All routine procedures. Seriously Meredith, nothing happens in Minnesota since you're back to work! I miss Teddy" Cristina admitted, a hint of frustration in her voice. Somehow, Meredith was glad to hear Cristina bitch to her about work again, she missed her person.

"Enroll in her program as well" Meredith suggested, biting her tongue at the thought of Cristina joining the army and then going in a war zone.

"No. I don't like guns" she said simply and the implication of that admission left a heavy silence between them.

"I..."

"How's are the McBabies doing?" Cristina steered away the conversation smartly, making Meredith take a deep breath.

"The oldest is enjoying the most amazing pancakes in the world made by Derek's mother, so is the youngest" Meredith sighed, leaning back a little on the couch and placing her free hand on her stomach, a habit she had a hard time dismissing already "I wish they would not come up anytime soon"

"Still puking a lot?"

"Still puking sometimes" Meredith confirmed, then it was her turn to change the subject "Derek stole a suture kit and stitched up a banana over breakfast"

"I see" Cristina said knowingly and Meredith had the gut feeling that she knew more.

"Wait, you told him to?"

"Maybe"

"Cristina!" Meredith's eyes widened a little, reproaching her, then added "How come you talk to Derek?"

"I called you at home but you were on shift, he was there and we exchanged a few words. He's McDreamy, he can chat up with comatose people"

"You're talking to Derek" Meredith stated, still in disbelief

"You talk to Owen, what's the big deal?"

"You're across the county!"

"Not for long" Cristina whispered, letting a second of silence stretch "I applied for the free Cardio spot in Seattle" she confessed.

Meredith's mouth hung open for a moment, before she could blurt "You're coming back?"

"It's...you...I'm coming back"

Meredith smiled widely "You miss us!"

"I have family in Seattle" she admitted and Meredith wanted to virtually hug her.

"I'm so glad you're coming back, Cristina. It's...I miss you too" she confessed and the long quiet moment said more than all the word could add.

"I have my train in a couple of days"

"Do you need to be picked up from the station? Derek is going antsy at home and Carolyn can drive"

"Are they going to bring the only baby I like at the moment with them?"

"I think they will" Meredith smiled at the relationship her and Zola had built "She'll be happy to see her Auntie Cristina"

"Do you think I can steal your couch for the first night?"

"Owen knows you're coming back, I mean...he's the Chief"

"I know, I just..." she trailed off

"Alright. Please ask Carolyn for some pancakes" she silently moaned in bliss

"Wait, McMama is there too?"

"You won't even notice her; she makes pancakes, cleans and doesn't bother. I think I love her" Meredith grinned dreamily "She's a godsend"

"Alright, I'll get used to her"

They breathed in the receiver for a little more then Meredith sighed "Thank you for coming back"

"Seattle is home" she said simply, then they said goodbye and arranged another call for the details of her arrival.

She got back in the kitchen with a wide smile on her face and simply announced "Cristina is coming home" only to see Derek smile pleased, just as widely.

* * *

**I had a hard time keeping Cristina in Minnesota for too long and I didn't want to kill off McDinosaur either. Cristina came, she saw, she conquered Mayo and decided that Seattle is still home. I kinda liked McDinosaur so I decided not to kill him off in my story like Shonda did. And I McNamed him way before Shonda even brought him up.**

**I know, this chapter was mostly static, it could have gone better, but I still hope you enjoyed this breakfast, Shepherd style.**

**Cristina will be back, Meredith is included in the Shepherd family secrets, I think we're good for now, right? :)**

**Thank you for stopping by! I'll try to write a longer chapter next time, though!**


	16. Chapter 16

**So, this chapter...is massive. It's a chapter I have no idea how to introduce, but on which I want to ramble a lot, so I'll do that at the end. ****There's only a slight warning, it gets a little more than T-rated at the end of the chapter, but if you were okay with the prom rendezvous you probably won't mind this ending. Still, I don't believe it requires a M rating but if you think after reading that I misjudged it, feel free to tell me so I can put a warning or edit the rating.**

**The AN at the bottom will definitely be more helpful so go, go read the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

* * *

Derek grabbed his cycling shoes and sighed happily, climbing downstairs to leave them right beside the front door, smiling as he noticed the shy sun in the sky.

He moved back to the kitchen and found his wife sitting at the island, staring into space as she sipped a cup of tea, the slow ripple of fog curling up from the mug. Since Meredith had put a ban on coffee she had started drinking all kinds of tea in the morning and he was happy to refill her stack of flavors every time he went out for groceries. It wasn't coffee, but it usually made her smile. This morning though she might have looked cute in her old t-shirt and yoga pants but there was something about her that made him frown.

"Good morning" he mumbled closer to her ear when he ducked down to kiss the top of her head. She jumped slightly, startled, and his frown deepened.

"Hey" she smiled slightly "I didn't hear you come down"

"Jasmine green tea?" he said simply, sniffing the scent from her mug and she nodded, amused that he recognized the flavors already; it was her turn to frown then.

"Why are you dressed like that?" she motioned to his biking outfit.

"I'm going to ride my bike today"

"Oh" she sighed and he really wanted to see her smile before he left

"You know, for the next Dead Baby Bike Ride" he smirked.

She slowly put her mug on the counter and turned fully towards him, her eyes blazing "Right, so you can smash your wrist which still hasn't healed properly or end up wrapped around a pole?" she growled and his eyes widened "Leaving me alone to raise a baby girl who enjoys to stay awake at night and another child who kept me in the bathroom for an hour and a half this morning? You're staying home Mister"

"Meredith, -"

"Your mother woke up. Your mother!"

He knew she was going to rant at him for a lot longer if he didn't take her hands in his and stopped her "I'm sorry. It's the painkillers, they just knock me out. I'm so sorry. You should just wake me up next time"

"I thought you needed the sleep to heal but clearly, I was mistaken"

She looked at him with an angry, hurtful stare before she dodged him to move in the living room. He wasn't going to let her go like this though.

"One of my lost causes VIP patient decided to hold a fundraiser to help people with no insurance coverage afford complicated, life-saving surgeries like the one he went through. It's a bike ride. Lexie wanted to be a part of it so I decided to fill in for her;" he said gently, holding her gaze and watching it soften the more he talked "I'm not going to wrap myself around a pole"

"You're riding for Lexie?" she asked in a small, tearful voice that broke his heart.

"Mark is coming along too, we're going to get in shape together" he watched as her hard, angry gaze was replaced with shimmering eyes so he simply pulled her in a gentle hug, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, I -" she mumbled

"You have every right to be pissed. Next time, wake me up. If not for Zola for the morning sickness. I like to hold you, remember?" she nodded at his words, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she sniffled. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion as she relaxed. "I can tell Mark to reschedule if you want to lie down for a bit, I'll keep an eye on Zola"

"Zola is with your mother. She figured that if she was awake they could go shop for groceries together" Meredith smiled "Go ride, we'll be fine"

"Yeah?" he asked a little unsure, but she silenced him with a quick kiss

"Yes. You look kinda sexy dressed like this, though" Finally, her smile reappeared as she ran her hand along his sides. She rubbed her thumbs on his light stubble, tracing the sides of his smile, before she kissed him lightly again "I'm sorry I ruined your joke"

"Promise me you'll try to relax"

"I promise"

As soon as the words left her lips the door opened and the too familiar babbling of Zola reached their ears.

She came in the room toddling unsteadily towards Derek then she erupted in a wide smile and she blurted "Dada!" stopping right in the middle of the hall. "Mama!"

"Good morning Zo. We're looking pretty this morning" he said, scooping her up in his arms and smoothing down her little flowery t-shirt "I heard you gave Mommy a little trouble last night" he looked at her sternly and she hid in his shoulder, clearly guilty "You hide now, huh?" he grinned, tickling her. As expected, she peeked out, smiling widely and making all the things she had done melt away. "Hey Ma" he greeted when his mother came in the kitchen with two bags of groceries, a stern look on her features.

"Can you help me with the rest?" she said immediately and he recognized her scolding face.

"Of course"

'You're in trouble' Meredith mouthed with a grin as he handed her the baby. She leaned against the counter, holding Zola right above her barely-there baby bump, making every muscle in his body itch to just move closer and rub her belly.

He grinned back, then followed his mother outside.

"Meredith told me about last night" he said immediately, because he knew she wanted to say something to him "It's the painkillers, I really can't help it" he sighed sadly, grabbing the last load of groceries.

"She was in the bathroom for a long time Derek"

"I wish somebody would have woken me up, I really do"

"She's a pretty independent woman, uh?" Carolyn smiled

"Like you wouldn't believe" he smiled "She'll ask at some point. She always asks after a while" he sighed "I'm going to force Mark away from his couch and take him for a bike ride. Do you think I should reschedule?"

"Go, it will do both of you some good. I'll keep a eye on her"

"Thanks Ma, I don't know how we would have done it without you all this time here."

"Derek, you needed me. You know I love spending time with all of you, get to know Zola and Meredith. I can't wait to be back when the baby will come"

"I wish we did move to Boston in this case"

"The time for Boston will come" she said gently "Never sell this house though, you can grow old with Meredith here when the craziness of the hospital will be over"

"Yeah" he smiled "I can see Zola and her sibling play at the lake already and long nights sipping wine and looking at the stars on the deck with Meredith"

"I'm happy you found her, Derek" Carolyn said honestly, smiling brightly "Go inside honey or the ice cream will melt"

"And Meredith will definitely have my head then" he grinned and his mother shook her head, amused. She loved the fact that her son was finally in a good mood, despite all the crap that had been thrown at him.

Derek went back inside and began to help Meredith unpack the groceries, noticing how Zola studied every item Meredith put away with her free hand.

"I can put them all away Mer, just relax"

"I'm relaxed Derek, I'm more than relaxed!" she snapped and he noticed immediately how she bit her tongue at the end of her sentence.

He brushed lightly against her as he settled the pasta in the cupboard, then kissed the top of her head softly, one of his hand caressing Zola's back.

"I'm a wreck today" Meredith sighed, relaxing against his chest when he wrapped his arm around her "I'm gonna bite off the head of my interns today" she giggled then, playing with the knot on the bag of carrots.

"Are you sure you want to go to work?"

"Yeah, I have a few hours to catch up on sleep and I have a short shift." she replied simply, letting down Zola to walk around the table undisturbed.

"Alright" he sighed "If you don't feel good just call and I'll come and get you"

"Derek you can't drive yet"

"Me and Ma will get you, then. And Zola, obviously" he smiled, watching her smile.

"I'm just over-hormonal, don't worry"

He looked at her with their look of understanding from above the grocery back and she smiled back at him, grabbing the ice cream right in the moment when Carolyn walked in the room, fully changed in her usual vest for housework.

"Thank you for the ice cream" Meredith smiled widely, holding up the carton, then frowned at her attire "You're not going to clean today, Carolyn"

"I'm just making lunch, don't worry"

"Good. You're here to spend time with us, not to clean this huge house"

"Meredith, I'm here to help out the two of you. I'm not gonna stop cleaning and cooking even if you tell me not to every single day" she smiled, grabbing a cutting board and a knife from the holder.

Meredith sighed and decided to change the subject "Derek is gonna run for charity that's why he's dressed like a wimp"

"Hey, these are perfectly acceptable clothes for a bike ride!" he retorted "Two minutes ago I looked sexy"

"I'm hormonal, what can I say" she giggled and watched Zola study their banter amused, before she could laugh along with her mother.

"The two of you are going to be dangerous allies, I just know it" he mumbled

"You have to hope the next one will side with you" Meredith said simply and her eyes lit up.

"None of you ever sided with your father, Derek" his mother piped up from her spot at the counter.

"I did" he frowned

"When he defended you from Katie and Nance mean strikes, otherwise you were Momma's boy all the way" Carolyn grinned and he turned red.

"Ma, please..."

"Aw, I knew it" Meredith grinned widely watching him smile back at her. It all felt so oddly normal she almost wanted to be pinched to see if it was real.

Derek put away the last can of tuna as Carolyn disappeared in the pantry "You'd better side with me" he said seriously, looking down at Meredith's stomach, before he moved closer to her to rub it gently "And don't keep Mommy a hour and a half in the bathroom. I know that it's a wonderful room and there's a big tub, but still...Deal?" he said softly, kissing Meredith's temple as she melted into his touch.

"If tomorrow I don't puke I know that Baby is on your side"

"We'll see" he said wistfully, then kissed her one last time, before picking up Zola and holding her in his arms as Carolyn came back in the room "I'm going to ride a bike with Uncle Mark, Zo. Are you going to be a good girl for Mommy and Nana?"

"No!" she replied with a huge grin and he shook his head amused. She definitely needed to learn how to say yes according to context.

"Alright then" he sighed, putting her back down and Zola scrambled quickly in the living room. "I'm going to be back for lunch, maybe earlier, I don't think Mark will be up for a long ride"

"You're doing something good, Derek" Meredith stated simply "I remember how biking helped you, I'm sure Mark will be fine with that too"

"I hope so" he sighed "Have a good morning ladies. And Mer, get some sleep" he left her with a smile and a quick kiss on her lips, before he went out in the garage to retrieve his bike.

He rode for a few minutes in solitude, feeling good about the wrist and the fact that riding his bike sometimes felt cleansing like fishing. When he reached Mark's condo he wasn't surprised to see him already out of his garage, a cloth in his hands as he cleaned the bike.

"Hey!" he greeted, smiling brightly at Mark and he finally saw a familiar smile crawl back on his best friend's features.

"Hey man, I planned a route while I was cleaning up. It's not long, but I'm recovering" Mark grinned cockily.

Derek smirked back, holding up his wrist, still wrapped in a protective sleeve "So am I"

"Thank you for doing this for Lexie"

"She was family, Mark. You are family" he said simply and his gaze darkened as he faced him. He jumped back on his bike and Mark did the same.

They got on the road and Derek started to feel the light breeze fan his cheeks, mess up his hair, envelop him in a sort of safe bubble.

"Can you believe we'd fall in love with two sisters?" Mark asked, after a few minutes of silence.

"We always joked about that in high school" Derek reminded sadly "Your wildest teenage dream were twins though" he tried to lighten up the mood but it didn't work.

"How can I move on?" his breath caught and Derek stared at the road ahead of them for a long moment, trying to find an answer that he seemed unable to provide.

"When Meredith drowned," he began, his voice still cracking at the mere memory "I thought about living without her. It would have sucked. But I was alone, I didn't have a beautiful daughter"

"And she didn't die"

"No, she didn't" his voice was filled with relief and fear all at the same time

"Are you afraid she'll die?"

"All the time." Derek confessed, because he knew that Mark would understand "Or that one day we'll wake up and she won't remember me or Zola and...I saw Ellis lucid and I saw her sick and I can't even imagine Meredith go through that, let alone live it"

"Did she test positive for the gene?"

"We didn't look at the results. They're in an envelope at the bottom of our socks drawer. Whatever little left I have with her is surely better than nothing and I won't stop loving her because she has crappy genes"

The only sound filling the silence were the ticking of their bikes and the faint traffic on the main road.

"I wish I never pushed her away" Mark sighed sadly, his voice thick with emotion.

"You always wish for a lot of things afterward" Derek said simply.

.

_Derek walked side by side to Christopher Michael Shepherd, their fishing gear dangling and clanking, breaking the quiet of the lake as they reached their favorite spot near the river._

"_We're going to fly-fish today, son"_

_Derek's eyes lit up at the simple statement and he breathed out "Yeah?" before Christopher's blue eyes stared back happily at him. _

_He and Derek looked a lot alike, his mother always joked that Derek was indeed Christopher as a kid, but Derek never minded it. His father was his allegiance, his companion, his buddy when Mark wasn't around and the sisters were harassing him. He loved his father, even if sometimes their too similar personalities clashed._

"_You're almost a man, men fly-fish"_

_The explanation made Derek's ten-year-old heart swell with pride. He was the only boy in the house and being a man would mean he could help his father keep his sisters in line._

"_When do I became a man? When I have chest hair?" he asked seriously, naively maybe, but he was jealous of the older boys because they had hair and muscles and he just...didn't. He was scrawny, with an afro and a little bit awkward. Kids usually picked on him when Mark wasn't around._

"_You'll be a man, a real man, when you'll take responsibilities. You'll get smart and you'll understand how life works. At first, you'll feel like a man, but you won't be one, because you will have no idea how to act or what to do, but then at some point, everything will fall into place"_

"_So, men have responsibilities" Derek stated, almost unsure if he had heard his father right._

"_You'll have to take care of your family, both your old family and the one you'll have one day, eventually; you'll work, you'll help other people, you'll grow up" Christopher smiled proudly, almost as if he could already envision that boy as an adult._

"_Is it hard to be a man? Everybody at the house looks for you when something is not right. It must be hard" Derek pondered_

"_Some days it will be overwhelming, but you'll see, one day, that it will be the best thing it will happen to you" Christopher smiled sincerely, passing it on to Derek as well._

"_When I have kids?"_

"_Maybe. Maybe when you'll find the right woman to be with for the rest of your life. Or maybe when you'll find the perfect job for you. I don't know that Derek, but I know that someday you'll make me proud of the adult you have become"_

"_Even if I won't work at your store?" he asked shyly. His father loved the store and Derek knew it would break his heart if he had to sell it because Derek didn't want to work there._

"_What do you want to be when you grow up?" his father asked, dodging the question._

"_Somebody who helps people. I know you help people finding the right stuff for them, but I want more. Like a doctor or a cop or a firefighter"_

"_There are many responsibilities involved in those jobs" Christopher said simply, his deep voice showing a hint of how proud he already was._

"_Then I have to be a great man"_

_Christopher's eyes crinkled with joy as their gazes met. _

_They sat down with their fishing gears ad packed lunches at the edge of the water then, ready for a morning of fishing lessons and relax._

.

"You are quiet" Mark pulled Derek out of one of the last memories he had of his father, alive and breathing.

"I was thinking about Dad"

Mark remained silent for a little more, then he asked "Does it go away? The gnawing pain?"

"It dulls, but it never fades. Some days I watch Zola and I imagine Dad there, sitting next to Mom, playing with her like he did with Amy and I just wish life was different"

"Do you think I'll ever move on?"

"I don't know man" Derek repeated honestly "But you have Sofia that adores you and I will be always there to help you or be with you when things get tough. We all will"

"Isn't it strange that now all of Meredith's friend are grown ups?" he said sadly

"Yeah. Looks like yesterday they were starting on their first day" Derek sighed, turning their bikes around when they reached the park, the turning point of their route.

"Is is okay for me if one of those days I swing by with Sofia and I just talk to Meredith?" Mark asked and Derek was puzzled for a moment "She's...a lot like me. I mean, she gets where I come from. Her family, her lifestyle when she was younger, her avoidance. She has found you and you changed it, just like you helped me when we were kids, but some things, they just stick" he explained

"I think it would help the both of you" Derek said honestly, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"She's not talking?"

"Not much, no. There's a lot going on so she just keeps herself busy"

"Too busy?"

"No, never. She lets me hold her some nights when she feels like it's too much to handle, but we haven't really spoken much. I know she's dealing, but I want to make sure she's okay"

"She will be. She's strong"

"You are strong too" Derek commented honestly "I'll just take the girls to the park when you come by"

"I'll let you know, then" Mark said simply, then it seemed that a light had went off again in his head "You don't mind that I have been talking to Kathleen too, right?"

"My sister?" Derek asked puzzled

"Yeah, I just..."

"Why should I mind?" he frowned, then it clicked. He was talking to his shrink sister "Oh"

"Yeah"

"Well, until she wants your money I'm okay with that." the lightness he tried to add dissipated quickly, even though Mark smiled "It's good that you are talking to someone"

Mark nodded silently, as they passed through the last intersection before they were back to Derek's land. When they arrived in front of the house after their small tour, Mark was visibly tired.

"Do you want to come in, grab a glass of water?" Derek offered

"No, I just need to go home and shower. I stink" Mark smiled

"Okay then. We'll do it again next week"

"Maybe sooner"

"Yeah, maybe sooner"

Derek brought his bike back in the garage as Mark rode away. He left his shoes in the mud room and padded in the living room, finding his mother busy knitting what looked a lot like a baby blanket. He felt a lump in his throat because he knew that this one was going to be for them.

"Derek" she greeted quietly and he looked at her, puzzled by her low tone. Then he noticed Meredith and Zola, asleep on the armchair next to the fireplace, a light blanket covering them as they rested peacefully curled up in each other's arms.

"She'll probably sleep a lot from now on" Carolyn stated simply

He looked at the clock and groaned. He had time for a shower, then he had to wake Meredith for work.

He nodded to his mother, trusting her to keep an eye on them, then he grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, before climbing upstairs for a quick, cleansing shower.

Riding with Mark had brought back a lot of memories and a lot of painful things had been discussed, but at least his best friend was dealing. Meredith this time had cried and had grieved, but it seemed quicker than the other times and he had no idea what to make of it.

Maybe she knew how to deal with loss.

Too many people had died around her. Who didn't die simply had left and so she knew loss far too well, but this time there was a certain grace about her grief. He wondered if being a mother had changed even that. Surely, as a parent, he had felt more compelled to keep himself together, but Meredith had done it with such stance and confidence that she had amazed him.

The warm water of the shower pelted his tired body and he stared for a long time at the fading scar on his chest and the fresh one on his wrist, glad that he could often cover it up. It still bothered him sometimes to show his scars but Meredith made everything better. Her presence healed all the wounds.

When he started to miss her soft curves and he was about to rush through his shower to go back downstairs to hold both his girls close as they slept, the door of the bathroom opened and Meredith's gentle voice peeked in, putting a smile on Derek's lips.

"Can I join you?" she asked, a hint of sleep still palpable in her tone but he couldn't help but feel happy about her proximity.

"I was missing you in here" he admitted, then he heard the rustling of fabrics as she undressed and the glass door slide open before her naked body appeared in the shower.

His breath caught again at how gorgeous she looked.

He opened his arms for her and she joined him under the warm spray, her soft hands resting on the small of his back as she leaned her head on his chest, her eyes closing at the mere contact.

"Did you have a nice nap?" he asked quietly, breathing her in as she let the warm water slid down her body, a fleeting smile gracing her features.

"Your mother told me we were asleep as soon as you left. Zola is still out" she sighed, her hands roaming on the muscles of his back as he rubbed the bumps of her spine, his fingers tangling in her loose hair. He could feel the different curve of her abdomen adapt to their skin-to-skin hug and he was again overwhelmed with love.

_Meredith, pregnant with his child_.

"How was you ride with Mark?" she asked in a whisper, her breaths getting lost on his chest.

"We talked about Lexie a lot"

"That's good" she replied, her eyes still closed as she let him and the water massage her "Some days I still want to pick up the phone and call her, you know? Or just knock in the attic to tell her she's late for work. Even if she wouldn't be living here either way, I just..."

Her confession made him tighten his arms around her. He wanted to shield her from more pain and heartache but he knew that he couldn't do anything about it at this point.

"It's okay" he soothed

"I don't want her memories to fade"

"We'll make sure they won't" he replied seriously, kissing her damp hair as she relaxed even further in his arms. He breathed in the faint lavender lingering there, feeling blessed to still have her in his arms.

"I love you" he said simply, because he needed to say it. Mark might not be able to tell Lexie that, but Meredith was in his arms and he'll never get tired of those words.

"I love you too" she replied with a little more confidence.

His lips moved from the crown of her head down to her temple and further along her jaw, only to find her mouth in a slow, languorous kiss. Her hands tangled in his hair and she deepened their contact, his tongue mating with hers.

"You look amazing" Derek mumbled, not even an inch between their lips and she finally came out with a small smile, pulling away for air.

"I feel like crap today" she said a lot more seriously.

"Let me make things better, then"

His lips descended on hers and from the way she responded to him, he knew she trusted him unconditionally. He never imagined she'd trust him this deeply again, but Meredith was capable of forgiveness and he was grateful for it.

She moaned against his lips before he could slip his tongue into her warm mouth, letting their bodies get acquainted again to their closeness after hours of separation. He felt like every second he was away he was missing something about pregnant Meredith and he hated it.

She let him kiss her and worship every inch of her skin from her forehead to her breast, his hand still firmly holding her up. Her breaths itched when he reached her nipple and Derek stopped, pausing the descent and the soft kisses on her left breast.

"I'm a little sore" she replied to the question he asked only with his smoky blue eyes, blushing when he smiled up at her.

"Sorry" he replied simply, his warm breath mixing with the water cascading from her shoulders and making her shiver.

"Can you just kiss me like this for the rest of the day?" she mumbled when he teased her pulse point on her jaw, a small moan escaping her lips.

"We'll get prune-y in a while" he reasoned and she giggled, even if it soon turned into another moan.

"Prune-y, uh?"

She wanted to say something more witty in response, but she suddenly forgot every coherent thought when his hands joined the exploration his mouth was leading.

His lips descended slowly down her body again, avoiding her breast, then he knelt in front of her and she quivered in anticipation. From her left knee his kisses moved up to her waist, only to stop at her hip. She tangled her fingers in his hair when he did it again on her other thigh; this time he lingered on the tiny scar the metal of the plane had left her, kissing away the painful memories like she always did with him.

"Derek" she let out breathlessly, trying to hurry his touch when his lips were again on her curving navel, a few inches too high from where she wanted him, but enjoying every single second of this languid torture.

"Patience Mer" he said equally breathless, their eyes locking and she kneaded his curls through her fingers as his eyes swept along the hint of a curve that her previously flat stomach was displaying.

"Hey there" he whispered in a reverential way, his lips lingering for a long time right in the middle of the barely noticeable swell of her stomach.

She looked a bit bloaty already, but she could pass it away as a huge meal kind of thing, nothing serious. The way his lips caressed her though made her feel like she was the most perfect creature in the world.

His big warm palm replaced his lips as he rose again on his feet, finding her mouth for a drugging kiss while his thumb kept tracing little circles on her skin.

"Mer" he whispered on her lips, her shortened name repeated like a lullaby as he kissed her and kissed her for what felt like hours.

He turned her around and his kisses moved to the back of her neck, while his hand rested gently on her stomach, enveloping her in safety.

She could forget her fears and her sadness when she was in this cocoon. She could forget about her sleepless night and the shift she was about to start. She totally forgot that he was on sick leave as well, she just melted in his arms.

She felt him behind her, strong and warm and hers and sometimes it still marveled her.

He kept caressing and teasing, his fingers working his usual magic on all her nerve endings and sensitive spots as she leaned completely against him, surrendering.

He worked her up until she barely knew what was her name, then he pushed her a little forward, her forearms resting on the cold tiles for balance and making her shiver. His kisses along her spine and shoulder blades made her tremble too, just like the hands slowly resting on her hips and grounding her.

"Hmm, bendy thing" she managed to moan through the fog in her brain when his lips rested on her lower back, a spot that had started to bother her already, and kissed away the uneasiness.

"It's been a while that I had you in my shower, Meredith Grey-Shepherd" he grinned on her skin and she couldn't help but smile, before letting herself melt under his touch.

They made slow love, something they hadn't allowed themselves to make in a while as they juggled Zola and a busy schedule. Derek took all his time in pleasuring her and worshiping her; even if she was going to be late for work she couldn't care less.

They climbed the high together, their bodies joined almost in every inch, their pace picking up speed as the shower covered their moans and grunts. On the brink of oblivion, Derek turned her around and wrapped her legs around his waist, their eyes locking in the most powerful stare, before they let themselves surrender together, enveloped in each other.

She rested her forehead against his, panting, her smile wide as she unwillingly untangled from him, her body still humming from his touch. His arms never left her hips though, he just pulled her closer for another sluggish kiss.

She leaned her cheek against his solid chest then, hearing his thumping heartbeat under her ear as they breathed heavily together. His hand brushed her back evenly as they relaxed under the warm water in an ethereal quiet, fleeting smiles on their lips.

They didn't need screams or shouts this time, like they often did, or words in general. This time, Derek had simply worshiped every single inch of her body and she felt suddenly inadequate.

His thumb found again her tiny bump and rubbed it tenderly, almost if he was amazed by the change. She felt full with so many emotions that she was sure that if he hadn't started speaking she would have burst into tears.

"You're not gonna be late, are you?" he asked, a hint of concern bleeding in his tone as he pulled her chin up and looked straight into her misty eyes.

"Totally worth every second of it anyway" she smiled widely, blinking away her tears then ducking down to kiss his chest, right on the fading scar.

She rested again with her ear over his heart, her palm finding his pectorals and simply resting there, her eyes closed in bliss for one second more. She giggled as she focused on the world beyond Derek's chest again and spotted a yellow blob behind Derek's shoulders.

"What's so funny?" he asked grinning as well.

"It's just...duckies don't scare us away anymore" she sighed and he chuckled when he turned as well and noticed the rubber toy perched on the soap holder. Meredith let out a huge yawn then.

"Are you going to fall asleep on me?" he smiled, amused.

"If we were in the tub I would have been more worried" she giggled

"Mom said it's normal for you to feel tired"

At his words, her body stiffened, but he caressed her gently "You told her?" she inquired, a hint of uneasiness not so well hidden behind her question.

"She figured it out. I didn't even have to confirm it, she just...knew" he swallowed, wishing that it was still okay. The fact that she hadn't bolted was reassuring but she was so tired he had still a little doubt nagging him.

"Oh" she breathed out "I think it's okay" Meredith said simply "I mean, I want people to know, it's the twelve weeks mark tomorrow, but I just..."

"I know Mer, I know" his fingers rubbed the skin on her stomach a little more vigorously and she swallowed a lump in her throat.

"We need to tell her properly" she emphasized

"Of course, we'll figure out something" he tried to calm her with his smile and it seemed to work, even though a shadow of doubt passed through her face again.

"Don't make amazing love to me or kiss me like this because you feel like it will be over soon" she locked eyes with him, and he could feel her fear mirrored in his own gaze.

"Nine months are not enough to enjoy you this beautiful, Meredith. It will always be over too soon" he smiled and she looked up at him again, this time with sparkling eyes.

"Idiot" she grinned sincerely then, before planting a fleeting kiss on his mouth. "We'll run out of hot water" she admonished him, giving him another quick peck on the lips as she weaved his damp curls through her fingers "I'm late" another kiss "And I'll look like a whale soon" last kiss, coupled with a sad smile.

"You'll look like a breathtaking whale, no matter what and I don't need hot water when you are this hot" he smiled and she shook her head at that, her eyes sparkling.

"Cheesy Derek, honestly. Way too cheesy" but her giggle was worth every cheesy statement he could make.

"You love it"

"I love you"

* * *

**AN: Yeah, I went there. I did a throwback to the duckies as a reader suggested (probably _Mary91_? my memory is failing me recently) and I seriously wrote a steamy shower scene between our favorite couple. I hope I gave it justice, because I usually avoid that kind of steaminess, only for this story, it just felt right. **

**Also, I want to credit Patrick Dempsey for more than just the fact that he's the man that brings us Derek Shepherd on screen: his charity fundraiser -the Dempsey Challenge- to help raise money for a support center for cancer patients and families he built in his hometown, gave me the idea for this alternative kind of therapy for Derek and Mark. [They also look like old friends, riding a bike and talking together, which is something I wanted to bring back and have them share this moments] If you want more information on the Dempsey Challenge or what the activities of the Dempsey Center are, just look up the websites, even though you need to wait for next October to take part in the race, I'm afraid. If I didn't live way across the Pond you'd surely find me there in 2013!**

**Alright, the ramble is somewhat over. This chapter was massive, I don't think I ever wrote something this long so if you even read the AN you are the coolest reader a writer could ask for. In my neck of the woods, I'd say you're dragons, but in English sounds quite intimidating, so I'd stick to awesome people instead. We surpassed the 200 reviews, of course you are awesome people!**

**Thanks for reading and being awesome!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm not particularly happy with this chapter, but I wanted to update before Christmas, so here it is. It might not be as polished as others have been, but hey, it's up.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

* * *

Meredith fidgeted with the hem of her hospital gown as she stared at Derek in silence, their faces a mask of well bottled emotions, the exam room quiet, except from the low hum of the busy hospital outside the closed door.

The quiet was safe, but it forced Meredith to think and right in that moment, she needed anything but that. Derek had just been to Callie's follow up, the one that could break his career, while she had sat in the waiting room of her OB, worrying over a thousand things that could go wrong with their twelve-weeks-old baby.

Derek was quiet, much too quiet for her likings.

She decided to interrupt the heavy silence then, her legs dangling from the exam table she was sitting on, looking up at her husband "Callie told you that you can get back to work"

"Mer, let's talk about that later" he smiled softly, locking their gazes and seeing his worry mirrored in her shimmering gray orbs.

"Please, just..." she bit her lip, hiding her eyes from him "I'm so worried that something is wrong that I just..." she mumbled "Tell me about your wrist"

He took a deep breath, lacing their fingers together, then he smiled gently "I'll be on a light schedule and no OR time for a while probably, but I can do consults and Hunt told me I could keep an eye on the younger doctors, help out with the paperwork, stuff like that"

"So you're okay with it?" she questioned, finding his eyes again and he kept smiling.

"Yeah. I think I am" he admitted and they exchanged small grins.

"Hello there, I'm Dr. Annine Harris"

The voice bursting into the room belonged to a woman in her forties, straight dark hair, thin as a skeleton but with a wide smile gracing her strong features.

"Good morning Dr. Harris" Derek smiled politely "I'm Dr. Shepherd. Derek" he corrected himself right away, avoiding a formality he didn't feel necessary with his wife and baby's doctor.

"Hello Derek" she accepted his handshake with a smile "You must be Dr. Grey, then" she turned then to Meredith.

"Meredith" she forced a smile as she shook the woman's hand.

"Shall we meet the little one as well?" the doctor said excitedly and Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat.

_Way too cheerful_.

Dr. Harris prepared all the instruments as Meredith laid back on the exam table, Derek standing by her side. Meredith instinctively reached out for his hand and locked eyes with him.

"Baby is fine" he tried to reassure her in a whisper, but it sounded a little forced for him as well. Meredith nodded, managing a grateful, nervous smile in return.

"So, twelve weeks today, uh?" Dr. Harris grinned and they both nodded "Feeling any discomfort, something that worries you?" she added, turning to Meredith fully, noticing her hesitation.

"No, no. The nausea is fading as well" she replied, her voice low and wavering a little.

"The gel is going to be cold" Dr. Harris smiled politely, sitting on the stool and switching on the ultrasound machine, spreading the gel on the small swell of Meredith's stomach.

Both Meredith and Derek held their breaths before hearing a strong, thumping heartbeat fill the room. They exchanged a wide smile, the reality of the heartbeat sinking in. Dr. Harris smiled as well when she noticed the joy replace the worry in their eyes.

"Baby looks strong and well developed, see that for yourself" she smiled, turning the screen towards the new parents and watching as their faces filled with awe.

"Aw, look at you" Derek sighed, emotions shining in his eyes "You got so big"

"Hi Baby" Meredith whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

Dr. Harris kept studying the fetus in the grainy image, measuring and scribbling notes on a chart; Meredith and Derek stared alternatively at each other or at the screen, wordless.

"Alright, your pregnancy doesn't look as high risk as we thought before at this point, considering what I can see" Dr. Harris grinned "If you feel comfortable continuing your care with me, I will be more than happy to keep treating you until April, otherwise you can switch to your regular OB"

"April" Meredith mumbled, her face breaking out in a smile.

"The final weeks are my best bet. You keep eating well and keep the little one safe, we'll see each other in a couple of months"

"So long?" Meredith blurted, suddenly a little overwhelmed by the trust the doctor was giving her.

"We can schedule something sooner if you feel more comfortable, but there's no need for me to monitor you that closely" she smiled, but Meredith still looked doubtful "Looks like your baby found a pretty comfortable place to stay and it has no desire to leave anytime soon" Dr. Harris joked a little and Derek relaxed evidently next to Meredith, squeezing her hand firmly.

"Alright" Meredith agreed, still unconvinced though.

Dr. Harris stared at her and let go of the probe, sighing deeply "Meredith, it is okay to worry, especially considering your history, but you should just...enjoy this" she smiled "I have seen babies survive the worst possible pregnancy conditions. Tiny humans are resilient and stubborn and if they want to come out and be part of your family, they just hang on a little tighter"

Meredith nodded with tiny tears in her eyes as Derek pulled her in an awkward half hug, encircling her shoulders and kissing her temple, his eyes closing as he fought tears as well.

"We're having a baby, Mere" he whispered, happy and overwhelmed "We can shout it from the rooftops"

"You can keep it under wraps for a little while more, but it looks like you're going to pop soon" Dr. Harris grinned at Derek's eagerness and watched as the couple simply embraced and breathed in unison once again.

The doctor left the couple alone and they disentangled from the hug. Derek handed Meredith the clothes carefully, still in a little daze.

"She doesn't believe I'll fail" Meredith whispered between herself, her insecurities crawling up from the bottom of her stomach, her hands shaking lightly as she looked at the picture the doctor had printed, now laying over the exam table.

Derek forced her gaze up with the gentle but firm call of "Mer, look at me" until she stopped hopping from one foot to the other to fit in her jeans "You are not failing and you never failed. Never" he emphasized and she leaned heavily against the exam table, avoiding his eyes.

"But last time..."

He forced her to look up once more, his finger pulling up her chin "Last time you thought I was dead. And your uterus was hostile. And you were brave and kind and awesome, but it was anything but your fault." he breathed out, digging out an issue that he had wanted to bring to light for so long but he had never had the courage to do so. "You never did anything wrong"

"But -"

"Stop harboring the blame for the miscarriage" he said softly and she shut her eyes at the mere word "It is my fault as much as it is yours" he commented mournfully.

She looked up at him again, taking a deep breath then letting her hands linger gently on her slight baby bump, she nodded "Okay"

"Yeah?" he gave her a little smile while his hand cupped her cheek and his thumb rubbed her soft skin gently; the corners of her lips stretched upwards in a similar smile.

"Yeah"

He kissed her then, soft and quick, before pulling her close to his chest once again. "I'm sorry you had to think like that for so long. I should have said something earlier"

"It's okay Derek, really. I'm okay now"

"We're okay" His lips found the top of her head and she molded into his hug.

He was warm and strong and she felt so safe, being in his arms. She was happy and scared and all the emotions in between, but when in Derek's arms, everything faded away.

She lingered there for a moment, enjoying the closeness until she said simply "Let's go home" untangling reluctantly from the safety of his arms with a gentle smile and wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

The car ride was filled with a calm discussion of their upcoming plans, and it wasn't long before they were back at the house in the woods.

They opened the door to find two suitcases sitting up against the wall in the foyer and Derek sighed loudly, just like Meredith.

No matter for how long Meredith had fought the idea of meeting Derek's mother, she had a hard time knowing that Carolyn would be on the other side of the country any time she had a small freakout in the middle of her day about Zola's choice of breakfast or how hot should be the water in the tub. Carolyn was calm, resolute, not imposing; she was the kind of mother Meredith wanted to be for Zola and their little one; the kind of mother she had no idea how to be without someone guiding her.

"We're home" Derek shouted in the seemingly empty house, not seeing his mother there.

"Oh hey guys" Carolyn peeked from the staircase, smiling widely "Zola is in the playroom" she added immediately, recognizing Meredith's searching face.

"I hope she wasn't much trouble as you packed" Meredith said immediately.

"She was very entertaining to say the least" Carolyn grinned in a way that meant that behind that statement, there had been a mess to clean up.

"I'm sorry" Meredith sighed "We should have -"

"We brought you a nice present, Ma" Derek added, locking eyes with Meredith and she nodded in acknowledgment of a conversation they had on their way back from the hospital.

"A present?" she frowned, then climbed down genuinely curious, carrying a duffel bag and staring at Derek as he rummaged in his pockets.

Derek's smile could light up the room as he handed Carolyn a slip of paper and said simply "Ma, meet your new grandchild"

Carolyn stared at the scan with shaky hands, her eyes filling with tears "You didn't go to the hospital for the wrist"

"Both" Meredith smiled, a little overwhelmed by the reaction Carolyn was having.

She felt two warm hands envelop her in a hug and even if she didn't do hugs, she felt comfortable in wrapping her arms around her in response.

"Congratulations, kids" Carolyn said simply, before crushing Derek in a hug of his own.

"See, this is the head, the spine, the hint of hands and feet -" Derek began explaining as his shaky finger traced the features he was listing. Meredith traced the new curve of her stomach with her own finger as Derek spoke, awe filling her features.

"You know, I've seen so many of these I could recognize it myself, even without a medical degree" Carolyn grinned "Grandchild number seventeen"

"We're having a baby" he repeated for the umpteenth time that day, his face splitting out in a wide, bright grin.

"You know, your sisters will start betting on the sex now" Carolyn grinned

"They're not the only ones. Alex's money will be the first out. Or Mark's, as soon as they know" Meredith commented, exchanging a wide smile with Derek.

"Any idea of yours?" Derek prompted, knowing that his mother had a hunch to guess if it was a boy or a girl, even for complete strangers. So far, she had missed only once, when Lizzie was having her first girl.

Derek watched as his mother studied Meredith, not in a scrutinizing way, more like an object to figure out, then she hummed, frowning "I just can't pick this one out. It must be too early"

"Bets are open until April, there's time" Meredith grinned and Carolyn reciprocated it with understanding.

All of a sudden, Zola's fuzzy pigtails poked from the top of the stairs and she giggled loudly, distracting the adults from their conversation.

"Hi!" the girl grinned, then toddled unsteadily down the stairs in a half run. Meredith breathed out in relief when both her little feet were placed safely on the hardwood floor in the hall.

"Mama!" the baby grinned, sprinting in another jog "Hi Mama!"

Zola slammed against Meredith's thighs before Meredith could bend down, pick her up and shower her with kisses.

"Play Mama" Zola grinned and Meredith giggled.

"I suddenly feel neglected" Derek whispered to his mother, still grinning widely.

"Say hi to Daddy too or he'll be grumpy for the rest of the day" Meredith suggested to Zola and the little girl cocked her head amused, basically humoring both of them.

"Hi Dada" she grinned, then erupted in more giggles, hiding into Meredith's neck. Derek tickled her until she couldn't take it anymore and he stole her from Meredith's arms. They laughed a little bit more together, sighing deeply as the reality of Carolyn's departure dawned on them again.

"Are you all set?" Derek asked his mother with a sad smile, as he kept holding Zola close.

"Don't worry Derek" Carolyn said, handing the ultrasound picture back to Meredith.

"You can keep it" Meredith smiled then, "We have plenty" she smiled to Derek, whose eyes were twinkling.

"I'm going to call the girls in a few weeks, don't spoil us the surprise, alright?" Derek smiled.

"Of course. Everything is going well, right?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled "We just wanted to be sure that..."

"I understand" Carolyn's eyes softened and she squeezed Meredith's hand "As soon as the girls will be harassing me I know I can start sending out baby blankets" Carolyn grinned. Derek and Meredith exchanged a loving glance, not needing any more words to add.

"Oh, before I forget" Carolyn added, opening her duffel bag and placing a soft knitted blanket into Meredith's hands. "This one is for Zola" she added.

Meredith opened it and studied the fleecy wool and the red, white and purple waves going from one end to the other, marveling at the softness of the fabric.

"Thank you" Meredith said with teeny tears in her eyes. "Thank you so much" she bit her lip "ZoZo do you like this? Nana made it for you"

Zola reached out to touch the blanket and grinned "'ftie!" she blabbered.

"Uh uh, that's very soft, you're right" Meredith agreed

"Winter is coming, I thought she'd need something to keep her warm when she snuggles with you" Carolyn added.

"You didn't have to, -" Meredith smiled gratefully again.

"All my grandchildren have their own baby blankets, I am just a little late for hers" Carolyn grinned, caressing Zola's head.

"What do we say when we get a present?" Derek grinned to Zola

The baby studied his face, then grinned towards Carolyn "Ank iu, Nana!"

"You're welcome Zola"

Meredith fidgeted with the fabric, feeling suddenly part of something bigger than her alone. She knew that Derek and Zola were her family already, never she had imagined to gain such a wonderful mother-in-law as well. And sisters, husbands, nieces and nephews.

She was a Shepherd, and not only on her lab coat.

"We need to go" Derek said simply, watching as Meredith struggled to keep the tears at bay. He pulled her close with his free arm, kissing her temple as he rested his hand on the small of her back, his wrist kept in place by the protective sleeve as he rubbed slow circles with his thumb.

Both Carolyn and Meredith nodded as Derek put down Zola and picked up the duffel bag, sighing loudly. Meredith automatically grabbed Zola's jacked and zipped it up as the girl stood patiently in the foyer.

"All set" Derek said as he came back in the house after rolling all the luggage in the trunk.

"I'll drive" Meredith offered, as they all exited and Derek locked the door behind him.

Carolyn buckled Zola in the car seat and climbed in the back next to the girl, as Meredith started the engine and waited for Derek.

The car left the forest of trees behind too quickly for their likings.

"I'm gonna miss this place" Carolyn said wistfully, letting out a deep breath.

"We are gong to miss you" Derek admitted, for a second locking eyes with her from the rear-view mirror.

"I'll be back soon" she smiled widely and all three of them grinned at the mere thought. "I'll be the first one out" she giggled then.

"I bet you would" Derek grinned as well.

The silence wasn't as heavy as before then, filled with Zola's babbles to her lion stuffed toy, the only one that kept her quiet in the car.

"What about your wrist, Derek?" Carolyn said suddenly as they were finally on the highway.

"Oh right" he chuckled "It's healing nicely, but I'm not cleared for surgery yet. I'll probably go back to work in a while, but I'll be a teacher more than a surgeon until Dr. Torres says I can operate again"

"Well, that looks promising"

"Oh, yeah. At least I can see Meredith for more than a few hours in the evenings" he grinned "I'm gonna miss having Zola all day with me though"

"Me Zo!" Zola butted in randomly, looking up from the story she was making up with her lion, only to get back to her game right away.

Meredith shook her head with a small smile, imagining the fun that girl would have with a brother or a sister. She felt suddenly so scared and full of hope that she had to take a long breath, unbeknownst to Derek and Carolyn.

"I'm glad that everything went well with the surgery, Derek" Carolyn said gently.

"Yeah, me too" he smiled, but it faded quickly.

He didn't tell his mother the whole truth. Or Meredith. Because Callie had said that he might never get back his full function and it was still too early for a definitive verdict. Things were looking brighter, but not as bright as they all had hoped. His mother and Meredith didn't need to worry and being honest, he didn't want to worry much about it either. He knew they had to discuss the option of him not being able to operate again, but he just wanted to enjoy the giddiness of seeing their baby grow strong and beautiful inside of Meredith for a little while longer.

Much too soon, they arrived at SeaTac's parking lot and they were unloading the suitcases from the trunk.

Taking a deep breath, they ventured inside the packed airport. Zola stared mesmerized at the crowd and the grandness of the place from her grandmother's arms, Derek carrying one of Carolyn's suitcases as Meredith dragged the other.

They waited together for the plane to be called, making small talk to avoid thinking about the fact that they wouldn't be able to see each other in months.

When Carolyn's plane was called on the intercom, they all took a deep breath. Carolyn showered Zola with kissed, hugged both Meredith and Derek once again, before handing back the little girl to her mother and leave them standing in the middle of the hall, watching her form disappear in the crowd. Zola kept waving her tiny hand nonetheless.

They walked back to the car in silence, even Zola had sensed the sadness of the moment and was leaning heavily against Meredith, then simply grabbed the lion and snuggled it close when she was safely buckled in her seat. The car remained silent as Meredith navigated outside the parking lot and into the highway, suddenly wiping away a tiny tear from the corner of her eyes. She sighed deeply and watched Zola's eyes droop in the backseat.

_Could she do it all alone, without Carolyn's help? Could she balance it all?_

"Should we wait to tell Zola about the baby?" Derek whispered then, looking in the rear-view mirror to see that Zola was indeed asleep.

"I...Let's wait until I start showing. It's hard for her to understand without a visual reminder, probably"

"Dr. Harris said you'll probably start showing soon"

"So we'll tell her soon" Derek looked at her poignantly from his passenger seat and she rolled her eyes, sighing "I have no idea how to tell her. Or how to tell her that she won't get a sibling if something goes wrong."

"But -"

"No, we're not telling Zola yet"

Derek sighed, understanding Meredith perfectly.

Suddenly, he wasn't on cloud nine anymore; their reality was still the same and he had to deal with everything that came by, even if it meant that he won't be able to operate again or that they'll be worried until the day Meredith would be in labor.

Meredith sighed shakily, navigating the SUV home. That same drive from the airport had never been so silent before. Carolyn was going home.

* * *

**I want to point out that Baby is grandchild #17 counting Amelia's baby as well. Also, I wanted to get to the holiday-themed chapters when it was the actual time of the year, but you might get them in March if I keep up this pace. I'm sure you won't mind ;)**

**Thanks again for reading and hopefully reviewing, you have been filling my heart with warmth every time I saw how many of you actually read this. Honestly, I never expected it, it still flabbergasts me. **

**I wish you all a Merry Christmas, full of joy for you and your families. Make the best of it if you can!**

**See you again before New Year's, hopefully!**


	18. Chapter 18

**So, it's Monday, but I had a hard time knowing it was Sunday yesterday in the first place ;)**

**Last update before the New Year, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

* * *

"I need you to babysit interns"

Meredith turned slowly towards the perky voice of April Kepner, pointing a menacing black marker towards her with her eyebrows rising up; she frowned at the request and muttered, almost in disbelief "I'm sorry?" only to start filling another slot on the OR board.

"See those scared people standing at the nurses' desk?" April began, but Meredith didn't really listen to her, neither she turned "Their resident is on leave and we can't split them with other groups since we're really short-staffed today. It's only their second week"

"If I was in the mood for hanging out with kids I'll go home to Zola" Meredith said sternly, secretly enjoying to see April squirm.

"Please"

"Seriously?" Meredith stared her down, but she didn't budge.

"Please"

"Alright, send them here"

Meredith turned again towards the OR board as she heard a shuffle of steps behind her. She knew the interns were all standing behind her in a semicircle, their faces filled with fear. She knew because she had been there a few years before.

"So," she began, scribbling down more names on the board without even turning "I've got five rules, memorize them. Rule number one: don't bother sucking up, I already hate you and that's not gonna change, even if I'm not your resident" she began sternly, a secret smirk on her lips;

"You have pagers, the nurses will page you and you will answer them in a run. Run people! That's rule number two;" she emphasized, her smile doubling as she got to the most impressive part of the recycled Bailey speech

"You are nobodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain, you work every second of your shift until you drop under my watch. Understand?" she heard mumbling behind her and she knew it was making an impression. When she was the one receiving the same speech, she wanted to dig a hole and hide or run for the hills.

"If I'm sleeping don't wake me up, unless the patient is actually dying. The dying patient better not be dead when I get there otherwise you wold have killed him _and_ you would have woken me up for no good reason" _and I'm sure my hormones would be this close to killing you too!_

She could see the fear in their body language as she turned, branding her marker like a sword or a magical wand, finally looking at the scared newbies in front of her.

Her eyes stopped immediately the scrutiny when a very familiar face popped out in the far left, the unmistakeable blue of his twinkling eyes made her take a deep breath.

"You said five rules, those were only four" the well-known voice of her husband piped up, his plain lab coat and lighter scrubs making him look like a different person than the Derek she was used to see.

"Um" she cleared her throat "When I move, you move. That's...rule number five" she swallowed, her eyes bulging out as she looked around, wishing for a page as she got her act together.

April was smiling smugly from the opposite side of the hall, just like Bailey who had joined her in the meantime.

"You! What's your name?" Meredith snapped out of her moment, sternly pointing at the first guy from the opposite side of the line where Derek stood. He mumbled something unintelligible and she stared at him with a deeper frown. "You know? Actually I don't care. You're with Avery. Move!" They guy scrambled away quickly, almost scared by her behavior.

"You!" she said sternly to the first woman, the one with long dark hair "Karev needs somebody up in the NICU. Go!" she nodded towards the stairs, then pointed at the African-American woman and the guy standing next to her "You and you instead are with Torres. She breaks bones for a living, you'd better not piss her off" she warned and watched as they all scrambled away, running as they followed the rules she had just imposed, leaving her and Derek alone there, as the rest of the staff stared amused.

"I like you bossy" he whispered with a smirk, his whole face lightening up as he inched closer to her, their bodies like magnets.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed, staring at him puzzled "And why are you dressed up like an intern?"

"Because I will be your intern for the day. I can't do much, but I can consult, and I can joke around" he smiled.

"You were supposed to come back tomorrow"

"I lied. I wanted to surprise you" he grinned so widely she had a hard time keeping from smiling herself.

They stared at each other for a long moment, their eyes shining with amusement.

"Shepherd" she said sternly then "You're on scut. My charts need updating and I wanted a strawberry milkshake yesterday" she grinned.

"Yes ma'am" he grinned and she watched him jog away like her other interns, giggling to herself.

"You could have put him in the pit" Bailey smiled as she approached her, scanning the OR board.

"I really wanted that milkshake" she grinned, her hand going on her hips, the closest she could get to touch her stomach without the world knowing.

"How are you holding up?" Bailey asked, suddenly a little concerned for the woman standing next to her, a woman she had seen growing up and actually become a responsible adult.

"I'm...good. Tired, crabby, I eat like a trucker, I pee every two minutes but I'm good" Meredith smiled sincerely.

"They suck the life out of you, those tiny humans" Bailey grinned, shaking her head as she remembered how it was like to be a pregnant surgeon.

"How's Tuck?" Meredith smiled in response.

"He's growing up too fast" Bailey sighed "Colonscopy, that's nice" she commented, reading the line with Meredith's name on. "You should ask the intern with a huge crush on you to scrub in"

"Not a chance, he's still on scut and milkshake delivery" she grinned as Bailey walked away with a grin on her lips.

Meredith went along with her day normally, glad to see Derek's moussed hair appear once in a while. He had discharged patients, smugly diagnosed a head trauma with much of the real interns dismay, but first of all he had delivered her milkshake order.

"Cravings?" he had smiled softly, his whole face lighting up at the words.

"I guess we're in the mood for strawberries today" she had lifted up her eyebrows in amusement as she had enjoyed the first sip of the shake.

"You look hot" he had whispered in her ear.

"You know you're sexually harassing your boss, right?"

"I'm just telling my wife how hot she looks, that's all"

He had smiled smugly and she had smirked at him, watching as he licked his lips before he joined them with hers.

"I forgot napkins for the milkshake mustache" he had grinned and she had swatted him playfully.

"There's an incoming car crash victim in the pit, do you want to meet me there?" she had changed the subject quickly.

"I think I'll pass" he had smiled, but it looked a little fake "I left a boy in the line for a CT, I need to take him back to his room"

"Okay" she had sighed "I'll see you later, then"

"See ya!" he had grinned and watched as she had left.

His presence was soon replaced by Cristina's. The woman simply stood next to Meredith against the catwalk railing as they watched the hustle and bustle of the hospital under their feet, Cristina waiting for her labs, Meredith for an OR to clear up for her next surgery.

"It's good to have you back" Meredith said simply, locking eyes with her person and seeing her smile in return.

"It's good to be back. I kinda missed this place" she admitted.

"How are things with Owen?" Meredith pried a little, but Cristina simply shook her head.

"We coexist"

The two of them fell back into silence, interrupted only by the loud slurping of the straw at the bottom of the milkshake.

"Gross" Cristina grinned

"It was either that or an entire chocolate bar" Meredith smirked, tucking her hand into the pocket of her lab coat and moving it over her stomach, discretely rubbing the taut skin beneath. It still wasn't noticeable from the clothes, but she knew it was there and it felt every day more real.

The first time she noticed the swell she had been standing in her bathroom in her panties only, after a long twenty-four hours shift. She had sworn she was hallucinating, until Derek had gasped from the doorframe as he had came in to brush his teeth before bed.

"Have you stopped puking?" Cristina asked, "Because I'd puke too if I'd eat an entire chocolate bar"

"Cristina!" Meredith grinned "I'm feeling better though. Second trimester" she sighed wistfully, almost as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Have you told people yet?"

"No, but I won't deny it if they ask"

"Zola?"

"Not yet. We're figuring out how. I hope she'll be okay with it. She's gonna be excited to have a sibling, right?"

"She'll come around if she's not excited right away" Cristina strangely reassured her, then smirked "Especially if she can boss the baby around"

Meredith's pager beeped and they smiled as they were pulled away from their little world.

"The OR for the car crash victim is clear, I need to go" Meredith smiled, bumping their shoulders.

"Go, save a life. We'll meet for lunch"

Meredith's first surgery for the day went smoothly, just a little hiccup as the guy's blood pressure dropped dramatically before she was able to cauterize all the bleeds. He was already in recovery and stable though when Meredith folded her scrub cap and put it back in her pocket, walking to the cafeteria.

Meredith sat at a table with Cristina and Jackson, Mark sitting across from his favorite fellow as they talked about surgery while Meredith simply shoved food down her throat and grinned at whatever they were talking about.

"Is this seat taken?" Derek approached her with his tray and she shook her head in amusement, making room for him.

"This line is getting old" Cristina groaned, watching as Meredith leaned imperceptibly towards Derek as soon as she noticed him standing behind her "And interns shouldn't sit with attendings"

"Alright" he smiled smugly, directing his steps towards the table with the interns and leaving Meredith with her mouth slightly open in disbelief while the rest of the table tried to repress their laughter.

Derek made his way through the cafeteria and sat with her fellow interns for the day, smiling at all of them when they made room for him at the short end of the table.

"Derek right?" the African-American woman asked right away

"Yeah" he grinned, sitting across from her "You're...Henderson?"

"Jessica, yeah"

"Doesn't she scare you?" the other woman asked to her friend, nodding towards Meredith and ignoring Derek a little "The whole five rules thing, the mean face..."

"She scares me sometimes" Derek butted in, admitting the truth. Her ineffectual fists had been scary a couple of times in his lifetime and she had been even scarier now that hormones were in overdrive.

"You know some of the attendings?" one of the males piped up, intrigued.

"Sloan. We grew up together" he decided that he couldn't lie about that

"Must be cool"

"Yeah" he shook his head, grabbing a forkful of the salad and locking eyes with Meredith, adding with clear amusement "They still don't want me at their table though"

"So, what happened to your hand?" the man pointed at his protective sleeve

"An accident" he shrugged, sighing loudly.

"I heard some people here were in a plane crash, how crazy is that?" one of the women blurted in a gossipy voice, but he tuned it out, until he heard a distinctive "Dr. Shepherd?" being called out.

He looked up and met the eyes of one of his third year residents, holding a set of scans in a manila folder, clearly clueless that he was playing the intern for the day. "Yeah?" he forced out a smile in recognition.

"Can you take a look at these? I think there's a subdural hematoma" the guy said eagerly "It's small, but it's there"

It took Derek less than a minute to put the scan under the light and figure out that his resident was right. "Book an OR and ask Nelson to take this. Good catch" he smiled smugly, handing back the scans and watching as the other interns gawked at him.

"What was that?" the male asked in a slightly too high-pitched voice

"You're Derek Shepherd" the African-American stated, her eyes widening "Oh man"

All the other interns were gaping at him, finally cluing in and whispering between themselves.

"Yeah, I am Derek Shepherd." he admitted with a dazzling smile, pleased that these newbies knew him, "Your attending, Dr. Grey-Shepherd? That's my wife; that's why I know how scary she can be" he smiled smugly and they all swallowed thickly.

"You are playing the intern" one of them said meekly.

He sighed sadly. "As cute as my daughter is, I really can't stand being home anymore and she was getting bored of me as well"

He looked at Meredith and watched her frown as she looked at her pager. Their eyes met and he knew something wasn't right when she stood up and walked towards him.

"It's the daycare. Zola won't stop crying" she said simply, tears in her eyes as well. "Do you think it's my fault?" she asked in a whisper, trying not to be heard from the interns. "I should have said goodbye. It's her first full day back here, I should have -"

"Look, I'll bring her down, okay?" he interrupted her ramble "Wait for me here" he said simply, squeezing her hand before bolting upstairs to the daycare.

Zola was indeed wailing at the top of her lungs when he got there, hiccuping and sobbing like there was no tomorrow.

"Daddy's here" he reassured, taking her immediately in his arms but she kept wailing, hitting his chest and kicking the air with her little legs, full-on meltdown for a reason he still couldn't understand.

"Mama!" she cried out "Mama!"

"We're going to meet her downstairs baby, just a minute" he sighed in relief, knowing that the solution was simpler than expected.

Indeed, as soon as Zola spotted Meredith, she wailed even louder, but she also scrambled down from his hold to run straight to Meredith.

He watched as his wife lifted Zola up in his arms and cuddled her tightly to her chest in the middle of the cafeteria, nuzzling her nose into her hair as Zola did the same into the crook her neck.

Her wails disappeared into labored breaths right away.

"Mama is not abandoning you baby, Mama just had to work and you were asleep last night when Mama came home. This morning, you were sleeping too"

"Mama"

"I'm not going anywhere baby" she echoed, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

Zola locked her legs around Meredith's waist in a koala grip, making sure she was indeed staying for good and Derek had to smile when the slightest hint of a bump peeked out from the navy fabric. Despite how heartbreaking the whole scene had been, this moment right there was worth all the tears.

"You got used to us being always around, uh?" Derek kept smiling softly as he neared his two girls.

"I should have woken her up when I brought her in" Meredith mumbled between herself, folding her hands under Zola's bottom as the girl leaned her head on top of her chest and laid limply there, her arms encircling Meredith's neck.

"She just needs to get used to stay at the daycare all day again;" he smiled, trying to reassure her, running his hand on Zola's back soothingly "You two will be alright, I promise"

She locked eyes with him and some of her anxiety dissipated. She took a deep breath as Zola sniffled loudly one last time.

"Look how cute the two of you are" Derek commented out of the blue, adding a lopsided grin to the statement. Meredith shook her head in resignation: her husband could be such a sap.

"Let's get back to our food, shall we?" she suggested "Are you hungry too baby girl?" and Zola nodded weakly "You can come and sit with us Derek, Cristina was paged"

He laughed and she relaxed considerably as they walked back to her table to eat their lunch as a family.

* * *

**I wasn't overjoyed with this chapter, I need to figure out some things for this story's timeline, but I wanted to post before 2013 so well, here it was.**

**I wish you all readers a wonderful New Year, thank you for sticking with me all these months and you keep multiplying like flowers in fields when the winter ends. Thank you for the incredible support old readers, welcome to all the new ones, a virtual cookie for those who review. I'll never stop thanking you all, deal with it!**

**See you in January! ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

**So, I'm barely on time to update this on a Sunday. Real life got absurdly crazy, but this update is one I loved writing and I really wanted to share it with you. I will ramble more at the end, because this one needs a little ramble (if I can remain coherent enough after writing a 10-page paper) since there are a couple of things I want to comment on.**

**On a side note, if I had found this song before, this would have been the perfect soundtrack for the whole story. It's _A New Breeze_ by_ Marble Sounds _and I admit it, I found it through a car commercial. Can't remember the car, a Hyundai of some sort probably, but the song is good. Plus, here it probably fits better than in Chapter 1 or 2.**

_I can feel a new breeze  
That will ease our minds  
It's a different heartbeat  
And the timing feels right_

_Gonna feed this hunger_  
_Gonna quench my thirst_  
_Though I know indulgence_  
_It could make it much worse_

_We have talked it over_  
_Cause the prize ain't small_  
_But it will be worth it after all_

_We can cross the ocean_  
_Take it day by day_  
_We can stop our watches_  
_And we'll never be late_

_We can have a daughter_  
_We can have a son_  
_We don't know tomorrow_  
_But we'll do what seems right after all_

**Now, enjoy! And if you want the link for the song just ask!**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

* * *

"So, thank you for, you know, dragging me to this event" Mark sighed, as he and Derek sat on the couch at the house in the woods, Zola peacefully asleep on Derek's shoulder, the jacket of his suit draped over the armrest.

"I had to, Mark. Besides, we already have April babysitting for us"

"First sleepover for Sofia and Zola, even if they both got tired way too early" Mark chuckled, then he sobered up "This house is huge, I bet that pretty soon they'll have sleepovers once every two weeks" he snickered

"Worth every penny I put on it" Derek smiled, rubbing Zola's back evenly with his thumb staring for a second at the hand wrapped in the black wrist support and sighing.

"How's your hand, man?" Mark's eyes darted to the colored spot on his wrist, inquiring, wondering. Even if their bike rides kept them in shape, sometimes Derek still felt his wrist stiff or not perfectly okay, but Mark didn't need to know that. Nobody knew that and he felt like he could keep the secret a little bit longer. _Just a few more physical therapy sessions and it would go away_.

"I'm doing...wow" Derek chocked on his words, his jaw dropping open.

"Wow?" Mark's eyebrows rose up, then turned towards the point Derek was staring so intently at, the staircase, only to to see Meredith climbing down slowly, a bright smile on her face.

She was in a long charcoal dress, her cleavage accentuated by a golden necklace, the straps of the dress hiding half of her bare shoulders, covered by a silk scarf that matched her high heels. What stunned Derek more wasn't the fact that his wife was in an amazing dress and heels -which was awesome per se-, but the fact that her baby bump was clearly visible and all the people who weren't absolutely oblivious would notice it. A gentle, round swell that made Derek catch his breath.

Beneath the fabric of her dress, their little life was growing.

_Meredith, pregnant with his child_.

"Whoa" Mark's eyes widened as well.

Meredith smiled widely, the glow of her pregnancy multiplying as she finally reached the men and stole Zola from Derek's arms, kissing her forehead as the baby groaned, still sleeping.

"You're..." Derek mumbled, still stunned and unable to form a coherent thought, gesturing to her body aimlessly as he tried to utter at least a praise.

"Derek," she began, almost rolling her eyes "I can handle it"

He opened his mouth to reply, but she shut him with a soft, gentle smile.

"I know the odds, believe me, but please, let me enjoy this. We're having a baby, I'm in my second trimester, things could still go wrong, I'm aware, there's no day that I wake up and I wonder if this will be the last day I'd be pregnant, but I'm enjoying every second of it. I'm happy Derek and I want the world to know that we're happy" she commented in a single breath "If something happens, I can deal with the whispering and the pitying" she added "Can you?"

Derek simply stood up and pulled her in his arms, squishing Zola between them as he kissed her forehead, wondering when exactly she had become so confident "You're breathtaking" he smiled brightly then, infected by her happiness.

"I noticed. That's what I was going for" she smirked and Mark cleared his throat

"You kept it well hidden, uh?" Mark smiled "Congratulations" he added sincerely, standing up to pull both Meredith and Derek into quick hugs.

The doorbell rang and Derek excused himself, leaving Zola with Meredith, then he came back in the room with April on tow, whose jaw dropped as well.

"You're pregnant!" she shrieked, making Zola groan and shift a little into Meredith's arms.

"Are you sure it won't be bad to hear only this words for the entire night?" Derek smiled softly at Meredith.

"I don't think so" she smiled widely, then handed Zola back to Derek "Go, put her down then we'll leave." she kissed the top of the baby's head then whispered "Sleep tight Zo"

Derek obeyed silently, but not before stealing a quick kiss from her.

"How far along are you?" April wondered, recovering from the shock, her perkiness back in full force.

"Fifteen weeks" Meredith replied "I just couldn't keep it hidden any longer, I popped overnight" she giggled, her cheeks pinking up at her sudden, inappropriate giddiness.

Mark's face fell and the smile disappeared "That's..." he stammered "You were pregnant, that day"

Meredith swallowed thickly "I was" their eyes met and Meredith felt the need to add more "Lexie suggested me I could be, before leaving. She was right." Meredith said simply.

The subsequent silent, heavy stare was broken by Derek, who waltzed back in the room in his suit, a gentle grin spreading on his face but it disappeared when he noticed the hard atmosphere.

"Are we ready to go?"

Meredith turned to him and stepped closer, fixing up his tie, the collar of his shirt and the lapels of his suit with a smile, then she pushed away the rebel curl on his forehead and smiled softly.

"We can go"

Derek smiled to Mark who walked down the foyer before them while Meredith grabbed her purse.

"Thank you April for doing this" Meredith stopped, right outside the door "If anything happens just call and we'll be here right away"

"Don't worry; go, enjoy your night. I have no business being there anyway" she ushered them out and Derek led Meredith with a hand on the small of her back towards their car, where Mark already sat in the backseat.

"You can sit in the front, you know" Meredith stated questioningly, getting herself comfortable in the seat.

"If I wasn't third wheel enough" he finally smiled again "I'm only glad Callie and Arizona are bringing me home"

He was joking and Meredith smiled softly at him from the rear-view mirror.

This was their usual Mark. He had been different, since that fateful day, but he was recovering. They were all glad that his jokes, dirty or not, were again part of the everyday life at Seattle Grace. First and foremost because it meant that he was still at Seattle Grace.

For the rest of the ride they chatted about their respective daughters and the progresses the girls were making, steering away from their recent surgery since Mark had been on pretty light schedules and Derek's return was still a big, huge question mark, hovering over them. His wrist seemed to respond to the physical therapy, but the surgical dexterity he had before the accident seemed still a long shot. At least he could hold Zola and this for him, for the moment, was enough. Doing consults and managing interns and paperwork had to suffice.

The Archfield, the venue where the dinner for the interns' mixer was hosted, seemed full of life. For once, a hospital event was held outside the four walls of Seattle Grace and they all welcomed the change of scenery.

The party had been delayed a little this year, since the staff wasn't on full potential when the interns had arrived at Grace and Owen felt like it still wasn't time to party when some of the biggest names in his staff were recovering from a plane crash.

"Too bad there aren't exam rooms to sneak into" Derek whispered into Meredith's ear as soon as he helped her out of the car "As much as I love you in this dress, I think I'd love you more out of it" he grinned and she blushed, suddenly self conscious.

"Lovebirds, stop making gooey eyes at each other!" Mark immediately chastised them with a mischievous smirk so they just walked in together, hand in hand, Mark leading them in. A hint of longing appeared in Mark's eyes, only to disappear as soon as they entered in the hall.

They stopped a moment right outside the entrance of the ballroom, bright smiles on their faces, as Mark disappeared in the crowd and they looked at the people gathered there, spotting many familiar faces.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked, squeezing her hand and locking eyes with Meredith.

"As I'll ever be"

The moment they walked in, the chatters turned to whispers and most of the doctors and nurses turned towards them, a little stunned and in shock. The new interns were gawking, the older employees of Seattle Grace smiled enviously, knowing the whole story behind them.

"They're married?!" a new intern whispered a little too loudly to his friend right next to the entrance, making Meredith squeeze Derek's hand and look at him with an amused sideways glance as he grinned back.

"Henderson said so. Lucky bastard" the friend replied

"She looks pregnant too. Right?"

"Yeah. Not from long though. I bet this kid will hold a scalpel before he or she can hold a bottle. I'd kill to have both Grey and Shepherd's genes, man" he shook his head, sighing dramatically and Meredith grinned.

"You're legacy-worthy too now, Dr. Shepherd" Meredith whispered into Derek's ear and he smirked at her "Weird, uh?"

Before he could reply, a body stopped their walk towards their assigned table.

"Whoa!" Cristina's voice was the first one to tower above the chats and Meredith grinned towards her as her eyes kept casting low on her stomach "Are you aware of the dress you have on?"

"Yep" Meredith replied, squeezing Derek's hand "It's time, Cristina"

"Wow. You're badass" she shook her head, staring at Meredith for a beat, almost if she was checking how sure she indeed was, then she turned again into her best self, holding up her empty champagne flute "I need alcohol. Organizing parties is definitely better done here than in Minnesota"

When Cristina disappeared they turned to each other with bright smiles, waiting for the swarm of people to engulf them.

"Congratulations are in order" Richard's voice reached them and they turned towards him.

"Thank you Richard. We were just waiting for the right moment to show it off" Derek grinned proudly, his good hand resting now on Meredith's lower back.

"I wish all the best to you two." he broke out in a genuine smile that Derek reciprocated gladly.

"Thank you Dr. Webber" Meredith said simply, her hand moving automatically to her stomach, now that she could actually do it without any second thought or immediate worry that the nurses would find out.

Just like Mark, all their closest friends came and congratulated with them, since only three or four people knew about this beforehand. Bailey sent them a distance toast with her long drink. Callie and Arizona planned some more play-dates with Zola and the new baby. Even strangers or people they had worked with barely a bunch of times seemed to have become best buddies and they were gushing and asking inappropriate questions.

Meredith kept smiling brightly and fighting every possible speculation on her sterility and mean statements strangers barely even realized they were making. She stood -or sat, or ate- through all of them bravely and smiling at each one of them, her joy palpable.

Derek barely left her side through the whole thing, his cheeks hurting from all the smiling, but he guessed that this would have happened at some point, even without getting married in a big church or displaying affections at work. He was pretty okay with the whole being in the spotlight thing though, he was used to it, being born in such a big family like the Shepherds.

Meredith sighed loudly at some point in the night, when the flow of gossiping people began to ebb away; leaning with her head against Derek's shoulder and sitting at one of the tables still set up for the already consumed dinner, they savored the first moment of real quiet.

Derek put an arm around her and rested his hand on her hip and for five long minutes they just watched their colleagues dance and chat away the night, enjoying each other's silent presence.

"Do you want to dance?" he grinned then, hearing a slow tune coming up and disrupting the silent balance between them.

Meredith turned towards him amused, her eyes twinkling, raising her eyebrow "Are you serious? You don't dance. Like I don't cook" she grinned

"Do you want to sway with me like we're back in sixth grade, then?"

She tilted her head and looked at him with amusement "Okay" she replied, standing up, then holding out her hand to him. "I guess swaying is like grilled cheese"

"More or less" Derek grinned, as they stood near the border of the makeshift dancefloor, his functional hand grasping Meredith's tightly as he rested his supported wrist on her lower back "I can't even feel you up properly" he sighed in disappointment

"It's a shame, I was looking forward to it" she grinned, then she leaned closer to him, their cheeks touching as he began moving slowly with the music, bringing her along. Her stomach brushed his lower abdomen gently, depending on the way she turned, and he was feeling all sorts of emotions as he held her in his arms.

"You're amazing. You're always been amazing but..." he trailed off "Can I keep you pregnant forever?" he chuckled and she squeezed him tightly.

"Let's enjoy this one time as our last" she sighed, the smile fading a little from her rosy lips while her voice became smaller; he bit his tongue at the slip up. "It works for me, to enjoy every second"

"We can work like that" he nodded, his fingers, barely peeking from the cast, drawing small circles on her lower back as he breathed in the sweet smell of lavender from her perfectly styled hair.

"Oh, that's the spot" she almost purred in his ear and he squirmed awkwardly. She pulled away from him a little and saw him blushing ever so slightly "Derek!" she giggled, chastising him with a look "That spot had been bugging me from the moment I woke up this morning, don't think dirty every single time!"

"Do you want me to give you a massage before we go to sleep?" he recovered immediately, clearing his throat and smirking.

She smiled at his save, leaning her chin back on his shoulder then she mumbled "I would love to. I'm feeling all achey lately"

"Achey?" he smiled amused at her choice of words. Her vocabulary never ceased to surprise him.

"You know, like everything aches. Achey" she sighed and he tilted his head back to look at her in the eyes, the lingering amusement turning into slight concern.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I'm gonna enjoy every single second of being achey. Labor will be a walk in the park" she grinned and he chuckled. "Do you think we should call up Addison for a consult?"

"Why?" he wondered "She's an amazing doctor, but you're feeling fine. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, of course, just...never mind" she sighed, her gaze darting to the crowd dancing around them.

"What is it?" he forced her to meet his eyes.

"I sort of..." she hesitated, biting her lip "I want to give birth at home"

"At home?" he echoed, frowning and searching the truth into her eyes

"It will be a wonderful memory." she stated, testing the waters, then took a deep breath before continuing as he stared at her blankly "I have horrible memories at Grace. Good ones, but even horrible ones. We both almost died there. I was technically dead for hours in a trauma room; you were fake dead for a very long minute, -" she rambled "The point is, home is not tainted. If there's even a slight risk I wouldn't suggest it, though. That's why I wanted an expert option. Maybe she even knows a great midwife to help me out"

Derek stared at her in astonishment and wondered for how long she had wanted this or how often she had dwelt on the circumstances of giving birth, how excited she actually was, despite not showing it fully. Surely, it was the first time she talked about the fact that she will have a baby to give birth to with certainty and not a well hidden hope.

"I understand if you're not comfortable with it" she added, noticing his hesitation.

"No, it's not that, I was just caught off guard. It would be amazing, you're right. We'll figure out something, let's think about that tomorrow though"

"Yeah" she sighed, snuggling back into his embrace as he grinned, amazed by the nuances of his wife's personality. "Do you think Zola is okay?" she asked, exposing another shade of her that for so long had been hidden.

"She sleeps like a log, she'll be fine" he reassured her and this motherly side of his Meredith never ceased to surprise him, no matter how many times it came out.

"That's the hormonal, tired me talking. My head is buzzing" she giggled "I didn't know announcing a pregnancy was going to be so exhausting; we know way too many people here" she smiled and he pulled her tighter against his chest, enjoying the closeness of their bubble, her stomach fitting perfectly between them.

"When you have enough of all this, just say a word and I'll whisk you away" he smiled against her lips and she grinned back

"My knight in shining whatever"

"I am" he felt his love swell in his chest at her trust.

"And I finally gave in to that" she replied, her smile fading for a second to underline the solemnity of her admission, then it reappeared brightly. "Kenneth and I are grateful you are here"

"It's a boy tonight, uh?"

"This morning I was so sure it was a girl I wanted to look up paint chips for the nursery" she giggled.

Derek chuckled subtly as Meredith rested her chin on his firm shoulder and looked around at the people in the room, finally happy.

Well-known attendings were dancing with their dates, chatting silently, making new friends as the interns grouped together and sometimes interrupted them eagerly. Even Mark, despite being alone, seemed to be fine, chatting with one of his fellows. Nobody seemed to bother them anymore, the shock probably had worn off, and Meredith was grateful for the bubble and the time away they got to spend just being Meredith and Derek. She frowned a little when she noticed Cristina come back in the room with her hair in disarray and her dress a little wrinkled. She smirked at the realization then, snorting back a laugh.

"What is it?" Derek mumbled, sensing her amusement

"Our Chief of Surgery probably had just gotten some in the restrooms" she giggled, their eyes meeting as Owen appeared in the room with a crooked tie.

"Is this a hint for me?" Derek grinned back, his irises sparkling

"Maybe. Even though I trust our bathroom more, no matter how many stars this hotel has" she smirked "And I want my massage first"

He hummed in response, his lips curling up in a smile before he kissed her lovingly, barely enough to get her a little flustered.

She resettled against his chest a little short of breath as he kept swaying her body and caressing her back. She didn't mind that lately he had been treating her like a prize or something made of glass, because in a way, she felt like it. She missed a little their sweaty, headboard-banging nights, but this new kind of intimacy had worked. Tonight she -and her hormones- wanted the sweaty, celebratory kind though and she knew a way or two to get it.

"I told April we'd stay at the trailer tonight"

"Mer, we have a giant house right behind it" he smirked

"With soundproofed walls, I know. I just want to be with you and only you. I know you kept the trailer for storage, but..."

"I get it" he interrupted her, suddenly aware "No interruptions of any kind"

She leaned closer to his ear and whispered "And I don't think the things I'll be screaming tonight are going to be soundproofed enough"

His body tensed under her soft touch and his breath stopped "Oh"

"Exactly" she purred, then resettled into his arms, this time she was the one to lead the swaying because he looked shell-shocked. His eyes were dark and she knew she had done her job right this time.

"Meredith! I need to talk to you" a slightly panicked Cristina interrupted their moment, making her sigh and Derek repress a groan.

"Hey Cristina" she nodded awkwardly

"Can you untangle from McDreamy for a second?" her voice was needy and Derek understood immediately that their steamy, shout-y plans at the trailer had to be postponed a little. He chuckled at the fact that for Cristina he was still McDreamy and loosened his hold on Meredith reluctantly.

"Come and find me when you want to leave" he winked "I'll be at our table"

His lips found hers for a quick kiss and she sighed, wondering how could he know her so well. His warm body slipping away left her a little cold and bereft, but she knew Cristina needed her.

They exited the ballroom and found a seat on a puffy, richly decorated bench in a secluded corner of the hotel.

"What is it, Cristina?" Meredith asked, a little annoyed.

"I came back from Minnesota. I came back" she began, puzzling Meredith.

"It's good, right? It must be good because I saw your sex hair" Meredith grinned, but it faded when she noticed the grimace on Cristina's face.

"We never talked about it we just..."

"Have sex?"

"Yeah"

"Stand-on-my-head sex?" Meredith recalled a past conversation that made Cristina smile a little

"Almost better. I just can't keep my hands off him. I start talking and I just..."

"Dissolve in a pile of goo?" Meredith smiled and sighed poignantly, throwing a look at a smirking Derek sitting with his legs crossed one over the other and watching her "I can relate. They are _that_ good"

"It's wrong, right?"

"It's not. But you have to talk about everything that happened. From the beginning"

"All together?" Cristina's eyes widened in panic.

"One topic each conversation. Start off easy, work around it. That's what I do with Derek"

"How can you do that and keep your hands for yourself?" Cristina sighed

Meredith thought for a moment, then smirked knowingly "Bask in the orgasmic glow"

"What?" Cristina's eyes widened at the cryptic answer, amusement shining there

"When your brain starts functioning again, start talking. It will be dark and he will be sated, holding you. Words will simply pop out"

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Then you get another round of make up sex" Meredith smirked, sighing, her hand resting on her stomach as she watched Cristina struggle with her emotions.

"I can't believe he dragged me in a bathroom stall for sex at his own fancy gala" she mumbled.

"Maybe that will get me screaming orgasms tonight" Meredith smirked

"Oh I didn't need to know that, bad images!" Cristina closed her eyes mockingly

"I'm sorry" Meredith sighed, longing "It's just...Derek is always touching me like I'm gonna break. I mean, even when he kisses me..."

"He's scared out of his mind"

"I know. I am too. All the time. And I love his devotion. I think I've never been more in love with him, but hormones are having the better of me tonight" she admitted, blushing. "I'm surprised I wasn't the one who dragged him in a bathroom stall" the two of them laughed and relaxed.

"I'm glad I didn't move to Minnesota permanently" Cristina stated "I would have missed this"

"And the sex" Meredith laughed, then wondered "How did you go from coexisting to stand-on-my-head sex anyway?"

"We had a screaming match, then we cracked" Cristina grinned "Go to McDreamy and let him sex you up, he'll be glad to oblige"

"Or then I'll take the lead" Meredith smirked and stood up, smoothing down the wrinkles on her dress.

"You know, you make a nice pregnant lady" Cristina noted, tilting her head a little and smiling at Meredith with pure honesty in her eyes.

"Derek said he'd keep me pregnant forever" Meredith sighed loudly, running a hand on her new-found swell.

"I bet that he'll try to make you pop out a few more little Shepherds in a couple of years"

"If I can pop out more"

"Wait, you'd want more?" Cristina looked a little taken aback

"Maybe. But not sure I will be able to. Two is a good number"

Cristina looked at her still a little puzzled, but then smirked "He poisoned you"

"It's his DNA inside me fuzzing my clarity" Meredith brushed it off with a wave of her hand.

"Go, relive the moment this baby was made" Cristina shoved her a little, making Meredith sway on her heels.

"You'll be okay?"

"I'll be okay" Cristina replied simply and Meredith wanted in all honesty to believe her.

* * *

**First issue to address here: Derek's hand. I know, I've been hiding this storyline like a dog with his favorite bone (just to quote Mama Shep) but I need to keep it on the down-low as we get to different issues, namely Cristina and Owen -that I plan on resolving as the story progresses- and Meredith and her home birth. **

**I know it probably sounds OOC of Meredith, but this is simply a plan she has, she had her reasons to ask Derek this and if you think the results are going to be horrible, just say the word. Then again, you are not 100% sure she is actually going to be able to give birth at home ;) **

**Similarly, I think announcing the pregnancy publicly is a step further that feels like they have lifted a burden from their shoulders, so I wanted the whole world to know. Plus, Derek is in a suit, Meredith in a pretty dress and there's slow dancing and teasing, it needed to be done, right?**

**Again, just speak up if the direction I'm taking is not one you want me to pursue. Oh and if this whole ramble is not coherent just blame the paper I have been writing. The only perk of that thing was that there was Richard Castle involved. **

**I have no idea where I will be next Sunday, but stay on the lookout for an update! **

**Thank you for stopping by, reading and reviewing! You people are the cherry on top of a long day!**


	20. Chapter 20

** I would have updated sooner if I didn't get a wonderful idea for a bridge chapter in between all my banked ones and I didn't have 3 exams in the span of 3 days. I have another one tomorrow, but I pretend that it doesn't exist. It's snowing, they might cancel the whole thing (not.)**

**So, I've been AWOL because of university and I probably won't update on Sunday next, but there will be updates as soon as this hellish days of exams are over. I have another round in February but we can pretend they don't exist either yet.**

**Thank you for coming back after this brief hiatus, for replying to my questions in the last chapter's AN and for just being you, awesome readers as usual.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

* * *

Their bed in the middle of nowhere was a cocoon Meredith had no desire to escape from. She groaned a little, burying herself deeper into Derek's embrace.

Shy sunlight filtered from the ceiling window they had opened in the middle of the night to see the stars. Stars were one of the reasons she loved the land, that window why the trailer was the perfect place to stay warm and cozy while enjoying them.

"Hey" Derek mumbled sleepily, kissing her bare shoulder, his stubble deliciously tickling her.

"Sleep" she sighed, wishing that life could stay away a little longer and the trailer could be their secret hideout.

"Our shifts start at twelve" he grinned, his lips leaving a moist trail up under her ear as he spoke every word "It's barely eight"

"No late nights ever again" she smiled and rolled to face him

"Didn't look like you were complaining last night" he smirked, their eyes sparkling in the morning light.

Right in that moment, it seemed like yesterday he brought her in that same place for the first time, speaking about nameless sisters and families and favorite things. Yet the sisters had names and faces, the favorite things were such a long list she could barely put them all on paper and, as they pressed their bodies close, a gentle pouch where their baby was rested solidly between them.

"Good morning" she said simply, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

"Hey" he echoed, pulling her in for a soft kiss, his hand lowering on her stomach to rub her skin in a few round circles.

"We told people" she stated simply, joining hands with him.

His smile could lit up a room. "Yeah" he kissed her again "Are you okay with it?"

"I guess" she shrugged, still looking deeply into his eyes

"Are you sure?"

She blushed a little "Maybe that whole home birth thing is a bit stupid"

"Why?" he questioned, his eyes curious and sincere

"Seattle Grace has actual medical equipment, in case something goes wrong. Incubators, surgical teams, an OR!" she rambled "The point is that doing it at home is a gamble. What if -"

"Mere, let's think about one thing at a time, alright?"

"Okay" she sighed, letting her eyes fall shut for a moment as Derek kissed her nose.

"Both points you made, last night and this morning, are valid" he continued

"So?"

"Things can go wrong even when you plan everything"

"Derek, my sorta-step-mother died for the hiccups, do you really want to go there?" she cocked up her eyebrow and he smiled awkwardly.

"Sorry," he grinned and she was the one kissing him then "You are the one doing all the work here, as much as I'd like to share the burden, I really can't. You can pick up the phone and call a midwife or Addison or whoever you want and go for a hospital birth anyway in the end. There's time to evaluate every option on the plate" he said and she sighed.

"Yeah?"

"Of course" he grinned and she snuggled closer to him.

"It's just..." she took a deep breath and rolled them over, so that her cheek rested on his bare chest as her fingers traced his bicep. "Home is ours. We planned it. We dreamed about it. We picked up every single thing in it. Your fingerprints are on the cement keeping together our outer wall. Zola has height marks on the doorjamb, -"

"I get it; really, I do."

Her eyes widened, genuinely surprised "You do?"

"I do"

They let their even breaths fill the silence for a moment.

"I want to have a natural birth either way, no drugs"

His hold on her tightened slightly "I'll be there every second" he nodded, dropping a kiss on her hair, his hand moving low to rest across her hip, fingertips brushing her bulging skin.

"Even if I'll call you names or I will want to murder you?"

"Especially so. It will be an amazing story to tell our children" he smiled wistfully.

Silence fell in the trailer as the birds chirped outside and they kept grinning.

"You know, the first time you brought me here I had a hard time believing that I was falling in love with you" Meredith admitted "Izzie called me on it and I buried my frustration in her chocolate cake"

"Hm" he let out his characteristic, smug hum that somehow could make Meredith either smile widely or glare at him "I was already a goner" he admitted, his eyes sparkling as she looked up, their hands joining in a perfect fit "It must have been the ineffectual fists"

"Maybe" she giggled as he kissed her knuckles

"I thought you'd bolt away when you saw that I lived in a trailer" he confessed

"Why? I loved this place right from the start"

"I had a two-million-dollar contract, Mere. I know you expected more"

"I wasn't expecting anything. I never went to boyfriends' houses and if I did get to a man's place I was too drunk to care where we were anyway" she admitted, biting her lip "I loved it here from the first time. I could see myself living in this place"

"I had no idea why I bought it at first, but it felt right being there. It was fresh and quiet and...new"

"It won't be quiet for long" she grinned "I envision epic fights over who gets to slide first or whose bike rides faster"

"I can't wait" he said dreamily, his eyes closing for a second, almost as if he was savoring the moment as well.

She kissed his collarbone and let their skins warm one another, the birds still chirping as the clouds dissipated slowly and let the sun peek through.

"That night," she said, her mind back on that first visit once again "You also said that you don't dance in public but you do" she continued playfully "It seemed like a deal-breaker"

"I dance when the dance is slow and I have a woman to woo" he grinned "Seems like you fall for my dancing every time"

She swatted him playfully and he chuckled, his amusement rippling through his whole body and making Meredith feel his happiness on her skin.

"My parents met at their prom." he began, his voice getting a velvety quality that always made Meredith fall in love with him a little bit more "They just got in the room with their dates and their eyes met. Neither of them could pull away" he sighed "They spent the rest of the night staring at each other, then my dad simply ditched his girlfriend for the night and walked my mother home" his fingers rubbed Meredith's wrist then "She still has their mismatched corsages on display on the mantel"

Meredith pulled him a little closer, savoring the moment when he peeled off yet another layer from his childhood memories and shared them with her. The way his eyes changed into a dull happiness as he mentioned his father was something she always enjoyed to experience.

Derek sighed reluctantly "We should go back"

"I know" she grinned, snuggling as closer as she could.

"Shit" he mumbled under his breath "I forgot to take sweats for us to go back"

Meredith giggled then "Walk of shame, uh?"

"Or, you'll wear my shirt, I put my slacks back on and we run upstairs half-naked without being noticed" he grinned then

"You can't be serious" she smiled smugly and he smirked devilishly

He quickly rolled away from her and put on his boxers; before she could even process what was going on she was floating mid-air.

"Derek!" she shrieked, amused and terrified "Put me down!"

"As you wish" he gently put her back on the rumpled sheets. He opened a drawer and pulled out two sets of worn-down clothes, then knelt in front of her. "You are gorgeous" he whispered, almost like a secret, handing her the garments.

She still blushed crimson whenever he said something like that out of the blue.

She hid in the process of dressing up and he was still kneeling in front of her when she was done, smiling like before; she immediately had an idea on how to get back at him.

"I might be gorgeous," she grinned, using air quotes for the adjective "But you are ticklish" she finished mischievously, her fingers sneaking at his sides and making him squirm.

He was quick to defend himself and tickle her until she cried uncle, their eyes misty with happy tears as they faced each other on the bed again, identical smirks on their faces as they tried to come down from their last laugh, a giggle or a chuckle here and there still escaping them.

"Don't tickle me anymore or I'll pee" she giggled

"Sorry" he promised with a grin, kissing her quickly.

"We should really go" she smiled softly, lifting herself up from the warm sheets and sitting Indian style in front of him.

"Hm" he smiled dreamily, simply watching her.

Her smile then became even softer, fleeting, uncertain "You lifted me" she said then.

"Yeah?" he frowned "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, -"

"You couldn't lift me a few weeks ago"

"Oh" he blinked, watching as her smile lit up her face. He should probably say something more, something about what Callie had said, but he couldn't, because Meredith was happy and warm and gorgeous in front of him and he couldn't ruin such a special morning.

Luckily for him she dropped the issue and sat at the edge of the bed, turning around with a twinkling smirk and asking "Do you mind making french toast?"

"For you or for Kenneth?" he cocked his head amused.

"Me" she grinned back "But Olivia wants her share"

"We have to feed Olivia then" he stood up again and moved to Meredith's side, helping her up.

They gathered their clothes and made a quick dash to their front door as the morning mist seeped through the cotton fabric of their sweats as soon as they had gotten out.

As soon as the front door was open, April was standing there with an upset Zola in her arms, her fists rubbing the tears away from her puffy eyes.

"Oh Lovebug" Meredith sighed, "Bad morning already uh?" she commented, climbing up the stairs to gather the crying girl from April's arms and soothe her with gentle, hushed words while they strolled to the kitchen together.

"Dada is gonna make french toast" Derek heard Meredith whisper to Zola as the two of them swayed in the middle of the room in a close embrace, without music, waiting for him while he walked through the door. "Do you want to say hi to Daddy?"

"Hi" Zola mumbled, holding out her hands to Derek and they switched hold.

"Hey there" Derek cooed, stamping a loving kiss on top of her head "Oh, no more tears," he smiled sadly at Zola's broken expression "You should have seen how gorgeous Mama looked in her dress. The whole hospital was looking at her while she danced last night"

"Pwinses?" Zola mumbled, her sadness replaced by a soft glint in her eyes

"Better than a princess" he grinned, then whispered into Zola's ear "Because she's real and she's your Mama" he looked up at Meredith and saw her look away, her cheeks tomato-colored.

"Mama pwetty!" Zola grinned and nodded, her tears forgotten as she rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"She really is" he smiled like Meredith was his whole world and she felt her knees wobble.

"Mama is hungry, that she is" she brushed it off with a smile, tickling their little girl. "Do you wanna see Daddy cook french toast or read a book with Mama?"

"'ook!" Zola's face lit up.

"I'll holler when it's ready" Derek grinned, just then noticing April standing awkwardly at the door, fidgeting with her hands. "You can stay for breakfast, April. French toast" he smiled softly.

"Oh. Really?" her eyes widened

"It's the least we could do for the night shift" Meredith smiled thankfully, then disappeared in the living room.

"I'm sorry for this morning, we thought she was still asleep" Derek said with an apologetic grin, taking out a pan and preparing all the things he needed.

"She had just woken up, no big deal" she shrugged "She slept through the night, really"

"Good" he sighed, as he began to mix up the ingredients.

"Didn't know you liked to cook, Dr. Shepherd" she asked casually, just to make conversation.

"Four sisters, I was bound to learn how to cook. My mother's recipes are fabulous"

"I always gain two pounds at the least when I get home for the holidays or some gathering" April grinned, then the conversation awkwardly died out.

Derek hummed a tune by The Clash as he worked, his smile unmovable from his face, while April silently sat the table and he simply guided her to find the stuff to set up the table.

"I'll go call up Meredith" he said when the last french toast was in the pan

"I'll keep an eye on things"

He walked silently in the living room and watched as Meredith turned a page of the book in her hands and looked at Zola.

"'Do you know who I am?' she said to her baby" she read out loud, her voice soft and gentle as she changed pitch with every character "'Of course I know' said the baby bird 'You're not a kitten, you're not a hen, you're not a dog, you're not a cow, you're not a boat, a plane or a snort'"

"Mama!" Zola shrieked delighted

"Oh yes, it's the baby bird's mama" Meredith grinned, pointing at the page "And I am your Mama and I love you so much, Zo"

Zola scrambled on her lap and pulled Meredith in a hug and a sloppy kiss; Derek could see tiny tears in his wife's eyes.

"Breakfast is ready" he mouthed and Meredith simply nodded, her hands pulling Zola even closer.

"You lost your Mama like the baby bird but see, the both of you found her again"

"Luv Mama"

"Love you too baby girl, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon" they snuggled in their embrace, then Meredith stood up and put her hands under Zola's bottom to carry her "C'mon, Daddy made breakfast"

"Bekfast!" Zola shrieked delighted and Meredith let her run to the kitchen, putting away the book they had just finished.

Zola was already seated and waiting patiently for her french toast as Meredith sat next to April, while Derek delivered their orders.

They ate in a comfortable silence, deciding to spend the morning with Zola together, since they both were off, taking a stroll on their land, maybe go down to the stream and watch Derek fish for a few hours.

April bid them goodbye after the breakfast and they remained alone in the house. Derek dressed up Zola properly for the walk while Meredith took care of the dishes.

It wasn't long before they were seated at the stream in beach chairs, Zola playing with grass and rocks in her ladybug-shaped, candy-colored wellington boots. She definitely was a princess in disguise.

"You don't mind that her fishing pole is pink, right?" Derek grinned as he stood up to prepare the gear for him and Zola.

"I'm getting used to the pink" she admitted, grinning smugly and watching amused as Derek handled the flashy fishing pole with ease. "At least it's not glittering or sparkling or -"

"I get it!" he smiled widely then called out "Zo, come here"

The little girl looked up for a second of recognition, then she was back being busy with the fallen leaves and the floating sticks in the stream.

"Daddy has a present for you" Meredith called out for her again and her eyes looked up again, this time with much more interest. "See, it's all a matter of phrasing the right thing" she whispered to Derek who chuckled.

"Come and see this" he encouraged and Zola promptly ran to him.

"Pin'!" she grinned, looking at the fishing pole Derek had on display in his big hands.

"Oh yes, it's very pink so you can fish like Daddy, but in style" he smiled and watched as she grabbed it gently and studied the item.

"Uh?" she frowned

"I'll show you how it works" Derek said beaming, holding out a hand for Zola as the two of them stood in front of the stream and Derek explained the basic principles of fishing to Zola, the little girl getting excited by the new experience.

"I'm gonna call Addison while the two of you are busy" Meredith called out to them, Derek barely nodded before he was busy again with Zola as she cast her first line ever.

The phone went on for three rings before a "Dr. Montgomery speaking" could be heard.

"Hello, it's Meredith" she said awkwardly "Meredith Grey"

"Oh, hi Meredith" Addison's voice was clearly surprised "How are you doing? Is Derek okay?" she asked quickly, clearly a little worried.

"Yeah, Derek is fine. Perfectly okay. Fishing with Zola actually, overload of cuteness" she rambled

"Good" she sighed in relief and Meredith understood why: when she called, usually Derek was half dead; she had a reason to be worried when she called.

"I would like your doctor's opinion" Meredith breathed out "Home birth versus hospital birth" she blurted "This patient of mine is driving me crazy with this question and, -"

"I'm sure you know the risks of a home birth and that you have explained them to this...patient" Addison began, a hint of recognition in her voice

"Yeah"

"But I can assure you that with a trusted midwife your patient has nothing to worry about. I think when it comes to natural births some of them are more competent than I am in that field"

"So she should find a midwife"

"I remember a couple of names of midwives I worked with back in the day in Seattle, I can e-mail you a list so you can forward it to this patient"

"Great!" Meredith actually smiled "Personally, would you go for a home birth?"

"Maybe, if I had a smooth pregnancy and a good support system at home, but I'd probably be inclined to do it in the hospital anyway. But that's just me"

"Alright, I'm sorry to have bothered you for such a trivial question"

"Don't worry!" Addison replied, a smile clear in her voice.

"Have a good day, then"

"Meredith?"

"Yeah" she breathed out hesitantly

"How far along are you now?"

"I...uh...right" Meredith mumbled a curse under her lips when she remembered that Addison knew about her pregnancy and she had been the first one she had told in the first place "Fifteen weeks" she mumbled, then groaned "Is the patient excuse so obvious?"

"Most of the time, yes" Addison giggled "You know you can call me anytime when you have questions, right?"

"It's just...awkward"

"Yeah, a little. I'm still open for consults, though"

"Good"

"I'll send you the midwives' names in Derek's e-mail later today then"

"Thank you, it means a lot that they have your approval, I was about to go in blind to ask for information" Meredith breathed out in relief.

"You can pick properly, don't worry!"

They exchanged a few more greeting words then they hung up.

Meredith focused back on Derek and Zola still standing immovable at the edge of the water, perfect like in a commercial picture. And they were her family.

Her hand drifted to her stomach automatically.

It wasn't long before grass and tadpoles became more interesting than a non-biting trout so Derek packed their stuff before a single fish was caught. He kept an eye on Zola as she tried to grab the wriggling amphibious creatures in the water and splashed water all around in delight while stomping on the muddy puddles isolated by the edge, where falling leaves gathered and became a soft spot to land on.

Meredith felt a little like an intruder in this dad-daughter bonding time, but she loved to watch his favorite people together.

Her day couldn't get any better as Derek grinned like a little boy and Zola shrieked in delight in the middle of the forest of firs and yellowing trees, the stream a lull in the background while she sat and watched.

They kept being surrounded by nature even when they rode with a ferry to the hospital, Zola eagerly pointing out every bird in the sky as they passed them by. She loved to explore, to squat in the mud and simply touch things with her hands and Derek seemed even more excited than her to explain everything from a scientific point of view. Clearly, their adoration for each other was mutual. Zola liked being a girl, playing with dolls and tea parties and dress up just as much as she loved running in the yard and building complex forts with her blocks.

She was the child Meredith had dreamed to have and sometimes she was still scared shitless that she could mess her up for life.

Meredith felt a tug on her trousers and looked down to see a wide-eyed Zola trying to get her attention.

"Fishies!" she pointed at the endless ocean excited.

"Yes, there are fishes in the water, you're right. There can be whales too, sometimes" Meredith said with a matching amazement "Do you remember the whale we saw in the book?"

Zola nodded emphatically "Big!"

"They're very very big, you're right." she grinned "We should pay a visit to the aquarium soon" Meredith looked at Derek, who nodded

"We'll try to squeeze in a visit in our busy schedules" he winked "So we can see the penguins and the otters"

"Pwetty!" Zola giggled happily as Meredith let her laugh lull her like the waves.

When she turned again to look at Derek, Zola was in his arms, her legs wrapped around him as he pointed out the main sights of Seattle and she looked at him ecstatic, his every gesture registered and filed away in her ever-developing brain. They fascinated her, together like this.

"And the docks there," Derek grinned smugly "Is where I watched the sunset and the sunrise for the first time with your Mama"

"Derek!" she turned to him sternly when she registered how many more inappropriate things he could have pointed out to Zola.

"She hasn't let me kiss her on top of the Space Needle yet but if you cooperate with me we can try to fix that"

"Goof!" Meredith swatted him lightly and Zola giggled, probably simply from the contagious happiness her parents were radiating.

"Sun" Zola nodded, pointing at the sky, yet gray again.

"It's behind all those clouds, ZoZo. Seattle is not a good city to see the sun, but it has ferryboats so I think it's a good compromise" Derek smirked and Zola leaned against his shoulder simply watching the scenery pass by.

"Do you want to have lunch together in my office?" Derek asked Meredith, still with a smile on his face.

"I have a couple of consults scheduled but yeah, no surgery until three"

"Good. It's a date" he smirked and she shook her head, her eyes sparkling in amusement.

The ferry docked and their blissful moment was replaced by a traffic jam to get through, finding a parking spot, dropping off Zola, changing and starting their actual workday all in a span of an hour. It was refreshing for the both of them when they were sitting face to face in Derek's office in lonely bliss once again during lunch.

Meredith handed Derek his salad wordlessly as he dropped his pen on the folder he was working on and smiled at her.

"So, I had a mail from Addison addressed to you" he grinned and watched as she swallowed her bite of sandwich.

"Yeah, I was supposed to tell you about it" she blushed a little

"I actually bothered to look into a couple of names but the one Addison suggested on top of the list seems pretty good to me" he turned the screen to her

"You looked." she frowned "Into midwives' websites"

"Yeah?" his eyes widened "Anyways, this Gladys...Jenna and the other one, Westhill, Nora Westhill, they look promising"

Meredith scrolled through both websites and studied them for a moment "You think they're the best? 'Cause I kinda like this Westhill" she shrugged "She's got all kinds of birth plans as well" she clicked a couple of links "See, natural birth at a birth center, home birth, water birth," she listed

"Less painful, I like this one" he butted in

"Derek, we're not picking a wardrobe" Meredith frowned

"I know"

"You said the same thing when you wanted to buy that hideous mustard couch" she snickered, then her voice changed to mock his "'I like this one'"

"Meredith, -" he widened his eyes, helplessly.

"Do you even care about it? 'Cause if you don't I can just have a c-section and spare you the waiting"

Derek's heart broke a little when she saw her eyes brim with tears, like she actually believed her words "Mere, I care about the color you want our baby to be wrapped in as you see him or her for the first time. I care about the music you want to be played, if you want music, the books I can read you while we are waiting and you need to take off your mind from the contractions. I care about everything from the biggest details down to the most insignificant ones, as long as they matter to you."

One of the tears marked a path down Meredith's cheek as she took a shaky breath.

"If you think Nora Westhill is a good choice, we'll call her. If she's a crappy midwife for you we'll call Gladys and if you don't like her either we'll go through the whole list. If there's not a midwife you like in Seattle we can go to Spokane or Tacoma or if your favorite one is in Canada or Australia we can have the baby there or fly her here -"

"Derek" she interrupted him in a whisper

"What is it, Mer?" he smiled gently as she finally looked up to meet his eyes

"I'm sorry I was being unreasonable. I know you care about our baby's birth" she flicked away quickly a tear from her eyes and Derek simply stood up from his chair and sat in the empty seat next to her.

"You can be pushy when things matter"

"I'm still sorry"

"I know" he smiled dreamily and kissed her quickly, then pecked her forehead as well while they locked hands. "Do you want to call her right now?"

Meredith's eyes sparkled at the request and he simply handed her the phone.

He watched as she carefully began a conversation, then she gradually relaxed as the two women discussed, planned, set up appointments, drew possible outcomes and every possible detail that for Meredith seemed to matter. He could catch a few words of the warm, rich voice through the speaker, but he felt like Meredith was already trusting the woman implicitly. He stared mesmerized at Meredith's waving hands, her smile, her twinkling eyes and grinned when she suddenly turned to him and shook him out of the reverie, handing him his phone.

"We have an appointment with the midwife" she announced and in a second, he wanted like never before to see Meredith give birth to their child.

* * *

**So, a few things I need to set straight.**

**- The book Meredith and Zola are reading is _Are You My Mother?_ and I found it as I was revising Spanish in a Spanish translation on YouTube (I know, right?). It fit in this scene so perfectly I was almost in tears.**

**- The memories Derek shared about his parents has been borrowed from Private Practice, when Amelia mentioned that her parents met at a dance. I reinterpreted it in my way because seriously, Derek Shepherd can dance if he wants to and there must be a reason behind it. **

**- And the pink fishing pole too, that had to be included. I'm sure you all remember Derek's excitement about it.**

**I never would have imagined we'd get to 20 chapters and I still have so many things to say it worries me that I will not be able to fit them all in. Thank you for sticking with this story, it makes me feel so good every time to post a new chapter. **

**I'll go ignore my Spanish exam I have tomorrow a little bit more, then. Cool. Doesn't matter that I'll fail the class if I keep writing, uh? ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Alright, since it's exam time, I figured the schedule can be forgotten for a little while and I decided to randomly post instead. I also saw the sneak peek for tonight's episode and I'm already on a Grey's high. So, here it is. **

**It's a cute chapter, especially the first part!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

* * *

Meredith stumbled on the couch as soon as she put Zola on the floor, her face splitting in a tired grin as she watched her baby girl entertain herself with the herd of colorful toys scattered around her on the mat. She placed a hand on her stomach and sighed loudly.

Sleep sounded really appealing after six hours in the OR. Really freaking appealing. But Derek was still on his way home from his shift and she had promised to wait up. Even if it wasn't even eight in the evening she was ready to collapse. Growing another human being was having a toll on her.

"Mama" Zola looked at her with tired eyes, crawling towards her with a sleepy pace, then she stood up and rested her head on her thigh, spent. Apparently, it had been a long day for her as well.

"Are you tired too ZoZo?" she asked with a smile, caressing the baby's curls. Under her hand, Zola nodded faintly "Come here, we'll wait for Daddy all snuggled together" she smiled simply and Zola dragged her tired little feet closer to her.

Meredith sat up a little straighter, stretching her feet on the chaise, and pulled Zola up, sitting her on her lap. Zola leaned heavily against her and her body collided with the new-found baby bump, making her frown.

Meredith smiled down sweetly at her, watching as her tiny dimpled hand ran on the curve of her stomach, studying it cautiously.

"It wasn't there last time you sat in my lap, wasn't it?" Meredith spoke softly, catching Zola's questioning gaze and reassuring her with a smile while she fought the tiny tears filling her eyes at the sight.

"Mama?" her small voice was curious, doubtful and tired.

"There's your little sibling growing in there. You are going to be a big sister soon, Zola" Meredith's voice caught a little, overwhelmed by the emotions.

"Sis?" she repeated, frowning.

"Yep, you will be a big sister. Mama has a baby in her tummy" she explained, biting her lip to keep the tears from spilling.

Zola's gaze turned from curious to worried "Zo baby" she claimed, her questioning eyes filling with a set of completely different tears than Meredith's.

"Of course you are my baby Zola. You are the most perfect baby" Meredith reassured quickly, kissing the top of her head, her heart breaking a little at her scared expression "But there's going to be another little baby to play with soon"

"Fia play"

"Of course you can play with Sofia, but this baby will stay with you every day and you can have a lot of fun together as soon as she or he is big enough"

"Oh" Zola frowned, still not convinced, her attention shifting back to Meredith's stomach, her little hands patting it again.

Meredith's tired brain drew a blank at that. She had absolutely no idea how to explain this huge change to an almost two-year-older, especially after such a long day. Her neurons were rebelling.

"Hey" came a voice from the doorframe and Meredith turned towards Derek with a smile, sighing in relief at the distraction. Zola mimicked her tired grin.

"You're home" she mumbled quietly, then added "I missed you" watching as he lifted himself from the leaning position and came to sit on the chaise, in the space next to her feet.

"We saw each other for lunch" he smiled softly, tired as well.

"I just missed you" she confessed, sighing deeply "I didn't even hear you come in. How was your shift?"

"Nothing special, Mere. Just work without a OR involved" he sighed and she knew it was bothering him, not being able to operate yet.

She decided to change the subject "How much did you hear?"

"Most of it" he grinned, tickling Zola and forcing her to turn towards him and wriggle in Meredith's hold.

"Dada!" she shrieked in protest, but still giggled tiredly, her back leaning heavily on Meredith as she wriggled to avoid his playful fingers.

"Oh Zo, what is Daddy doing to you?" Meredith grinned amused, trying to shield her from the tickle attack. When Zola half laughed, half yawned, Derek realized it was time to stop.

Zola yawned again then patted Meredith's bump again stating "Baby" as she looked up to meet Derek's twinkling eyes.

"Yeah Zo, there's a baby in there" Derek smiled widely, amazed at the sight of his whole family together like this. "Your baby sibling"

Not baffled by the thought of someone else sharing her Mama's body anymore, Zola leaned her head on Meredith's stomach and closed her eyes with a wide yawn. Meredith's eyes widened a little as she looked up to an amused Derek. She rubbed Zola's back evenly as the two of them kept looking at each other, words failing them.

In a moment Zola was a dead weight on top of Meredith, sleeping soundly.

"You know, she snores like her Mama" Derek grinned widely and Meredith kicked him lightly on his side, making him wince as he suppressed his laugh. Meredith had to bit back a giggle when Zola indeed started emitting tiny rumbling snores and shifted in her lap, basically straddling her.

Meredith picked her up and held her a little higher, Zola's cheek now resting in the crook of her neck as her hand grabbed a fistful of Meredith's top.

"We should buy a book with a story of a big sister or something and read it together. I still have no idea how to properly explain to her what is going on, and honestly, birds and bees seem quite overrated, especially with two surgeons as parents" Meredith sighed, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed.

"We could find a book" Derek smiled softly, sitting at the edge of the chaise while picking up Meredith's feet and placing them on his lap. "Looks like the three of you had a busy day" he added, rubbing the sole of Meredith's left foot with his thumb.

"Looks like it. I'm sure that livers were mocking me today"

"Were they?" he grinned, his movements turning into a proper foot rub as soon as he noticed the relaxed expression on Meredith's face. "Close your eyes"

"Your wrist feels good enough to do this?"

He hummed in agreement, shifting his attention to the tendons in her ankles. "Despite all the charting I did today"

"Good. Hmm, keep going" she smiled in bliss, ignoring his complaints but making him grin back nonetheless. "This feels really good"

"Is this okay?" he asked, moving to the sole and digging his thumbs in her flesh, a little amused at how out of it she already was.

"That's the spot" she moaned when he touched exactly the inch that had been bothering her since her last surgery and she squirmed a little.

"Up or down or in circles?" he asked, moving her foot on his lap

"Harder, just harder" she moaned again and felt him stir up under her heel; she blushed, mumbling an apologetic "Sorry"

"Relax, it's fine"

"You don't feel very relaxed" she smirked, her eyes still closed.

"Go with it" he smiled, shifting her feet again then paying attention to both her soles.

"Oh God, right there" she whined, biting her lip as her muscles and tendons relaxed under his magic hands "Please don't stop"

"What are you doing? There's a baby in the room!"

The horrified yelp came from Cristina who had, as usual, burst in the house without even announcing herself.

"We should revoke her key privileges" Derek mumbled between himself and Meredith smiled at that, only to moan a second later.

"Foot rub Cristina" she added when he slowed the massage to gentle strokes and she found her coherency again. "There's indeed a baby in the room" but Zola kept sleeping peacefully, despite the commotion, while Meredith reopened her eyes instead.

Cristina looked at her for a moment then sighed, plopping on the couch next to Meredith, but as far as she could, glaring at Derek.

"I'm going to bring said baby to bed" Derek added, knowing that Cristina needed some girl time, despite being the antithesis to girly personified. Meredith looked suddenly disappointed and he whispered in her ear "I'll continue this later, I promise. Zola needs her bed and Cristina needs you" then he kissed her cheek sweetly.

Meredith sighed loudly, clearly her nightly plans didn't involve talking to Cristina at this point, but Derek watched as she smiled, kissing Zola's head "Night ZoZo, sweet dreams"

Derek stood up and gathered Zola in his arms, dropping another fleeting kiss on top of Meredith's hair when he was about to leave and she sighed, sated.

"Thanks for the foot rub" she called out as he walked away and she heard him chuckle in their foyer.

"Foot rub my ass, he had a tent in his slacks" Cristina mumbled.

"Okay, you think we'd have sex with Zola in my arms?" Meredith spat, glaring at her supposedly best friend "Hormones might make me horny as a teenager, but seriously?"

"No, I... No" Cristina swallowed, clearly not meaning to be so harsh.

"Why are you here?" Meredith asked bluntly. She knew there must have been a very good reason why her person had barged in her house in the middle of nowhere at nine thirty in the evening and surely it was not to interrupt a heavenly foot rub.

"I talked to Owen" she whispered "Like you said at the party. But we were at work and my pager beeped and..."

"You haven't seen him since and you're scared of going home" Meredith completed, knowingly, plainly.

"Look, I'm sorry I interrupted whatever the two of you were doing" Cristina strangely noticed her inappropriate timing and Meredith took a long breath, her way to accept the apology.

"As much as I love you Cristina, you can't just barge in here. This is our house. We moved out of my mother's house because there were always people barging in" Meredith sighed "If we wanted to have sex on the couch tonight that was our business only and here we can have that"

"I just needed..."

"A place to crash. I know that. That's why I had a key made for you, because I knew you'd need it as some point or I would need you to come here and talk me out of killing Derek, but this doesn't mean that you spend more time here, hiding from Owen, than at your house"

"I can't go back there"

"Of course you can. His reaction might just surprise you" she encouraged with a smile and Cristina looked at her strangely. "What?"

"You sound like a mother" Cristina smirked, making her friend cast her gaze low, then added "Or Bailey" and Meredith laughed at that.

"Zola noticed my ever-expanding stomach tonight" Meredith sighed, her hand lingering on the swell called up in the conversation as her grin dissolved slowly.

"And?"

"Now she knows the words 'baby' and 'sis'. It's weird and scary and I'm too tired to even think about the implications of the revelation"

Cristina took in her friend's appearance and she wondered for a split second where was the girl who drank tequila like water and took her boss home from a bar. And her answer was indeed 'Right there', and it was even scarier than the thought itself.

"You think I should go home, then?" Cristina revolved the conversation back.

"Yeah. Tell him you wanted to see if I made it home safely because Derek's shift dragged a little longer or something, we'll cover up for you"

"Okay" she sighed, standing up "Thank you Mer"

"You're welcome. Just...never interrupt foot rubs again until I pop this baby out, okay?" Meredith smiled softly at her friend, watching as Cristina's features relaxed.

"Tell McDreamy he's whipped, by the way" Cristina smirked, finally a little spark back in her eyes.

"He knows that already and he freaks out every time I tell him how worse it could be if we're having another girl"

Meredith watched her best friend laugh all the way to the front door and sighed deeply when she heard it click shut. She climbed upstairs and joined Derek in their bedroom.

He was sitting propped up against the headboard flipping through the Journal of Medicine, but he immediately looked up when she entered the room.

"Owen issues?" he asked, tilting his head as he put away the magazine

"Yeah. I asked her not to barge in anymore"

"It was hilarious this time, though" he grinned, welcoming her in his arms as she snuggled under the covers.

"It really was" she giggled when he kissed her lips quickly. "So, that foot rub..." she trailed off, before he could turn her flat on her back and kiss her heatedly, pinning her under his body.

"So unfinished" he grinned, their eyes locking before they joined lips

"I have to agree" she moaned, this time in need, when his hand sneaked under her t-shirt.

"We can't leave things unfinished, can we?" he replied seriously but playfully, continuing the assault with his mouth and she let him sweep her away in bliss.

When they laid side by side in a close embrace, naked, panting and sweaty, she giggled, hiding in his chest.

"Best foot rub ever"

"More foot rubs I say" he chuckled as well, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

Her phone rang on her nightstand and she blindly answered it, her sigh loud and annoyed, wishing that the hospital left alone a pregnant woman for once.

"He surprised me" Cristina's whisper reached her ear, mingling with another undistinguished buzz before she could even process a greeting.

"I told you" Meredith smiled, suddenly the call a little less annoying, feeling Derek spoon her from behind and pecking at her neck soft, wet kisses. She shifted and wriggled in his hold, trying to maintain her coherency, but not being able to keep herself from letting out a teeny tiny yelp when he found her earlobe and bit on it.

"Is McDreamy feeling you up?" Cristina's voice finally reached her brain

"Maybe" she giggled, repressing a moan when he hit another particularly sensitive spot on the back of her neck.

"I'll leave you two to it, I have a third round to get to"

"Apparently your husband is not awake as mine is" she smiled again, feeling Derek groan behind her as she wriggled against him

"Oh, he'll wake up" Cristina grinned "Thanks for the bad image, though"

"You're welcome" Meredith grinned "Derek, stop!" she giggled when he placed an open-mouthed kiss on her collarbone.

"Better hang up now" Cristina replied quickly, before the phone clicked shut.

Meredith threw it back on the nightstand and rolled towards Derek.

"Where were we?" she whispered, running her foot on his calf and he grinned, his eyes dark and sparkling all at the same time.

"Definitely not finished with this round of foot rub"

* * *

**So, Zola knows now. And she's apparently unfazed by the news or too tired to process it. I think that at her age it wouldn't really matter though, not until she sees the actual baby anyway. Writing it had me melting in cuteness and I really hope at some point we'll get to see Zola rub Meredith's belly. I'm not too selfish to ask for that, right?**

**Anyways, inappropriate Cristina made an appearance and she's so much fun to write in this. It took me a while to figure out her character, but I love the friendship she has with Meredith.  
**

**I really hope you enjoyed this and happy Grey's night to all of you who live in the USA! Us poor fellows with inglorious time zones for live air hours will enjoy it on Friday so please, no spoilers if you happen to review before Friday ;)  
**

**Expect random updates from now on and hopefully another one on 29 Years!  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**I know it's Monday already (by a bunch of minutes) here in Italy, but let's pretend I'm running on East Coast time for this update, alright? ;)**

**I brought back the schedule -more or less- so things are good.  
**

**Enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

* * *

The house in the woods was quiet for once, just the blabbering of Zola hosting a tea party interrupting the calm evening. Meredith was tired, but not too drained to sit for half an hour with Zola and play made-up games the toddler came up with, going along with the pretending of sipping delicious tea and munching fake cookies. She had never imagined how much fun it could be to simply sit with Zola and watch her create something.

The phone rang in the middle of her musings, pulling Meredith away from her tea party with Zola reluctantly.

"Hello" she breathed out, sitting back on the couch and resting her hand on her stomach out of an habit, wondering who was calling. Derek was due to arrive at any moment, but he might have been held up at the hospital.

"Hello it's Molly" a tentative voice replied on the other end, surprising Meredith.

"Oh, hey." Meredith tried to fill the awkward silence.

"I was wondering if you would like to go out for coffee one of those days" she asked right away and Meredith stilled for a second, thinking.

They hadn't seen each other since Lexie's funeral and despite all her best intentions of mending the bridges with her half-sister, she had never gotten the chance to really act out on her plans. She had been so busy lately that fitting in the everyday stuff had been enough to drive her crazy. But, even though she wouldn't drink coffee, she wanted to give Molly a chance like Lexie had. She deserved it.

Meredith smiled, albeit unseen from the phone, as she answered "It could be nice" her hand rubbing her growing stomach, her gaze resting on Zola as she poured pretended tea in two plastic cups and picked up a fake piece of cake to go with them.

"What about tomorrow?" Molly asked eagerly.

"I have a couple of hours in between surgeries, if you don't mind coming to the hospital. There's a nice coffee place around the corner"

"I won't mind, really, I remember that place"

"Good. Around three?"

"Perfect. See you tomorrow Meredith"

"Bye Molly" she took a deep breath as she hung up, wishing that she had done the right thing.

Derek entered in the room as soon as she had finished the call and she wondered how could she miss the door opening.

He wordlessly kissed the top of her head and greeted Zola as he walked closer, then turned to her with a questioning look.

"I have a coffee date with Molly tomorrow" she blurted as an explanation and he smiled.

"Yeah?"

"She just called and asked for one. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I can't really drink coffee" she sighed

"Do you want to tell her about the baby?"

"I think I have to either way" she motioned to her now clearly visible baby bump, smiling proudly downwards "It's just so..."

"Weird, uh?" he smiled softly, sitting next to her and rubbing her knee as they both stared at Zola.

"Yeah. I'm sorry we won't get to spend lunch together. You can join us if you want"

"If you need rescuing I can page you or the other way round, but I want you to have this" he smiled at her and he was glad when she smiled back.

"Dada, party!" Zola squealed when she noticed that he wasn't paying attention then he was roped too in the very abstract tea party as Meredith watched amused the scene and once or twice gave her input.

The time between the tea party and her lunch break the following day couldn't pass more quickly, in Meredith's opinion.

She walked down to the lobby smoothing her scrubs nervously, trying to cover up her baby bump and wondering what on earth she could order not to make Molly suspicious at first.

No matter how happy she felt about this baby, how long they had wished to get pregnant, the timing sucked. It still felt wrong for her to be this happy when her sister was dead, to feel guilty that she was indeed this happy when Lexie was buried in the ground.

She spotted Molly standing outside the cafe, fidgeting with a big leather tote bag, looking around with the soft brown eyes that reminded her so much of Lexie and Susan and the stab of guilt was even greater. Her seemingly perfect life was a little screwed up too at this point and Meredith swallowed thickly at the realization that until she had shown up, Molly's life had been pretty normal.

"Meredith!" she waved with a small, nervous smile and Meredith smiled back.

They greeted each other awkwardly, before settling at a little table in the corner, studying each other.

"Thank you for meeting me. I know it must be awkward"

"It was awkward with Lexie too at first" Meredith said without thinking, then swallowed thickly. She decided to fill the silence by taking off her lab coat and leaving it hanging on the chair, before sitting in front of an already seated Molly.

Their eyes met and she watched as Molly studied her. She felt like her half-sister knew everything already and it was more than weird.

"I..." Molly began, picking up the menu just to have something to fidget with "I think we're going to accept your offer of living in your old house" Molly said quickly "If you haven't sold it already"

"Oh" Meredith sighed "I didn't. It's...nice, really. I hope you can fill it with good memories"

"We've been living with Dad for a while and we decided that it's best if we get our own place"

"You can have the house, it's yours. I'll let my lawyer draw the papers for you. We can discuss this things with Eric too, agree on a price that you can afford. I know Laura started school and it's expensive to care for a child, I just want to sell that place so we can settle for something that works for you" she rambled nervously, but she could see the smile build up on Molly's face.

"Really?" Molly's eyes widened

"I have no idea how much that house is worth, but I can ask Derek and maybe we could meet again to discuss this" Meredith managed a smile in return. She could talk business with her, that was a safe topic.

"Thank you Meredith" her eyes were filled with gratitude and Meredith smiled back, truly this time, without holding back.

They were interrupted by their waitress for orders and Meredith gave in to a hot chocolate and strawberry milkshake to take away, watching as Molly looked at her strangely as she ordered her latte.

They kept chatting about the house until the two steaming mugs and the plastic cup were placed in front of them and Molly swallowed thickly "I didn't meet you to chat only about the house though. I really appreciate everything you have done for me Meredith, but I'm not here to talk business. I -" she hesitated, their eyes meeting over their mugs "I want to get to know you"

Meredith looked at her, the hope in her eyes, the wish to get a sister when she lost one buried deep there, but so visible it screamed at her; and in a split second she felt the same longing of being a big sister, on top of everything else.

"I don't eat Chinese." she cleared her throat then, taking a deep breath as Molly frowned "I have no idea why, but some flavors are just horrible to my taste buds. Maybe I ate too much of it to survive in college or whatever" she began and Molly stared at her with a weird look "I had pink hair in high school and wore a lot of black. I've have backpacked in Europe before going to med school"

"Why are you telling me this?" Molly interrupted, still puzzled.

"It's five things, to get to know each other. There are still two missing" Meredith explained and Molly smiled, knowingly "I owned a dog with Derek, Doc, but it died and I don't have the heart to get another one. And I love being a mother; even when Zola keeps me awake after a long shift at the hospital, I love it."

Molly kept smiling as Meredith relaxed in her seat, smiling back "Lexie did this five things thing with every new person she met" Molly grinned "I gather that she did this with you too"

"She was very persistent of getting to know me" Meredith recalled with a sad smile, feeling guilty once again of all the time she had been too proud to get to know Lexie.

"She had a way with people" Molly sighed, then they fell back into silence as they sipped their drinks, remembering about their sister.

"Can I ask you something that might sound inappropriate?" Molly cut in, finishing her cup of coffee and cutting right through the awkwardness.

Meredith's eyebrows rose, then she frowned "Inappropriate?"

"Are you pregnant?" Molly blurted, and Meredith could easily pick up that it was a Grey trait being a little inept when social interactions were involved.

Meredith smiled genuinely "Yeah, I am. Seventeen weeks"

"Congratulations! You look great!" Molly smiled, but it dimmed to a loud sigh "Lexie would have been overjoyed. You should have seen her when I told her I was pregnant with Laura!"

Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat, images of her sister hugging her and doting over ultrasound pictures bringing tears to her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" Molly brushed it off, noticing Meredith's misty eyes.

"Oh, it's the hormones"

"I know, believe me. I have no idea why I want to have more children when I was a mess for nine months straight!"

Meredith's pager beeped as the air got lighter, and they both sighed at the sound.

"I'm sorry" Meredith held up the device with a small grimace "I have a consult, I need to go, but we should do this again" she suggested, because despite the awkwardness, Molly was a nice person to have around.

"What about Thanksgiving?"

"What?" Meredith stared at her, half scared, half confused.

"Would you like to come over for dinner or lunch or...something?"

"I...I can't. I have plans already. And Christmas too" Meredith saved it quickly, even though she was well aware nothing was set in stone for the holidays.

"What about you come over after lunch on Thanksgiving?" she grinned, her smile so wide Meredith had a hard time to say no to it.

"I think...I might be able to get away, yeah." she gave in, but it filled her with a certain warmth she wasn't expecting "I'll come with Derek and Zola, is that okay?"

"Wonderful!" Molly's eyes lit up, literally. Then dulled "Oh, wait..."

"Thatcher is going to be there, right?" Meredith smiled sadly at the face and the small nod "It's fine"

"Really?" Molly asked, genuinely surprised.

"He's your dad. We can get along for a few hours without slitting our throats" Meredith smiled "I'll call you for more details soon, I promise. I really need to go now"

"Sorry if I have kept you!"

"Don't worry! Bye Molly!"

Meredith threw a couple of bills on the table then walked quickly towards the ER where her consult was waiting, bringing her milkshake along.

While she was reviewing a bunch of scans and X-rays, Derek entered the tiny, dim-lighted exam room, hanging his own set of scans in the empty spot next to hers.

"Hey" he grinned, keeping his professional distance but his smile warmed her from the inside "How did the coffee date go?"

"Good" she smiled genuinely "Awkward, but good. She wants to buy our house"

"What?"

"I mean, my house. The old one, with the mold in it" Meredith rambled "She said she doesn't care that there is mold"

"Should I call the lawyers then for the contract?" he smiled

"Yeah, thanks" she moved imperceptibly closer to him "I also told her we can go to her place for a Thanksgiving coffee"

His smile broadened, feeling a certain pride for his wife as she overcame her past, "It was nice of you"

"I couldn't have handled a whole meal just yet" she admitted.

"You're trying"

"I am" Meredith smiled, changing scans "What about your sisters? Did you call them yet?"

"I did" he sighed "Lost hearing abilities in my left side, but -"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic!" Meredith grinned

"Lizzie yelped; actually yelped 'We're having a baby' like she hadn't popped out four of her own already." he chucked "Kathleen asked for pictures of both babies because apparently we don't send out enough photos of Zola." he rolled his eyes and Meredith smirked too "Nancy sends her congratulations and tells you that for any in-depth question she's a phone call away"

"I found less awkward calling your ex-wife than her, is that wrong?" Meredith blushed.

"Believe me, it's just as awkward for me" he almost winced at the memory of the phone call concerning all those questions about his wife uterus.

"I almost forgot, Kath and Liz are both adamant to know in what color should they buy stuff"

"Um, what?" Meredith stared at him puzzled "Like pink or blue?"

"Or neutral, yeah" he smiled "Do you want to know the sex beforehand?"

"I..." Meredith smiled "I don't know. Do you?"

"No, not really. But if you want to we can find out the sex a little earlier"

"I think I just want to keep this whole thing a big surprise" Meredith smiled, excited. "I'm not a fan of surprises, but I don't mind having a girl or a boy, unless it's a healthy baby"

"My thoughts exactly. They'll go crazy when I'll tell them" he grinned

"What about Amy? You called her too, right?"

He nodded, his grin sobering up "She's as happy as she can be. She's having a hard time but the fact that Addison has Henry around is helping her coping"

Meredith frowned "Is she okay, Derek? Really okay?"

"She will be" Derek smiled sincerely "I love that you're concerned for her though. It makes me feel good that I have somebody else backing me up"

"I will always have your back" she replied simply "Can I ask you what really happened to her? Is she in rehab again?"

"Oh no, almost a year sober" he smiled proudly

"That's great!"

The excitement Meredith was expecting after that news didn't sink in for Derek though "Her fiancé died of an overdose"

"Oh" Meredith's eyes filled with tears "God, -"

"A few months later she found out she was pregnant. The baby was anencephalic and died a few hours after birth. She donated all his organs"

"My God, Derek" Meredith echoed, unable to say anything different, she just held out her hand for him to squeeze, her other one going to rest on her stomach, almost as if she wanted to protect their baby within.

"She's getting back on track" he swallowed thickly, his voice shaking a little, almost as if he was trying to convince himself more than anything "She's tough, she'll be fine"

"Is she going to fly out to your Mom's for Christmas? Because she can come here if she's alone in LA and it's surely a shorter flight"

Derek's eyebrows shot up "Really?"

"No problem. Seriously, anybody will be at our house, one more won't make a difference"

Derek smiled sweetly and, ignoring all the rules she had put against PDA in the hospital, he stole her lips for a quick, searing kiss. "You have no idea how much I love you when you say stuff like that, Meredith" he whispered as he pulled away, the tip of their noses still touching, just like their foreheads "Your kindness amazes me. It's one of the things I wish our kids will get from you"

Meredith simply let out a shallow, embarrassed breath, blushing speechless as they pulled away from each other, their eyes locked in a twinkling gaze. He was still able to take her breath away after so many years they have been together.

"I love you too" she replied simply, more words unnecessary.

* * *

**I don't know if I'm happy with this chapter. It builds up some things I definitely want to explore, but I don't know where I should go next exactly. I keep changing my mind about so many storylines for this fic it's not even funny to complain about it anymore.**

**A quick, probably irrelevant to the future, poll: how many of you want to see Amelia in this story? Because I loved her character in Private Practice and I'm feeling like paying a tribute to my other favorite shows, especially the canceled ones. I don't know if I'll bring her back for Christmas, I'm still debating that issue -and so many great things need to happen before Christmas will be included here- but if you want her back, she'll fly up north at some point.**

**So, my rant is over. Exams are not. Be patient just a little while longer. If I don't completely lose my short-term memory I'll still be here next Sunday!  
**

**Thank you for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey there, it's Sunday again! **

**I was afraid I wouldn't be able to start back my schedule since I have an exam on Tuesday and I realized that I had way too much things still to read. Also, if it's not really coherent or you see mistakes/typos/whatever, blame the exam.  
**

**There's a little trivia for all of you (alas) former Fringe fans (if there are any). I wanted to make a tribute to the show, since I probably followed it from the very first seasons, and it was a good one. If you find the reference just write it in a review or something and I'll send you a bonus virtual cookie! The solution will be through PM for those who review or else you'll have to wait for the next chapter for the solution! **

**Alright, the beginning is a little different than my usual in this, but buckle in, this is one of the chapters I enjoyed writing the most ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

* * *

"Get. Out."

Meredith's voice was harsh, strong, determined. It made Derek swallow thickly as he stepped back under the frame of their bedroom door, a little stunned by her reaction.

"Please, get out" she echoed adamantly, fiercely standing in front of him in all her pregnant glory and ratty Dartmouth t-shirt, strained where her stomach curved. "I can barely look at you right now! Go to work"

He obeyed with a slight nod of his head and a further step backwards. She needed time to cool off and he could give her that, especially today.

Meredith collapsed on the bed, elbows on her knees, as soon as Derek had closed the door behind himself, resting her face in her hands as the tears she had kept at bay in front of him were unleashed.

She had picked up a stupid fight because he had left Zola's playroom a mess and it had escalated in something so ugly she couldn't even remember what they had screamed at each other; so ugly that she had kicked him out first thing in the morning.

She felt the shame of being responsible for this fight burn on her cheeks as tears slid down them swiftly, marking a clear path in the dim light of their bedroom.

She couldn't cry anymore though, because she needed to keep it together and wake up Zola. She had to get to work, operate, fill in her paperwork, get home, make dinner and put Zola to bed. Then she could collapse in a heap of despair and tears and sadness.

It would have been Lexie's birthday.

She had wanted to buy a cake for her this year. Maybe do something almost sisterly together, like taking the afternoon off and going shopping with Zola.

It would have been a great birthday.

"Mama sad?" was the first thing Zola said to Meredith, even before she had walked fully into her room. She was sitting on her bed with unkempt hair and wrinkled pajamas, her senses on alert even while she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"I'm just tired Zo, don't worry. Baby makes Mama seem sad sometimes"

"Oh" she cocked her head surprised, in a way that Meredith could swear was the same as Derek's, making the twinge of guilt in her heart feel even worse.

"Let's get ready for daycare" Meredith said simply, lifting Zola up in her arms and filing away a note that she definitely needed a big girl's bed and not simply a crib without a railing.

Zola tightened her hold on Meredith's neck for a moment and kissed her cheek, nuzzling her nose against her skin "All beder?"

At her sweet smile, Meredith couldn't help but echo an "All better Zola, thank you" and kiss her back.

Lexie might not be there on her birthday, but Zola was and she needed her full attention. She had nothing more to give on this day. For a moment, she wished she had taken it off, just to wallow in her misery at home, waiting for a sign. Zola definitely made her day better though, as she kept blabbering to herself through breakfast and obediently got through their practiced morning routine, a small hitch on the road only when the sparkly, glittery shoes she wanted to wear were still damp after the previous evening downpour; it was either glittery or barefoot for Zola, and Meredith was tempted to opt for the latter.

"What about trainers? They're comfy" Meredith held up frustrated the fourth pair of shoes, crouching to reach the bottom of Zola's wardrobe.

"No" Zola shook her head adamantly once again.

"These flats?" she held up a plain pair of very inappropriate shoes for the still rainy weather, but she was ready to carry Zola inside at this point if it meant that she'd get to daycare with a pair of shoes that she appreciated and not barefoot.

"No" Zola repeated for the fifth time.

Meredith closed her eyes, took a deep breath and counted to three, otherwise she would have lashed out to Zola too, and that was not an option. Not today. Derek hated her enough for the day, she needed Zola to still see her as the wonderful, perfect mother she believed her to be.

"Rubber boots" she grinned then, holding out the ladybug wellingtons already a staple item of clothing for Zola and Derek's expeditions at the stream.

Zola's eyes sparkled and she nodded, scrambling to put them on quickly as soon as Meredith had taken them out of the closet. As Meredith stood back up on her feet, she sighed in relief. Boots meant that her feet would remain dry despite the rain and the puddles: a perfect compromise. _Terrible Two's, uh?_

Zola skipped alongside Meredith in the parking lot. Literally. In all the puddles. Splashing and giggling and ignoring the fact that people around her could get wet. Meredith just let her splash a little, feeling the warmth of her laugh seep through her like a balm.

She dropped off Zola at daycare and met Derek casually in the attendings' lounge. He was already in his scrubs, filling a stack of charts at the table in the middle of the room, a bottle of water in front of him, his lab coat draped on the back of his chair.

He looked tired too.

He glanced up at her for a moment, their eyes clashing in a long staring contest as Meredith fidgeted with her stethoscope while he attempted a smile.

He blinked and she lowered her head, disappearing from the room as quickly as her feet carried her.

She took a deep breath before starting her workday and let surgeries and consults and interns occupy her time and her mind instead of petty fights, stupid deaths, missed birthdays and impossible choices of shoes.

It worked for her to keep herself busy in the hospital. It was harder since she had found out she was pregnant, because her life wasn't only her life anymore, but she was sharing it with someone all day, every day, which meant that her thoughts often wandered to that tiny being inside of her. Still, her thoughts were mostly happy, especially when they screamed at her to get a strawberry milkshake.

When her shift was over, she realized that she had gotten through most of that hellish day and she was about to go home, where she could cry freely. Her eyes prickled with tears at the mere thought.

She gathered her stuff, retrieved a still bouncy Zola from daycare and went home, ready to put together dinner, give Zola her bath, read to her then go straight to bed as well, snuggling on Derek's side while cursing her foolishness.

The house felt empty when she entered and all the lights were off;. Derek wasn't home and she wasn't sure he was going to come back either. She expected him not to, and it almost made her stumble in her step.

She took a deep breath, blinking away the tears, and she was about to ask Zola for her jacket, but the toddler had already ran away, leaving her boots and discarded raincoat in the middle of the hall.

Meredith decided that the day was still not over, so she had to keep it together just a little longer and not burst into tears right here and there. For Zola. Keep it together for Zola. To make her dinner. Pasta, she liked that, Baby liked that. She could make their babies pasta, despite her horrible cooking skills.

Zola sat at the kitchen table coloring, for once opting to keep Meredith company instead of disappearing in her playroom. It was comforting, simply turning and seeing her there, sitting with her feet dangling from the chair, drawing messy lines and squiggles even on the table. In that exact moment she couldn't care less about the table, though.

"More Mama!" Zola squealed, distracting Meredith from stirring the pasta.

"There's more paper in the playroom. Go get it, I need to keep an eye on the pasta" Meredith plastered a smile on her face, but it dissolved like a façade as soon as Zola disappeared through the door.

Meredith was surprised when she heard the front door click open, even a little scared of what was about to happen. She expected anything, honestly.

Anything but Derek in his work clothes, a single white tulip in his hand, a sad but sincere smile on his face, his eyes staring at Meredith with softness and full of a love she felt she didn't deserve.

He simply stood there, neither in nor out of the kitchen, briefly greeting Zola as she ran back in the room with her crayon and her new set of papers, then he continued to plainly stare at Meredith, almost as if he was waiting for her to react or talk or start dancing it out.

"White tulips are a sign of forgiveness" he said simply, breaking their spell "I'm sorry I was an a-s-s" he smiled softly, his eyes darting briefly to Zola then.

"Oh" Meredith bit her lip to keep from crying, overwhelmed by the sweetness she wasn't worthy of.

"Baby Mama sad" Zola looked up at Derek like she had shared with him the best of secrets, cutting the slight tension in the room, and Derek smiled back to her sincerely.

"I see" he smirked "Do you think the flower I brought Mama is pretty?"

"Hm hm" Zola agreed with a clear nod, focusing back on her drawing. "Pwetty"

"I'll try to keep the toys in order in the playroom and never leave my stuff around from now on, alright?" he looked at Meredith and smiled softly, gently, a smile almost similar to the one he had after a whispered kiss on his lips; a kind of kiss she really longed to give him, but she couldn't, because she had been mean and had picked up a stupid fight.

"I'm sorry too" she croaked, a few tears escaping her "I just..."

"I know. You're forgiven fully" he stepped closer "Am I?"

Meredith simply nodded and let him engulf her in a hug. It was already a little uncomfortable for the two of them to hug, but they still managed to join every possible inch of their bodies as Derek whispered in her ear "It's good to be home"

"Sorry I kicked you out" she pulled away, looking at him in the eyes and blinking away the tears as she lost herself in the blue of his gaze.

"I know what day it is today, I wasn't thinking last night. I'm sorry, I really am"

"It's not your fault I snapped like a twig" she admitted.

"So you accept the tulip?"

Meredith nodded and took the flower from his hand, sniffing it for a moment, then putting it in a tall vase and placing it on their counter, watching it stand out in their kitchen almost as if it has always meant to be there.

"Thank you" she whispered, still staring at the flower "It's really beautiful"

"You said to me once you wanted romance" he grinned and just like that, they were okay again. She leaned against his strong chest as he put his hands on her shoulders; together, they finished to make the pasta.

He remained close for the rest of the evening, always within touching distance from Meredith, and she basked in his presence. He helped Zola clean the table from the crayons, then they quietly ate together their dinner, the conversation simple and easy, but it gave Meredith a sense of normalcy that had been missing the whole day.

It was good to have Derek to share the burden of this day with.

Meredith, knowing that things were okay at this point between then, decided to spend some more quality time with Zola. She sat with her on the rocking chair in her room as they read a book or two or five, while Derek waited in the living room. He was by then changed into his pajamas and ready for this day to end, ready to snuggle with his wife on the couch and forget all about the argument they had in the morning or the birthday Lexie was not going to celebrate.

He flipped through the channels for a while, keeping the volume of the TV almost mute, listening instead to Meredith's slightly metallic but still warm voice read to Zola through the baby monitor. They were reading of owls afraid of the dark, bored children, animals and farmers and travels and mythic creatures, as he let Meredith's voice lull him into a semi-conscious state.

"Derek"

He heard the barely there whisper from the baby monitor and he jumped awake, blinking in the dim light and immediately walking to Zola's room, wondering how he had fallen asleep in the first place. He found Meredith on the rocking chair, Zola half asleep on her chest barely above her baby bump, as they rocked quietly, their figures illuminated only by the small nightlight above the converted crib.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a sleepy voice.

"Did I wake you?" she bit her lip as she stared at him "I know, I was supposed to come down but -"

"It's okay" he smiled sweetly "Were you crying?" he frowned, noticing only then her puffy eyes.

"No" she lied, but he saw right through it. "What time is it?"

"Almost one in the morning"

"Oh my God" she groaned, burying her blushing face in Zola's hair. "I thought it was like...ten!"

"Mer," he interrupted her ramble before it could start.

"I want a thick strawberry milkshake at one in the morning." she groaned and Derek bit back a laugh "Don't you dare laughing, mister!" she glared at him "It's your stupid boy penis' fault I want that!" she accused, covering Zola's little ears.

"Strawberry milkshake, uh?" he grinned widely.

"Yes." she whined, then groaned "Again"

"Lucky me for going to the store yesterday to buy milk and strawberries, huh?"

"Where did you find strawberries in November?"

"The perks of a globalized world" he smirked, then walked closer to Meredith and kissed the top of her head sweetly, his hand resting on top of Zola's head "You two stay here, I'm gonna go and make you an awesome milkshake" he smiled, his eyes twinkling in the dim light.

"Derek..." she protested weakly, but he shut her up with a kiss.

"I'll be right back"

He skipped downstairs to the kitchen, closing every possible door on his way out; he was once again grateful that they had soundproofed the walls of every room, more or less. Almost more grateful than the fact that he was home, tending to Meredith's cravings, instead of being in a cold and lonely on-call room for the night.

He pulled out the fresh strawberries from the fridge, washed them, cut them up in squarish pieces then mixed the whole thing with milk in the blender, until it was thick enough as Meredith liked it. He poured the liquid in her favorite tall glass, put in a colorful striped straw and perched a ripe strawberry on the rim.

When he reopened the door of the nursery Zola was still fast asleep and Meredith's eyes lit up at the sight of him.

"Oh my God" she whispered, staring at the pajama-clad figure of her husband standing there with a glass of milkshake in his hand and a smug smile on his face "You seriously made it"

"I seriously did" he grinned, exchanging Zola for the milkshake and Meredith immediately devoured the strawberry.

Derek put the baby in the crib without much complaint from Zola, then they walked together in their bedroom.

Meredith left the milkshake on her nightstand, then sneaked under the sheets, smiling brightly as Derek laid beside her. She grabbed again the glass and sipped from the straw in long gulps.

Derek chuckled as their shoulders touched, while he stifled a yawn. Meredith's free hand went to rub her stomach as she grinned widely.

"Do you want a sip?" she asked and he shook his head amused, kissing the crown of her head.

"I love you" he mumbled simply as she leaned into his touch, his smile gentle and honest.

"I love you too" she echoed, kissing his lips, and he tasted the sweet flavor on them. "You make awesome milkshakes, our little Strawberry appreciates it a lot"

"Strawberry is a cute name" he grinned.

"Derek, we're not naming our baby after a fruit, even if it is the only thing I seem to crave these days" she mumbled, touching lightly her stomach and whispering to it "You tiny health nut"

Derek chuckled at the endearment. "I'm kidding. But we do need to find a cute nickname for the time being" he smiled, his hand joining hers on top of her stomach.

"What about Berry, without the straw?"

"For a name?" he smiled smugly

"Derek!" she groaned and he silently enjoyed the way things had settled between them after their petty fight in the morning. It was nice to be able to joke with Meredith right before bedtime.

"Lots of people nickname their unborn babies Berry" he stated plainly.

"Right, let's use Avocado or Sandwich then, it's around that size and is way less popular" she buried her frustration in the remaining of the milkshake, childishly sweeping the whole thing off loudly.

"Do you realize that we're arguing about a nickname here?" she groaned at his amusement, leaving the empty glass on her nightstand "Let's sleep on it, starting tomorrow we'll come up with a wonderful nickname and maybe even a better set of names for our baby" he smiled, kissing her stomach gently, then moving up to her lips, still tasting the lingering strawberries there. She pulled him in for a more heated kiss and they pulled away both breathless.

Meredith leaned heavily on Derek's shoulder and he knew she had had enough for the day. He cuddled her closer to his body and together they moved back to lie on the bed, their limbs intertwining as she sighed contentedly, resting peacefully with her head on his shoulder as her bump nestled over his hip, then he switched off the light.

"I miss her, Derek" she said quietly, the darkness swallowing her words.

"Me too" he agreed simply, pulling her even closer "Goodnight Meredith" he whispered softly, his lips finding the top of her head blindly, then his hand rubbed her stomach "Goodnight Baby"

"'Night Der, thanks for the shake" she mumbled, her eyelids already shut.

He closed his eyes as well, only to reopen them again when a startled "Oh" came out of Meredith's lips.

"What is it?" he asked sleepily, switching on the light again and staring at a bewildered Meredith.

"What about Bird?" she replied, the smile palpable in her question and clearly stretching on her features.

"Bird?"

"It's fluttering like wings. Like...right now. Bird" she grinned, bringing their joined hands on top of her stomach as she let out a happy, amazed sigh.

"Our little Bird is moving?" Derek asked in awe, immediately trying to feel it himself as well.

"Yeah" she breathed out, snuggling even closer to him "Holy crap" she giggled at the next movement, her eyes misty but her laugh filled with a genuine happiness that has been denied to her for so long; Derek had almost forgot how she sounded like when she was truly, utterly happy.

It was the best sound in the world.

* * *

**Okay, according to the Internet babies are the size of an avocado at around 16 weeks, but it sounded nice and it was the first thing I came up with, so I kept it, even though Meredith is definitely further along in her pregnancy. **

**A little side note, I'm reworking the timeline of this, because some things still don't add up in my head, especially Zola's age. She's more than 2, but definitely not 3 and I need to decide exactly where she stands. I'll probably solve the mystery in the next chapter, so if you read a bunch of incongruent expressions through the story up to this point, you know why.**

**Oh and my Meredith craves strawberry milkshakes (if you hadn't noticed already), not burritos ;)**

**Thanks for reading (even my ramblings), guessing references and being your usual awesome selves! **

**See you all next Sunday! :D**


	24. Chapter 24

**Happy Sunday!**

**For those of you who are wondering about the Fringe reference I sneaked in, here is the solution! The white tulip! Well, and the strawberry milkshake, but that was totally my subconscious; it was in fact _jb228_ who pointed that out for me in a review! Thanks again for it, by the way! There weren't many Fringe aficionados reading though. Oh well, I'm probably the only one who can watch shows with so different plots and enjoy them both :)  
**

**I'm not 100% sure about this chapter. I wrote it quickly (or better, not with my usual stewing time before the editing) and I think it could have been written very differently. I still hope you're going to like it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

* * *

Meredith stared for a long time at Zola's sleeping form, studying how much her little girl had changed from the first time she had held her. She looked older, and not because she was officially two and a half.

Zola has been in this world for almost three years. Thirty months. She had spent a good part of these months with them and it still didn't feel real to Meredith.

"'Morning" Derek's soft, sleepy voice reached her ear, before his lips could find her cheek and he wrapped himself around her, his big hands resting on her curving stomach, his chin over her shoulder.

Together they stared at Zola, sleeping on her stomach, her lips slightly parted, the left sleeve of her striped pajamas slightly rolled up to her elbow, her fists resting both on the pillow.

"Zola is two and a half" Meredith said simply, snuggling closer to Derek.

"Seems yesterday I let her play with my penlight" he smiled "Still just as cute, though"

"Do you think she's gonna be angry when she notices we can't even spend the day with her?" Meredith sighed, feeling the tears build up in her eyes.

Derek hummed something that sounded a lot like a no, "She will hardly notice"

Meredith turned to look at him sideways "Are you sure?", her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sure" he kissed her. It was strange for him to see Meredith so vulnerable, when in fact she was the one keeping the whole family together. The least he could do was reassure her and hold her close.

"I'm sorry that the only spot to see Nora Westhill was today and I can't really take off any more days if I want to have a decent maternity leave" she said almost sadly, seeking the comfort he was offering.

His eyes sparkled with reassurance and joy, when he used a simple "Life is messy" as a reply. He smiled brightly then "Do you want to wake her up or I'll do it?"

"Just one more minute" Meredith sighed, joining hands with Derek and tracking the new-found movements of their child inside of her. "Can you feel anything?"

"No, not yet" Derek sighed disappointed, kissing her under her ear, "Doesn't hurt to try though"

They stood immovable for minutes, watching as Zola stirred and smacked her lips content, before she resettled comfortably in a semi-fetal position.

"She's precious, Derek" Meredith whispered, tiny tears filling her eyes.

"I know" he smiled, "I'm so proud of her"

"She talks already. She's a non-native speaker, it could have taken her a lot longer to get used to English and its sounds, but she can say a lot of things"

He nodded, "She might not make full sentences yet, but she's bright"

"She walks unassisted, Derek. That's something I never thought possible and yet..." Meredith swallowed thickly "We got two miracles"

He turned her to face him, knowing where her head was, adding quickly, resolutely "And nothing or nobody is gonna take them away from us"

She blinked, wishing she could fully believe him. It was so hard to believe some days. It was hard, the dichotomy of Lexie's birthday falling just a few days before Zola's milestone. She tried to put it behind her though, and keep it together.

"We should start potty-training her" Meredith changed the subject quickly "I don't want to spend my day changing diapers"

"You're right" Derek chuckled "We need to wake her up first, though"

"If we wake her up, the day starts" Meredith whined "And I don't want this day to start, I just want to stay here with the two of you at least a couple of hours more"

Derek sighed, pulling her closer, whispering in her ear "We're going to see the baby today," his eyes sparkling.

"I know," she closed her eyes, basking in the hug "It's the heartburn that makes me cranky, probably. I'm tired already and I just woke up."

"I'm sorry" he smiled sadly "Maybe you'll find out a way to feel better today after we visit Nora Westhill"

"Maybe." Meredith sighed, reluctantly bending over and running her hand through Zola's hair. "It's time to open your eyes, Lovebug"

Zola's only reply was to roll away from Meredith's hand and keep sleeping.

"I have a special breakfast made for you" Derek smirked as Zola's nose scrunched up, clearly considering the option. "French toast" he concluded, and Zola started stretching with her eyes still closed.

"What if you and I are going to get dressed while Daddy makes breakfast?" Meredith added in a soft voice, but Zola shook her head a little.

"We're going to have Auntie Cristina over for dinner and maybe Uncle Mark" Derek fueled.

"Fia?" Zola blinked her eyes open at that.

"We think she's going to come too, yeah" Derek smiled "But you need to wake up and start the day before it's dinnertime"

Zola sighed poignantly, and Derek imagined what it would be like to wake her for school as a pre-teen, a smile brightening his face right away.

"You're a big girl already, you're two and a half" Meredith smiled as Zola yawned with abandon.

"I big sis" she stated as Meredith lifted her up in her arms.

"Yes. You're big and you're a sister. That's pretty cool, uh?"

Zola nodded, burying her sleepy face in the crook of Meredith's neck, hiding from the world just a little longer.

"I'll be downstairs making breakfast" Derek announced, wanting to give Meredith and Zola a little more bonding time.

When they came down in the kitchen Derek heard their giggles before he could even see them, and he felt grateful and blessed to be part of such a family. They were his girls, his own family.

"You look pretty," he smiled at them then when they showed up, as Meredith placed Zola in her highchair "Both of you"

"I'm starting to look fat"

"All baby, Mere" he encouraged, placing the steaming French toasts in front of them.

"Clearly this is not helping" she groaned "You really want me to look like a cow, uh?"

Derek had no idea if he had to actually reply to this or staring at Meredith would be enough, but she solved the puzzle as she began giggling.

"Gosh, you should have seen your face" she laughed merrily then "I should ask you dangerous questions more often"

Derek simply shook his head as he sat with his family at the table, glad that even if she made fun of him, at least her mood had improved. Most of the time, he had no idea what went through Meredith's head, especially now that she was pregnant. Every emotion seemed heightened, and the recent developments in their lives had been all but easy to handle. He loved to hear Meredith laugh, even if it was at his expenses.

"So, Amy kindly declined our invitation and decided to be hostage of a very Shepherd Christmas in New York"

"Derek, you make it sound like your family are werewolves or lunatics"

"Well, maybe a little bit of the latter. Especially on Christmas. I'll take you there next year and you'll be the judge"

Meredith shook her head in amusement "If she's there we can still say hi" she added "Especially if you still want to Skype them or something"

"You're right, I didn't think about that," he smiled "I'm glad she's going to be home. She needs a little bit of mothering."

"Your mom is excellent in that department." Meredith smiled, recalling fondly Carolyn's last visit. "We should remember to send her the new pictures of Zola and the baby tonight, when we get home."

"She'll be excited to see how much Bird has grown."

They finished their breakfast briefly interrupted by Zola's little chatters, then they drove to the hospital as usual, their routine only breaking when it was time for them to leave and go to the birth center right across the street from the hospital. Meredith didn't even bother to change into clothes, she still felt the most comfortable in scrubs after all.

The birth center was painted in pastel, soft colors, the atmosphere warm and relaxing. Women in all stages of pregnancy shuffled around the structure, together with all kinds of people, from old men to children of varying ages.

"This place looks nice" Derek smiled encouragingly at Meredith, and she promptly smiled back, squeezing his hand.

They asked at the information desk for the office, then they sat in the waiting room in a relatively impatient silence. Meredith fidgeted a little with the fabric of her scrubs, while Derek crossed and uncrossed his legs as he flipped through a copy of the same magazines they offered in the waiting rooms at Seattle Grace.

As he glanced at Meredith, he could see her biting her lip nervously and he smiled at her.

"What is it, Mere?"

"I'm not an idiot for wanting this, right?"

He grabbed her hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "I told you a thousand times, we can still walk out of here and decide that Seattle Grace is more suitable for you as the place to have the baby. Or maybe you want to have the baby here instead of home. We're going to see our baby today and discuss a bunch of things, nothing less, nothing more"

"Okay" she nodded, swallowing thickly "I'm just, -"

"I get that. This is you, being a wonderful mother" he grinned brightly and she replied to that with her own smile, tearful and tentative.

"Meredith?" a nurse interrupted the moment and they both stood up, joining hands again as they walked into the office.

They were welcomed by a plump, colored woman, her almost black eyes shimmering with light and trust, her curly hair tied up in a bun, her smile bright and sincere.

"I'm Dr. Nora Westhill, but you can call me Nora" she shook their hands right away "I hope you won't mind me being informal"

"No worries." Meredith whispered, nodding.

"So, you are Meredith and Derek" she grinned, picking up the file they had sent over and shuffling through it "Surgeons. I'm sure I have seen you around a couple of times as I crossed the street"

"We both work there, yeah" Derek spoke, as he noticed that Meredith was too nervous to contain a ramble.

"It's not your first baby" her smile dimmed.

"We have a little girl, Zola." Meredith commented brightly "She's two and a half today" then clued in, her smile disappeared as she swallowed thickly. "Oh, right. No." her face fell and she gripped Derek's hand tighter "It's not my first pregnancy, no"

It was awkward at best at this point, but Nora's soft smile eased it a little "Why did you decide to come here?"

"I want a natural birth" she stated simply "I don't have good experiences of being in the hospital as a patient or a relative"

"There's a note here that you are considering the option of giving birth at home"

Meredith nodded "We're in the right place, right?"

"You most certainly are. Before I list you all the possible options that we offer apart from home births, why don't we take a look at the little one?"

"Please." Derek grinned brightly "I still can't feel it move."

"What about you, Meredith?" Nora asked

"I think it feels that I'm nervous, because right now there's a party going on in my uterus. Possible somersaults."

"Wonderful!" Nora smirked, then set up the ultrasound machine "Do you want to know the sex or I should steer clear from the lower regions?"

"Let's keep it hidden for now" Meredith said with a timid smile, almost as if she felt like it was the wrong answer.

"There's no rush" Nora smiled back fully "Not rushing things is our philosophy here. I want you to relax now, Meredith"

They waited in silence as the gel was sprawled on Meredith's abdomen and Nora smiled as soon as a grainy figure appeared on the screen.

"There it is" she grinned, cranking up the volume to let the heartbeat fill the room. "We'll leave it up for as long as you want"

"Until my due date?" Meredith giggled, now a lot more relaxed "Hi Bird, you've grown so much"

"You really did Bird. You know, it's hard to impress a surgeon, but you manage to take my breath away every single time" Derek whispered, his hand squeezing Meredith's.

"Everything looks right on schedule. Length, weight, even movements. Look at that, that's a wave!" Nora grinned and Derek mimicked the motion. "While we do the other tests, why don't we discuss a birth plan?"

"Birth plan?" Meredith frowned.

"Yeah, how and where would you want to give birth to this little bundle. I can give you options and tell you risk factors and benefits, then at our next appointment you can give me more than the guidelines you offered our secretary when you booked the appointment"

Meredith looked a little overwhelmed, but she smiled. "Sounds good"

Meredith and Derek listened raptly to Nora's words, while she kept examining Meredith and the baby. She was listing a series of information probably retained in memory, but the warmth seeping through her voice made them feel at ease. Sometimes they interrupted for questions, more details or a simple personal opinion, and Nora explained them everything they wanted to know, step by step.

They lost track of time as Nora described them how a home birth would work, what they'll need to have in the house, what the birth center offered, even what to do in case something went wrong, but right in that moment, as the options were listed, Meredith couldn't think of anything going wrong.

The baby's heartbeat was like a soundtrack, keeping them grounded, guiding them through the various option as Meredith filed away the information and Derek collected brochures. He almost regretted not grabbing a notepad for the occasion, but Nora made sure she'd be available for any kind of question.

They got out of the appointment with a stack of sonograms, a bunch of pamphlets and fliers and bright smiles on their faces.

They collected Zola from the hospital daycare and took the rest of the day off, deciding to focus their attention on their little girl instead of their little Bird. They went together on a ferry ride, which Zola loved to bits, showing them that no matter where she came from, ferryboats were still fascinating. The only downside was the rain that began falling halfway through the ride.

They enjoyed a day in as a family then, as they played together in the living room as the day faded to sunset, waiting for their guests to arrive.

Mark rang the doorbell and came in carrying Sofia on his shoulders, Derek welcoming him inside as the two girls began playing friendly together.

"Do you mind if I grab something to drink, man?" Mark asked right away

"Meredith is already in the kitchen, I'll keep an eye on the girls"

Meredith turned immediately towards their guest as Mark walked in, leaving the stack of sonograms she was shuffling through on the table.

"Is that Junior?" Mark grinned, stepping closer to her

"Don't call our baby Junior. It's probably not even a boy" Meredith smirked

"You found out?" Mark's eyes widened

"No, we want to be surprised"

"You so have a hunch. What does Carolyn say?" Mark smirked

"She couldn't figure it out" Meredith's smile was smug "It probably even has my nose"

"Way to go, Baby!" Mark cheered, studying the picture and making Meredith giggle. "I wish I could do it another time, you know?"

"What? Look at a sonogram?"

Mark rolled his eyes "Have a baby," he stated, turning serious "Maybe a boy"

"You can, Mark" Meredith smiled softly, sitting at the table and mimicking to him to do the same.

"No, not without Lexie"

The silence stretched for a moment as Meredith's ran her fingers over the grainy, black and white picture, keeping the tears at bay.

"Are you holding up okay?" she asked Mark, then "I don't know what I'd do without Derek, so -"

"You'll keep going"

"So will you, Mark. But you should know that I'm always here to help, even if it looks like I have a million things going on. Derek and I, we are here" she smiled encouragingly and Mark replied with a small smile of his own.

"You know how hard it is for us dirty mistresses to trust people. I blew my chance with Lex"

"You didn't. Maybe it was supposed to be this way, you know?" Meredith sighed, staring intensely at Mark as she placed her hands on her stomach "Maybe you were supposed to find the love of your life and lose it, because she might not have been the love of your life at all, just a great love. And maybe I was supposed to become a big sister and let it slip away from my fingers and fail at it. We're in the same shoes"

"You think I'll get a second chance?" Mark interrupted with a vulnerability that Meredith had hardly seen before.

"I got mine, with Molly." She managed a small smile "Well, maybe more like half a chance, but I'm trying to build something and widen Zola's family. I'm sure you are going to find another great love Mark"

"Or I'll learn to love Sofia more than anything else in the world"

"Hey, you can babysit for us" Meredith grinned

"Gladly! Our girls get on like a house on fire"

"It would be great if they remain best friends"

"It's great to have your childhood best friend around" Mark grinned, unconsciously looking back to the living room where Derek was "Did you have one?"

"Me? Child of darkness couldn't have best friends" Meredith smirked, but revealed a certain sadness. "I had this one friend, I sneaked her in every afternoon when my mother wasn't home. I remember we laughed a lot and we hid in the attic of my house in Boston. Edda, that was her name. She always wore it so proudly, because it reminded her of her Icelandic ancestors"

"What happened to her?"

"We drifted apart. My mother sent me to boarding school because I was that kind of child and Edda got on with her life. I think she writes poetry now"

"You should keep in touch, Grey. Life...it slips away." Mark said wistfully, leaving the room and leaving Meredith immersed in her thoughts, her hand drifting to her stomach again as Bird marked its presence.

"Did you and Mark have a nice chat?" Derek intruded with a smile, kissing the top of her head as he helped himself to a glass of water as well, not hiding that somehow the chat had been a little set up.

"Uh?" She smiled at him, only then realizing he had probably asked her something.

"Where were you?"

"I was thinking about Edda, my childhood bestie," her grin was gentle and soft

"What brought her up?"

"Zola and Sofia," she shrugged "It's a good thing, what they have. My first best friend writes poetry now, have I ever told you that?"

"Is that the book I found on your nightstand?" Derek grinned, suddenly cluing in.

Meredith nodded "I bought that on a whim as soon as I saw her name on the cover"

"I thought you bought it because one of the last poems is entitled Meredith" he shrugged.

"What?" her eyes widened

"You didn't read it? I thought it fit you perfectly, that's why I remember"

"Where's the book now?" she asked suddenly, standing up quicker than her usual.

"Somewhere in the living room" Derek frowned, trying to recall its location, but then she was already gone to the quest.

She came back with a book with a pale blue cover, white title and author printed in a common font, simple and essential. Meredith sat back at the table and skimmed through the whole book, until she found the mark Derek had put there.

He watched her eyes glaze over as she read through the words, her fingers turning over the page with a gentleness that did not hide the slight tremor of her hold, her free hand going to rest over their child as she bit her lip and absorbed the words.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Derek smiled and watched as Meredith nodded tearfully, before standing up and burying herself into his arms as she began sobbing.

"Shh, it's a good thing" Derek soothed her, unable to keep a small smile from his lips. He was grateful he had remembered about the book, just so he could see his wife's reaction.

"I know, I'm just..." she swallowed "First Lexie, then Edda, I can't...I cry when I watch sappy cartoons with Zola, Derek!" she spat, a little fierceness seeping back into her as she loosened her hold on him.

"Maybe you should find her or send her a fan mail. Go to her next book signing. I think both of you would be glad to see each other"

"It's not gonna be the same"

"But it's gonna be nice to see her either way" he encouraged her with a smile, tilting up her face and brushing away her tears with the pad of his thumbs "Look, she surely has an e-mail address. Google her name and then go from there" he smiled, wiping away her tears with his thumbs.

She finally smiled at this and asked, in a gentle voice that made both of their grins widen, "I'm horrible with words, can the king of cheesy proof-read it?"

* * *

**For this Edda character -especially the name- you can blame my German Philology exam. It messed with my head, badly, but it was a great subject. I have no idea why I added her, it just felt right. She's not gonna disappear into oblivion like Sadie though, she'll have her own fifteen seconds of celebrity in the future.**

**So, Nora Westhill is kind and wonderful and trustworthy. They saw the baby too and Bird is definitely bigger :)**

**Mark had his long-due conversation with Meredith. They have a strange kinship and I like writing the two of them together. I miss Markie, so there will be more of him, if you don't mind.**

**Oh, before I forget. I said I would address Zola's age in this chapter and I did it. I guessed it, because there's no timeline in the Grey's universe; she looks more than two, but not really three, so I went in the middle. Latins were convinced it was usually the best option with their _in medias stat virtus,_ so I trust my ancestors.**

**Now that I made myself look like a badass university student and not a hopeless procrastinator, I can leave you all. **

**See you next Sunday, if you decide to stay!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Happy Sunday readers!**

**It has not been long, but this chapter addresses an issue that I had forgotten for a while. You'll just recognize it as we go. **

**Disclaimer: All medical facts have NO claim to be accurate. I write things, I don't have a medical degree. Take the medical procedures in here with a pinch of salt!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 25**

* * *

Derek smiled widely as he walked proudly through the aisles of the hospital on his day off, holding Zola in one arm and breakfast for Meredith in the other. People were staring, but he couldn't care less. He was bringing breakfast to his pregnant wife, he was allowed to be cheerful.

"Hey Debbie!" he greeted the nurse with a dazzling smile, and the older woman stared at him over her reading glasses "Do you know where Dr. Grey-Shepherd is?" he gloated, still absolutely not used to call his wife that. He'll probably feel always a little bit proud when he'll say it.

"I believe she's in OR 2. She has been there most of the night. Gotta love the night shift" Debbie mumbled

"Thank you Debbie" he said, handing coffee to the nurse.

"This baby is every day more gorgeous" the nurse smiled softly then, tickling Zola, who squirmed in her father's arms and giggled.

"I Zola" she reproached and Derek's smile widened.

"Derek!" he heard from behind, recognizing Richard's voice. "Hey there, Zola" the surgeon cooed, and Zola grinned widely.

"Richard," Derek smiled "Good morning. You've been here all night too?"

"Do I look like I slept in the hospital?" he smirked and made Zola giggle again, squirming in Derek's hold.

"Okay, let's get you down." Derek gave up "Don't go too far Zo, we need to be here when Mama gets out"

"Mama arr!" Zola shrugged her shoulders, looking up at Richard almost as if she was explaining him, then climbing on the empty office chair behind the nurses desk with purpose.

"She's been spending way too much time with Cristina" Derek smirked, shaking his head in amusement "A two-year-older who knows the word OR"

"Meredith could say appy at about the same age, don't be surprised" Richard smiled as he watched Zola climb up and down the chair and play with it.

"Nothing about Zola surprises me anymore" Derek grinned widely "Do you mind keeping an eye on her, so I can get changed and grab a milkshake for Meredith?"

"Go ahead" Richard smiled and Derek jogged away to his office.

Zola kept spinning on her chair delighted, until she stumbled out of it, hands first, and fell.

It was a second, when she stood up and looked around, her eyes searching frantically, her lower lip trembling, until she locked eyes with Richard and howled "Dada!" before she burst into tears.

Richard was quick to pick her up and, ignoring the screams, he cuddled the little girl closer, swaying a little as Zola hiccupped and sniffled, still mumbling "Dada" incoherently.

"He'll be back soon, Zola. Where does it hurt?" he asked quietly, trying a calming smile.

Zola showed him her tiny palms and Richard kissed them quickly, for a moment interrupting the flow of tears. "All better now?" he smiled and Zola giggled.

She held out her palms again and Richard kissed her better once again, making her giggle even more.

"That's a sound I really like to hear after a million hours in surgery" a voice startled them and a surprised Meredith showed up beside Richard.

"Mama!" Zola yelped, holding out her hands and wriggling in Richard's arms.

"Hi baby girl" Meredith grinned, kissing her face "Did you run away from home?" Meredith giggled, settling Zola on her hip, her little legs wrapping easily barely above her baby bump.

"Dada" Zola explained with a shrug, almost as if she was stating the obvious.

"Uh uh, I don't see Dada here" Meredith grinned.

Zola shrugged her shoulders again as she looked around then mumbled "Puff" making Meredith laugh brightly and Richard join them.

"He's changing, he'll be back in a moment" Richard explained.

"I'm here!" Derek's voice reached them and he appeared in all his glory and navy blue scrubs, holding a milkshake and the paper bag. Meredith smiled so widely he wanted to kiss her senseless for the rest of the day.

"Hey stranger" he grinned, walking closer to Meredith and pushing the milkshake in her free hand, before kissing her lips longingly. He stole Zola as he pulled away and the girl wasn't happy. She grunted and frowned as Derek picked up the paper bag with pastries and gave it to Meredith.

"What's all this?" Meredith frowned, just as deliciously as Zola

"Breakfast" he said quickly, kissing her again "You stayed here all night, at least you're going to have a proper breakfast"

"You ran out of muesli, didn't you?" Meredith smirked and he gave her a lopsided grin, kissing her again. "Thank you" she mumbled, before digging into the pastry.

Derek smiled simply, watching Meredith eat delighted.

"I'm going to go now, then" Richard excused himself, feeling almost an intruder in such a family moment.

"Oh, no, wait. I have an announcement to make, you can stay" Derek grinned widely and Meredith stared at him.

"Derek, I changed my size of scrubs, the world knows we're having a baby"

"Baby!" Zola yelped

"Bossy" Derek grinned and Richard shook his head amused "I got cleared for surgery" Derek smirked and Meredith froze.

"You did?" she mumbled, incredulous.

"Yeah" he smiled, "Right before I arrived here, actually" then it was Meredith who launched herself to him for a kiss. A little too passionate kiss because Zola groaned, sandwiched in Derek's arms, and they pulled away with rosy cheeks, their eyes shining with emotion.

Meredith bit her lip and watched her husband, happier than she has ever seen him lately, and sighed.

"Congratulation Derek!" Richard smiled gratefully, patting him on his back. His lingering hand on Derek's shoulder was patted by Zola, who grinned just as widely as her parents.

"Did you have fun with Uncle Richard?" Derek asked Zola then.

"We had a bit of a balancing incident, but it was all better later" the older man explained.

"They looked like they were having fun" Meredith smirked, rubbing her baby's back as she kept smiling.

"We did, right Zola?" Richard winked, and the baby giggled. "I have surgery in twenty minutes, I'd better go get coffee" he smiled then. "I'm glad we can have you back permanently, Derek"

"I'm glad to be back, Richard. Thanks for watching Zola"

"Anytime"

The older man retreated and Meredith kept staring at Derek, joy in her eyes. "Are you going to troll for cases in the pit?" she smirked

"Probably" he chuckled, pulling her closer "How was your night?"

"Long" Meredith sighed, suddenly the tiredness catching up with her "I just have a few more hours of paperwork though, then I can get home and sleep"

"I can take Zola home later"

"I'll text you if I'll take her" she smiled, then her pager beeped "MVA ten minutes out. Looks like my boring paperwork will wait. I might need your helpful hands down in the ER, Dr. Shepherd" she smiled

"I'll meet you baby-free in five" he grinned, kissing her quickly just because they could, before the went in two opposite directions.

Meredith welcomed the twenty-five year old man with internal bleeding and a probable head injury in Trauma Room 1, listening carefully to the paramedics rattle out stats and the intern fuss around the patient to get first dibs on the surgery.

"Welcome back, Dr. Shepherd" she smiled widely, when Derek walked in exactly five minutes later, his hand finally free from the sleeve, a smile mirrored on his face.

"It's good to be back Dr. Grey-Shepherd, especially since we're going to share a case" he smirked, his eyes sparkling.

"Abdominal CT for me, get one of the head for Dr. Shepherd too" she ordered to her intern, who was staring a little too intently at Derek "Stat!"

"Uh, yes ma'am...Dr. Grey-Shepherd" the intern stammered, then scrambled out quickly, making Derek smirk at her bossiness.

They continued the preliminary tests, then they waited together for the CT results, sharing a drink at the coffee cart quietly.

Their intern came back exactly as they were throwing out their paper cups, announcing that their patient he had a small bleed in his temporal lobe and part of his liver and spleen needed to be repaired. They decided to use only one anesthesia and do both surgeries together.

Derek followed Meredith in the scrub room and helped her tie up her scrub cap, kissing the nape of her neck in the process and making her giggle loudly.

"Stop it!" she protested without much force.

"Focus, right" he smiled, then handed her the soap.

They exchanged furtive glances as they washed up, suddenly feeling like it was surreal.

"It's the first surgery we're both going to lead" Meredith announced, somehow drawn by the color of their matching scrubs, realization setting in.

"Yeah" he smiled widely "Feels good"

"Definitely" she agreed, her smile widening a little "Are you going to be okay?"

"I've been practicing a lot on dummies to check the mobility. I might take a little longer, but I'll manage"

"Good" she smirked, closing the water.

They stared at each other for a long minute and Derek tried to keep his mind away from the apprehensive thoughts plaguing him. Yes, Callie might have cleared him for surgery, but they were sharing stories about Zola and Sofia and maybe she had been a tad too distracted. Like he had been distracted when he had cleared Preston Burke for surgery a few years ago.

Derek kept the door open for Meredith, and she grinned at him from behind her mask, their bodies barely brushing as he followed her inside the room.

A round of applause filled the OR and Derek had to smile brightly at the warm welcome. He was nervous, but the confidence his staff was giving him calmed his nerves a little, especially since Meredith was there with him.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives," he smiled, watching one by one each member of the staff he had worked with countless times and was worried he'd never meet professionally again. "It's a beautiful day indeed."

Derek positioned himself in front of the shaved skull while Meredith peered at him from her place near the abdomen; they smiled at each other, then they begun.

Every little detail went smoothly on Meredith's part. She had to remove part of the liver and repair the spleen as predicted, but the stitches and patches seemed to hold perfectly. She tied the last stitch carefully, then lifted up her head to see Derek stretch his neck, a sign that he was losing focus a bit.

"Do you mind if I stay here until the end, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, worried when he looked at her a little doubtfully.

"Stand by me" he almost ordered and she stood at his left, smiling gently at the intern suctioning on his right. There was something unconvincing in his demeanor and her shift was over anyway, she could stay a little longer. She felt like she had to, despite the lingering tiredness already catching up with her as she stopped.

"How is it going?" she asked, hiding the sliver of concern.

"It's a tricky bleed. How was it down there?"

"Peachy, really."

"Good" he mumbled, his eyes not leaving the brain in front of him "That's really good. Clamp please" he held out his left hand "No, wait" he swallowed "I need to cauterize here first. Suction, damn it!"

"Take your time" Meredith soothed simply, her voice calm and collected as Derek got near the bleed and began working on it.

She wanted to put her hand on his back and rub away the tension from his shoulders, feel his muscles relax instead of being a single block of pent up nerves. His usually fluid and quick movements seemed robotic and forced, which unsettled Meredith, but she thought it was because he was rusty, not because he had lost his ability.

Well, until he asked the resident to hold the instrument for him and he flexed his left hand multiple times, his fingers shaking.

He swallowed thickly, then looked up to find Meredith's concerned gaze. "I..." he mumbled.

"You were suturing the blood vessel" she said simply, looking at him in determination and handing him the suture. His fingers had yet to stop trembling.

"I..."

"I'm not leaving. Here," she said simply, preparing the needle for the suture and holding it out for him "I'm gonna hold the retractor"

"Meredith -" he began, his blue eyes turning glassy.

"Just finish this one. It's the last part." she encouraged and the whole OR, gallery included, was holding their breaths. The resident and intern were gawking at Meredith, the nurses were worriedly preparing more instruments, one of them close to the phone and ready to call in Dr. Nelson, while the anesthesiologist was blinking rapidly in disbelief.

"I'm not going to be the next Burke" Derek shook his head, stepping away from the table hastily "You can finish" he swallowed thickly, his vision blurring.

"Stay here, please;" Meredith said with determination, taking his place in front of the skull. He shook his head shakily, staring at his gloved hand like he wanted to cut it off by himself. "Walk me through it" Meredith stated calmly, and Derek's head snapped up.

"You know how to stitch a blood vessel." he snapped, his rough voice cracking at the end.

"I want you to walk me through it." she kept the same reassuring tone.

He gave in.

His shaky voice went through the rest of the surgery step by step, feeling like it was torture or karma biting him in the ass. Meredith completed the procedure flawlessly, without Neuro being even her specialty, the resident at her side green with envy.

Fifteen minutes later Derek was hunched over the sink in the scrub room, waiting for Meredith to close, barely holding in his tears.

The rest of the surgical team scrubbed out and disappeared glancing at him with sympathy -or was it pity?- but Meredith was the last one. She had been up all night, but she was still determined to put the last stitch on the patient and bandage every wound herself.

She walked out of the OR with a sad smile, placing a soft kiss on Derek's cheek as she stood beside him at the sink, her hand rubbing his stiff back in comfort.

"I'm sorry" she said simply, and he knew she meant it.

"I got my hopes up" he admitted, a veil of tears in his eyes, his voice breaking slightly. "I..."

"It's okay, mine were up too" she sighed, starting to scrub out "You'll get there, Derek"

"I...What if you weren't in the OR with me?"

"You would have done the right thing. I know you would have" she looked up at him and he knew she had undivided trust in him "The guy is going to be okay, Derek"

"I could have damaged his brain permanently"

"And I could have nicked an artery and killed him. You didn't Derek" she said plainly, grabbing a paper towel "It was a long surgery and you just got cleared"

His eyes watered "I..."

"Come here" she said simply, opening her arms to him "Come on!" she smiled softly as he hesitated, stepping closer to him.

He swallowed thickly, before engulfing Meredith in a hug she happily reciprocated.

"You're not gonna be the next Burke" she whispered next to his ear, pulling him even closer as she stood on her tiptoes and tried to make her stomach fit in between them.

"I shouldn't have been in that OR" he mumbled, burying his nose deeper in Meredith's neck.

"It's okay if you need more practice, -"

"Callie was distracted when she cleared me this morning" he swallowed, dreading what he was going to say next "The day I went to the follow up alone, she said that I might never regain full function" he admitted and then a pin could drop in the scrub room and you would have heard it. Meredith pulled away from him and stared deep into his eyes, her hands still on his shoulders not to make him bolt.

"What?" she spluttered, taken aback.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled "I should have..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, a hurt frown marring her features "It's been months!"

"I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. I wanted to see you happy about the fact that we had just seen our baby and then I just...omitted it"

"Derek, -"

"I know, I'm sorry" he stiffened, stepping away from her warmth and leaning heavily against the cold metal sink, trying to keep his tears at bay.

"You should have told me" she said gravely "It wouldn't have changed anything"

"It would have!" he snapped, turning to her with a deep-rooted sadness in his eyes.

"How?" she challenged, fiery and stubborn as usual.

"You would have felt sorry for me! Stopped talking about the hospital or the amazing surgeries you could scrub in or -"

"Derek, you can tell me things and I can tell you things without one of us breaking" she said simply "We have been through so much crap that there needs to be more than words to break us now!"

The certainty in her words, the soft smile on her lips, the way her hand moved slightly forward from her hip to rest on her stomach, they all made Derek feel like the biggest ass ever.

"I'm sorry" he spluttered, not knowing what to say anymore, just feeling overwhelmed.

"I know" she said simply, and she was the one who pulled him swiftly in a tight hug this time.

Time stood still as Derek took deep but shaky breaths and hid his tears, Meredith simply held him like he had held her so many times, their baby nestled snugly between them; she felt the already more common flutters deep inside her womb, relishing the presence of their tiny human. It was warm and comforting and it felt so right that Meredith forgot all of a sudden that a world outside this embrace existed, so did Derek.

Until he felt a gentle poke in the ribs.

Derek pulled away suddenly, staring at Meredith puzzled and a bit in awe.

He knelt in front of her, his own two hands on her stomach, his eyes red and puffy, his expression indecipherable.

"Derek?" her eyes widened, a mix of shock and puzzlement.

"Did Bird kick?" he asked breathlessly, his eyes fixated on the navy blue of her scrub top.

"Yeah?" she frowned, then realization shone brightly "You felt it?"

"I don't know. I think it poked me" he looked up even more in awe, resting his hand fleetingly over her belly "Oh God it's moving again, right?" he grinned widely

"Yes, Derek" she grinned, a giggle escaping her lips as his hands roamed all over her stomach, tracking the few movements he could feel "She's moving"

He looked at her with a dazzling smile, his problems suddenly set aside, then he joked "So, girl today?"

"Yup! She's been quiet the whole surgery, she deserves an award" Meredith smiled, her hands lingering over Derek's then tangled in his hair at the nape of his neck when he put his ear against the fabric of her scrub top and kept grinning, taking a cleansing breath as Bird kicked his cheek.

"Hi Bird, it's Daddy;" he still chocked up a little when he said that, his lips finding her stomach for a quick peck "Thank you for being a good baby for Mama, she had a very long night"

"Thank you Daddy, for being cuddly and happy despite the crappy hour you just had" Meredith replied for their baby as he kissed the very spot where he felt the last movement.

"Credits to Bird, definitely" he looked up and gave her a lopsided grin, then he just rested his ear again against her stomach.

"It will be okay, Derek" Meredith replied, and he sighed loudly.

"I hope so" and for once, she was the one who believed more than he did.

* * *

**I was a little mean here with Derek. I have plans for him, don't worry. This is not an issue that is going to disappear, it will be with us for a few more chapters, and I really hope you won't mind. I know _Isabel164_ will surely won't ;)**

**I pushed aside a bunch of other storylines I introduced in the last chapters, especially Edda, but this one needed to be a stand-alone. Also, I hope you didn't mind Richard there. I never used his character in this fic so here are his 15 minutes of fame.**

**Again, I'm no medical expert, so I basically made up a procedure for Derek to fail. If you want to suggest me an edit, I'll be glad to change it to something closer to reality.**

**Stay tuned next Sunday for the developments on Derek's hand and how this will affect their everyday life!**

**Thank you for reading and eventually reviewing!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you for showing up every Sunday! I haven't thanked you up here in a while, so thanks!  
**

**I promise you that I'm gonna explain more in detail what happened in the last chapter with Derek's hand. As usual, my medical knowledge is based off every writer's best friend Google. I can make it up to you only with Zola's adorableness, I hope you won't mind ;)**

**Enjoy! I surely did enjoy myself while writing!**

* * *

**Chapter 26**

* * *

Derek woke up grumpy that morning. It was Meredith's day off and he had wanted to surprise her with breakfast in bed and an already dressed Zola before work, but staying in bed for the rest of the day felt like a more appealing option.

He didn't need to go to work, after all.

He groaned and sighed deeply when he stretched his arm to shut the alarm off, another reminder that he should have been already looking for his clothes to get dressed and go to work.

Meredith stirred and curled into an even tighter ball around him as he stopped the offending sound, sighing when her nose scrunched up and her eyes opened sleepily.

"Shh, it's still early" he mumbled, running a hand through her hair and placing a scratchy kiss on the crown of her head "I forgot the alarm, I'm sorry."

"Hmm" she hummed, smacking her lips with a blissful expression on her face "No work"

"Yeah Mere, no work today" he felt a smile tugging up his lips as she nuzzled her nose in his neck.

Her eyes fluttered open to reveal a mischievous glint "It's early"

"Is it?" he smiled, feeling a little of the weight of the morning lift from his shoulders as she kissed his morning stubble.

"Zo won't be up in a while, hopefully" she grinned, rolling on her back and bringing him with her.

He hovered over body mindful of her bump, staring at her face for a moment, just taking in her heavy-lidded eyes, the hair framing her face like a halo, her body warm and soft and fitting in between his hollow spaces despite the growing roundness of her stomach.

"You can get a few more hours of sleep, you know" he smirked, capturing her lips.

"Not worth missing this" she grinned into his kiss, before lacing her hands behind his neck and kissing him back. "I have to pee first though" she giggled as she pulled away and Derek grinned.

He let her untangle from his hold and fell in a heap on the bed, her warmth slipping away as she scrambled to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar.

His smile died on his lips.

He let his thoughts drift for a moment to the meeting he had had with Owen the day before, after the OR debacle. They were friends, married to the twisted sisters, they knew each others. Yet, Derek felt like he was back in the principal's office as he had sat in what used to be his office and had let Owen yell at him, his head bowed, the shame raising deep and red on his cheeks.

He knew he had been a fool, that he could have jeopardized his whole career, that he was a reckless surgeon for going in the OR without a one-hundred percent chance certainty of his abilities post surgery, but Owen understood.

He gave him a day off when Derek mentioned that Meredith wasn't working as well, no fuss, no reward. He wasn't on probation, he wasn't banned from the OR, he simply had to think about his life and his career and his wrist, then get back to work if Callie thought he could work ever again.

"Derek" Meredith called out softly from the bathroom, but with a certain urgency to it. He was immediately alert and out of his musing.

"What is it?" he scrambled out of bed and pushed the door open, revealing Meredith standing in awe in front of their mirror, with her hands placed reverentially under her bare, exposed stomach, her shirt rolled under her breasts and her lips stretching in a small grin.

"Look!" she said simply, running her hand on her stomach and turning sideways.

Derek smiled widely when he noticed how pronounced was the swell now, a clearly round, defined curve that jutted out of Meredith and made her look like a goddess.

"Bird is definitely growing" he grinned widely, closing the distance between them in two strides and placing his hand right above Meredith's and whispering "Hi baby," and the baby kicked in response.

Meredith leaned her back against his chest and there they stood, looking at each other through the bathroom mirror and cradling her stomach gently, their cheeks touching, their bodies connected in every inch.

Meredith sighed, when her eyes caught sight of the black protective sleeve on their cabinet "Have you thought about what happened yesterday in the OR?"

"Mer -" he took a deep breath and she turned to face him, holding his hands in place.

"Have you?" she prodded and he gave in. At his nod, she continued "And?"

He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the talk that the simple syllable brought on.

"What if can't be a surgeon anymore?" he blurted "What should I do? We have two kids to raise Mere, I need to bring the bacon home, I can't leave all the work to you and -"

"Shh, stop right there" she smiled encouragingly, her hand cupping his cheek, her thumb brushing lovingly his stubble "I know we are going to have two kids, believe me, it's feeling every day more real as Bird grows, but I can still work. I want to work" she emphasized "And you can still be a doctor, Derek"

"What if I can't operate again?"

"Then you'll open a private practice and become a neurologist. It's not ideal, but it's still better than nothing" she suggested.

"I hated the private practice I had in New York." he stated roughly, avoiding her gaze.

"Then you'll teach. I'm sure all those horny medical school girls would be overjoyed to have such a hot, charming professor." she grinned, her eyes turning a shade darker.

"Mer, I'm serious. This is serious." He shook his head, looking down at his feet but finding Meredith's stomach in between them.

"So am I" she replied softly, pulling up his chin and forcing his stare up "You are a good teacher, the kids will love you."

"I can stay at home until Zola and Bird are in school, be their Daddy" his frown morphed into a gentle smile.

"Oh Derek" Meredith sighed, tiny tears filling her eyes as she cupped his face in her hands, touched by his sweetness "You are a great Daddy already, you can still work and be an awesome Daddy"

"That's the only appealing option right now" he sighed, his hands finding Meredith's stomach for a loving rub.

"What about another surgery?"

"I think I should talk to Callie again about all the options. Yesterday we simply discussed a couple of things, maybe the tests we did showed something different."

Meredith studied his hesitancy, the sadness buried into his gaze, and she knew she had to do something about it. "Derek, there are less than thirty people in the world that can do a job as good as yours. You are probably the only one on the West Coast. The only one." Meredith pressed, an encouraging smile on her lips "You are a surgeon"

He sighed and locked eyes with Meredith, before kissing her softly. She smiled gently and then the same glint in the eyes she had before her bathroom break returned in full force.

She kissed him back passionately, eager to continue what they had started back in the bed, even though they knew they needed to talk more about this issue. Meredith knew he needed this as much as he needed to get the sour feeling of not being enough out of his chest. She made him feel like he was enough.

Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's torso and walked her backwards towards their bed, letting her sit gently on the rumpled comforter and watching as her lips stretched in a soft smile.

They could definitely talk later.

He was about to take off his shirt and lay Meredith fully on her back when they heard the door-handle jingle. They immediately recomposed themselves, sitting up straighter before the door could open, revealing their daughter's sleepy form.

Zola was barefoot and one leg of her lavender pajama was lifted over her knee, crumpling the white polka dots printed on it. She was holding tightly her stuffed lion while she rubbed her eyes with her free hand, her braids were loose and unkempt and her usual smile hidden behind an uncertain, sleepy expression.

"Mama" she mumbled in a small voice.

"Hey ZoZo," Meredith smiled softly, untangling from Derek with an apologetic look "What is it? Did you have a bad dream?"

Zola shook her head dramatically, tightening her grip on the lion almost to brace herself for the confession. "Pee pee in da bed, Mama"

Meredith let out a soft, encouraging smile as she saw the disappointment in the girl's features. They had been trying to potty-train her for a few days and it had been the first night they had proudly put her in a pull-up diaper for the night, after Zola had gone a whole day without accidents. They weren't expecting her to stay dry, but it was worth a shot.

Meredith smiled softly at Derek, then stood up and held out her hand for Zola to take "Let's go change"

"Sorry" Zola mumbled with so much sorrow that Meredith wanted to pull her so close that she'd never let go.

"Hey," she stopped right at the threshold of their door, smiling sweetly as Zola looked at her with sleepy eyes "Accidents happen; you had your pull-up on, it's okay."

"We don't mind it" Derek smiled from his position on the bed, and Zola's features relaxed considerably.

When Meredith held out her hand again, Zola grabbed it promptly and shuffled out to her room beside her mother, the lion dangling barely above the floor in her other hand as she held it from one of its paws. Derek watched their silhouettes disappear out in the hall and smiled proudly between himself.

Meredith picked up a fresh pair of panties while they migrated to the bathroom, then stripped Zola out of her pajama pants. "See baby, still dry" she smiled sweetly, showing her the garment.

"Oh" Zola frowned.

"Do you want to go potty again?" Meredith asked as Zola pulled down swiftly the diaper with her free hand and nodded.

"There we go, then"

She holstered Zola up on the toilet seat, holding the stuffed lion for her, and saw her little girl sigh in relief when a tinkling sound broke their quiet.

"Good job Zo" she encouraged and Zola finally broke out in a smile.

She held out the fresh panties and Zola grabbed them eagerly, easily figuring out where she had to put her legs, then she pulled them up quickly and grinned.

"Up!"

"Come here, let's put the pants back on" Meredith giggled as she crouched in front of Zola who re-appropriated herself of the lion and let Meredith help with the pants. Meredith kissed the top of her head and Zola was quick to swing her arms around her neck for a hug.

"Do you want to cuddle for a while?" Meredith asked softly "It's still early to be up, and Mommy and Daddy are home today."

Zola nodded and Meredith picked her up in her arms with a slight effort. Zola wrapped her legs around her and sighed sleepily as Meredith walked back to the master bedroom, where Derek was already dressing up for the day. Meredith sat on the edge of the bed and in a moment, Zola was hiding her face on Meredith's chest, her body flush under Meredith's armpit as she held her close and Derek sat on the other side, rubbing Zola's back with his bigger hand.

"Are you still sleepy?" Derek asked gently with a smile. Zola shook her head but gripped Meredith's t-shirt in her fist and breathed in her soapy smell.

They sat there in silence together for a few minutes, only Zola didn't fall back to sleep. She shifted to rest her head on what was left of Meredith's lap, looking up at her mother smiling, her ear next to Meredith's stomach. She wrapped her arm around the bump, a content smile on her lips, then she let out a startled "Oh" when the baby kicked, then giggled when the following kick tickled her.

"This is your sibling moving inside Mama, just like we read in the book about being big sisters" Derek smiled widely "It's pretty funny, right?" he continued, watching as Zola stared mesmerized at Meredith's stomach "Mama says it feels like the wings of a bird"

"Chirp chirp!" Zola mimicked, making her parents smile widely.

"Our baby Bird doesn't chirp" Meredith added playfully, and Zola giggled endlessly as Meredith grabbed her tinier hand and tracked the movement of the baby inside her.

"Day day baby Bid!" Zola grinned, smacking a sloppy kiss over the cottony fabric of the t-shirt.

"Oh Zola," Meredith sighed, pulling her closer and leaving a proud kiss on top of her head, trying to hide the tiny hormonal tears building up in her eyes.

"Why don't we go to the aquarium together today?" Derek suddenly proposed, his smile doubling as he watched Zola's face lit up.

"Fwishies?" Zola piped up with her usual excitement.

"We can see a lot of fishes, yeah" Derek grinned "Even the octopus or sharks" he added and Zola's eyes widened.

"Let's go then" Meredith grinned, basking in the excitement of their little girl.

They had breakfast together and Derek's mood improved tenfold as he tried to explain to an over-excited Zola what they would see at the aquarium.

They took the ferry there, since the aquarium was located on the waterfront, and Zola kept babbling their ears off as she tried to discuss the qualities of all the marine creatures Derek had listed her.

While Derek bought the tickets, Meredith and Zola waited for him sitting on a bench in the main hall and the little girl was already fascinated by the building.

She kept pointing out to things around them while shouting "Mama, 'ook!", her smile contagious as Meredith tried to explain to her every single object her eyes landed on. It was tiring having a toddler, but when they could enjoy her like this it was more than fun.

"Okay, Miss Zola" Derek grinned when he came back with the tickets, but Zola had already jumped off the bench.

"First of all," Meredith stood up as well, her stern face on "No running away from us, alright? You can't run at all in here"

Zola nodded, looking up trustingly at her mother.

"Secondly, no getting too close to the displays" Derek added

"Lastly, we follow the directions" Meredith grinned, showing to Zola the arrows who guided them through the display.

"Where do we go now?" Derek asked Zola with a smile, and she pointed him to the big arrow on the wall. "Let's go then!"

Zola grabbed his hand swiftly and dragged him towards the first display of local fishes. Meredith trailed behind a little and watched the silhouettes of her two favorite people in the crowd, their dark hair standing out, just like Zola's green sweater.

They quickly passed through the display of the Pacific Ocean fauna, the excitement growing as the tropical tank neared and the colors brightened. Zola stared in awe as she toddled around with energy, her little feet carrying her around to explore the place as Derek alternated with Meredith in reading the tags for the fishes. They had fun pointing out each species together or letting Zola guess where every fish was hiding.

"My shrink had the same fishes in a tank in her office" Meredith commented in a whisper to Derek in the first moment of quiet, as they watched Zola's mesmerized gaze.

"Dr. Wyatt?" he looked up at her with a strange expression, a frown mixing with wonder and curiosity.

"Yeah. I stared at them for my first three sessions" she giggled, but the reminiscing was cut short abruptly when Zola wanted to see what was in the next display.

Zola stopped dead in her tracks though and almost burst into tears when they reached the shark tank. She demanded in a very toddler-like fashion to be held in Derek's arms, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she mumbled "'cary"

"They are not going to hurt you here, Lovebug" Meredith smiled, standing closer to them and trying to reassure her.

"Daddy will keep you safe" Derek added, kissing the top of her head.

Zola nodded uncertainly, so they were quick to leave the room and go see the octopuses. There Zola found her smile again.

"What's so funny?" Meredith questioned her, wanting to enjoy the toddler's perspective on things. So far, they had had a ball in hearing her point of view.

"Silly fwishies!" Zola giggled madly, doubling over in laughter as she tapped on the glass and the octopus moved with her fingers.

She laughed and laughed and laughed, and Meredith and Derek felt the warmth of her happiness fill their hearts.

The last room they visited was the dome with a display of the Caribbean Sea species; Zola went wild when she could see only water and fishes around her. Her eyes were so wide, her smile so bright that Derek immediately leaned closer to Meredith and whispered in her ear "When are we going to take the kids here again?"

He smiled as his hands wrapped around Meredith's stomach and they watched together Zola twirl in the middle of the dome, the fishes becoming a blur as she twirled and twirled in-between the crowd.

"Do you think we should look around for dance classes?" Meredith smirked, seeing Zola's excitement. "I know that walking is already a milestone, but maybe we can push our luck"

"I don't think she can start for real before she's three or four. At least for ballet" he shrugged, his smile not hiding his feelings at the true miracle that was Zola.

"How do you even know that?" Meredith giggled, still amazed sometimes by her husband's knowledge of these very girly topics.

"Four sisters. Nine nieces" he winked, then asked "What about rhythmic gymnastics?"

At that, Meredith burst into laughter.

When Zola was tired of the dome, she was definitely in need of a nap. They decided to stay at the waterfront for lunch, then go back home in the hope that Zola would fall asleep in the car.

They stopped at a small café for sandwiches and sat at a table outside, despite the chilly breeze. They split three sandwiches, giving Zola her own bite-sized and sharing the other two, listening again to Zola chat about the experience in as many words she could remember. Derek sometimes helped her out with vocabulary, while Meredith prompted her with questions and kept the conversation going. Zola might not make full sentences yet, but she was pretty entertaining for her parents' standards.

For a moment, the two adults looked at each other and grinned, feeling blessed and happy for the simple fact that they were there, all together.

Derek's ringtone interrupted the moment and Zola sighed poignantly at the holdup, as Derek answered.

"Hey Callie" he mumbled and his face fell.

Zola was eager to start talking to Meredith again, but Meredith managed to keep her quiet for a little longer.

"I have seen the scans you did yesterday myself," Derek spoke again, then paused, listening to the voice on the other side "I told you don't want another surgery"

Meredith blinked, focusing on the half of the conversation she could hear more closely. She was aware that they were probably bringing up the mandatory exam Owen had forced on Derek after the OR debacle, but she couldn't hear Callie's side of things.

"What do you mean maybe physical therapy will solve this? It means you cleared me too soon!" he spat, his voice raising and even Zola stopped eating, upset that her Daddy was being so harsh after being wonderful and charming all morning.

"After New Year's?" his eyes widened, and he gulped "Alright, tomorrow. See you."

When he finished the call his eyes met Meredith's and she could see the sadness buried there.

"Was that Callie?" Meredith asked, and he simply nodded.

"Can we go home, now?" he brushed off, starting to gather the mess of napkins they were using.

Meredith nodded and decided that it was not the time to pry anymore. She followed him silently to the car, the excitement of the family outing suddenly vanishing.

The ferry ride was quiet, but it gave Zola the chance to fall asleep as predicted. The drive home became tense and filled with unspoken questions. Meredith respected his need to process things and focused her attention on their child moving within her, tracking movements and counting kicks, once in a while glancing at Derek to see if he was at his breaking point.

She didn't see tears in his eyes until he had carried Zola to bed and came back to the living room, where she was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine and waiting for him.

"I can't operate until New Year's at best, Callie said" he blurted, still standing awkwardly in front of her "She suggested a more intense physical therapy and time off from the hospital, maybe take up a hobby, do something I like."

"Oh." Meredith sighed without much words to add, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it.

He fell in a heap in the space next to her on the couch, elbows on his knees, looking utterly defeated. Meredith's hand was now rubbing his back in a soothing up and down motion, waiting for him to explain more.

"She reviewed the scans and saw that the nerves are intact, but they still haven't healed properly. My nerves were already overused before the crash compared to a standard patient because of the job and now they need more time to heal completely"

"Still, they can heal" Meredith smiled encouragingly.

"They would be healed if I were a salesman!" Derek spat and looked away, unable to share a gaze with her.

"Did Callie mention another surgery? Maybe there's something -"

"It's too risky and probably pointless. I prefer having two hands and not being a surgeon instead of having only one functioning properly" he said resolutely, and she didn't question him at all. "I'll talk to Owen about time off"

He was ready to bolt, but Meredith kept him still. They were silent for a minute, a minute that stretched for what felt like hours. Clearly, Callie had been right that his nerves were healed, just not for the standards a neurosurgeon required. It drove Derek crazy, to know that he was healthy, but he might never operate again.

"Are you going to stay with Zola for a while or you want to do something else with your time off?" Meredith asked carefully, wishing it wasn't too soon for him to be making these kind of decisions.

"We could take a holiday together, go someplace warm and exotic" he relaxed at the mere thought, finally turning to look at her with a little less despair in his eyes.

She smiled sympathetically, running her hand through his hair "Derek, I'm almost five months pregnant, there's no getting on planes for me, even if I wasn't scared out of my mind."

"We could go somewhere by car" he fueled

"We should stop every half hour, because between me and Zola that's how often we pee" she smiled and at that he cracked a smile too. "What about the University of Washington offer?"

"Teaching a tutor-like class on neurosurgery for a semester to undergrads?" he frowned, recalling a memory he had unconsciously buried.

"Yeah, that one. You were great today with Zola, pointing out fishes and sharks, she loved it. Heck, I was hot for teacher in my day" she grinned widely, and he managed a chuckle.

"You think I should consider it?"

"I think you should"

She kissed him -soft and quick like a habit- then smiled at him, trying to reassure him and encourage him to take a different road than the one in their plans.

His smile wasn't wide or happy, but at least he smiled back.

* * *

**Okay, one little thing I want to point out. I know that a neurosurgeon and a neurologist are not the same thing, I believe Derek would need to do some things in order to become a neurologist, but he's surely on the right track. This is fiction, it's not really accurate, even if I try my best to make it as much realistic as possible.**

**Derek promised they'd go to the aquarium someday, didn't he? I hope Zola was adorable enough to make up for the little lack of her in the past chapter.**

**What do you think is the option Derek should pick? Surgery, stay at home daddy or hot teacher? Stay tuned to find out!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay, are you all ready for a Derek-centric chapter? **

**Despite the neutral point of view I usually employ in my chapters, we basically followed Meredith around during her day. This time, we'll get to hang out with Derek!  
**

**I kind of rushed to get this done for this deadline, and I got a cold overnight, so my judgment might be slightly impaired. Still, I hope you'll like it! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

* * *

It felt strange, waking up in an empty house.

Derek padded in the silent kitchen with only the sound of the birds brightening the cloudy morning, the coffee still warm in the pot Meredith had left ready for him.

There was a note from her on the coffee maker, scribbled quickly in her messy handwriting, the big blue post-it making him smile as he unstuck it from the pot.

'Zola was awake already, and I took her to the hospital with me. I have a late surgery, can you pick her up after your lecture? Good luck!' it read, and he smiled at the smiley face, but it widened when he noticed the signature. Before she could scribble her first name, there was an erased "I", substituted with a "We love you" that made his heart melt. He could imagine Zola sitting on the table as Meredith wrote the note, arguing that yeah, she loved her Daddy too, then Meredith quickly erasing what she had written before with a smile and a shake of her head.

He sipped the lukewarm coffee, wishing that this change was only temporary. He was honored to accept the offer of the University of Washington to teach a class, but it still didn't feel right. He belonged in the OR, not behind a desk.

Meredith had repeated him multiple times -in a very out of character optimism- that he was a wonderful teacher, that the students were going to love him and that teaching wasn't so bad, compared to him sulking at home and fishing in the woods. At least he was with people, she argued, and he halfheartedly agreed to the proposal for Meredith's sake too. She didn't need the added worry of his future, on top of everything else.

He washed up his mug when he had drained the coffee, then moved back upstairs to get himself ready. He chuckled at the second sticky note on the door of his side of the closet, suggesting him 'Blue brings out your eyes. Suits make you look pretentious, M'

Derek opted for a pair of slacks and a blue button down, completing the look with a soft sweater and deciding that he could be the laid-back prof, instead of the pretentious Dr. Shepherd he had felt like, lately. One of the first things that had changed while he was Chief was definitely his wardrobe, and he didn't want to be that man anymore. Things had changed. He wasn't Chief anymore, he was a father, he was a maybe surgeon, he could go back to the laid-back attitude he had when he came to Seattle. Things were so simple at the beginning, and he definitely wanted back that naivety.

He checked his bag with his laptop and the notes he had prepared for the lecture, then he went back to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and found his lunch already packed and ready to go in the fridge, with another note from Meredith on top of it. His smile blossomed again when he realized how attentive she had been towards his needs, despite knowing that she wouldn't be there in the morning to bid him goodbye and wish him luck herself.

Derek knew he had been the one to hover and smother her with attentions lately, but such sweetness made his heart swell with love for his wife. He was never going to tell her that because she would smack him, but he loved her new-found domesticated side.

He wore his shoes and coat, then closed the door of his dream house behind his back, feeling suddenly invigorated by the kindness Meredith had showed him, even without being present. He wished he could have kissed her for good luck, but the notes had to do.

He drove downtown with the radio on to fill the quiet. He smiled when his phone rang and noticed the caller ID.

"Hi!" Meredith's metallic voice escaped from the receiver, a little awkwardly, but with her usual warmth "I'm not calling you in the middle of the lecture, am I?"

Derek grinned "I'm on my way there, in the car. You're on speaker"

"That's why I can barely hear you" she mumbled "Is it okay for you to pick up Zola? You saw the note on the pot, right?"

"Yes, I can pick her up; and yes, I saw the note on the pot" he grinned "And the one on the sandwich" he used a poignant pause, knowing that Meredith was going to blush "And on the closet door"

As expected, she groaned "It's the hormones"

"Suits make me look pretentious, uh?"

"No, they make you look hot and I'm not ready to share you with a barely legal girl just yet"

"Hot, uh? What about my blue sweater?"

Meredith groaned, and he could see her roll her eyes "That's worse!"

"Meredith, I'm not going to ogle undergraduate students, I promise"

"You can ogle. I'm fat and ugly, you deserve to ogle" she sighed.

"You are beautiful and pregnant and I'm not just saying it" he grinned, going over an argument that has been made a hundred times already "I wish I could show you how beautiful you are, but I'm driving and you're working. Tonight, when we're home and Zola's asleep, I'll show you"

She giggled then, filling his heart with love and calming his fears a little.

"I'm nervous, Mere" he confessed, suddenly exposing his vulnerable side.

"You are going to be great. We can't wait to hear all about your day tonight. Zola was pretty excited for you when she got the concept that teaching people is basically bossing them around"

He chuckled, picturing his daughter as she lined up her fluffy toys and ordered them around "I wish I could have been there when this explanation had been made"

"Well, we were in the car and I was driving. I would have recorded it for future blackmailing otherwise"

"She's definitely as bossy as you are" he chuckled, imagining the conversations Meredith and Zola had in her car. He had pretty good, mostly one-sided conversations in the car with his little girl, but she was unquestionably better company than the radio, even when she simply slept.

He heard Meredith's pager beep and she apologized with a disappointed moan "I have a consult"

"Go; you'll tell me all about your day tonight too"

"Good luck, Derek. You'll kick the lecture's ass"

He chuckled "I love you, Mere"

"Love you too"

She clicked the phone shut and Derek's smile faded away. He might be the only one able to calm Meredith down, but she had a similar effect on him when he was nervous. It was good that she had called, also because he was basically arrived to the downtown campus when their call was over, and he had barely noticed it.

He parked his Cayenne and climbed down, looking at the buildings and feeling a sense of deja-vu. It has been long since he had stepped foot in a campus, but it wasn't an unpleasant sensation. Strange maybe, because he wasn't a twenty-something nerdy guy anymore, but not unpleasant.

He walked inside looking for his office, practically ignored by the crowd of students and other teachers, who quickly moved from one destination to another. He had been in the building a couple of times already, in exploration. He had gone there almost secretly, while Meredith was at work, studying the room where he'll hold his classes and the building where his office was.

He flung open the door of his office with the key and left his briefcase in the guest chair. It was definitely a smaller office than the one he had at Grace, but it was nice. Temporary, but nice. He felt like they gave him an office just because he was a fancy neurosurgeon, not because he actually needed one. He shuffled through his notes once again, for a moment staring at the black sleeve on his wrist Callie had suggested him to wear back for the added support, at least for the first couple of weeks of their different, more intense physical therapy he had now scheduled basically every day.

Teaching was going to be okay. Not dreadful, not horrible, okay. He could get through this months and be a surgeon again. Meredith believed he could do it.

He took a deep breath, stood up and ran a hand through his hair, then grabbed his briefcase, locked his office and walked to his classroom.

The door opened and students came out in little groups, chatting happily with one another and carrying books and bags as the previous lecture finished. He waited for the crowd to thin, then he entered the room and walked towards the desk with purpose.

An elderly man was collecting papers as a line of students stood up diligently from the rows of chairs. The man definitely looked like a professor, with his colorful bow-tie and thinning hair, the slight beer belly making him look older than how he probably was.

"Ah, Dr. Shepherd" he greeted jovially, his face splitting in a grin and revealing dimples that made him look like one of the nice professors. "I'm Mr. Skitter, the hygienist"

"Nice to meet you" Derek smiled as he got closer, knowing that there was no harm in getting to know a colleague, even a temporary one.

"Looks like we'll be room buddies for a semester" he gave him a saccharine smile, shuffling all the papers as some of the students left, others took their places in the room.

"Looks like it" Derek smiled awkwardly.

"I'll leave you the desk right away, I was just collecting their homework"

"No problem" Derek shrugged, fidgeting with his briefcase.

Mr. Skitter-hygienist continued to shuffle papers around, until he had collected everything. He said goodbye to the remaining students and left room for Derek to set up his papers and laptop.

He could see a bunch of shy kids entering the room, asking around if they were in the right place, then sitting in the last row. He had been one of these kids, when he was an undergrad, he could remember it like it was yesterday.

There were a few 'aw' from the female students when the desktop of his laptop came to life on the big screen and there were Zola and Meredith smiling blissfully at each other, Zola's hands resting on top of Meredith's growing stomach as they played together, oblivious to his presence.

The whispering grew louder as he checked his watch and noticed that it was time to start. He took a deep breath, gathering the inner strength he usually felt right before an important surgery, then asked to a tall, freckled boy who rushed in the room to close the door behind him.

"Hi there" he greeted and a few of the students -his students- cracked a smile. "As you know, I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd. I'm the head of the Neurosurgery department at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital, and I was asked -kindly- to hold this class for you." a few students chuckled, much to his relief "I will try to focus mainly on real cases, surgeries I performed, diagnosis I made and well, even mistakes I could have avoided during my career. Basically, I'll show you how we come up with a diagnosis, with a special focus on Neuro."

He stopped for a moment, watching as the faces of his students brightened. They weren't many, but attendance wasn't mandatory, so he had expected it. He could count maybe twenty, thirty students, but the kind of class he wanted to teach was well suited for smaller groups as well.

"For this first class we'll go through a case together and try to solve it step by step, other times I'll give you symptoms and you are going to be the ones to solve the mystery, alone or in groups. For your final mark you will randomly pull out of a hat a case, then you will have three hours to answer all the questions I'll give you, both on procedure and surgical approach or treatment. Any questions?"

A brunette girl with a little too much make-up immediately raised her hand "Basically we'll diagnose a random patient for the exam"

"Yeah, more or less" he smiled widely "It will be something along the lines of what we have done during our classes, so don't worry. The exam is the least of our problems at our first lecture"

"Thank God" a boy in the first row sighed and Derek had to crack a smile.

"So," he began "Before we start, you can interrupt me at anytime if I get too carried away with memories or there's something more you would like to ask. I will provide you with a mock chart for our mystery patient after the brief history, then we'll go from there"

He noticed the teenagers nod and smiled brightly, recalling the case he had decided to start with.

"Seven years ago, maybe eight, I had this patient, sixteen-year-old female, who fell during a pageant, let's call her KB for privacy" he smirked, handing out a paper with all the information of the case to the first one in the row, then letting them pass it to one another "She might have been annoying , but her case was also a mystery" he spoke, while he walked from row to row "She kept seizing, but all her tests were negative. Perfect blood-work, clear CT and MRI. Nothing." he recalled "KB was a mystery"

"She wasn't on drugs, right?" a boy that reminded him of Mark spoke up from the third row, determined, but blushing.

"What's your name? Anybody, when you speak up tell me your name, okay? I might not remember them, but I'll try."

"I'm Devon, Devon Miles"

"That's a good question Devon, but no, she wasn't on drugs. No previous signs of neurological issues either" he grinned, watching as the students began studying the mock chart.

"The MRI was both with contrast and without contrast, right?" another blonde boy added "Andrew Richardson"

"Both were clear. The fall didn't cause any other damage, except the inexplicable seizures" he continued, watching their perplexed stares "I asked my brand new interns for a diagnosis and they were just as puzzled, believe me" he grinned, remembering fondly that day.

"It looks like a brain bleed, from the symptoms. Here, it says that she had to be revived" another girl, Melinda, simpler than the first one, stated with a frown.

"I thought so too, but brain scans don't lie"

A muffled laugh rose from the crowd, until another question was shouted "What about an aneurysm?"

"You're all getting warm, but again her scans were clear" he smiled excited, going over the faces of his students as they mulled over the details. "A few months back, while she was practicing gymnastics, she fell and twisted her ankle"

"And that's relevant how?" a student that somehow looked a lot like Alex, but with a more tanned skin color, blurted. "I'm Jonah Winters"

"Everything is relevant Jonah. Every single detail. That's why we require a patient history"

"What if it wasn't in her brain, the aneurysm?" Devon asked with a bright smile, sitting up straighter, almost to challenge Derek "What if twisting her ankle had something to do with the aneurysm?"

Derek smiled widely at the excitement in his student "You know what are the odds?" he watched as his mile dimmed.

"One in a million, literally" the brunette girl from the beginning scoffed.

"And that's what I told my intern. Turn your page" he smiled, as they all gasped at the image printed there.

"It was so small we missed it at first, but then we went back in and we fixed it" he grinned widely now, remembering how it felt like to have Meredith stand next to him in surgery for the very first time and the exhilaration in her face after they had finished. His students looked at him more or less in the same way.

"Don't tell my wife that, but she was the one to diagnose this on her very first day as an intern and if you ask me, I probably married her also because of this diagnosis" he smirked as the students smiled as well.

"Now, let's get onto the surgical part and go through a rare aneurysm repair step by step" he chuckled, starting up his presentation and feeling suddenly more relaxed.

He barely had time to fictionally clip the aneurysm before they ran out of time. He assigned them a little bit of research on aneurysms and the various surgical techniques to clip them, then bid them goodbye.

Devon and Melinda moved tentatively towards him as he gathered his papers.

"Prof. Shepherd?" Melinda asked, and he had to smile at her shyness. "We were wondering if it would be possible to see a real surgery sometimes"

Derek had to take a deep breath at the question, his smile dimming "I have a bunch of tapes from some of my surgeries, if the faculty allows me I might be able to show them to you, but I don't have time to do this in class at the moment"

"No, we meant..." she hesitated

"Can we see one of your surgeries, Prof. Shepherd?" Devon blurted

"I wish" he sighed "I'm sure you have all heard about the plane crash in Malheur Forest, right?" he watched as they nodded, suddenly realization shining on Melinda's face "I was on that plane, and I broke my wrist. I can't operate just yet."

"Oh, I'm sorry, we didn't want to -"

"Hey, it's okay. It was a legitimate question, don't worry. Maybe after this semester I might be cleared for surgery and you are all going to be in the first row in the gallery" he smiled sadly, wishing he would be able to keep his promise.

"Thank you Prof. Shepherd and we're sorry, we heard that one of your colleagues died"

He sighed, blocking the awful memories "I'll look around for a tape of the topic we'll tackle in our next class, maybe I can lend it to you or something"

"Thank you so much, Mr. Shepherd"

"Remember the assignment" he grinned as they walked away hand in hand.

He gathered his things and went back to his office, only to decide that he didn't really need it. He had a perfectly acceptable office at the hospital, he could use that. It was a teaching hospital after all. He would ask to move his office soon.

He took advantage of the shy sun peeking from the clouds and went to eat on a bench outside the building where he held his class, relaxing as people swarm by, chatting or rushing from one building to the other, alone and with headphones on.

When he was done with lunch, he decided to stop for a few last-minute things on the grocery list he had forgotten to buy the day before, then drove to the hospital for his physical therapy.

While waiting for a light to turn green, he realized that teaching was not so bad, after all. He might have a good time, but nothing could compete with surgery.

It didn't take him long to get to Grace, and the hour and a half he spent in company of his physical therapist were tiring, but the purpose of getting better pushed him to like that grueling time.

He changed back into the clothes he had worn for the lecture and discarded his sweats the therapist required, then moved upstairs to get Zola from daycare as Meredith had instructed him through post-its.

The daycare supervisor told him surprised that Meredith had already brought Zola home, and a tiny bit of worry started nagging at him.

He caught a few yellow lights as he sped home, trying to calm the bad feeling in his gut. The house appeared right behind the usual trees, the familiarity of the place something that he had experienced it from the first week they had been able to move in, but something he couldn't stop marvel at.

The door swung open and he barely had time to leave his briefcase on the floor and hang his jacket, before Zola was already running to him.

"Daddy!" she shouted as she giggled, pushing a wide smile on Derek's face. He was more often Daddy than Dada now, and it still made him grin like an idiot how much progress his daughter was doing with her language.

"Hello my favorite little lady" he grinned, faking a groan as he grabbed her from under her armpits and pulled her up, cuddling her close to his chest. The bad feeling slightly subsided.

Zola kept giggling as she snuggled into his hug, both of them happy to see each other after a whole day.

"Where's your Mama?" Derek asked, confused as why Meredith still hasn't appeared in the foyer.

Zola pointed to the living room instead of answering, so Derek walked there with Zola hanging on his hip and he immediately found Meredith. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in when he saw that she was fine.

She was dozing off on the couch, her hands resting on her stomach, her face a little tilted to the side, her ponytail loose.

"Let's go start dinner and let Mama sleep" Derek whispered.

Zola giggled, nodding in agreement, then she brought a finger to her lips and whispered back "Shh!" to her father.

Derek let her jog to the kitchen as he tiptoed closer to Meredith and left a kiss on the crown of her head, too tempted by her simple beauty to walk away. She didn't even stir.

He joined Zola at the kitchen counter, and the little girl had already started opening the cabinets where they took the pasta and raiding the fridge to look for a sauce, a telltale that the menu had already been decided.

Derek loosened his sleeve and abandoned it on top of the fridge, washed his hands clean and helped Zola with hers, then together they started the sauce. He didn't let Zola do much, but she liked to help in the little things, passing him various ingredients, finding the can of tomatoes or grabbing pans and utensils. He was amazed that as inept as Meredith was in the kitchen, Zola seemed fascinated by it. He probably should blame his mother, who managed to make him interested in recipes, after all.

While he poured the tomatoes in the pan with the onions, he heard a tired "Hey" coming from the door.

He turned to spot Meredith halfway through a yawn, her free hand still cradling her stomach as she rubbed her eyes with the other.

"Hi" he greeted back with a wide grin.

"I was so out of it I didn't even hear you come in" she smiled apologetically, sliding onto the bar stool and watching he and Zola work. "I was so tired I forgot to tell you that my last surgery was canceled, and I decided to take off early and collect Zola myself" she sighed.

Derek smiled, the explanation enough for him to finally quell his worries "I started up dinner so we wouldn't disturb you. Zola wanted pasta with tomato sauce, is that okay?"

"I have no idea if I am more tired or hungry at this point." Meredith shook her head "Yeah, I think, pasta's good"

"Long shift?"

"Kind of." she shrugged "Just lost a couple of patients, on top of everything else"

"I'm sorry" he mumbled

"How was your day?" she asked then, "Do you have a good class?"

"Yeah, they seem eager" he smiled, forgetting for a second the sauce as he turned to face Meredith and keep an eye on Zola "I handed them the Katie Bryce case. They were impressed"

"Sounds like a fun lecture. I might just come and see one for myself" she joked, and he shook his head.

"Not a chance"

"Hm, we'll see" she smirked with a dangerous glint in her eyes and he chuckled amused.

"What did you do today, ZoZo?" he asked then, turning to his daughter, standing at his right side.

"Pwlay!" she giggled, throwing her hands in the air.

"Your day was probably the funniest of all. Good for you, Lovebug"

"Yeah!" was her funny way to agree, handing Derek the wooden spoon to stir the sauce.

He tossed the pasta in, then set the table for the three of them, with the help of Zola. As soon as he passed by Meredith, he jumped at the occasion and placed a quick kiss on her temple, making her smile reverently at him, almost blushing.

"You're very cuddly tonight" she pointed out, but he shrugged his shoulders, stirring the food.

They had a quiet dinner together, recalling snippets of their day as they watched Zola make a mess with her pasta, their smiles gentle and tired after a busy day.

Quiet was Zola's bath time as well, the little girl's tiredness finally catching up with her. It was a miracle she wasn't already asleep when Derek carried her downstairs on the couch and he snuggled her against his chest.

He and Meredith sat in front of a movie, their thighs brushing as Zola's leg sneaked in between theirs. Derek buried his nose in her still damp hair as Meredith did a quick braid for her, then they sat in content silence.

Derek clung to Zola a little more than usual, letting her sleep for a little while on his chest, instead of in her crib.

"I don't think I can be a teacher for the rest of my life" Derek whispered to Meredith, during a car commercial.

She turned to him with a sad expression "Maybe you won't. It wasn't bad, right?" she encouraged.

"It wasn't like surgery either" he replied with disappointment.

"I know. I'm sorry about it all, Derek" she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder as the movie returned.

He thought she had fallen asleep too when she was quiet for several more minutes, just the audio of the film breaking the silence, until she whispered "I e-mailed Edda today"

It took him a minute to register that she was talking about her childhood best friend, then he smiled fully "Yeah? What did you write?"

"A little bit about myself, asked her if she still remembers me" she giggled "You know, normal stuff"

"Did you ask her to meet?"

"I did. I also gave her our address, in case she wanted to send back a letter or something. I basically listed most of my contacts." she blushed.

"That's good, right?"

"I don't think she'll even ever read it, but at least I tried"

"It was very brave of you" he smiled widely, kissing her temple as Meredith snuggled closer to him.

"You were brave too today, Derek. You embarked into something new basically without any clue of what it could bring in for you. It was certainly brave" she smiled, meaning every single inch of it and every spark in her eyes. "I guess we've both conquered our fears"

"We have" he agreed in a whisper, stealing her smile with his own and joining their lips with a quick kiss. "I still missed you today"

"We missed you too" Meredith kept smiling into his lips as he rubbed her stomach gently.

"We should get you three into bed" Derek grinned down at Zola's slack weight on top of him and Meredith's already closed eyes.

"Just one more minute" she mumbled and he couldn't argue with her.

Derek closed his eyes, knowing that maybe the uneasiness of not being in the OR would ease day by day, if every night he'd come home to this.

* * *

**I'm not sure how many of you will agree to the fact that I threw Derek into a classroom and let him recall the Katie Bryce case. By the way, I haven't re-watched the episode so I apologize if I changed some medical details of her case. Anyways, Derek is teaching now and doing physical therapy again, then we'll see where to go from there. **

**I hope you enjoyed walking a whole day in Derek's shoes and you didn't miss much Zola. I always try to sneak her in for at least a scene, but sometimes I can't give you more than that. **

**Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Phew, I made it to the deadline!**

**I just finished typing this chapter, so apologies if it's not as polished as usual! Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 28**

* * *

Derek walked in the slightly chilly kitchen while wearing one of his sweaters, the sweet aroma of tea filling his nostrils.

Meredith was standing by the window with a hand on her hip, her fingers sprawled on her lower back. He couldn't see her face, but she seemed relaxed and calm while nursing her daily cup of tea, the steam rising from above her shoulder as the morning light streamed through the glass.

He had a hard time remembering when she had looked this beautiful.

She was simply standing there, in nothing but her pajamas and old zip-up hoodie, but she was still gorgeous.

The wisp of hair escaping her bun caught the reflection of the light on the window, making it glow as her head bobbed once in a while as she sipped her tea.

He had no idea for how long he simply stood there and watched her. He wanted to close the distance between them, but he was worried he'd ruin such a blissful moment in doing so. It was Meredith who turned, her eyes sparkling in the sunshine, her smile just as brilliant.

"Good morning" she said plainly, wrapping both hands around the mug as she brought it to her lips once again.

"Hi" Derek replied, finally stepping closer to her and kissed her lips quickly. "What are you doing? Checking if we have deer as neighbors?"

"Enjoying the quiet" she grinned "You know, the calm before the storm."

"You invited the storm" he smiled, pulling her into his arms and nuzzling his nose in her air.

"It's Thanksgiving. I felt grateful. I want to thank them all."

"You thanked _me_ a lot last night. You even begged at some point, if my memories aren't too fuzzy" he smirked, and she playfully glared at him.

"Hey, I give you sex while I look like a young hippo, you should be grateful too"

"I am" he smiled smugly, running his hand down her body, the faint memory of what they did last night.

"We should have stayed in bed" Meredith sighed, molding in his hold "You know, ignoring the world. Maybe just invite Zola in..."

"It will be a blast. I promise you."

She hummed as a response, but he could se the lingering worry in her eyes as she turned her gaze back outside.

"So, I go to work in a little; I get back after lunch; the madness begins." Meredith listed, almost planning the day.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums up today's schedule." he smirked

"Are you sure you can cook everything by yourself?"

"Yeah. Callie and Arizona are going to be here a little earlier, maybe around the time you come, so the girls can play and tire themselves out and I can make dinner while they set the table."

"You planned it all" Meredith giggled, snuggling into his arms "And Bird seems to be very eager to be stuffed with turkey."

"You know, you still haven't had any weird cravings, I'm starting to get worried." Derek chuckled, staring down at her baby bump almost as if it could reply.

"Chinese two days ago, Derek" she muttered as a response "Six freaking spring rolls"

"They were soooooo good" he mocked her, trying to imitate her voice. Luckily for him, she started to laugh hysterically.

"It's your child, Derek. I expected to crave muesli or apples!" she retorted, still grinning.

"Well, strawberry milkshakes are pretty damn close to a fruit. I'm not complaining." He kissed her temple gently, stealing the mug from her hands and taking a sip himself.

"This brand of tea is new." he commented with a frown.

Meredith nodded "Cristina brought it for me" she shrugged "Don't ask."

"Ah, Yang is getting soft" he smirked.

"No, she had it in her cabinet since god knows when and now I'm stuck with it." Meredith giggled "It's still thoughtful"

"Pretty high in the Cristina's chronicles" he hummed appreciatively.

Their light conversation was interrupted by the pitter-patter of little feet on the hardwood floors.

"Hi!" Zola announced as she zoomed in their line of view, her smile as wide as they came. "Turki!" she giggled.

"Apparently not only Bird is craving turkey today" Derek whispered in Meredith's ear, laughing at his daughter's antics.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Lovebug" Meredith smiled softly, pulling Zola closer and placing a kiss on top of her head "We're very thankful to have you here"

"'Happy 'sgivin" Zola echoed, smiling brightly "Happy 'sgiving Daddy!"

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too" Derek replied, mimicking Meredith's actions, then pulling away from Meredith to holster Zola in his arms.

"'fia?" Zola asked eagerly.

"Oh, she's not here yet. But you and I have a lot of stuff to do while Mama goes to work for a little bit"

Zola's smile disappeared right away, and Derek for a second had no idea which thing upset her the most, the fact that Meredith was leaving or that Sofia wasn't in the house yet.

"When I'll be back, Sofia is probably going to come too" Meredith reassured "You know Mama has to work so she can spend a lot of time with you and Bird when you become a big sister."

"I 'no" Zola nodded, leaning her head on Derek's shoulder, defeated

"I don't like it either" Meredith smiled sadly, kissing her cheek. "I'm gonna go get ready" she said to Derek then, kissing his stubble as well.

"So, my lady, where should we start?" Derek grinned, wishing that for Zola cleaning up the whole house would seem indeed like a funny game.

He wasn't far from the mark.

They had fun until they were cleaning the dining room, they procrastinated a lot while in the playroom, but things got out of control when they had to prepare their lunch. Zola kept reaching for all the objects that Derek needed to hand them to him, and ended up playing with them instead.

They ate something quick then for his luck Zola went down for a nap, which gave him the chance to straighten up the kitchen and start the stuffing for the turkey.

He had a blast wearing an apron and watching Zola helping him out the best she could. He finally knew why his mother insisted on always preparing family meals herself.

Callie and Arizona arrived when he was almost done with the gravy and had cut up most vegetables. Zola and Sofia run off to the playroom, and soon Arizona joined the girls to keep an eye on them, while Derek and Callie remained in the kitchen.

Callie had indeed an hidden talent when it came to pots and pans.

"How's the PT going?" she asked Derek timidly, while chopping some more garlic.

Derek looked up from the gravy with a smile "It's going. We're on schedule"

"Great!" she smiled enthusiastically "What about the teaching?"

"I'm starting to enjoy it. I was scared of not being able to let them understand things, but they're a pretty smart group" he gloated.

"How many?"

"Around thirty, depends on the day. They are having a blast with the mock charts I give them" he grinned.

"Don't be a douche and give them a horrible exam though, Prof. Shepherd" she flashed a mocking smile.

"They have their destiny in their hands. They'll pull it out of a hat, literally"

"Nice!" she smirked.

The doorbell rang, and Derek went to open while drying his hand on the dishtowel knotted to his apron.

"Man, you need a beer" Mark appeared behind the door with a puzzled expression "Just pray your next child is a boy or you'll end up jewel-less"

"What?" Derek frowned, inviting Mark in and patting his back while he mumbled a sincere "Happy Thanksgiving"

"Dude, you're hugging me. In an apron. Grey has completely emasculated you" Mark mocked him with a lopsided grin.

"Just ask her how manly I still am" Derek fired back with a glint in his eyes.

"Ah, you still go at it like rabbits" When Derek simply smirked in response, Mark laughed loudly, making Callie peek from the kitchen.

"Look who's here!" she greeted "Sofia and Arizona are in the playroom. Go say hi" she ushered him away with her eyes, protecting the secrecy of the recipes her and Derek were cooking.

"Meredith is gonna be home soon and join the four of you. Just bask in it until it's time to set the table" Derek grinned mischievously.

"She's at the hospital?"

"Banking up hours. Probably dragging Yang away from the OR" he shrugged, making Mark laugh.

"Alright, just promise me I can take a photo of you like this and send it to your sisters"

Derek glared at him, but he knew he would cave at some point.

One by one, all the guests arrived to the house in the woods. First Meredith, indeed with Cristina and her bag of booze, but without Owen; then Bailey turned up with Ben and Tuck, followed by April and Jackson who had clearly came together and stayed together even more awkwardly.

The last one was Alex, when the aperitif was already served in the living room and they were simply waiting for the turkey to be ready, crunching finger food and drinking cocktails -virgin ones for Meredith and the kids-.

"Food, thank God!" were the first words coming out of Alex's mouth as he entered the house in the woods and grabbed a handful of chips and finger food, then plopped on the couch.

"Thank Derek, Alex" Meredith piped in with a grin, handing him a glass of _spritz_.

Cristina snickered, her third beer making her feel lighter and lighter after a thirty-hours shift "Why am I here, again?"

"Oh good heavens" Derek groaned and they all laughed together.

Sofia and Zola were playing on the carpet on the floor coordinated by Bailey's son Tuck, while the adults all sat in the living room, crammed on the couches. Miranda, Arizona and Callie were sharing the couch facing Meredith, Derek and Cristina; Mark, Jackson and April were on the third couch, while Alex was the only one on the armrest.

"When is Hunt gonna get here?" Mark asked, almost assessing the situation with a glance and noticing the missing man.

"He's enjoying the surgeries now that he has no competition or chiefly crap to do" Cristina shrugged, and all of them widened their eyes "What, blood and gore over paperwork?"

"Definitely worth it. Being Chief is a lousy job" Derek commented and they fell silent for a second. "Speaking of Chief, is Richard with Adele at the nursing home?"

"He'll come in later" Meredith smiled "Probably he can make it for dinner"

"Alright then. You all get comfortable while I go set the table" Derek announced way too brightly, making the whole room erupt in laughter.

"You are whipped, Shepherd" Alex smirked, before stuffing his face with chips.

"I can help" Arizona offered, following Derek.

It wasn't long before they were all ushered in the dining room and took a seat. They had to join a couple of tables, because no matter how much they stretched it, they still couldn't fit, especially with the highchairs. The table was long, a place left empty for Richard, who came promptly right before they started to eat.

Finally, when they were all seated and settled, Derek stood up from his position at the end of the table, raising his glass for the toast.

"I wanted to thank you all for sharing this dinner with me and my family at our house. We consider ourselves very blessed to have you all here, especially after all that has happened in our lives lately. We lost a lot, but we gained just as much." he sighed sadly, but he smiled as well when his eyes locked with Meredith's "I really hope the food is good, because it's the first time I cook for so many people, and my mother is not good enough to cook through Skype yet" he smirked, making the whole table stifle a laugh. "So, eat!"

"Wait!" Meredith rose as well, just a little slower than Derek "I think the toast should be for Lexie. She would have loved to be here with us tonight."

She rose her glass and let it clink with Derek's, her eyes misty, but her heart warm. After all the glasses had touched -much to the kids' amusement- they finally started to eat.

The doorbell rang once more when they had just started with the appetizers, which prompted Derek to answer the door with a frown, wondering who could it be at such hour on Thanksgiving night.

At their doorstep stood a woman in her thirties, long white-blonde hair framing her face and a pin keeping the tendrils at bay, her blue eyes the color of ice, but emanating a warmth Derek wasn't expecting. She smiled awkwardly and he frowned, puzzled.

"Please tell me this is Meredith Grey's house, and I am not lost in the woods" the woman spoke gently, in a way that reminded Derek of Meredith.

"Yeah, that's her house. I'm her husband" he smiled charmingly, and the woman sighed in relief.

"Derek, right?" she smiled smugly, shaking the hand he offered her "I did my homework"

He watched amused as the woman stepped back in the dark, walking to the group of cars parked haphazardly in their yard, now turned into a driveway.

"Mere!" he called out uncertainly "There's someone at the door looking for you"

Meredith's figure appeared in all her glowing, pregnant glory, a confused expression on her face "Everybody's here, Derek"

"Meri!" the woman was back and shouted gleefully.

Meredith stood dumbfounded for a second, before her eyes widened and her jaw slackened. "Eddie-deddie!" she shouted back, before they could hug.

Derek watched as tears sprang into their eyes, their hug tightening in a display of affection Derek hadn't seen from Meredith in a while when he or Zola weren't concerned.

"My God, Edda" Meredith whispered, her voice muffled by her friend's hair "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, it's Thanksgiving and you're pregnant, I wanted to see my childhood bestie without her having to move from home" Edda replied, as they pulled apart and studied each other. "Plus, I have your address"

"I thought my letter was lost when I saw you didn't reply. My gosh" she still fought tears.

"I believe that showing up is better than replying. I hope we're not imposing in your celebrations"

"Not at all! How long has it been?" Meredith mumbled rhetorically, knowing that no matter what, it was still too long. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, I'm great" she smiled "You are glowing, Meri"

"Nonsense. Come on in! My whole family is here, I hope you all won't mind"

"Witchy Ellis is here?" Edda's eyes widened, and Meredith smiled sadly.

"No, she died a few years ago. My hospital family" Meredith's grinned widely "Plus Derek that you met; you have to meet Zola, my daughter"

"I have a daughter too!" she smiled "She's here; I brought the kids and my husband along for the visit"

"Don't stand at the doorstep then, we're eating and Derek has cooked, you can all stay with us!"

"What? Seriously Meri?" Edda's eyes widened.

"Are you kidding? I haven't seen you in forever!" Meredith squealed "Go get your family and come and meet mine!"

Edda disappeared in the dark again, showing up with a tall man with Mediterranean traits, a little boy in his arms that didn't look more than three, his olive skin clashing with his blonde hair and a daughter that was the split image of Edda, just with darker, curlier hair.

"This is Damianos, my very Greek husband;" she grinned "Kari, my son; and Astrid, my daughter." Edda smiled broadly, pointing at the people proudly.

Meredith shook hands with Damianos, tickled the boy and smiled at the girl "Hi, there. How old are you?"

"I'm six" she smiled timidly, hiding a little behind her very imposing father.

"Come on in, there are other kids inside to play with" Meredith encouraged, pushing the little family in the dining room.

The crowd of friends gathered there frowned at the new addictions in the room, wondering who were they.

"People, this is Edda, my best friend when I was five" Meredith announced to the room with a smile that lit up her whole face.

A rumble of questions and name exchanges rose from the guests as a smaller table was added and plates were laid on the tablecloth.

"Are you sure we're not imposing?" Edda asked for the umpteenth time, watching Kari and Zola play together with their appetizers.

"Meredith has a thing for taking in strays" Cristina shrugged "Did you two meet in Boston?"

"Yeah. We were in the same class up through high school, when Meri went to boarding school."

"Nice, Grey!" Alex chuckled, snooping in the conversation while crunching a cracker with some kind of sauce on.

"Hey, normal schools were too ordinary for Ellis Grey's daughter" she frowned.

"What do you do?" Cristina pushed then "Doctor? Surgeon?"

"Poet. My husband is a cook. You know, the Greek restaurant downtown..."

"The one that just opened with the mind-blowing moussaka?" Meredith yelped "That's him?" she pointed at Damianos wide-eyed.

"That would be my moussaka" Damianos grinned

"Bird has been craving it for a few weeks now" Derek whispered loudly to Damien, making Meredith blush and the whole room erupt in laughter.

"You all work together?" Edda asked then to nobody in particular as Derek and Damianos began talking about food and his restaurant.

"We do. It is kind of fun, especially since most of them used to be our bosses" Meredith smirked.

"Luckily I still haven't need to get to Seattle Grace, but now I'll make sure I can bring you moussaka if I come by" Edda grinned.

The chatter bounced around the table as the food was passed, water was spilled and the turkey was carved. Another toast was made, in honor of Lexie and one for Edda and her family.

Meredith and Edda spent the whole evening catching up, exploring their lives and finally sharing what they did during the time they had spent apart. It was strange how they had ended up in the same city after all this time, how randomly they got a hold of each other and how well they still got along.

It was surreal for Meredith to be there with Edda, but she embraced it with open arms. When all the guests had gone and the kids were all dozing off on the couches, the two women were still sharing stories at the kitchen table, now free of all the dirty plates and leftovers.

"We should do this again" Edda stated, when the clock was close to striking two in the morning.

"Maybe in the afternoon?" Meredith suggested, then they burst into laughter.

There was a lot to be thankful for, when both of them hit the pillow that night.

* * *

**Okay, I kind of dislike this chapter. I mean, I love the characters I have introduced, but I really didn't like how I handled the whole thing. I apologize. I should have thought more about this chapter, but I didn't want to delay an update. I'll make it up to you in the next chapter, hopefully. **

**The holidays have begun. I know it's almost Easter now, but I never imagined to drag this story for so long. Believe me, chapter 25 was supposed to be the Christmas one; it's chapter 28, and it's barely Thanksgiving! Yeah, now you get it, right? ;)**

**Also, I hope you all didn't mind that I sneaked in a little more Fringe here. There weren't many fans out there, so I thought it wasn't a problem. Plus, Astrid is a very nice name, with Norse origins. Pretty close to Iceland, uh? Kari too is Norse, it means curly haired. And yes, I consider names with a meaning for my stories *hint hint***

**I almost forgot. I mentioned a _spritz_. It's THE Italian cocktail for aperitifs in the North, especially in Veneto/Venice. It's Aperol Campari, plus white wine and soda or Aperol and prosecco, with a slice of orange and ice to top it off. Try it ;) [And the Italian me now can go back hiding]**

**Thank you for sticking by and bearing with such a filler chapter. Because that's what this was, a filler. I will try to write more about Edda if you liked her and her very multi-ethnic family. Oh and the moussaka? Totally my Greek weakness ;)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey guys! **

**I managed another chapter in record time! I'm really happy with myself. Not with the chapter, but hey...You'll be the judges of that, after all. I'm sorry it's also a little shorter than usual.  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

* * *

Derek stared at the weight he was lifting with his now free wrist and wondered what possessed him to go to physical therapy even on Black Friday.

He and Meredith were supposed to be going shopping for crazy deals and enjoying family time, not being stuck in a hospital. He didn't agree with the madness that was Black Friday, but at least they could start looking around for presents for his impossibly large family. He hadn't sent presents home in forever and he felt like he had to impress all the nieces and nephews. The fatherly side in him felt ten times worse than his uncle side for neglecting all those beautiful children.

PT was good for him though, even if it made him a little crazy. Squeezing a ball for hours and lifting weights only with his wrist was good for the strength. He didn't have any pain the day before, despite he had cooked for most of the day; but that didn't mean he didn't need to exercise more to get back to surgery full time.

He lifted weights at home, he kept a small dumbbell in his office and he tried to work out at it for at least half an hour, but it still didn't seem enough.

So he had requested a Black Friday PT. Alone, with Callie. Who was crazy enough to listen to him.

"The food was good last night" Callie smirked, bringing him back to the physical therapy room. "Even if you gave us leftovers for days"

"Uh-uh" Derek agreed absentmindedly, focused only on his wrist.

"I think we should do that dinner thing again sometime. Maybe just us. You know, me and Arizona and Mark with you and Meredith. And the kids. And less leftovers."

Derek hummed, not really paying attention to what Callie was trying to tell him.

"Derek?"

"What?" he growled, regretting it as soon as he said it.

"Relax. Take a deep breath." Callie smiled encouragingly "You don't have to rush this thing."

"I know" he spat, letting down the weight with a little more force than necessary. "I hate this!" he mumbled, feeling the frustration bubble up again.

"Do you think that Arizona loved coming up here for weeks before she could stand still for more than five minutes straight?" Callie retorted, staring him down "You need to take it easy or it won't be just your career the only thing you'll lose. Because too much stress is why you're here in the first place." she said seriously, forcing Derek to look up at her, then Callie's voice softened, when she noticed that she was getting through him. "If you can't be calm, at least keep your wrist calm or you risk losing even more function."

Derek sighed deeply, knowing that Callie was right.

He felt like everybody was scolding him lately. He felt like a five-year-old who enjoyed candy too much. _First it was Owen, then Callie. Who was next? Cristina seemed a good candidate for that. Or Meredith; she has a way to keep him on his toes._

"I think I'm gonna run a little now" he growled, standing up to reach the treadmill, ignoring Callie's deep sigh.

Meanwhile, Meredith sat in the attendings' lounge munching a sandwich, waiting for Derek to be over with his physical therapy. She came along, since she wanted to check on a couple of patients, but other than that she had nothing to do but wait for him.

It kept her mind off things, being in the hospital. It was again her safe place. Her great escape from the fact that she was about to share a room with Thatcher for at least an hour. She didn't mind Molly, but Thatcher's company was going to be hell. They both stammered and fidgeted and said stupid things when they were together. It was not good. But she had promised Molly and she couldn't back away now.

"Is that turkey leftovers?" Cristina blurted, staring at Meredith's sandwich with a little frown as soon as she entered the lounge room.

"We have leftovers for days. Weeks." Meredith groaned, digging into the sandwich nonetheless.

"You gave us stuff to take home..."

"And Derek went way overboard." she sighed "Bird doesn't mind the turkey, but I'm sure Zola is going to throw it back at me in less than a day. I'll have to freeze it"

"You're still alive after the crazy dinner, though. That's something" Cristina smirked, sitting on the couch next to her friend.

"Hm" Meredith hummed, her mouth too full of food to reply. "It wasn't so bad, wasn't it?" She smirked, when she could talk again.

Cristina made a grimace, while Meredith took another bite.

"I'm off to see Thatcher." Meredith blurted then.

Cristina's eyes widened, and she spluttered "What?"

"Yeah. Molly invited me over for Thanksgiving, I couldn't really decline, but Thatcher's gonna be there"

Cristina stared at Meredith almost as if she had grown two heads. "Are you going to bring him turkey?"

"Uh, that's a really good idea!" Meredith grinned, then sobered. "Maybe I can use Derek to back away. Tell them the PT ran long..."

"You can't" Derek's smiling figure entered the room, making Meredith groan. "Hi" he greeted, leaving a kiss on top of her head and smiling at Cristina.

"You're sweaty, Shepherd. It's gross." Cristina retorted, watching as he reached into his locker and pulled out a towel and clean clothes.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked, a little worried.

"I ran. On the treadmill. It was fun." he grinned, taking off his sweaty t-shirt. Running had definitely improved his mood. "I'm about to strip and get into a shower, Dr. Yang" he smirked wickedly, making Cristina fake a gagging sound.

"I'm outta here. And remember, Thatcher doesn't scare you. You're bigger than him" she grinned, then stood up. "And not just figuratively" she added while she walked away, making Meredith laugh at the last remark.

"You weren't going to strip with Cristina here, right?" Meredith added with a frown, as she stared at Derek's sweaty back while finishing her sandwich.

"This," he turned to face her, motioning to his body with a smug smirk "Is only for you to enjoy"

Meredith hummed, trying to hide the giggle building up slowly. She was indeed enjoying the view, though.

"We can't have sex now. I don't want to be late for the thing" she stammered, clearly trying to convince herself more than Derek.

"I know." Derek smirked again.

"But later. We can definitely have sex later"

Derek laughed loudly then, leaning down to kiss Meredith passionately before he left for his shower. She placed her hands on his bare shoulders, enjoying the feeling of his skin under her fingertips, before he was gone.

Meredith sighed, wishing they could have indeed done more, then stood up to go get Zola from the playroom where they had left her. Sofia was already there, and the little girl had adamantly requested it.

When she was back in the lounge with Zola trailing behind her, Derek was already dressed casually and he was styling his hair in front of the mirror.

"Here are my favorite girls!" he smiled widely as he spotted them through the reflection, making Zola giggle loudly.

"Hi Daddy" she grinned

"Hi Lovebug" he echoed.

"Hi Daddy" she repeated, starting a silly game they both enjoyed to no end.

"Hi Lovebug"

"Hi Daddy"

Zola started to laugh loudly, grasping at Meredith's pants since she was laughing so hard it was difficult for her to stay upright in the first place. Meredith couldn't help but smile as well, seeing how much fun her two favorite people were having together, even with such a simple game.

Derek finished with his hair and picked up Zola right away, holding her against his hip as the family walked outside, Zola's giggles following them.

The drive to the house that Meredith used to own -and that now belonged to Molly- was done in a comfortable quiet, Zola's recount of her playtime with Sofia the only filler, apart from the rumble of the engine. They loved listening to Zola chat and tell stories, her perspective on things always amusing.

When Derek stopped the car in the spot he had used for years, Meredith sighed deeply, wishing one more time that she hadn't agreed to do this.

"It's gonna be okay" Derek whispered, squeezing her hand, before climbing down to open Zola's door, as the girl had already unbuckled herself.

Meredith nodded, without looking much convinced, though. She exited the car as well, then they walked up the familiar steps feeling almost like intruders. A nervous shiver ran down Meredith's spine as Derek rang the doorbell.

Warmth welcomed her right away though, when Laura opened the door and squealed "Aunt Meredith!" smiling brightly.

_Maybe it's not gonna be so bad, after all_.

Molly appeared right behind Laura, Eric showing up too with them; he shook hands with Derek and smiled brightly at Zola. Zola wasn't shy around Laura this time, and immediately grabbed her cousin's hand and went to play inside.

Meredith walked past the threshold and marveled at how the house was the same and yet, everything looked so different. There were photos in the foyer. The walls seemed brighter, the lights cast a different shadow on everything.

"Wow," Meredith whispered, taken aback.

"It must be strange for you to be here" Molly giggled nervously, guiding them to the living room.

"A little." Meredith replied with a smile, still too busy taking in how much more warm it looked now, with the Thompsons living here.

"In a good way" Derek added.

"It looks...homey" Meredith giggled, unable to help herself to blurt the stupid comment.

"I'm glad you could make it today, I'm sure you must be busy" Eric smiled politely.

"Oh, I have a break and Meredith had today off already scheduled" Derek commented, not delving into many more details.

"Great!" Molly grinned "Laura was pretty excited to have Zola over to play with her again"

Meredith smiled happily, but it dimmed as soon as they entered the living room and Thatcher stood up from the couch.

The man remained frozen, staring at Meredith with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape as he took in her pregnant stomach and the hand protectively lingering there.

"Meredith" he mumbled, the letters jumbling a little as he spoke.

"Hi" Meredith greeted back, no more words coming out of her lips.

"Thatcher" Derek nodded as a sign of recognition, but Thatcher was still too mesmerized by Meredith to acknowledge him properly.

"You..." he trailed off.

"Yeah" Meredith nodded awkwardly, her hand rubbing a slow circle right above her belly button. "Zola is here too. She's playing with Laura"

"Oh," he said simply, the syllable filled with many conflicting emotions.

"I can get her if you want" Meredith proposed, watching as his eyes filled with warmth only for a second, then dulled.

"It's okay" he shook his head, slumping again on the couch.

"Have a seat! How inconsiderate of me!" Molly motioned to the couch opposite to where her and Eric sat, right in front of Thatcher's armchair. They settled easily, and Meredith found Derek's hand on her thigh more comforting than any other gesture he had given her; she thanked him with a silent smile.

"How's the pregnancy so far?" Molly asked, to break the ice.

Meredith focused only on her half-sister then, trying to relax "Good. Great. I mean, twenty weeks is great."

"Do you know the sex yet?" she beamed

"We want to be surprised" Derek smirked.

"I have a theory, but I'm not telling" Meredith smirked, feeling more confident now that the topic was a safe one. Derek looked at her a little puzzled, knowing that she had never discussed of this theory with him. He was about to demand more details, when Thatcher intervened in the conversation.

"Your...Your mother was right when she..." Thatcher hesitated, his eyes avoiding Meredith's "I was sure you were a boy because you kicked up a storm, but she was certain you were going to be a girl." Thatcher recalled "'It's a girl, and she's gonna be trouble.' That's what she always said" he chuckled, but it was awkward at best.

For a second Meredith imagined her mother, pregnant. It didn't add up in her book, not a bit. For a long time she thought they had found her in the street and took pity on her, because Ellis Grey willingly losing OR time to carry a child to term was unthinkable. Meredith was stunned. She wished she had a photo of her mother, pregnant, just to have proof.

"We call it Bird, so we don't bother with he or she" Derek sliced the tension with a proud smile.

"That's cute" Molly smiled, in a way that reminded Meredith of Izzie. They were very similar, both in personality and mannerism, and for a second Meredith wondered what her friend was up to.

"When are you due?" Eric spoke for the first time, cutting the once again uncomfortable silence.

"April" Meredith spoke automatically, but a smile tugged up her lips.

"That's a good month to be born it" Molly smiled back "I was born in April too!"

Meredith nodded, unsure of what was the appropriate thing to say.

The conversation moved then awkwardly to the fact that Eric was going to be deployed again soon, then to the hospital and things eased again as they then spoke about Derek's family, the upcoming holidays and how was life in Seattle.

They drank tea together, alternating between a normal conversation and slightly awkward moments, but so far, it was revealing to be a pleasant afternoon.

"Mama" Zola trudged in the room at some point, frowning at the gathering of people there "I hugry"

Laura followed suit, smiling brightly "I'm hungry too, Mommy!"

"There's apple pie" Molly smiled, then turned towards Meredith and Derek "Can Zola eat pie?"

"I can't really stop her" Meredith smirked as soon as she noticed Zola stare hungrily at the pie on the coffee table.

"Come here, sit down with us so you make a mess just here" Derek grinned and made space for Zola to sit between him and Meredith. Laura strangely sat between Zola and Meredith, eating her pie with delight.

"Gramps, can you tell me and Zola a story?" Laura begged as soon as the slice of pie had disappeared, her eyes widening and pleading Thatcher.

Thatcher looked up to meet Meredith's eyes, unsure if it was too over the top, but Meredith nodded shakily, unsure on how she could deny this to Zola. Or Thatcher.

She watched as Laura crawled into the armchair with well-practiced movements. Zola cocked her head slightly, looking between her parents with insecurity and mimicking Laura's actions only when Derek smiled and nodded at her.

Meredith had no idea why, but she felt tears prickle her eyes when Thatcher wrapped his bony arm around Zola's little frame and began telling the only story Meredith remembered from her childhood.

She laid her hand on her stomach, rubbing slow circles, as she fought tears. She listened carefully to Thatcher's voice change pitch and the girls little giggles.

She might not be able to deal with Thatcher as her father, but this, this was something she could easily deal with. Seeing Zola happy was something worth trudging through a few awkward holidays.

* * *

**Well, Molly and Thatcher are back! And I even added a scene with Derek in PT, as many of you have requested. He was even shirtless for a tidbit, I'm sure that was nice, wasn't it? ;) Do you want more Thatcher and Molly? More shirtless Derek? [I personally do, so well... ;)] ****See, requests sometimes get written in the chapter, so ask away!**

**Next Sunday is Easter, so I don't think I'll be able to update on schedule. Maybe I can squeezed in the update on Saturday, maybe on Monday -as I fight off the food hangover I am already expecting. If you don't see an update, you know why. I'll send you some chocolate to make up for it, alright? :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**So, just in case I wouldn't be able to update tomorrow, since it's Easter and it is going to be a hectic day for sure, I'm delivering this update a little earlier. Easter treat, y'all! :D**

**I almost didn't put this up because yesterday my laptop decided to unplug itself right after I had given the final big editing, which pissed me off quite a bit, but well. I'm glad I remembered most edits, but you know, I'm still mad at it. Anyways, it's up, which is the most important thing.**

**Before I leave you to the chapter, let's remember that I don't own a Grey's Anatomy line I used in the end, Shonda Rhimes and ABC do. Oh, and Ikea, that's not mine either or I would be Swedish and in between the 100 richest people on the planet. So, definitely not me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

* * *

There were days like today, that Mark was on call and he wasn't on at the university, that Derek appreciated the fact that he was now working a lot less than eighty hours a week. Especially if it meant that he'd be able to do something purposeful for his family.

Meredith had decided to take Zola with her to the hospital daycare, so that Derek and Mark could decorate the house. Derek had picked a tree the afternoon before with Zola, who had enjoyed her afternoon of dad-daughter bonding like an awesome hang-out opportunity, and was now looking forward to the break Derek had to take from teaching as the holidays started. Mark had decided to help Derek for the sake of old times, reliving their old college days when they spent an entire afternoon decorating the Shepherd residence.

The decorations had been found the basement already, the couches pushed a little farther apart to make room for the tree, a few tinsels and other ornaments had been hung. And it was only nine in the morning of the entire day Derek and Mark had free.

"We're over-achievers" Mark boasted, panting slightly.

"Let's take a breather. Must be hard on you." Derek frowned at the beads of sweat on Mark's forehead.

"No more than a ten hour surgery. How's your wrist?" his friend inquired, the two of them sitting on the couch.

"Great. Never felt better." he admitted. And it felt good indeed. A little stiff as he bent it or turned it too much, but all in all, fabulous.

"We can tackle the tree after a glass of water, then" Mark grinned.

"We can tackle your tree too, if you need" Derek laughed, standing up.

"My tree is already up" Mark shrugged as they moved to the kitchen. "We need to think about something"

Derek gulped the fresh water, and an idea immediately appeared an the forefront of his mind. "The beds!" he blurted.

"What?" Mark frowned.

"Zola needs a toddler bed. We have meant to take her out of the crib and leave it for Bird, but we still haven't gotten around to that. Or the nursery. There's a lot to do up there."

"We can put together a toddler bed." Mark nodded appreciatively, confident that two surgeons could bolt together a bunch of wood following Ikea instructions.

Derek sighed "Dad made my crib. I mean, the crib I shared with my sisters. I was so busy to do it for Zola when we got her. I wanted to but..." Derek said guiltily. "I have the lumber"

"What?" Mark's eyes widened. "You didn't go to a store to buy the crib?"

"I was going home one of these days. Have you seen the sawmill at the intersection past the docks?"

"Oh, this is bad..."

"I had them make me custom lumber for Zola's toddler bed and for Bird's crib" Derek admitted.

"This is really really bad" Mark sighed, shaking his head.

"Mark, it's...I am a brain surgeon, for God's sake!" Derek retorted, unable to understand his best friend's concern.

"I know, Derek"

"Actually, I'm even cheating a little, because my father did the whole thing by himself, he made the lumber cuts and rounded the edges of the railings, but I had the carpenters do the hard part. I basically just need to assemble and paint it all. I have a plan, I found directions online."

"It's awesome. It's very fatherly, but it's still bad."

Derek shook his head, knowing that he'd come around. "Can I please borrow your garage? I want it to be a surprise for Meredith."

Mark stared at the man in front of him, then smiled, knowing better than anyone else that when Derek had an idea, he wouldn't stop chasing it until he realized that he couldn't do it.

"You do the work though, I'm not going to be held responsible when there's a splint in your hand and you go whining to Meredith. Or worse, you cut off your finger"

"My fingers are staying where they belong. Believe me." Derek grinned, exiting with a spring in his step, as he walked back to the living room.

They finished decorating the house quickly but not carelessly, now with a purpose to finish even sooner, and before mid morning they were already packing up the boxes and dusting off the floors.

Derek took a minute to admire his work, when everything was in place. He knew that Meredith and Zola would love it, and he was proud.

He left a note on the table saying that he'd be at Mark's, then helped Mark load their cars with the lumber and some tools he had borrowed from the shop.

"This is still the stupidest idea I have ever seen" Mark muttered as soon as they were in his garage and all the wood was lined up carefully on the floor. "And you know how my ideas were when I was a teenager"

Derek laughed, but ignored him, set on doing this.

Derek decided to start from Zola's toddler bed, so he picked up piece after piece of lumber that apparently belonged to the bed, checking that he had them all according to the plan he had downloaded.

He read through the direction one last time, before he actually started putting together the frame of the bed. The bed seemed easier to put together than the crib, but it didn't feel anything less than satisfying to watch as the pieces fit together seamlessly. He had to unscrew a couple of times and unbolt a few times more, but he was definitely enjoying himself. Heck, at some point he was even whistling!

For the first hour Derek worked alone -Mark still stubbornly refusing to do more than pass him stuff-, but then, when Mark noticed the first shape of the bed appear, he had jumped in the fun.

They worked together easily, even if the job they had to do was anything but that. It wasn't long before they were done with the assembling and marveled at the work they had done. It simply needed a protective coat of paint to save the wood, then they could bring it home.

"Let's have a late lunch, then we can paint it" Mark suggested, patting Derek on the back and chuckling. "Never imagined I'd see the day Derek Shepherd turned into a carpenter."

"I'm keeping my options open" Derek managed a smile, but it was a sad one.

"Your hands would be wasted without brain surgery"

"Speaking of brain surgery, if I can sneak in the hospital the headboard, do you think I can use the laser to carve flowers over it? Zola would love them" Derek grinned excitedly, his gaze getting lost in the daydream.

"Are you serious?" Mark's eyes widened in amusement "Ask the guy you bought the wood to if he has a carving laser"

"We won't paint the headboard then" Derek smiled.

Mark shook his head "Derek, I was joking."

"What about a simple carving around the whole thing? Like a simple decoration, with angles and all that, nothing weird. I can probably do that with a chisel."

"Let's put the crib together first, alright?" Mark shook his head, unsure when his best friend had turned into this excited DIY guy. It was fun, but also a little scary. "I'm still on call, you know"

"Nobody pages Plastics" Derek grinned smugly, as the two of them went back to the kitchen to fix themselves a sandwich and pop open two beers.

They pushed aside the bed and made space for the new frame of the crib. They diligently started working on the second project after less than two hours, this time the process looking apparently just as easier, but in fact it turned out to be hell to place all the pieces for the railing straight and to be able to maintain the standard safety requirements all at the same time.

"You know," Derek sighed as they looked triumphantly at one of the finished side railings "I need to go back to the lumber shop and tell them they need to raise their paychecks when they deliver assembled furniture. This thing is tricky to put together!"

"This is why they have Ikea" Mark groaned, gulping down a glass of water.

"Not the same thing, Mark. I can tell my children Daddy made them. With his hands. Teach my son how to do the same for his children..." Derek smiled wistfully, already playing the scene in his head.

"It's a boy?" Mark grinned

"We haven't fond out yet. We're going to wait. I'm rooting for a boy though"

"Three women are going to drive you insane" Mark chuckled.

"I'm aware" Derek laughed as well, drinking his own glass of water. "I lived with girls my whole life, maybe I deserve a break, uh?"

The two guys doubled over in laughter at their own memories of the Shepherd sisters, before Mark's pager beeped, making Derek laugh even louder.

"See, people page me 911" he snorted, but he was still unable to stop chuckling "Look man, I need to go, but you can stay. Spare key is at the front door, just leave it under the mat or ring the Torres-Robbins residence."

"No problem. Thanks for letting me use your space" Derek grinned, watching as Mark walked back upstairs to change and leave for work.

Derek surveyed his work one last time, before trying to put together the rest of the crib. It was trickier alone, but he was not going to change it for the world.

He was building his children's bed.

He felt a purpose as he watched the crib come to life before his eyes, the mattress base move up and down in three levels easily as he tested the mechanism, the now smooth pine run under his fingertips.

It was not easy to get to that point, especially when the lumber seemed to work against him, but he felt a sense of gratification he only felt after a tricky brain surgery. And if he had to build cribs for such a high, he was ready to make them for all the people who needed it, indefinitely.

At the end of the day, the two beds stood proudly in the middle of the garage, one next to the other, both with their sturdy lumber frames and a coat of protective paint that had to dry. The crib had a railing that could be lowered in three positions just like the mattress or removed, the toddler bed had tiny railings he was sure Zola would find a way to make useless.

Derek was more than proud of himself.

He was going to let the paint dry, then he'd take the beds home tomorrow and surprise Meredith and Zola with them. He'd go buy the mattress for the crib -since they were going to use Zola's crib mattress for her toddler bed- and see if it all fit in his car, otherwise he'd need to rent a truck or ask for Mark's help once again.

It felt good to work again with his brother and he couldn't wait to show him his final work. And not simply to tell him 'I told you so.'

Mark came back exactly while Derek was about to leave, making Derek grin broadly.

"Whoa!" Mark's eyes widened at the sight of the two beds like that, up and side by side.

"I did it" Derek beamed.

"You made them"

"I did"

"They look..."

"Don't touch! Paint is still fresh." Derek warned "Now I'm gonna go home and figure out a way to get them there"

"Meredith is gonna either love them or flip on you for all the work you did with your wrist." Mark smirked.

"Probably both." Derek chuckled. "I'll see you tomorrow Mark, thanks again."

"No problem man!" Mark chuckled, slapping his back "Take a shower first, you have horrible hair and you're covered in dust"

Derek laughed as he went upstairs to take said quick shower, then drove back home with a smug grin on his face, knowing that once home he could relax in his own amazing shower, maybe even with Meredith in it, if she wasn't already asleep.

He entered the house silently, knowing that Zola was probably asleep since her bedtime had passed already. He expected Meredith to be a little bit mad that he was getting home so late on his day off, but he was ready to face it.

"Shit!"

The unexpected, clear curse came from the kitchen, as soon as Derek had walked into the house and hung his coat.

"Mere?" He walked inside only to find her leaning with her hands against the kitchen counter, her hair tied up in a messy bun, her round belly barely covered by his Bowdoin long-sleeved shirt, her feet bare, despite being in December.

"Hey," she said weakly, sounding defeated, her eyes brimming with tears.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern right away, unable to understand what was going on exactly.

"The whisk fell" she snapped, hitting the flat surface with her palm "The whisk fell and I can't bend down to grab it. I haven't even started, and I'm already failing" she confessed, looking up at Derek with tears in her eyes, all her rage dissipating. "I should squat, but then I feel like peeing and -"

Derek moved around the island and picked up the utensil as she kept rambling, washed it and dried it, placing it next to an empty bowl and a series of ingredients set neatly in a row on the counter.

"Okay," he sighed, frowning when she still looked upset.

"It's not okay, Derek!" she hissed, fully irate once again "Definitely not okay for _your_ child to head-butt my bladder or play soccer with it, head-butting my ribs. It's definitely not okay!"

Derek couldn't help but let out a small smile and place his hand on top of her stomach, rubbing it lovingly. "Do you want to sit down?"

"No!" she cried out, tears finally sliding down her cheeks.

"Wow, that was a strong kick," he said in awe, tracking down the movements of their baby inside of her. He felt guilty for not being there at all during the day then, because he could have taken up Zola's bedtime routine and let her rest if he hadn't been so busy. It was worth being busy, but maybe he could have came back earlier.

"It's not any kind of wow when it's on my ribs, Derek!" she groaned in frustration.

"I know, I'm sorry" he smiled gently at Meredith, pulling her a little closer to him and kissing her temple.

"Doesn't matter, he's askew now." Meredith scoffed, grabbing Derek's hand and placing it right under her left breast "These are his feet."

"So his head is here," he smiled, running along the curve of her stomach diagonally and stopping at her navel on the opposite side.

"Yeah," she squeezed his hand and finally smiled.

"That's what I have been waiting all day to see" Derek grinned back, rubbing her cheek lovingly "And you," he added, caressing her stomach a little more vigorously "It's not polite to head-butt your Mama."

"She's not gonna listen to you." Meredith sighed, in defeat this time.

"What were you doing?" Derek asked, knowing that it was the right moment to change the subject, but still eying suspiciously the utensils on the countertop.

"Attempting Santa's cookies," she confessed, blushing "For Zola."

"Oh Mer," he sighed, pulling her in half a hug and kissing her temple as she kept glaring at the whisk. Apparently, he was not the only one who wanted to do something for their children that day.

"I called your mother and asked for the simplest recipe for cookies she had, possibly with chocolate, 'cause the baby wants chocolate." she rambled "I wrote it all down to a T and the damn whisk fell" she cried, burying herself deeper into his embrace "I will be one of those mothers who puts Oreos under the Christmas tree and Zola will never forgive me!"

Derek sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips as he thought about how cute this hormonal outburst was.

"I can't even bend to grab the damn thing!" she continued, her hand hitting his chest.

Derek pulled away from her a little and looked into her eyes reassuringly, "Mere, you have a couple of weeks before Christmas"

"But Zola is asleep now and I want to be able to actually make the cookies before we do them together"

"You'd put a two-year-older in the kitchen with cookie batter around?"

"See, I can't do it" she whined, leaving his arms to bend unceremoniously over the kitchen table and burying her face in her hands.

Derek came to stand behind her when he saw her tears, rubbing his hands in between her shoulder blades "Take a deep breath, Mere" he coached, but she simply kept crying harder.

"I can't stop crying!" she almost howled, her whole body shaking. "I cry every time I get mad!"

Derek held her up for a moment, then he simply guided her a few steps backwards, until their backs were against the fridge, and they slid together down to the floor. He cradled her a little closer, knowing that it was not the time to judge or ask questions, but feeling the need to have her as close as possible.

Meredith buried her face in his sweater, both in comfort and embarrassment, hiding her hormonal tears from him.

When her sobs slowed down, Derek let go slightly of Meredith, rubbed her shoulders gently, then smiled at her. She weakly smiled back, giving him a sense of deja-vu of a scene that had happened in a supply closet a few years back, but this time she nudged his cheek with her nose and left a small kiss there.

"You smell nice" she mumbled, burying her face deeper in his chest once again and closing her eyes almost in bliss. "Woodsy"

"Hm" he hummed, not wanting to give away all his secrets "We can make the cookies together"

"Right now?" she looked up at him with such hope that he couldn't help but kiss her.

"Yeah. The whisk is back on the counter, isn't it?" he gave her his trademark smile and she lit up.

"Thank you" she looked up at him with grateful eyes, and he kissed her quickly once again. She groaned then, burying her face on his shoulder. "Great"

"What is it?"

"Do you have a crane to put me back up on my feet?" she sighed, then they both laughed together.

He stood up first and pulled Meredith up almost effortlessly, watching as she rubbed her stomach gently and whispered "Askew is good for Mama's insides," then came to stand again at the counter.

She glared a little at the directions that Carolyn gave her, now neatly sprawled next to a plastic bowl, then took a deep breath, almost similar to the one she did after picking up the scalpel in the OR.

"I can crack the eggs open" she coached herself and Derek chuckled. "Don't you dare mocking me Derek Christopher!" she held up a fork menacingly.

The following joke died on his lips, witnessing how much havoc her hormones were running, but he couldn't hide his grin "I swear, this is endearing. I wasn't expecting this day to end like this."

"Like what? With your hormonal wife weeping over a whisk and unable to get up from the floor?" she glared.

"No, with my wife making cookies;" he smiled gently "I love the cookies with chocolate chips my Mom makes"

She placed her hands on her hips and cocked her head challenging him "Shut up and help me. Measure the flour." she ordered with a pointed flick of her wrist "And the sugar."

Derek obliged with a grin, watching as Meredith focused on the recipe almost as if it was an open body cavity, breathing in relief every time a step of the recipe was over, and she could move onto the next. Despite a medical degree, the kitchen seemed like a minefield for her and Derek couldn't help but be amused by that.

Meredith did most of the work on the recipe by herself, but delegated the whisk and the stirring to him, almost throwing a fit when the directions announced that she had to use the ungrateful utensil; Derek stirred the batter with a secret grin on his lips, watching as Meredith read through the remaining steps.

"Roll it then cut the dough into circles?" she frowned, looking up at him helplessly.

"Use the pin to roll the dough then cut it in something that resembles cookies." he translated "Or we can make a sausage out of it and cut it in slices"

"I bought these cookie thingies. With trees, stars, snowflakes and beheaded Santas" she pointed to the far end of the kitchen where new cookie cutters were shining under the light.

"Amy never ate Santa-shaped cookies when we made them because she was afraid Santa would be upset and he wouldn't bring her new toys" he recalled wistfully, a grin brightening his features. Meredith smiled as well.

"Should we make them, then?" she frowned, worriedly.

"I always thought that they were the best cookies" Derek grinned "Do you want to do it?"

Meredith nodded excitedly, pressing the cutter into the dough and watching as a star fell on the baking sheet proudly. She quickly made all the possible shapes, using as much dough as possible, then she grinned widely when the baking sheet was filled to the brim for the first batch.

"I made cookies for Santa. And Zola" she said as Derek put the sheet in the oven, grinning proudly.

"You did"

"Oh my God" she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "Do you think they are good?"

"It doesn't take much for them to bake, we'll find out soon enough"

"I've never eaten warm cookies" she bit her lip, before a tear made its way down her cheek.

"Oh Meredith" he sighed, enveloping her and her round belly in a hug.

Derek breathed in Meredith's soft lavender smell as it mixed with the scent waffling from the oven, their sticky hands laced together as she put one of hers on his chest and rested gently against him as he kissed her forehead gently.

The oven dinged, and Derek smiled excitedly "Let's taste them!"

He pulled out the baking sheet and the sweet aroma waffled out, making Meredith's mouth water. He put them on the stove then picked up a Christmas tree for Meredith and a Santa-shaped one for himself, burning his fingers slightly and suddenly feeling like he was seven years old again.

"They smell incredible" Meredith commented, still not fully believing that they had made them.

Derek took a bite and hummed "They taste just as great" he grinned.

"They're good?" Meredith yelped in surprise.

"Taste one for yourself" he grinned, handing her the tree and she bit off the top, a fresh set of tears shimmering in her eyes when he added "Almost better than Mom's"

"I baked good cookies" she whispered, after she had devoured the cookie, more tears filling her eyes "I did it"

"I was sure you could do it"

They sat at the kitchen table with the baking sheet of warm cookies in front of them, grinning madly as they ate one after the other.

"We should start shopping for your family or they'll never get their gifts before Christmas" Meredith mused as she devoured one of the Santa-shaped cookies while Derek started cleaning up the kitchen. "I know, it's late, we should have thought of the gifts before, but we barely had time to breathe and then it was Christmas!"

"There's time, Mer" he reassured right away "I know they are fifteen kids, but I wanted to get something for each one of our nieces and nephews. I haven't seen them in years, let alone sent nice Christmas gifts" he said sadly.

"We can do that tomorrow, we both have the day off"

"You planned this, didn't you? Sweeten me up into bringing out the credit card" he grinned and Meredith smirked, stealing a candy-cane cookie right from under his nose.

"What about Zola's gifts?" she asked "What should we buy her?"

"Well, she has been a good girl. She's potty-trained, she's being a good big sister, she deserves new toys"

"I'm serious!" Meredith glared.

"So am I"

Meredith shook her head, knowing that it was pointless arguing with him at this point "We need to see if someone can look after her for a couple of hours then"

"Um," Derek hesitated. "I can't tomorrow. Not the whole day at least" he mumbled.

"What? Did something came up?"

"I'm kind of busy. With Mark" he smiled his McDreamy smile, wishing that she wouldn't push. But of course, it was Meredith; she was pushy by definition.

"What did the two of you have to do for two days in a row?" She frowned.

"Decorating!" he blurted, but he could hardly believe the excuse himself.

"Derek, Zola was jumping up and down in front of the Christmas tree right before bedtime, you have decorated already" she shook her head, amused but still adamant to know more.

"It's a surprise. For the kids" he replied vaguely, knowing that she'd keep pushing for information until the gave in. "And for you."

"Oh, c'mon!" she smiled, showing him the look he couldn't resist.

"Mere, it's a surprise" he tried to defend his secrecy.

"You know I hate surprises" she whined.

"You don't" he grinned.

"Okay, I don't hate _all_ surprises." she sighed softly, her hand caressing her stomach "But I know I'll hate this if you don't tell me." she pouted and he found her so adorable, pouting and munching cookies, that he couldn't not kiss her. He tasted the lingering sweetness of the chocolate chips on her lips, before he pulled away.

"Please" she added, almost battling her eyelashes.

He gave in, unable to resist his wife when she turned so tempting. He definitely had to work on that weakness. "We put together the new beds. The toddler one for Zola and the new crib"

"We already have a crib" she frowned.

"I..." Derek hesitated, pulling out his phone and looking for the photos he had made of the beds. "I made them. Basically from scratch. Found the plans, ordered the lumber, assembled it. The paint still needs to dry, but tomorrow I can probably finish it all."

He handed Meredith the phone, watching as she switched through the photos, tears in her yes. "God, Derek" she blinked back tears "They're beautiful. They're..."

"Yeah" he beamed, finding the expression on Meredith's face worth all the work he had done during the day. "They look good, really. You'd love them."

"I do. I do love them" she said in a whisper, running her free hand on her stomach.

Derek grabbed another cookie from the tray as he watched his wife's fascination with his work, glad that he could still marvel her.

"That's why you smell like wood" she pointed out with a giggle.

"Probably. I should take another shower before bed."

"I kinda like woodsy you" she smirked "If a house in the middle of a forest wasn't enough nature, uh?"

"Speaking of going back to nature," he chuckled as well "Can I ask you why you're barefoot? It's not even forty degrees outside" he shuddered at the mere thought.

"My feet are killing me" she confessed, yanking off the beard of one of the Santa-shaped cookies. "Your child is not being cooperative today."

"I'm sorry" Derek sighed "Bird is probably getting cramped in there"

"Yeah" Meredith nodded, shifting in the seat at the umpteenth roll of the little life inside of her.

Meredith reached out to grab another cookie from the tray, only to discover that it was empty. Her eyes widened, then she yelped "Derek!"

"What?" he replied quickly, immediately worried.

"We ate all the cookies!"

Derek moved his eyes from Meredith's disbelieved face to the empty tray, then he chuckled "I guess they were good indeed"

Meredith groaned, swatting his arm. "You should have stopped me! Bird is never gonna settle now"

"I'll tell Bird a story, it works for Zola" he shrugged, but Meredith wasn't convinced.

As on cue, Zola appeared from the stairs in her pajama, rubbing her eyes.

"Hi Dada" she mumbled, still too sleepy to say anything more.

"Hey there" he smiled brightly, opening his arms to let her crawl in his lap. "What are you doing up?"

"Pee pee"

"Do you need to go or you already went alone?" he asked, rubbing her back evenly as she settled.

"Go 'lone" she smiled.

"Good girl." he kissed her forehead proudly, exchanging a beaming grin with Meredith. "Why are you here now?"

"Daddy home" she shrugged "I wan' story"

"I have an idea, Lovebug. Why don't we go upstairs in the big bed, so I can tell a story to you and Bird. How does that sound?" he grinned and watched her nod.

"Carry, Daddy"

"Alright, let's go upstairs" he smiled, nodding to Meredith, who holstered herself up and followed him.

Once in the master bedroom, Zola sneaked in between her parents, resting her tiny hand above Meredith's stomach, but sitting fully on Derek's lap, her cheek against his chest.

Derek began telling Zola's favorite story by heart and it wasn't long before she was back to sleep soundly.

"Is Bird out too?" he whispered then and watched as Meredith nodded.

"Seems calm" Meredith whispered back.

"I'll go put her back in her room"

"Come back soon," Meredith said, her eyes already closed as she let go of Zola and leaned her head back on the headboard.

Derek scooped up Zola and carried her back in her crib, aware that she was not going to sleep in that bed for long. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead, whispering "Goodnight Lovebug"

She stirred a little, mumbling "'nite 'nite. Ya sniff l'ke yummy woods and cookes"

"Your Mama says so too." Derek chuckled "Sleep well, baby"

"You too. An' Mama"

Zola curled up even further into the comforter, before her breathing evened out.

When Derek was back in his bedroom, Meredith was already sleeping soundly, a little snore coming from her lips, despite she was still propped up on the headboard, her hands on her stomach.

"Mere" he whispered, trying to settle her on her left side and propping a long pillow behind her.

"So tired" she mumbled, letting his hands guide her back down on the bed.

"I'm going to take another shower, alright?"

"No, you smell good" she shook her head imperceptibly, mumbling "Shower with me tomorrow"

The shower could wait until morning then, since apparently his girls went crazy for the smell of lumber and Meredith looked way too perfect half-asleep like this to pass up the occasion for a good snuggle.

* * *

**What's more to say? Merry Christmas! Oh, wait no...Happy Easter! ;)**

**Eat a lot of chocolate, steal a cookie from Meredith and Derek's second batch if you review, and wait for a new chapter next Sunday. The wait is going to be a little longer, but hey, you should have chocolate to keep you company! **

**PS: For those of you who are Castle fans, I co-wrote a one shot with _nattylovesjordy_ about Easter. It's "Quiet Company, With The Notes in My Ears". Look for it or ask me the link and I can kindly provide it to you. And if some of you want to co-write something, I'm open for booking ;)**


	31. Chapter 31

**So, a guest reviewer on chapter 29 somehow prompted me to edit the second part of this chapter and, since I can't thank him/her personally, I'll give thanks here. Sometimes, when you say things, they blossom into something marvelous in my head and I just realize that this little thing you pointed out is exactly what was missing in a certain scene to make it just right.  
**

**Thank you, for reading, reviewing and being your awesome selves. I haven't said that in a while, but it's always implied, and you know it.**

**Oh and _The O.C._ is not mine, it's just one of the first shows I started following back when I was in middle school. Good times indeed. For those of you who were fans, I hope you'll like the reference.**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

* * *

Winter break.

Derek had loved winter break while in school and college. Winter break meant sleeping in under a comforter, waiting for Christmas; it meant food, presents and family time.

He had loved winter break, before being a teacher.

He had papers to grade now, projects that his way too clever students had submitted to look at, and a very excited two-year-old to share all the joy with, since the faculty was closed for two weeks.

It was the first day Derek was going to spend alone with Zola and he was equally thrilled and terrified by it. Usually, when he had spent an entire day with Zola, there had been Meredith to share a little of the tasks with, but Meredith was taking a shower to go to work. Still, they thought it was pointless for Zola to be in daycare when Derek was at home, at least until she requested a playdate with Sofia or he went completely crazy.

Derek was grateful that Zola was sleeping in a little longer, so he could get his wrist exercises done before she woke up, then they could stretch together for a bit.

"She's still out?" Meredith arrived in his office, smiling softly at him as she tied her hair in a bun.

"No sounds from the baby monitor" he smiled back, watching his breathtaking wife, freshly showered and gloriously pregnant, prepare for the long day ahead of her.

Meredith walked closer to him and kissed his lips, enjoying the quiet moments they got to spend together. They never took them for granted anymore, with a very active little girl in the house.

"Morning PT?" She whispered against his lips.

"Yeah," he sighed, the smile suddenly disappearing from his face.

"Need some help?" she grinned, grabbing his hand and starting to massage it, similarly to the way he massaged her swollen feet at the end of a long day.

"As magic as your hands are, I don't think they can heal nerves just yet"

"I was good in Neuro" she scrunched up her nose, pretending to be offended, but her smile telling him otherwise.

"True" he sighed, feeling a pang of guilt at the fact that he was the reason why she wasn't going to perform a craniotomy today instead of an appendectomy.

"I know you hate being on the other side of things" Meredith smiled sympathetically "But you're already feeling stronger, that's good."

"Hm-hm" he nodded, his response not really what Meredith wanted from him. He could see she was worried about him, but he couldn't help it. It was as if a cloud was following him around, preventing him to be happy.

"Mama," they heard the faint moan from the baby monitor.

Meredith sighed, kissing him quickly. "I'll get her."

Derek prayed that an entire day with the ball of sunshine that was Zola could change his sour mood.

He was sorely mistaken.

Apparently, Zola was a ball of sunshine only until Meredith was at home and the day turned out to be never-ending.

"Wan' Mama!" Zola shouted that evening, fat tears streaming down her face as she stomped her feet on the hardwood floor of the living room.

Derek stared alternatively at her and the stuffed lion that had just missed his face by an inch, as she kept breaking down in tears. It was not the first time such thing happened today, but it was the first time he had no energy left to fight his daughter.

"Zola, what's wrong now?" he asked softly, picking up in disbelief the toy she had just launched through the room. He had never seen Zola this upset before and he still had no idea what had caused it. He racked his brain to find out the reason for her tears, since she had been crying for at least fifteen minutes, but he found none.

"Mama! I wan' Mama!" she shouted again, turning him almost deaf with the yelps and the tears.

"What is it, Zo?"

"Mean Daddy!" she shook her head, blocking him out "Mama" she called out again exasperatedly. "No luv Dada 'nymore" she fueled, and he was flabbergasted.

The tears kept rushing down Zola's cheeks as he sat and watched her ride out the never-ending sadness pouring out of her eyes. He was aware that it was probably a tantrum, but he had no idea how to deal with it. None in the least.

He listened to Zola moan and cry for Meredith for at least five more minutes, his heart squeezing into his chest. He tried to reach for her and give her a hug, but she trashed in his hold, pushing him away with a surprising force, that prompted him to take a step back with his hands in the air. Right in this moment, he wished Zola wasn't as fierce as Meredith.

The girl cried and cried, her eyes red and puffy as she buried her head in the couch's cushions and trashed around. Derek sat on the opposite couch, just to make sure she didn't hurt herself in the process of crying, and wondered what he had done so wrong during the day to reduce Zola to this sobbing mess.

They heard the door open, and Zola bolted to the foyer still in her full-on tantrum state to welcome a very tired Meredith.

Derek was quick to show up behind her and stare at his very puzzled wife, mouthing an empty apology.

"Ma-ma" Zola hiccupped, sadness dripping from every pore of her.

"What is going on?" Meredith frowned, surprised by the little girl's tears.

"Apparently, she hates me" Derek commented, his hurt eyes speaking volumes to a perplexed Meredith.

"Mama" Zola cried out again, holding up her arms to be held. Meredith still had to hang her coat and handbag, so she lightly shook her head, making Zola's tears run faster, and the pitch of her cries escalates.

Meredith's eyes closed for a moment, almost as if she was gathering all the little strength she had left not to lash out, her hand lingering on her stomach. She moved to the living room, Zola following right behind her. Derek felt guilty simply by looking at his wife, dragging her feet through the hall, before she collapsed on the couch.

Zola immediately scrambled in what was left of Meredith's lap, burying her head in her sweater. Meredith soothed her for a brief moment, then removed her gently from her chest. The tears started again.

"Now, use your words. You can talk Lovebug, you're a big girl. Tell me what's wrong" Meredith asked softly, her hand running through Zola's hair and wiping away the latest tears.

"Daddy mean" she stated, sniffing loudly, then turning to glare at Derek, before hiding into Meredith's chest again. "I no luvs Dada 'nymore"

Meredith glanced up apologetically at Derek, who looked absolutely flabbergasted. "Why is Daddy mean?" she prodded.

"'Cause I no pwlay out and no wants califlores"

Derek's eyes widened. He was about to butt in the conversation, but Meredith's eyes stopped him.

"You stopped loving Daddy because he gave you cauliflower for lunch and hasn't let you play outside when it is pouring rain?" Meredith summed up, needing to have the point clear, her voice not able to hide a little bit of disbelief at the whole thing. Zola nodded surely, hiccupping to emphasize her point.

"Daddy says no no no. Daddy no luvs Zola"

The silence after that statement was deafening. Meredith was quick to solve that.

"Of course he loves you, Zola. Mama asked him to give you cauliflowers and not to play outside in the rain, you should be mad at me too, you know" Meredith tilted up Zola's face to see her eyes widen, and the tears stop immediately. "It's okay if you don't like cauliflowers, we're not gonna eat them anymore, we'll find another vegetable you like. I don't like brussel sprouts, big deal." Meredith tried to make Zola smile, but she didn't budge "And you can play outside when it's sunny"

Zola nodded, but she still wasn't convinced "Mama -"

Meredith interrupted her with a smile and a calm voice, "You shouldn't say such bad things to Daddy. You need to apologize to him. You made him sad."

Zola looked dubious, sniffed and buried her head in the crook of Meredith's neck. Meredith rubbed her back in circles, giving her time to take in her mistakes, feeling her breaths regularize.

She was asleep in less than a minute, exhausted by all the teas.

When Meredith looked up at Derek, he was staring wide-eyed at them, his jaw slack, no words coming out of him, his eyes glassy.

"I..." he swallowed thickly "She cried for half an hour before you came just because..."

"Derek," she whispered, watching as he lowered his face in his hands "I'll talk to her later, when she has calmed down. It's a tantrum, a bad one, just a tantrum."

"Mere, I am glad that her vocabulary doesn't contain the word 'hate' because I can't bear her saying this to me. She's two and a half years old!" he mumbled, jumping up on his feet, feeling the tears coming as he paced in the living room, almost burning a hole on the floor.

"Come and sit by me" she ordered in the same gentle voice she had used for Zola.

He obeyed, a little lost. "I tried to hug her and she hit me like I wanted to torture her or something, I don't..." he explained, still boggled.

"Shh" she soothed, letting his head rest on her shoulder, right above Zola's, kneading his curls with her fingers as she closed her eyes.

"You weren't supposed to come home to this. You were at work, and I was supposed to take care of things." he mumbled "She fought me from the moment you walked out of that door. From the breakfast to the nap she didn't take, I can't..." he stammered, looking up poignantly at Meredith "Am I such a bad father?" he whispered, his eyes filling with unmistakeable tears. "How am I going to cope with two of them hating me?"

"Derek, you are a wonderful father." Meredith replied quickly "It was a bad day for Zola, she was cranky and moody when I woke her up, maybe she's coming down with something."

"I..."

"Think about her face when the two of you go fishing together. Does Zola hate you? How can you believe that?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, Mere"

She felt his tears on her neck as he buried his face deeper into her shoulder. Suddenly, she had no idea if he was judging himself too hard, with the whole hand issue and this was simply too much for him to handle.

"If I can't be a good father, what am I going to do for the rest of my life?"

His whisper broke her heart.

"Stop, just stop right here. Stop beating yourself up over things you can't control." she soothed "Your hand progress can't be controlled, Zola's moods or health can be managed, but you can't control them." She cupped his face in her hand, brushing his stubble "You can be the bad guy too for once. Next time it might be me, because maybe I'm going to pay too much attention to the baby and forget about Mama and Zola time. She will understand why saying no doesn't make you a bad guy, we'll make sure of it" she let out a small smile, then she kissed him softly to prove her point. He was the one who deepened their connection and tangled his hand in her hair, bringing their bodies closer.

"I think I needed that" he sighed, relishing Meredith's small smile.

"Are you good, now?"

"Better"

They sat contentedly for a few minutes in quiet, then they started chatting about their day. Meredith began first, easing the tension as she spoke of her surgeries and the patients she consulted on. Derek started from the beginning of his day to describe Zola's rioting mood, analyzing it to the finer details.

Meredith let him talk about the hard breakfast choice, the grunts during nap time, the endless list of books they read until Derek gave up on the nap altogether and they took a walk on the land -even though they had to come home early because of the rain-, up to the bossiness as they tried to build a block tower together. The list went on and on, and Derek seemed every step more affected, until he told her the events prior Meredith's return and then he was almost in tears.

"Let me get this straight," Meredith interrupted him, noticing that he needed a break "You asked her not to play near the tree with the blocks and she just threw her lion across the room, then started shouting?"

"Pretty much, yeah" he sighed sadly, his eyes resting on the girl asleep on her chest, wondering how such an angel could shout so loudly "I had no idea what to do, Mere. Then..."

"Then she said she doesn't love you anymore, and you believed her" she concluded for him, and he nodded.

"I know it was probably exhaustion, but I had no idea what to say or do anymore. I just prayed you'd be home soon." he admitted, mumbling "She was right to say what she said, after all."

"Derek, can you please look at things objectively and from her point of view?" Meredith sighed, a little tired of his behavior when he stubbornly refused to consider the shades of things "You are the cool Daddy. The one that takes her fishing and lets her do whatever the heck she wants. I like it that way -I love it- because you know when it's too much and you need to draw a line, and she loves that kind of freedom too. Today you were the one in charge, you had to say no to her several times when you usually say yes; you let her eat crappy green stuff, you didn't let her play outside, you called her out on things she did wrong. You were the bad guy today."

Derek stared at her a little taken aback, almost as if he was composing the puzzle piece she had just handed him. "She's adjusting to me being here all the time." he stated.

"Yes. She probably expected weeks of endless fun and daily fishing expeditions." Meredith smirked and his lips curled up as well "She'll probably flip on me too as soon as I take my maternity leave."

"I had no idea what to do, Mere" he admitted "I hated it."

"Nobody said we'd love every second of being a parent." Meredith smiled and leaned against his strong chest, feeling his arm sneak around her middle and rub her stomach, mindful of Zola.

"We'll talk to Zola more when she wakes up, okay?" Meredith smiled, and Derek simply kissed her temple as he nodded in her hair.

"I can start up dinner"

"You'd better" Meredith giggled "I'll call you when I'll wake Zola up"

He nodded again and untangled from her. His grateful smile spoke more than a thousand words.

He disappeared in the kitchen, and it wasn't long before Zola started stirring in Meredith's arms.

"Hey there Lovebug." Meredith smiled, kissing the top of her head to ease her awake. "You didn't want to take a nap today, didn't you?" she asked gently and the girl timidly shook her head in confirmation.

"Why did you give such a hard time to Daddy? He was very worried about you, you know?"

"Sorry" she mumbled, burying herself deeper into Meredith's chest.

"I know you're sorry." Meredith sighed "When something is wrong, you need to use your words Zola."

"Babies cry" she shrugged, as an explanation.

"Yeah, babies cry" Meredith echoed, pushing Zola to make a point.

"Hug babies cry" she confessed in a whisper. "In d'care"

"I know that when babies cry the teachers and the mothers hold them and soothe them, but you're a big girl now, big girls use words."

"I..." she struggled

"You thought that Daddy would stop saying no to you if you cried and threw a tantrum, didn't you?" Meredith sighed, finally cluing in.

Zola nodded, pouting sadly. "Sad Daddy"

"Yes, he was very sad. You made him very sad" Meredith said simply, without sugarcoating anything. "You know he was saying no because that is what is good for you, right? You can't play outside because it's cold and it's raining; and vegetables are good for you"

"I 'no" Zola nodded, grimacing a little at the admission. "Daddy sad no more?" she asked then, almost worried.

"I'm sure that he won't be sad anymore if you go give him a tight tight hug and a big kiss, then you tell him how much you love him" Meredith smiled and saw Zola's face light up.

"Go Mama" she bounced in excitement, making Meredith groan.

"Stop bouncing first, your sibling does enough of that already" she grinned and the little girl giggled as they stood up.

Zola stopped right before she crossed the threshold, cocking her head to the side as she turned to Meredith, asking "Bid no mad?"

"Oh, no. Bird is not mad, Zola" Meredith smiled warmly, watching as Zola trotted back towards her, kissed her stomach, then grinned widely as she took off.

Zola ran barefoot to the kitchen, but Meredith was quick enough to catch up with her. She saw her slam into the side of Derek's legs and wrap her little arms the best she could around his waist. Derek looked down a little surprised at the unexpected touch, a small smile on his lips.

"I hug tai tai" Zola sighed in bliss at the explanation, smiling up at her father. Derek stepped away from the stove and lifted her up in his arms right away, still baffled that this girl was the same one that had almost beheaded him with a stuffed lion. She tangled her arms around his neck, kissing his stubble lovingly and sloppily, giggling wildly as the two of them snuggled together. "Luv Daddy" she grinned; he melted on the spot.

"I love you too, Zola"

Derek exchanged a grateful look with Meredith over the top of Zola's head, mouthing a silent thank you. Meredith simply smiled back.

"All beder?" Zola smiled then, squishing her father's cheeks in her tiny hands and making him laugh. "No mad, Daddy?"

"All better, Lovebug. I'm not mad anymore." he kissed her forehead "Do you want to help me set up the table for dinner?"

"I hugry!" she nodded eagerly, rubbing her tummy. She was back to her usual self, happy and bustling with energy, in a blink.

They enjoyed dinner together without more tantrums, and Zola quickly got tired, her missed nap having a toll on her.

She asked Derek to be tucked in -much to his surprise-, but he didn't back away. He sat on the new toddler he had built, switched on the bedside lamp and picked up a choice of three books. Zola stopped staring at the colorful dots on her comforter and chose the book with animal tales.

Derek tucked Zola in, in a taco-like fashion, making her giggle sleepily, then he started reading. He used the soothing voice he employed while he was in the OR or when he explained procedures to his students, clear but smooth, the voice that drew people in. And Zola was mesmerized.

Zola's eyes drooped easily when Derek was not even halfway done, but he kept reading a little more, just to make sure she was completely out. He kissed her forehead softly only when her breathing sounds became even and louder, the comforter rising and falling in a constant rhythm with her stomach.

The only thought in Derek's head was that she was beautiful to look at. She was growing up under his nose, and all her features seemed to be new to Derek every time he took his time to look at her.

He took a deep breath, before switching on the nightlight and off the bedside lamp, then he went back downstairs, where Meredith was watching TV, sprawled on the couch with a flannel blanket on top of her.

Derek sat next to his wife and let her prop her back against his chest, his hand finding her stomach as he stared absentmindedly at the channel Meredith had picked, his mind wandering.

"What's wrong now?" Meredith's voice brought him back, and he noticed that the TV was now off.

"What do you mean? Nothing is wrong" he frowned, immediately feeling defensive.

"You're moping" Meredith stated, sitting up straighter and looking at him in the eyes. He felt like he was being analyzed. "And you are so tense you feel like a block of granite."

"I'm just tired" he sighed, looking back at the blank screen to avoid Meredith's stare.

"You're still moping."

"I'm just freaking tired!" he snapped, jumping up on his feet like a loaded spring. "Drop it!"

"Don't walk away Derek or I'll call post-it," she said simply, resettling on the couch with a grimace as she tried to sit more comfortably now that her human pillow was gone.

"For the love of God!" he groaned "What do you want me to say? I'm tired, Meredith"

"So am I. We both had a long day" she calmly didn't miss a beat.

"No, I'm so damn tired of feeling like this!" he erupted, what he had tried to hide so well bubbling out of him uncontrollably "I can't work. I can't teach because it's fucking winter break. I can't make Zola happy. I can't do anything right!"

"Like healing your hand."

"Don't bring my wrist into this mess. This has nothing to do with my wrist!" he roared, his eyes blazing as he lifted a warning finger towards her. Meredith flinched a little, but she was used to his temper. At least for once it was not directed at something she had done, but at the world.

"It has everything to do with your wrist" she knew she was poking the beast, but she knew it was high time they dealt with it.

"Well, enlighten me then!" he threw his hands in the air, before raking his fingers through his curls. "Fucking enlighten me!"

"Your world has tilted," she said simply. "One day you were on top of the world, now you have no idea where things had started to turn to crap."

"I can't listen to this." he muttered, turning on his heels to walk away.

"Post it, Derek Christopher!" Meredith hollered, making Derek stop and look back at her with an angry stare "You're stubborn as a mule!"

"Can you let it go?" he boomed.

"I can't let it go!" Meredith's tone rose as well "I have been letting go since you had the surgery, Derek. You have revolved into your own little world, hid things from me, very important things like the fact that your wrist would probably never be okay again, and you still pretend that everything is fine!"

"Because it is!" he shouted in response.

"Not yet!" she yelled back "Why does it bother you to stay at home or teach? Do you want Zola out of your hair?"

"No, God no" his voice softened, "She's..."

"Salting your game"

"What?" Derek frowned at that.

"Nothing. I had the day off yesterday. _The O.C._ pilot re-run before my favorite medical show. Sorry about that" Meredith groaned and blushed, hating herself for rambling when the conversations started to turn serious. "My point is, that you always plan your life out, Derek. But it doesn't always go as you planned and you get mad."

"Meredith, I -"

"You need to be in control of things. Now they're spinning way out of your reach, and you can't stop any of it. I told you before, and you are still brooding. Just let things spin." Meredith managed a soft smile, that made Derek take a deep breath.

"I have no idea how to let things spin" he admitted, sitting on the couch, heads in his hands.

"Derek, you do." she smiled widely, placing a soothing hand in between his shoulder blades. "We weren't supposed to meet, but here we are. We couldn't find a day to get married, but here we are. Zola was supposed to be only a patient, but she's sleeping upstairs in her bed. I was basically called sterile, look at us now Derek." she smiled, letting her hand rest on her stomach "Could you control the way you felt about me while you were with Addison?"

Derek shook his head, his eyes filling with tears as he stood up quickly again. "I called you a whore, Mere."

"That's what you do. You yell and you pace and you run a hand through your hair" she smirked, as she noticed him doing just that. He stopped dead in his tracks. "You take it out with the people you love. I can take it, so just tell me when the world is spinning too fast and you need something to ground you."

Derek looked up to meet her eyes and sighed deeply, "How did you get so smart and communicative all at once?" he teased, finally looking a little less angry.

"Must be the pregnancy hormones" she grinned, and he chuckled, standing up and moving closer to Meredith to kiss her.

He bent down and found her lips, trying to channel into the kiss all the frustration and the love he felt right in that moment, helping Meredith up on his feet to make her body fit as closer as possible with his.

"You're still tense" Meredith whispered, her eyes finding his as she ran a hand down his back. "Stop being tense, your wrist is aware of that, you know?" she grinned.

"Do you know an effective way to cut down tension?" he smirked, a glint in his eyes, before he stole Meredith's lips once again.

"Maybe," Meredith said, a little breathless after the passionate kiss. "It might involve you sitting on the couch"

"Couch, uh?" he raised his eyebrow. "Wouldn't be the bed more comfortable?"

"Too far away. And make-up sex doesn't mean it has to be comfortable." Meredith giggled, pushing him on the couch, then she sat on his lap and straddled him. She groaned, both in pleasure and frustration, as his lips found her neck, but her stomach got a little in the way "It's not gonna work here, isn't it?" she leaned her forehead on his shoulder "I'm only twenty-four weeks, and we already don't fit on the couch. I'm a cow."

He grinned widely, pushing a strand of hair out of her face "You're beautiful, Mere. And we can fit on the couch. We always fit."

Derek kissed her deeply as they tried to settle, but Meredith pulled away, smiling brightly right away, realization crossing her face as her hand flew on her stomach.

"What is it?" Derek smiled, puzzled by her demeanor.

"Twenty-four weeks." she announced, her eyes misty. "Bird can breath on its own."

"Yeah, Bird has functioning lungs" Derek nodded, his hands finding her stomach for a loving rub.

"Bird has almost a forty percent chance of survival if I go in pre-term labor" she stated, biting her lip.

Derek nodded, then lowered his head on her stomach "Hey Bird. We're very happy that you have lungs now, but we'd like you to stay in here a little bit longer"

"Even if you make Mama look like a cow" Meredith giggled, rubbing her own hand on her stomach as she blinked away hormonal tears.

"I think Bird is asleep." Derek whispered, not feeling any response at his voice like usual. "Mommy and Daddy can have grown-up time, then" he smirked widely, kissing Meredith once again.

"Definitely." she replied, breathless.

"You calm in a crisis always turns me on."

* * *

**Alright, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was important, it was the first step for Derek to recover fully and well, I just love Meredith calling post-it at him. She has leaned on him for a long time, now she's being the strong one, and Derek loves it.**

**The more I read this chapter, the more I like the way this story is going. And it feels like I'm reviewing my own story now, so I'll stop and I'll let you do the talking. Thanks in advance for sticking with me and remember, your advice is good.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Thank you for the response on the last chapter, I felt like it was a pivotal one and I'm glad you all enjoyed it.**

**Alright, it's time to get into a more festive chapter. It's the first real day of spring here, and it's absurdly odd to post a Christmas chapter, but hey, who cares. I don't, I hope you are okay with that too.  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

* * *

Meredith had no energy left. The workday she had just finished had left her drained. She dropped her handbag unceremoniously next to the door and hung her jacket, stretching her stiff back and shoulders, then ran a hand on her round stomach. She took a deep breath, glad to be finally home, and aware that she was officially off duty for basically three days.

It was heavenly.

A whiff of mouthwatering smell reached her nostrils and her stomach rumbled, reminding her that it was dinnertime. She had no idea why her house smelt like a freaking pizzeria on Christmas Eve though.

She followed the smell straight to the kitchen, and found Derek and Zola wearing matching red aprons with various festive pictures on them, both too focused on the task at hand to notice her.

Derek had a streak of flour covering the rolled-up sleeve of his t-shirt, while Zola was happily amusing herself with the wooden spoon as she dipped it in the tomato sauce, her hands covered in flour as well.

"What is going on here?" Meredith asked almost in disbelief at the sight welcoming her home, not sure if she should be amused or worried. Zola's eyes crinkled in happiness as soon as they met hers.

"Pizza Mama!" Zola shrieked in delight, showing her flour-covered hands.

"I can see that" she smiled softly, a question still in her eyes.

"It's a Shepherd tradition" Derek explained, finally lifting up his eyes from the pizza he was decorating "When we were little, we usually went to my grandmother's house for Christmas lunch, then to my aunt's at dinner. When the family expanded and Kathleen got married, she usually tried to escape the Shepherd Christmas madness so my mother made up the Christmas Eve pizza night" he grinned. "We could be together, without having the whole family around."

"I still don't get it" Meredith grinned

"We have Christmas lunch with Alex and Cristina tomorrow, but tonight it's just us, so we're having our version of the Shepherd's Christmas Eve Pizza"

"Oh" Meredith sighed, a little surprised by the warm feeling she always got when some kind of tradition was brought up.

"Welcome home Mer" he grinned, letting her savor the moment, then he walked closer to her, kissed her cheek quickly, before whispering "The first margherita is already in the over."

Meredith still couldn't believe her eyes though, so she stared carefully at her two favorite people work, echoing "You and Zola made pizza."

"Yum!" Zola grinned proudly, showing her dirty hands.

"Wow" she breathed out "It smells divine for sure" she blinked back a couple of hormonal tears, smiling widely.

She walked around the island and kissed Zola on top of her head, mumbling a simple greeting in her hair as the little girl giggled happily, then she stood behind Derek and nuzzled her nose in the back of his neck, breathing in his usual, manly scent mixed with the smell of pizza lingering around him.

"Long day?" Derek asked, his lips finding her forehead for a quick kiss once again, almost as if he craved the closeness as well.

"Usual Christmas injuries. There were knife cuts, broken bones from falling on and around trees, we had this guy who was admitted for dehydration and lack of nourishment since he hasn't touched any food in three days to leave room for the Christmas turkey," Meredith listed, and it brought a sincere smile on Derek's lips.

"Sounds like an interesting day" he mocked.

"Shepherd's Christmas Eve Pizza is definitely better." she grinned, leaning even more heavily against him "Bird is surely excited."

The oven dinged, and Derek captured Meredith's lips, before grabbing the oven mitt and putting the perfectly cooked pizza in the middle of the island.

"Pizza!" Zola shouted happily and Derek immediately cut up a slice for her as she settled in her highchair.

"It's delicious" Meredith grinned, stealing a slice for herself, then passing Derek a full plate as well.

"It is" he grinned "And Zola is definitely your daughter" Derek added, watching how voraciously the little girl was devouring her pizza.

Meredith moaned in delight at the first bite "Did you learn the recipe from your mother?"

"Yes, who learned that from my great-grandmother, who had Italian descendants, at some point."

"So you're not as Irish as I thought"

"No, probably not" he grinned.

"That's why you and your mother can cook so well," she smiled warmly "I definitely do not have any Italian ancestors, then." The two of them burst into laughter as Zola stared at her parents amused.

"Speaking of ancestors, you know I'm not really an observant Catholic, especially since I divorced, but Mom always brought us to the Christmas Mass after the pizza party." He began, his smile turning into a more serious expression, "I know that religion is not your thing, but I wanted to take you and Zola to Mass tonight;" he half-stated, half-asked. Meredith's eyes widened, and he quickly added "If you want to stay home it's fine, Zola is probably still little for the eleven thirty service and..."

"Eleven thirty?" she interrupted right away, frowning

"Yeah." his grin faded "Just forget about it, you're right -"

"You are going anyway, right?"

"If you don't mind." he sighed "I know, I could have gone to the earlier services, but it's a tradition and the church closest to us does an actual Midnight Mass, so -"

"Then we'll come with you. Zola might just sleep through the whole thing and if she throws a tantrum I'll just find a way to take her home."

"You'll come?" his eyes shone with emotions

"Of course. Part of the Shepherds' holidays package, right?" she grinned, squeezing his hand, and she could see him melt in relief as he looked at her.

They turned to look at Zola, still engrossed in examining her pizza, watching every once in a while as her parents leaned imperceptibly towards each other as the conversation turned to the hospital and their friends, while another pizza was put in the oven.

Derek decided to be the one in charge of cleaning up the kitchen as Meredith bathed and dressed Zola in the outfit they had wanted her to wear on Christmas lunch with the family, watching as the girl modeled the new clothes delighted and sat patiently as Meredith did her hair.

When she brought the girl in her room to get dressed herself, Derek was already there, changed into a suit and fixing his tie.

"I'll take her downstairs, you have forty minutes" he smiled dreamily, grabbing Zola's hand as the two of them exited the room engrossed in a conversation already.

Meredith took a flash shower, wore her dress and decided to simply brush her hair and let them loose in waves, falling on her shoulders. She was fixing the last touch of mascara when Derek hopped in the room with Zola ahead of him.

"Are you ready?" he asked, smiling sweetly at her.

"Let me just grab my coat and purse" she smiled.

"You look beautiful" he took in amazed her elegant, knee-cut, loose indigo dress, putting his hand on the small of her back as he led Meredith downstairs.

They got in the car and arrived to a church they often passed by on their way to work, Derek grabbing Zola's hand as they made their way in, his free fingers sprawled on the small of Meredith's back.

They took part to the ceremony from a pew in the back, Zola sitting quietly on it for the most part, mesmerized by the music, the choir, the rites and the candle lights, and taking in the novelty of the experience. Meredith felt mesmerized as well to see this new, spiritual side of Derek, a side she suspected he had, but she had often overlooked. She knew him as a man of science, it was hard to imagine him praying or following old traditions, but the way his lips recited all the prayers by heart, how he sang the hymns, the way he glanced at her once in a while or at Zola, just to check if they were okay, that was a side of him she liked to discover and for which she didn't mind staying up for a little longer than she had expected to, even if in a crowded, but silent church.

At some point Meredith sat though, a little tired after her shift, and Derek nodded that it was okay for her to sit, even if the rest of the people were standing. She was pregnant after all, and she considered a success that she had stood for a good half of the service. Zola was happy of this new change as well, because she quickly crawled in Meredith's lap and sat with her chest flushed to hers, her hand gripping the open lapel of Meredith's coat as her eyes fluttered close in the middle of the sermon.

Meredith kept rubbing Zola's back until the girl was asleep and juggled a few awkward handshakes when people began turning and shaking hands with Derek, probably a part of the ceremony she didn't know.

"Peace be with you" Derek smiled softly while he shook her hand as well, as another hymn resounded in the church, his lips finding Zola's hair and whispering the same endearment. There was a reverence in the way he moved and acted that surprised Meredith even more.

The atmosphere grew even more sacred as the ceremony progressed, up until the last joyful hymn. The shuffle of people gathering their handbags and scarves grew as the priest disappeared and the hymn ended.

Derek turned to Meredith -his dancing eyes now twinkling with the light of the candles, the neon lights and the tiny happy tears there-, whispering "I'll bring the car closer then I'll come back to get Zola, do you mind?"

"No, not at all" Meredith replied, studying as small groups of people gathered together to exchange quick well wishes. She watched with a smile other parents carry their sleeping children outside the church, until she met a pair of familiar brown eyes.

The young woman walked closer to her with a huge smile on her face, disbelief clearly etched on her features as she mumbled "Dr. Grey?"

"Beth Monroe" Meredith smiled brightly in return, staring at the young woman in front of her. She looked healthier than the last time they had seen each other. Her smile was bright, her eyes were dancing, her whole body told her that she was happy, even though Meredith could clearly detect the faint scar of one of the surgeries she had needed at the base of her hairline.

"Oh gosh, what are you doing here? Are you from this parish too?" Beth asked eagerly.

"Oh, no, I'm not..." she began, only to be interrupted as she tried to find the perfect words.

"I found a spot right across the street" Derek came back swiftly, surprise filling his gaze as he looked up and his eyes met Beth's.

"Beth Monroe" he muttered "Oh my God"

"You know, Dr. Grey here said the same thing" she grinned amused as she stared at the two of them.

"It's so good to see you!" he smiled proudly "I haven't seen you around in months"

"After my last check up" she grinned "Still no tumor" she sighed in relief "Thanks to the two of you."

"Beth, really..." Meredith began, her voice full of emotions.

"Thank you." she said simply, but it came deep from her heart "What are you two doing here? You told me Christmas is a busy day at the hospital." Beth smiled at Meredith, especially at the little girl asleep on top of her.

"We couldn't miss our daughter first Christmas with us. Keeping up with the Shepherd traditions." Derek smiled proudly, his hand lingering protectively over Meredith's shoulder as she looked up and met his gaze with a smile.

"The two of you tied the knot?" Beth giggled, almost as if she was expecting it.

"And adopted a baby girl, yeah." Meredith grinned proudly, her hand rubbing Zola's back protectively.

"In fact, we got together almost right after your surgery" Derek smiled softly at the memory of a house of candles that now had walls and a full family in it.

"I knew it! Congratulations!" Beth cheered "Do you want to say hi to my parents too? They're over there, my mother sings in the choir. They'd be happy to see you" she pressed.

Derek looked down at Meredith and she nodded, smiling gently "Just hold Zola for me"

They shifted the hold on the girl and Zola barely stirred as she leaned her cheek limply on Derek's shoulder "Usually she's a lot more chatty than this" he added with a grin, holding out his hand to help Meredith stand up. "And she likes to run"

"One of those things I wished she'd never learn how to do" Meredith piped up, straightening her back in relief as she stood.

"Is she getting a little brother or sister?" Beth grinned knowingly and widely.

"We don't know. We want to be surprised" Meredith admitted as the two of them locked eyes; Beth smiled widely to see how much in love these two were.

"Beth, there you are" Mr. Monroe walked up to them, smiling widely in recognition. "Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey;" he grinned, "It's good to see you here, Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Mr Monroe" they replied almost in unison, shaking his hand.

"Didn't realize the two of you were married"

"We weren't when Beth was our patient." Derek smiled widely.

"Honey, how were the hymns?" the voice of Mrs. Monroe interrupted them as she walked up to Mr. Monroe and kissed his cheek, so did with Beth's and whispered "Merry Christmas", but froze when she recognized the doctors.

"Hello! Merry Christmas!" she added quickly, recovering from the slight shock and exchanging greetings with the couple "Do you live around here?"

"Bainbridge" Derek added "It's good to see you too, Mrs. Monroe. Beth told me everything is going great."

"Yeah, we're definitely in a good place now" Mrs. Monroe replied, relieved. She surely looked more relaxed than the time they had spent together during the days of the trial.

"It's great. I'm really happy for you Beth." Derek nodded simply, grateful indeed to see the young woman once again. It rarely happened to him that he could see the people he saved one more time, healthy and happy, but when it did, it was always welcomed.

"We both are" Meredith added. "What are you up to now?"

"Pre-med at UW. Mid-terms were terrible" Beth admitted. "Ugh, let's just...not talk about that" she groaned, then giggled. "I also tried to attend your class Prof. Shepherd"

Derek groaned, but grinned widely. "Really? I talked about you and the trial in my last class before the holidays, if I knew I would have invited you" Derek chuckled

"I'm only a first year, and your class is not mandatory, I really couldn't fit it in my schedule." she admitted with a hint of regret.

"Don't worry, it's not as memorable as my surgeries" he chuckled.

"Can I come back to the hospital one of these days and see you at work?" Beth asked eagerly.

Meredith wasn't expecting this question, but she she saw Derek's face fall and she knew she had to intervene "If you want to come to the hospital and shadow me feel free to do so" she grinned "Just be quick, because before April I'll look like a beached whale and they will probably keep me ten feet away from an OR"

Beth chuckled, then asked "Still neurosurgery?", clearly considering the option.

"No, I'm doing my fellowship in General" Meredith shrugged.

"I'll probably just shadow Dr. Shepherd here then" Beth smirked and Derek's smile faded a little. "I have a thing for brains"

"I'm sorry" he sighed, and Meredith was quick to put a comforting hand on his back, since she couldn't do much to divert the conversation now. "I'm not really operating at the moment. I can walk you through someone else's craniotomy if you happen to be in the hospital though"

"What happened?" Beth asked concerned

"I broke my wrist and it's still healing" he sighed at the admission, but omitted all the remaining, painful details.

"I also wanted to write my final paper on the trial surgery you two performed, would you mind helping me out with that, then?" she asked then with a grin.

"I would love to" Derek managed a small smile, because teaching is what he did now and he would love to help Beth. That former patient of his still held a special place in his heart, he couldn't deny it.

"My paper is not due until June and I definitely want to see this new baby of yours" Beth grinned boldly, cutting the somber atmosphere that had settled there.

Derek relaxed, while Meredith smiled, blushing a little. "Just give us a call, my office number is sill the same." Derek grinned.

"Here, this is mine, just in case" Meredith handed Beth her card after rummaging through her handbag. "We'll be happy to help and show off the kids"

"Mama." On cue Zola mumbled sleepily from Derek's shoulder, making all of them grin.

"Hello there" Derek smiled softly, coaxing the little girl awake. "Do you want to open your eyes for a minute and say hi to a pretty special young lady?" he asked and Zola simply turned the other way, burying her face in his shoulder.

"Mommy and Daddy fixed up her brain a long time ago and she would be really happy to meet you" Meredith prompted, making eye contact with Zola and rubbing her back soothingly.

Zola lifted up her head tiredly and rubbed her bleary eyes, turning shyly towards Derek when she noticed the three strangers smiling at her.

"She's adorable" Mrs. Monroe grinned widely.

"What's your name?" Beth asked the little girl, smiling "I'm Beth"

"Zola" she mumbled.

"Zola is a very pretty name" Beth grinned, and Zola finally smiled back, making Mrs. Monroe let out a spontaneous "Aw".

"That smile got me from the first time I saw her" Derek admitted with a grin "Never had a more endearing patient than you before I met Zola"

"Dr. Shepherd!" Beth giggled "She was your patient?"

"Yeah, they flew her to Seattle from an orphanage in Malawi to help with her spina bifida when she was six months old"

"And we fell in love" Meredith completed "She has a way to draw you in with her smiles."

"Indeed. Do you need a nanny? Because I'm free" Beth joked, bursting into a soft laugh. "Seriously, do you guys know any new parents who are looking for a babysitter?"

"Maybe" Meredith looked at Derek poignantly "Are you looking for a job?"

"Student loans are expensive, especially when you have medical bills to keep up with" she sighed.

"We might need one sometimes, yeah" Derek grinned "Just come over after the holidays and we can discuss a few things together, shall we? It's getting late," he smiled softly, noticing Zola yawn and settle back into his arms.

"Of course! I'm sorry I've kept you!"

"Nonsense, it was so good to see you" Meredith brushed it off with a flick of her wrist, then added "Let me hug you" before actually hugging her.

"We'll keep in touch then"

"Yeah, after New Year's" Derek added, smiling brightly "Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas to you too!"

As expected, as soon as Zola was in her car seat, she was completely out to the world. She was almost snoring by the time they got home. They put her in the bed and she didn't even stir, despite they undressed her and put her in her pajamas.

"Let's go put the gifts under the Christmas tree" Derek whispered, creeping out of the little girl's room with Meredith.

"Do you think Zola is going to be excited that there won't be any cookies tomorrow but presents?" Meredith wondered, as the two of them walked back downstairs, holding hands.

"She's going to love it. I promise you."

They slowly placed all the boxes and presents they received from both families under the tree, then stared with gentle smiles at their work, munching on the cookies and sharing the glass of milk.

"There are four stockings, Derek" Meredith stated, looking at the mantel.

"Mom embroidered 'Baby' on a stocking when she was pregnant with Kathleen and well, it's still the same stocking" Derek explained "We have passed it down baby after baby. It's a little patched up, but it's a great stocking." he grinned, running his hand on the worn fabric of his own stocking, grinning at how new Zola's and Meredith's looked.

"I'll call your mother tomorrow and thank her again for the stockings she sent here. They're beautiful"

"She asked to bring them back in case we go East for next Christmas"

"We can do that" Meredith nodded, finishing the milk. "It's not wrong that we're going to have a quiet Christmas, right?"

"We had a chaotic Thanksgiving, we're good." Derek nodded, settling Meredith into his arms more comfortably. "Did you like the service?"

"Hm" Meredith hummed in agreement "It's a good tradition to keep."

Derek smiled widely, kissing the top of her head as he let the peace of Christmas night envelop them, his hand going to track the movements of their child within her. He chuckled then, watching Meredith stifle a yawn just as Bird had delivered a pretty swift kick.

"Let's hit the hay" he suggested.

She nodded, smiling sleepily "Can we have Christmas sex tomorrow?"

"I'm sure we're going to find an hour for us" he agreed, with a chuckle "You're dead on your feet"

"No, my feet are dead. Never thought being a pregnant surgeon would be such a challenge" she giggled, then leaned against his shoulder, her eyes moving to the twinkling lights of the tree. "Merry Christmas, Derek"

Derek kissed her temple, then mumbled back "Merry Christmas, Meredith"

* * *

**I made up the bit that Derek is a Christian Catholic. Actually, we have no idea if he's even religious, but I slightly mixed my own traditions with his. Plus, the Italian ancestors and the pizza? Totally a tribute to my motherland. 'Cause as much as it is frustrating to be an Italian, sometimes is equally great.**

**I really hope you enjoyed this prologue for the actual Christmas Day. It's going to be on the next chapter, but beware, because I'm gonna have a busy week, I have an upcoming exam and this chapter is one of the non-banked ones. I might delay the posting, but you were warned. **

**Thank you for reading, I'm glad there's someone who's still enjoying this story as much as I'm having a wonderful experience writing it. **

**PS: All _Castle_ fans, have you checked out my one-shot co-written with _nattylovesjordy_ yet?**


	33. Chapter 33

**Again, let's consider this update a Sunday update for the US time zones, because in Italy it's already Monday and I can't believe it took me two weeks to get this chapter done. I have been busy, and I hope hope to get the top mark at my exam on Tuesday is a good enough excuse for this delay.**

**I have basically finished writing this chapter right now, so it is probably going to be full of typos and incoherent, especially the last part. Again, apologies. At least it's long, right?**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

* * *

"Ma, please" Derek whined at the screen of his tablet perched on the kitchen counter, while he grabbed a bowl from the cabinets "Explain it to me one more time"

Carolyn scoffed playfully, an amused smile on her lips "It's cake Derek, anything can go in there, really"

"Mom!" he complained half-heatedly, cracking a smile of his own.

"You did Thanksgiving already, you can do Christmas for five people"

"I can cook, but baking..." he complained, trying to soften his mother, but she only smiled more widely.

"I'd be there to cook for you and your friends if you had invited me" she bit back, not maliciously, but it still stung Derek a little.

"It's our first Christmas as a family, and Mer can't...I just wanted to -"

"Make your own traditions, I get it sweetheart." she finished for him, smiling proudly "Next year you and the children are here, though"

Before he could grumble anything back, Meredith appeared at the threshold of the kitchen, Zola sleepily glued to her hip.

"Morning" he smiled widely, ignoring his mother for a second.

Meredith came closer and dropped a kiss on his cheek, then they exchanged Zola, who snuggled into the crook of Derek's neck in her festive pajamas. Meredith blushed then, when she noticed Carolyn staring at them through the video feed.

"Uh, hi!" she blurted, turning even redder, matching Zola's outfit. "Merry Christmas!"

"Good morning and Merry Christmas to you too, dear" Carolyn replied. "Look at Zola, she's getting so big," she added wistfully.

Zola frowned, hearing her name but not seeing the person in the room, then her eyes lit up when she found the tablet sitting on the counter. She waved her tiny hand sleepily, hiding into Derek's shoulder after she had mumbled "Hi Nana"

"Hey Lovebug" Carolyn replied, waving back. "Did you see what Santa brought you?"

As soon as Santa was mentioned, Zola's head snapped up, and her eyes widened. "'resents!" she blurted, wriggling to escape Derek's hold.

"And that's our cue to leave" he chuckled, watching as his mother stared at the scene amused.

"We'll talk later, dears. Go open the presents."

They ended the call, moving to the living room where the stockings were hanging, the floor under he Christmas tree filled with gifts.

Zola's mouth shaped into a surprised circle, then she started jumping around, babbling something that resembled a lot "Santa came!" that made her parents grin.

Meredith plopped on the couch, enjoying the scene with an amused smile, as Derek sat on the floor with Zola and handed out every gift that was addressed to her.

Zola ripped open gift after gift, unwrapping a new stack of books, a new set of kitchen utensils, blocks and a new doll, all coming from Derek's sisters. A colored puzzle with a somewhat accurate reproduction of the human body followed suit, and Meredith didn't need to look at the card to know that it came from Cristina.

Alex and Mark had joined forces to wrap a full set of miniature scrubs, 'Dr. Zola Shepherd' embroidered on the lab coat, and the scrub caps matching the ones Meredith and Derek wore in surgery.

Inside the gift box, there was also another box, addressed to Meredith and Derek. It contained a tinier version of scrubs, fitting six months up to twelve, and Meredith was almost tearing up when she ran the hand over the incredibly tiny garment, imagining their baby inside the soft fabric. She had to profusely thank Mark and Alex for those.

Callie and Arizona apparently had given Zola the latest toy every little girl should have, and Zola immediately bugged Derek to get it out of the box and start playing with "Erithin'!", but not before she could strip out of her pajama and hop around in her underwear only, as she tried to wear the scrubs on her own.

They let her play around, as Derek warmed up some milk for breakfast. Meredith enjoyed the simple fact of looking at her daughter on Christmas morning, the excitement shimmering in her eyes, their other child kicking inside of her. It was surreal to even picture a scene like that a year ago, and yet she was living it.

Derek kissed Meredith after he placed a tray with two mugs and a bottle on the coffee table, then settled the plate of freshly baked biscuits closer to Meredith.

Zola reached out for the biggest one of the cookies, taking a big bite out of it. Meredith instead sipped her milk, then frowned, scratching her forehead. "Can you get me some chocolate?" she asked, and Derek turned to look at her puzzled.

"A bar? Because there's chocolate in the biscuits we baked"

"For the milk, Derek" Meredith rolled her eyes, almost as if it was obvious and he was simply annoying her. Derek quickly went back to the kitchen, worried that a full hormonal breakdown could ensure.

When he dropped a spoon of chocolate in her warm milk, Meredith looked radiant. She thanked him with a dazzling smile as she mixed the liquid and then held the mug tightly into her hands.

"You have the cravings of a five-year-old" Derek chuckled, watching as she wiped away a slightly brownish milk mustache.

"Hey, I've eaten apples for three days, the kid deserves a break, and so does the Mama"

Derek was about to add a sneaky remark, but he was too caught up in watching a delighted Meredith snuggle in with Zola by her side, the both of them slurping their milk as Zola babbled on and on about her new toys and Meredith nodded along with interest, that he forgot all he wanted to say.

He had to leave too soon for his likings to fix up lunch for Cristina and Alex. The rest of their Seattle family was on shift, and they were going to stray in and out as soon as they were done at the hospital. He was happy though that Meredith had managed to make the cookies with Zola, and that she could get to have another decent holiday with her family, both her new one and the one she got as she started working at Grace.

The tablet they had forgotten on the counter lit up again for a new incoming video-call, and Derek had to smile when Amelia's name flashed on the screen.

"Hey Amy" he grinned, as soon as her face appeared.

"Don't call me Amy" she grumbled, a smile on her face "Merry Christmas DerBear"

"Merry Christmas!" he answered with a wide smile.

"There's something on your shirt, Derek" Amelia stated, frowning.

"I'm cooking the Christmas feast" he shrugged, knowing he was never going to live that down.

"Does Lizzie know? 'Cause she's gonna mock you forever if I tell her."

"Oh Mom is probably gonna tell her, she called earlier" he smiled "You're still in LA?"

"Yeah, Addison wanted to make it a Christmas party for Henry but I still can't feel the Christmas spirit when it's so damn sunny and there's no snow outside"

"You picked Los Angeles, of all the places..." he grinned "Here we have a lovely morning mist greeting us from the lake, if you want to see it"

"Here's the neurosurgeon ego that pops out. Well, you still haven't boasted about your daughter, your wife and your unborn child, let's say you were due for some ego" Amelia laughed, and Derek joined her.

"Zola is getting so big indeed. She talks so much sometimes I wonder if there's a switch somewhere to keep her quiet. Or a timer."

"That's good though," Amelia smiled at his lost expression. "Talking can be a milestone in both spina bifida cases and international adoption"

"It really is, we got lucky." Derek agreed, feeling even more grateful that they had her, and she was doing wonderfully.

"How's Meredith, by the way?"

"Still growing my unborn son, drinking chocolate milk because the baby wants it and complaining that she's fat" he smiled.

"I heard that" Meredith shouted from the living room, and both siblings laughed.

"Son, uh?" Amelia poked then.

"We don't know, really. Mere has a feeling, but she's pretty great at not telling me anything. Maybe she's just going to shout it when she's in labor, or maybe she wants to profit more form the betting pool someone has started at the hospital"

"A mother always knows," Amelia said sadly, and Derek's eyes turned duller too.

They were grateful when both their attentions were shifted from the screen, as Amelia turned behind her to greet Addison, and Derek had to stop Zola from launching her bottle in the sink.

"Come here and say hi to Aunt Amy" Derek grinned, sitting at the table, then lifting Zola on his lap.

"Wow, she's big" Amy smiled and waved back at Zola, who greeted her meekly "Isn't she bigger?" Amelia turned the question to Addison, who just then noticed the video feed.

"Whoa, yeah." her eyes widened.

"Merry Christmas" Derek smiled, and Zola echoed him the best she could.

"So she's still here, then" Meredith said as she came into the room as well, placing her own mug in the sink, and greeting the people on screen.

"She's not the only one who's getting big!" Amelia smirked.

"Amelia!" Derek and Addison said in unison, while Meredith laughed loudly.

"Turn around, Meredith" Amelia prompted, excitedly.

"I'm a small hippo" Meredith grinned, showing off her stomach proudly as she ran a hand over it. "It doesn't even fit on the screen if I get too close"

"Baby Bid" Zola explained, patting Meredith's stomach almost as if she was doing a show-and-tell.

"She's absolutely adorable" Amelia cooed as Addison awed, delighted.

"Wait, you guys" Addison interrupted, "I'm gonna let you meet Henry." The couple nodded, as Meredith sat closer to Derek, while Addison retrieved her son.

She was back less than a minute later, with the gorgeous little olive-skinned baby in her arms, and Derek smiled widely. "Reindeer sweaters?" he chuckled.

"I bought it" Amelia shrugged, "There must be your sweater in the pile of presents I sent you as well"

Meredith laughed, picturing Derek in that outfit, "He's definitely cuter than Derek could ever be" she nodded, throwing him a sideways glance and see him pout "Looks like he's only a few months younger than Zola"

Addison wanted to answer, but Henry crawled out of her hold and started tapping Zola's face. Zola neared the screen as well, and they adorably patted each other virtually, trying to study the other child and exchanging smiles as they played together.

"I think they both found a new friend" Amelia commented with a smirk, as they let their hearts melt at the scene.

The chatter kept flowing steadily as Derek busied himself with breakfast for his girls and Zola and Henry entertained the crowd. They bid goodbye with the promise of seeing each other soon when the doorbell rang, and Zola bolted in the foyer shouting "Auntie Cris!"

When Meredith indeed waddled to the door, Cristina and Alex were standing there with a bottle of wine and a bakery box.

"Look, we don't cook, and we need alcohol, despite you being all pregnant and sober" Cristina greeted, walking inside as she owned the place.

Zola immediately claimed her to show off her presents, and Cristina followed her without a peep.

"Merry Christmas, Mer" Alex smirked at the scene, going as far as exchanging an awkward hug with his friend.

"Merry Christmas, Alex" she smiled back "And thank you for the wonderful presents for the kids"

Alex smirked "Better start 'em young" he chortled, leaving for the kitchen, where he and Derek immersed into a light conversation about the latest game.

Meredith went instead to the living room, and found Cristina playing eagerly with Zola.

"And this, this is the heart. Most beautiful organ in the world, little tot" she explained, and Zola listened rapt, chewing on her fingers, as Cristina pointed out the various parts of the human body on the puzzle she had given her.

"Mama, hart!" Zola grinned as soon as she spotted Meredith, pointing at the puzzle in front of her.

"I see that you're giving her an advanced Anatomy lesson on a holiday"

"It's never too early to learn. If you learn languages better at three, why not anatomy?"

"I 'lmost thee" Zola butted in, holding up her three fingers proudly.

"See, she agrees" Cristina smirked, making Meredith shake her head.

"Thank you, Cristina" Meredith added seriously, a smile brightening her features "Merry Christmas"

"Yeah, yeah" she brushed it off with a smile "I could be cutting"

Meredith ignored that, knowing that replying could open a Pandora's box of other snarly remarks, and instead focused on something else. "Is Owen at work?"

"Yeah. Maybe he can make it for a quick greeting though, he should be done by lunchtime"

"Mark, Jackson and April are coming over later, so he's welcome to stop by"

Cristina snorted "You live in the middle of nowhere, it's not stopping by, it's hiking."

Meredith giggled "You should see the view in the morning, Cristina"

"Hm" she hummed, not convinced, but Meredith didn't even try to persuade her. "At least the monsters will have the space to run around, that's good" she shrugged, glancing at Zola, who was now playing with the new blocks.

"That's why we built here in the first place"

Cristina was silent for a second, then asked "You have always wanted kids, uh?"

"I...No." Meredith admitted. "Not before Derek, no"

"What do you mean?"

"I have never seen myself settling down with anyone, having a kid alone just for the gist of it was not something I'd do. But with Derek..."

"When did you know?"

Meredith took a minute to think about it, rubbing her stomach at a particularly strong kick, then bit her lip "I guess before Addison came"

"What?" Cristina's eyes widened.

"When I met him, I was done. I just...knew."

"But you barely knew him, clearly"

"I'm not saying that without the wife we'd be married and with a baby on the way before the end of my internship, but I was considering the option of marrying Derek and having kids with him in the future, before Addison came."

"Seriously?"

"I always felt like he wanted something more casual at that point, but then I understood why"

There was a moment of quiet, while Cristina processed the information, then the conversation was dropped as Zola claimed her attention. Meredith was happy to let the confession sink.

"I know Owen wants kids" Cristina admitted sadly, "I don't."

"You can share mine" Meredith grinned widely, making Cristina smile as well and easing the tension a little. "So when I screw up they have a trusted back up"

"We could take your kids if something had to happen to the two of you" Cristina shrugged. "Like guardians or something"

"You'd do that?"

"I'll be a crappy fake-mother and I'll probably forget half of the stuff they do on a daily basis, but Owen is great with kids, he'll take good care of them"

"Cris -"

"Plus, you don't have to send the rugrats to New York. I still like to see them sometimes and I'm sure the McSisters will hog them"

Meredith giggled "I'll talk to Derek about this, but...thank you for offering."

"It's not like we'll get them, I really hope you can live until they're old enough to take care of themselves" Cristina shrugged.

"I know, it means a lot to us"

"Consider it my Christmas gift" Cristina smirked.

Meredith smiled softly, before she groaned, patting her stomach "There's definitely a party going on in here"

"See, they suck the life out of you. I can't have one" Cristina pointed out, before the men could join them in the room.

"What are we talking about?" Derek smiled, walking behind Meredith to place a kiss on top of her head, then sitting next to her.

"I don't want to know" Alex groaned.

"Food is almost ready." Derek announced

"We're gonna watch the game, want to stay?" Alex suggested, grabbing the remote.

They settled in comfortable company, discussed the game and argued about referee's calls, then they moved the small party to the kitchen for the Christmas lunch. Derek was mocked for his cooking skills, but he was able to fight every remark Cristina made with an even wittier one, and Meredith was delighted to see that finally the two halves of her lives were getting along. At some point, she had given up of forcing Cristina and Derek to get along, but life seemed to have a way to change horrible things for the best.

After the lunch, they moved back to the couch, too full to do anything. Zola fell asleep in Derek's arms after five minutes of companionable conversation, and they didn't dare to move her.

Not even an hour later, Mark and Sofia came. Callie and Arizona were at work, so they had decided to make a playdate out of this holiday. Owen, April and Jackson joined the merry party a few hours after Mark, and all in all, it seemed almost a repeat of Thanksgiving, only with the guests coming and going. Derek played the host and Meredith mocked him endlessly for it.

Molly and Laura were the unexpected guests of their merry afternoon, but both Meredith and Zola were glad to have them over.

The gathering began winding down as dinnertime approached and the guests left, again in little groups. Mark and Sofia were the last ones at home when Derek proposed dinner.

"We have a ton of leftovers," Derek smiled brightly.

"Are you sure? We've hogged your place for an entire day, you deserve a little peace and quiet" he shrugged, strangely shy. Despite the relationship with Derek seemed to be back to the level of closeness they had in high school, sometimes Mark still felt like he was taking too much from his best friend.

"Stay, Mark. Zola and Sofia are having a blast." Meredith prodded, knowing that if she brought Sofia in the mix she was sure to convince him.

Mark sighed, shook his head and smiled "Alright. You win."

Meredith grinned brightly, "Go make the food, Derek. We're starving." she looked at her husband sweetly, and Derek left the room obediently, grinning madly.

"And I thought Zola had him wrapped around her little finger" Mark snickered and Meredith giggled loudly.

"He's probably scared of a possible hormonal outburst"

"Hm," he hummed "I can't see how"

Meredith laughed then, until she had to catch her breath.

"Was it a good Christmas party?" she asked, as soon as she had calmed down, needing something to distract her from the laughter.

"Shepherds have a way of throwing good holiday parties" he nodded, then changed the subject radically "Molly seems nice and Laura looks more like you than her"

"She is nice indeed, but Laura doesn't look like me" Meredith frowned

"She acts like Lexie sometimes," he said sadly, his gaze getting lost in between the flames in the fireplace.

"She would have enjoyed to be here today" Meredith stated simply, letting the memory of Lexie settle in the room.

"I think I want to start dating again" Mark admitted in a whisper, his shyness coming out once again.

"Found any eligible bachelorette?" Meredith smiled softly, understanding the magnitude of that statement.

"Maybe" he said vaguely, but he didn't have time to elaborate as Derek called out for dinner in the kitchen.

Meredith watched Mark lead both girls towards the service bathroom downstairs, explaining the importance of washing their hands before eating, and she realized that he was finally moving on too. And that was maybe the best Christmas present she could ask for, coupled with the wonderful family moments Zola had the opportunity to experience.

When dinner had been cleaned up and Sofia had fallen asleep at the table, Mark had decided to leave as well, leaving Derek and Meredith finally alone. Zola fell asleep just as quickly as Sofia, and it wasn't long before Meredith was snuggling in Derek's embrace as they admired the Christmas lights flicker on their tree.

"I almost forgot to open your gift!" Meredith exclaimed, standing up to retrieve the only unopened boxes left under the tree.

Meredith's box was little, and she already knew it was jewelry. She was a little worried that it could be something too fancy she'd never wear, but she trusted Derek to know her at this point.

Derek's gift fit in his lap and -much to Meredith's amusement- he shook the box and tapped it, trying to find out what was inside. He pried open the tape carefully, trying not to rip the paper, and lifted up the angles corner by corner in a torturous slow gesture.

Meredith decided that she could prolong the surprise as well and mimicked Derek's actions, savoring the moment.

"Wow!" Derek exclaimed as the wrapping paper was removed, to reveal a new fishing pole. "How did you know I needed a new one?" he asked, surprised.

"Oh, I have my sources" Meredith giggled, uncovering her own gift, which was indeed contained in a little velvet box. She opened the lid, and a gentle smile spread on her face. "It's a ring" she stated, still studying the simple, white-gold band tucked into the satin. "A wedding ring."

Derek smiled tentatively "If you want, there's a matching band upstairs for me"

"What?"

"I..." he hesitated "I know you didn't want to sign papers in the first place, or wear my mother's ring. I get it, and I know we are married in our hearts and we're not going to divorce, ever -"

"But you want to remind the others as well."

Derek sighed. "Patients hit on me, Mere. I'm sure they hit on you too, and sometimes it's nice to see them blush when I say something witty, but after a long surgery it's usually annoying"

"Ditto" Meredith nodded, a giggle escaping her lips.

"And people look at you funnily, Mer."

"What do you mean? The nurses?"

"No, people that don't know our history or the fact that we're married judge you when they see you pregnant without a ring, and I don't want anybody to look at my wife and my unborn child with disgust." he swallowed.

Meredith blinked, staring down at the ring in her hand. "It's not true though, Derek. And they can look."

"Alright, I'll take it back then, maybe you can pick a necklace or something" he sighed, kissing her lips quickly.

"I never said I didn't want a ring. I didn't want to wear your mother's ring because you batted it away in the woods, Derek." her tone changed, making Derek feel guilty, "I didn't want to have on my finger a reminder of all the pain we had to go through to finally get where we are. But this, I can wear this ring everyday."

"You can?" his eyes widened "It's not too much or..."

"Derek, it's a plain wedding band. There's nothing on it, how can this be too much?" she grinned amused at his little freakout.

"You like it, then?" he smiled widely, the crinkles around his eyes brightening his whole face, his irises twinkling in the dim-lighted room.

"I do" she nodded, giggling at her choice of words. She picked up the ring and studied it, her gaze softening when she read the engraving inside. "Seriously, Derek? 'This is forever'?"

Derek chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "You still like it?"

Meredith hummed in agreement, kissing his lips softly. "Go find your ring so we can put them on"

Meredith watched Derek hop out of the room and studied the band more carefully. She had no idea why she had never thought about getting a wedding band, but it made sense now. She wanted a reminder of Derek in the long nights when she was on call or when he was away for a conference. Sometimes memories weren't enough and knowing that every time she'd look at the ring she'd think about this night, this Christmas, it would surely make her happier.

"I bought chains so we can hang them there during surgery" Derek announced when he reappeared with a bigger box in his hand.

He sat across from her and picked up her hand softly, his fingers caressing hers lovingly, as he picked up the ring with his other hand. He slid it smoothly, the band fitting perfectly around her finger, as Meredith's face split in a wide grin. She mimicked his gestures then, letting the ring -with a bigger size, but the same engraving- slid up to the base of his finger, then she rubbed the metal with her thumb, almost as if she wanted to feel the difference.

"I love you," he said simply.

"Forever" she grinned, before she could capture his lips for a kiss.

* * *

**So, rings. I kinda like the idea of them with rings, and I am aware the gifts were lame, I'm the worst at buying gifts so clearly, it reflects on my writing choices. **

**I apologize again for the delay and I hope to wrap up the New Year's chapter by Sunday. It's not written either, but I'm a little more optimistic about writing it on time.**

**Have a good week and thanks for reading!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Hello there, and happy Sunday! Oh, y buen Cinco de Mayo a todos los mexicanos que leen! :)**

**I wrote this chapter in chunks, half in the middle of a class, so you know why it might look awful. I also realized that most of the upcoming chapters are not banked, and I wanted to cry. **

**For now, enjoy this!**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

* * *

In her years as a medical student, if anyone had told Meredith that she'd spend her first New Year's Eve as a fellow like this she would have laughed. Not just laughed, plain doubled-over-until-she-cried laughed.

She would have expected to be at work, she knew she'd be at work, but not while six months pregnant, her husband waiting for her at home with their daughter. That was never in her plans, and yet she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

She sighed in relief as she finally sat down in the attendings' lounge, trying to settle on the couch that used to be so comfortable. She could not find a position the baby would settle in, and after being in surgery for the past five hours, she really needed the baby to settle.

Workdays were so freaking long, and she was glad that such a night didn't seem all that busy. She had volunteered to be on, and she knew it was going to be the last night shift she'd do until she delivered that baby, maybe well until the baby had settled into a decent sleep schedule. The department had begged her to be on, since everybody wanted to be out partying. She couldn't obviously drink, so she had agreed, but she could feel the fatigue already catching up with her, despite the long nap she had taken before her shift started.

"Let's cooperate here, kiddo" she whispered, her hand caressing her stomach. "Settle your tiny wings Baby Bird, and let Mama rest."

She closed her eyes, and obviously missed the figure entering the room.

"What are you doing?" Cristina's voice carried through the room as the Asian furrowed her brow, noticing Meredith's status.

"Testing a theory" Meredith grumbled.

"What? How many scoops of ice-cream you can fit in a large bowl?" Cristina smirked, sitting at the table in front of Meredith and absorbing her glare with nonchalance.

"Bird hates my voice" Meredith stated, groaning at the umpteenth kick. "Or she hates me. Yeah, that's probably it."

"Hey, imagine hearing the same voice all day, every day for twenty-six weeks. It would bother you too..." she shrugged.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed unconvinced "Would you talk to him?"

"Of course not. I don't talk to children, let alone a fetus." Cristina snorted.

"Please. It's my fetus."

"I can't end my year talking to your fetus. I'm gonna go out and drink until I can barely remember my name, that's what I'll do."

"Just for a minute, until he settles. Pretty please." Meredith pleaded, her eyes wide and inviting.

"Does that work with McDreamy?" Cristina snorted.

"Usually," Meredith grinned.

"Smitten." her person mumbled under her breath, standing up and reaching her cubby. "Are you sure you're okay?" Cristina asked, a hint of concern in her quick glance over her shoulder.

"We're good. I'm just...uncomfortable." Meredith sighed "Say hi to Joe for me and tell him I'll be back one of these days."

Cristina smirked, grabbing her purse and walking outside, shouting a "See you next year!" as a goodbye.

"Drain Joe's for me!" Meredith shouted back, as Cristina disappeared through the door.

"What if I call your Daddy and put him on speaker phone? Will you stop kicking me?" she questioned, wincing again as the apparent reply was another sharp kick on her ribs.

She dialed Derek's number in defeat, taking deep breaths as the phone rang.

"Hi," he greeted softly, his voice sounding slightly sleepy.

"Hey Derek," she smiled, a sense of calmness washing over her at the simple idea of Derek being on the other side of the call. "Did I wake you?"

"No, but I was getting there" he chuckled, "Unlike Zola."

"Is she still up?"

"Apparently what's on TV is incredibly exciting," he said with a hint of laughter. "How's your night so far?"

"Decent. Nothing crazy has happened yet" she replied, while trying to disguise a hiss of discomfort. "I just had a minute to call and check in"

"How's Bird?" he asked pointedly, and she wondered if he had a sixth sense.

"Not asleep either, and probably not happy to spend the night," she said vaguely, so that he wouldn't worry further.

"One last night shift, Mere" he encouraged, his tone reverent and soothing.

"I know," she finally smiled, basking in his ability to say the right thing exactly when she needed it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again, as the silence dragged a little too long.

"We're fine"

"Mere," he prodded and she gave in.

"She's kicking up a storm and she hates my voice" she admitted, feeling another jab on her side and hissing in pain. "Please, keep talking, you know she likes it."

"What do you want me to say?" He asked, dubious.

"I don't know. It's either you or leaving the hospital in the middle of my shift for coffee ice cream." she whined, already picturing the smirk on his face.

"I can tell Bird how cool was my last lecture before the holiday break. Has he heard it already?"

"No, that's great" Meredith agreed, sighing in relief as Derek's metallic voice filtered through the speaker.

He began to recount meticulously the case he had picked, the reactions of the students, even the hand-outs he had given, the excitement in his voice easy to detect. Bird indeed settled, hypnotized by the procedures, up to the point that Meredith could close her eyes and rest, even if for a single moment.

"And then we had the questions," Derek continued, but he was interrupted by Meredith's pager.

"Sorry, ER" she sighed reluctantly. "That was great though."

"Yeah?"

"Hm," she hummed as she rubbed her stomach one last time. "Cram on some more surgical procedures, just in case I need to call you again." Meredith giggled, and Derek joined her.

"Do you think it's going to work with Zola too?" he asked, still amused.

"Doesn't hurt to try" Meredith smiled, standing up and bringing the phone to her ear, continuing the conversation as she walked towards the ER.

"Have a good night, Mere," he said softly.

"I'll see you next year" she repeated Cristina's farewell, making him chuckle.

She sighed loudly as she clicked the phone off, making a couple of nurses who were sharing her elevator turn towards her with knowing smirks. She decided to ignore them and rise above, she didn't care one bit if they spread rumors about her and Derek, she had resigned that it was bound to happen from the moment Derek had put an actual ring on her finger. Rising above could be on her to-do list for the following year.

When she reached the ER, the patient was already settled in a trauma room, and a couple of interns were trying to diagnose him, shouting at each other.

"Alright people, what happened?" she yelled over the commotion.

The man on the gurney turned towards her with a slightly stoned expression, and Meredith groaned when she realized he was no more than a teenager. _A very drunk teenager_.

"I kinda...fell" the young man slurred, an idiotic grin splitting on his face. "And I might have slammed down a little too many tequila shots"

"Parker Lawson, he fell from the first floor of his house during a party. Probably a couple of broken bones and internal injuries." the most eager of the interns piped up proudly.

"I think I hit the dwarf," the guy laughed.

"Dwarf?" Meredith furrowed her brow, starting her own examination.

"Ya know, the tiny humans Snow White hangs out with" he replied, as it was obvious. "Ma gots looots of 'em in the yard. They're kinda creepy, if ya ask me" he slurred, chuckling without much control.

"Did you do any scans at all?" Meredith decided to ignore his drunken comments and focused on the interns, their faces annoyed and bothered.

"It's not like he's dying. And he needs to be a little more sober before we do anything."

Meredith groaned, breathing in and out deeply not to kill her residents. She motioned for them to go out and they followed her lead, puzzled.

"Guys, I would really love not to be stuck here, listening to a rambling drunk, while I'm six months pregnant. The only thing I want more than not to see that guy ever again is coffee ice cream, but I'm still here. And I suck it up, because that's my job." she growled, the eyes of the interns in front of her widening. "So, you either get me the ice cream in the next fifteen minutes, or you bring the guy upstairs for scans with a banana bag in his arm. If you do both you might even scrub in, 'cause I'm pretty sure the guy needs surgery."

As soon as the word 'surgery' had left her mouth, the interns scrambled away just as quickly as they had started making stupid comments. She re-entered the trauma room with a deep sigh, clicking the door shut.

"You're a hot chick" the guy let out a lopsided, drunk smirk.

Meredith groaned, lifting up her left hand and showing him the ring, grateful for the umpteenth time for Derek's Christmas gift. "I hope my husband thinks so too."

"Ouch."

"You're definitely too drunk to be blamed for anything right now" she shook her head, a flash of a New Year's party she did in college almost blindsiding her. She had been that girl, once. The girl that fell from things because she was too drunk. The girl that made stupid comments. The girl that could end up in the ER.

"Is there anybody here for me?" he asked, a hint of worry and soberness washing over him. "Like Carrie or Iris or even Zach. I'd take Zach too..." he mumbled.

"I think your friends are still partying, I'm sorry" Meredith said simply, and his drunken face fell.

"Good for them" he said, before he turned the other way to sulk. "They're having fun, like my parents in Hawaii"

Meredith fixed his banana bag and slowly brought him upstairs for scans, since the interns had already disappeared. As predicted, she spotted an active bleeder on his spleen and she rubbed her stomach when the baby fluttered inside of her. It looked like she'll spend this countdown for the New Year in the OR once again.

The memory of watching Derek build a child-sized instrument to save a little boy and assist directly to the surgery would be forever engraved in her mind, especially since Lexie had been there to cheer him and support him and the team with her.

"Hey Grey" she heard from the doorframe, and turned to spot Mark, a gentle smirk on his features "Derek has allowed you to do the graveyard shift?"

"It was either surgery or sparkling grape juice." Meredith giggled, as Mark settled in one of the free chairs in the scan room. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't feel like partying."

"You can actually drink at a party, Mark." she complained half-heatedly, softening his smile.

"Turning over a new leaf" he shrugged, and Meredith didn't believe him one bit.

"It went well last time." she mocked.

They shared a knowing look, before Mark burst into laughter. "Seriously, why are you here?"

"I'm allowing non-pregnant doctors to drink themselves stupid. It's selfless and lame, and I really want to see if I can still manage a night shift." she rambled, and watched Mark's smile brighten word after word.

"Is Derek drinking himself stupid?"

"Nope" she grinned smugly "Trying to get Zola to sleep, probably."

Mark chuckled "What happened to us?"

"We grew up, Mark" she said simply, but it was anything but that.

He stood up and walked a few steps towards the corridor, then hovered at the door, turning one last time to Meredith. "I went on a date."

Meredith smiled gently, prodding for details "Yeah?"

"I took her to Joe's, offered a drink or two, chatted about nonsense and the whole time I felt like I was cheating on Lexie." he admitted, sighing sadly.

"It will get better," Meredith said solemnly and Mark seemed to believe her, because he gave her a sincere, dim smile. "Next year will be better"

"Hm," he hummed, in a way that reminded her of Derek, then he disappeared.

She shuffled towards the OR bringing along the interns, her mind set on Mark and praying that he'd be able to get over Lexie, sooner or later.

Not that she was over the loss of her sister, some days she just woke up and felt a gnawing ache in her chest, but it faded away. She really hoped that for Mark, this new year would bring a little joy.

She quietly scrubbed in, answering the dozens of questions of her eager interns, understanding perfectly why sometimes Derek hated teaching. She cut smoothly, precisely, taking her time. It wasn't a long surgery, and she was out before the clock stroke midnight, but just barely. When she lifted her gaze up to see that it was a quarter to midnight, she noticed two lone figures in the gallery, and she had to smile at them, and wave at the tinier one who was waving back.

She scrubbed out quickly, peeked in the waiting room to see if there was any family to inform, but no one was there for Parker. Derek and Zola were there for her though.

"Mama!" the little girl sprung from Derek's arms, running in her direction with excitement. "Gots i-cream"

Meredith frowned, looking up at Derek, who lifted up a plastic bag she recognized from her favorite ice-cream shop, then grinned widely.

"Aw, you didn't have to bring Mama ice-cream" she stated, but the excited spark in her eyes said otherwise.

"For Baby Bird!" Zola smirked, patting Meredith's stomach.

"Well, okay then." she shook her head, giggling. "Why are you still up, Miss Zola?"

Zola looked suddenly guilty, as she shrugged "No sleepy"

They finally joined Derek in the waiting room, and he quickly moved over for a short, sweet kiss. "Hey, I never thought you'd make it before midnight" he stated, close to her lips.

"Neither did I" she smiled widely, pulling away. "Seriously, why are you two here? Is she okay?"

"She's great. And hyper. And sad that Mama wasn't there to see how much energy she still has" he smirked, and let Zola settle snugly between them, a mischievous grin on her lips.

"And the ice-cream?"

"Well, since champagne is a no-go..." he trailed off, offering Meredith a spoon.

"My interns fetched me two pints before surgery. I stored them in the common freezer." Meredith tried to keep her composure, but ended up laughing loudly. "Thank you though, we really appreciate that. Even if it was merely you trying to let her fall asleep on the way here" Meredith smirked knowingly, but he pretended not to understand the humor behind that.

Derek opened the container of ice-cream and, disregarding completely that outside it was below freezing, he dug his spoon into the creamy substance, just as Meredith did the same.

"Finally a decent flavor" he smirked, letting the coffee aftertaste settle in his mouth.

Zola frowned, slightly upset that she was excluded from the ritual. She looked strangely at the two adults, before she grabbed Derek's spoon and shoved it into the ice-cream, digging out a mouthful and eating it eagerly.

She blinked a couple of times, surprised by the cold and the flavor, then she smiled widely, and dug in again for a second mouthful, much to the amusement of her parents.

Derek watched Meredith and Zola eat from the bowl in a similar fashion, the two of them engrossed in a small conversation, oblivious to the world. He didn't care that Zola was never going to go to sleep at this point, nor that the front of her t-shirt was going to be covered in beige cream. Nothing was better than hearing the nurses shout "Happy New Year!" from their spots in the hall, clapping and popping open champagne bottles, while he watched his little family ring in the New Year with coffee ice-cream, a night shift and sated smiles. No party could top that.

It was going to be a great year.

* * *

**I thought, why not let the Shepherds have an alternative New Year's Eve? So I did. And I hope you liked it, because Meredith and Zola eating ice-cream would be adorable. Not as adorable as tea parties, but a close second.  
**

**Again, I'll try to keep the updates on a schedule, but I have exams at the end of May and basically nothing written for the next 5 chapters. I wanted to scream and hit myself with a hammer when I realized that. I hope you're going to forgive me if the following updates will be slower than the weekly usual. Hopefully I'll have time after the middle of June to write all the chapters I want (and even pick up again on 29 Years). **

**Thank you for reading and a big scoop of ice-cream to those who will review! You all deserve the ice-cream, but Meredith is hogging it ;)**


	35. Chapter 35

**This Sunday is a special one so, before I can leave you to the chapter, I would like to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who are reading. **

**Speaking of mothers, this chapter is definitely full of mothering, so I hope that for once I can deliver an appropriate chapter. As far as the timeline goes, it's January in fic-time, but let's pretend it's not, uh? ;) **

**Alright, I have to ramble more at the end so, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

* * *

It was the first time since her internship that Meredith didn't mind a slower day at work. She still felt like a walking barrel, or a tiny hippo, but at least her workload was light.

The new year always brought a lull in things, a couple of weeks when it was too soon to start doing anything or too late to make up for past mistakes. She had never particularly liked the first weeks of January, but she couldn't say she was loathing the days this year. Zola, Derek and Bird indeed made everything seem a little less dull than when her life rounded around herself only.

There was a certain expectation from this year, an unspoken wish for change that she hadn't realized herself she was making, and yet she knew it was happening, because this time next year she'd be a mother of two.

Two tiny humans.

When she stopped and thought about it, it kind of terrified her, especially when she added to the equation the amount of hours she worked in a week, and how easy it was for her mother to stop caring about her.

"Hey there," the familiar voice of her husband interrupted her dangerous train of thought.

"Hi." She replied, smiling brightly "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for my students during office hours," he chuckled, "Anything interesting?" He grinned back, stealing a glance to the chart on the nurses' desk against which Meredith was perched.

"I'm the queen of appendectomies now, if that's what you mean." She laughed, allowing his body to lean closer as she basked in his familiar warmth.

"I'm sure something more exciting is on."

"I freaked out one of the interns when I was in the OR and Bird kicked, poking my gown." She laughed openly, as Derek rested his hand over their child, chuckling as well.

"What intern?" Derek kept his amused expression on, "I thought I saw Ross a little shaken up after your latest hernia."

Meredith nodded, unable to keep herself from giggling "I think I scarred him for life. He won't do his rotation in the gynie squad ever again."

"Hm, what a shame."

They were still smiling together as Bailey joined them at the desk and threw them a puzzled glare.

"You're still flirting with my fellow, Shepherd?"

"Can't help it." He smirked, sending Meredith a smoldering glance, to which she simply rolled her eyes to.

"I need another set of hands for my liver transplant, but if you prefer to keep flirting with your husband do so, Dr. Grey-Shepherd." Bailey stated, amusement displayed clearly on her features.

"Awesome! I haven't scrubbed in one of those in ages!" Meredith widened her eyes, glancing apologetically at Derek and sending away a flirtatious smile, mouthing "Sorry" as she followed Bailey down the hall towards OR three.

"I'll just go back to my empty office, waiting for my non-existent students!" He shouted back, making both Meredith and Bailey chortle.

Meredith had a hard time following her former resident as they sprinted through the corridors, and she was almost breathless when they reached the scrub room. She gathered her composure while she and Bailey began scrubbing in, a comfortable quiet in the room as they stared at the scrub nurses prepare the patient.

"You know," Bailey begun wistfully "I never thought you and Shepherd would last."

"Honestly," Meredith smiled "Neither did I. I still don't know if we'll last, but I'm sure I'll fight with all I have if I will ever need to."

The sound of the soap cleaning their hands filled the silence for a beat, then Miranda blurted. "We set a date. For the wedding."

Meredith turned to her with a soft smile, happy for her mentor. She had been through a lot just like them, and she was glad that Ben could make her happy. Miranda Bailey definitely deserved some happiness of her own.

She remembered the sweet proposal with the crossword puzzle, and not just because they were sifting through a man's spine for a worm, but also because it was one of the last times she had shared an OR with Derek. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"April." Bailey mumbled "April the fourteenth;" she whispered even lower, then her voice rose. "We're doing it before the summer, so Ben can focus on his intern examination after the wedding, and then we can relax somewhere exotic without feeling guilty."

Meredith tried to smile, but it faltered a little, quite positive that she was not going to be able to attend her wedding one day shy from her due date.

"Would you like to be my maid of honor?"

Meredith's eyes widened in surprise at the question, and all her plans to gracefully avoid the invitation came crashing down.

Her pager saved her, and, as she glanced down, she noticed it was a 911 from Derek, that set her even more into a panic mode. When an off-duty Derek paged her 911, it could only be Zola. And Zola had been perfectly happy when she had brought her to daycare that morning.

"Need to go?" Bailey said immediately, scrutinizing carefully the fearful expression on Meredith's face.

"It's Derek. 911." She breathed out, noticing that her hands were shaking. "I..."

"Go, Meredith. I'll manage alone just fine." Bailey smirked, and for a second Meredith turned towards her with a grateful smile, before she bolted.

This time it didn't bother her to hurry back to the ER, her heart hammering in her throat.

"What is it?" She swiftly asked as soon as she spotted Derek at the doors, ready to go out. "Is Zola okay?"

Derek stared down at her, puzzled. "Zola is just fine, don't worry." He reassured, smiling lovingly. Meredith let out a breath she had no idea she was holding.

"Why did you page 911?"

"I thought you were in surgery and you wouldn't get out otherwise. It's Edda." He said simply.

"Is she okay?" Meredith felt a little of the panic come back.

"She's fine, but Astrid has been complaining of vomiting and severe stomachache in the past day." He explained "She's coming over now with an ambulance, I told her you'd be there."

"Oh, okay." Meredith sighed in relief. "What are her other symptoms?"

"Edda was a little frantic, I didn't really ask in detail. It's either a bad bug or appendicitis;" he shrugged. "And I know you do only appendectomies lately, but I thought you'd like to have this one, just in case."

He showed her his dreamy smile, and she shook her head, saying: "Thank you for paging me," finally smiling back. "And don't define 'frantic' a woman whose child is in pain," she glared a little, making her inverted commas with her fingers look more menacing than her expression. "We're being motherly, we're not frantic."

Derek chuckled loudly, pressing his lips lightly over her temple, and he felt her relax even further.

"Don't you have anything to do?" She looked sideways at him, still a little upset, but definitely amused.

"Not right now. I don't have anybody signed up for office hours, and if they need me, they can page me."

She hummed in agreement, basking in the moment of peace in her husband's presence, then took action as she heard the sirens of the ambulance approaching. Meredith took a deep breath, placing her hands lightly over her stomach just to remind herself that her friend's baby was probably just fine, and her babies were doing pretty great too, then she sprinted to meet the ambulance.

"Six-year-old female, complains of severe stomachache and vomiting," the paramedic rattled what she already knew, but Meredith ignored him, letting his voice disperse in the wintery chill.

She locked her eyes with Edda, who looked indeed worried and scared out of her mind, and squeezed her hand tightly as she helped her down from the ambulance.

"I'm gonna take good care of Astrid, I promise." Meredith smiled softly, trying to reassure her friend, and Edda seemed a little less panicked now that they were indeed within the walls of the hospital.

"Hey sweetie, do you remember me? I'm a friend of your Mom." Meredith spoke to the child then, who looked scared and pale, her eyes widening in recognition.

"The one she grew up together with?"

"That's right, you were at my house at Thanksgiving."

"Zola's Mommy!" Astrid finally smiled, and Meredith's hearth warmed every time she was addressed as such.

"That's me indeed. I am also a doctor, so I can fix your owie." she smiled widely, glad that the girl could feel a little more at ease now that they had re-established a connection.

"It hurts really bad." She whispered.

Meredith nodded as they transferred her into a bed, then Meredith began a primary exam of the girl.

"Tell me when it hurts more." Meredith said simply, pressing her hands over the tiny abdomen, her theories confirmed as soon as she pressed over McBurney's point and Astrid was in tears.

"Baby, everything's fine, Mommy is here." Edda whispered quickly, taking the girl's hand and squeezing tightly, making Meredith's eyes water a little. Seeing a mother in pain for her child was something her hormones couldn't handle really well.

"Alright, I need to draw some blood, but I'm pretty sure it's just appendicitis." Meredith smiled warmly, hiding her moisture and trying to reassure Edda.

"She's going to be okay, right?" Edda locked her eyes with Meredith's, searching the real truth there.

"We need to see if it's just inflamed of she needs surgery, -"

"Surgery?" Edda's eyes widened, and Meredith let her sit on a stool her intern had already dragged there for her.

"Edda, I have been doing mostly appendectomies for the past week;" she said simply, "Do you know they pick a first year on his first day to perform an appendectomy?"

"What?"

"It's a routine procedure. It doesn't even involve a big scar. I can do it laparoscopically."

"Meredith, -" she began.

"I had one myself." Meredith smiled brightly "That's the scar I have right here." She smiled warmly, pulling up her scrub top and revealing her stretched scar, and even the tiny heel of Bird poking her during a swift kick.

"That's not big." Astrid shrugged.

"And mine is even stretched because I look like a hippo." Meredith smiled warmly, a giggle escaping Astrid's lips as well.

Edda leaned in and rubbed Meredith's exposed skin, her fingers trembling. "I'm so worried about my baby."

"I know." Meredith sighed in understanding, remembering the nervous wreck she had been when Zola was in surgery, and she still wasn't even her baby yet. "Let's go for a walk, I'll have Derek keep her company. Have you called Damianos?"

"Yeah, but he can't leave the restaurant now, he -"

"That's okay. We'll go take a walk, I can explain you the procedure, and what to do afterward. There's nothing to worry about." Meredith smiled reassuringly, squeezing her hand.

"Alright." Edda nodded, a little of the cloud in her eyes dissipating.

Edda said a quick goodbye to Astrid, as Derek came over with a book and kept the girl company. Meredith thanked him with a grateful smile, as she left for the cafeteria with her friend.

They sat at a small table on the far left side, a coffee for Edda, a strawberry milkshake for Meredith, and the first few seconds filled with silence.

"You are going to do the surgery, if she needs it, right?" Edda broke the quiet with a shaky voice.

"Of course. There's nowhere else I'd rather be." Meredith smiled reassuringly.

"I know you must be busy and -"

"Nobody wants me in surgery for long, they're mommy-tracking me already. And the kind of surgery Astrid might need is so quick that's the only thing I've been doing for a week or so. I have a lot of practice on my hands." She smiled, and Edda cracked a smile too.

"I know that they take the appendix out all the time, it's just..." Edda flicked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, then fidgeted with the lid of her coffee.

"It's Astrid." Meredith said simply, smiling in understanding.

"It must be easier for you, though. You see surgery every day, when your daughter is sick you actually know what to do." Edda shrugged.

"I was a nervous wreck when it was Zola in there." Meredith explained quickly. "I paced outside the OR like a maniac, while Derek tried to keep me calm."

Edda's eyes widened a little, as she lifted up her gaze from the coffee cup. "Zola had surgery?"

"Twice." Meredith sighed. "In fact, she was Derek's patient, before being our daughter."

"Wow."

"She has a mild form of spina bifida. She needed a shunt inserted to drain the fluids from her brain to her spine. It stopped working when we were going through the adoption process and she was in a foster family."

"Oh God..." Edda whispered.

"It does sound scary, but she was a trooper. She just has a small scar now." Meredith shrugged it, but she could vividly remember the fear and the guilt she had experienced that day.

"I wouldn't have guessed it, if you hadn't told me."

"She's pretty remarkable. She could have been in braces or on a wheelchair, maybe have speech or cognitive impairments, but she's just..." Meredith smiled, happy tears veiling her gaze. "She's amazing."

Edda nodded in understanding, sipping her coffee as they both let their words sink in.

"It's the first time I have one of my kids back in the hospital after I delivered them, I guess I'm overreacting." Edda said simply, trying to self-soothe her own fears.

"It's okay to worry. I prefer a mother who worries to one who doesn't care. And no, I'm not talking about Ellis. I've seen pretty bad mothering since I work here." Meredith giggled, allowing a smile to spread over Edda's face too.

"I bet you did. I would have never imagined I'd see the day we'd be talking about our daughters over coffee, Meri."

"Neither would I." Meredith smiled.

They continued to chat about their holidays as they both took a little break from their lives, until one of the interns, the weird one, delivered Meredith Astrid's labs.

"I'm sorry, I'm quite sure she'll need surgery. We'll give her some antibiotics and see if it reverts on her own, but we'd most likely have to operate." Meredith announced, after examining the sheet of paper Brooks had handed her.

"Now?" Edda stared worriedly at her watch. "Can we wait for Dam? I just...I need to go and pick up Kari, I need..."

"We can wait a couple of hours for you to pick up Kari and for Damianos to be here. I don't even know if we have an OR open at the moment, and Astrid's case is not extreme yet."

"Good. I mean, not good that she needs surgery, but so good that you all can wait and I can, you know, -" she rambled, and Meredith suddenly wondered if she could have picked up that habit from her.

"I get it. I do." Meredith smiled, but it was dim and understanding.

"Kari is so close with his sister, he'd be upset if he can't see her before the surgery." Edda trailed off, her gaze lost for a second.

"We can definitely wait for him." Meredith nodded, her turn to fidget with the hem on the paper cup of her milkshake, as she noticed Edda keep up with her train of thought.

"And I know he would like a brother, but he loves Astrid so much I'm not even worried that the next one could be a girl..."

"The next one?" Meredith's head snapped up at that, her hand going on her stomach. "Are you...?"

"Trying." Edda finally smiled brightly. "We said on hour honeymoon we'd have at least four babies."

"That's...wow!" Meredith giggled. "I joked with Cristina once I'd have five chatty children with perfect hair running around, but I'm sure I can barely cope with the two I'm about to have, let alone three more." Meredith shook her head, amused at the memory that had resurfaced.

"You'd be a great mother to all of them, if you happen to have five kids." Edda grinned. "It's just a balancing act. I think it comes easier after every kid."

"Yeah?" Meredith sighed, suddenly feeling that she was the one who needed to be reassured.

"When I had Kari I knew how to change a diaper, how to soothe him to sleep; things like that came naturally. It was not the same, I give you that, but at least I had proof that if it didn't kill Astrid, it probably wouldn't kill Kari either."

"I wasn't there when Zola was born. I don't know how to handle a newborn." Meredith shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You'll know. It will be easier with the third child for you." Edda giggled, and Meredith managed a smile, sure that she probably would never know.

"I need to see if I don't screw up these two first. Before I even think about...more."

"They'll love you no matter what, Meredith."

"That's the scary part." She finally admitted to Edda.

"We're bound to screw up. It's what you sign up for when they place that child in your arms for the first time. You'll find him playing knee-deep in the toilet, or she'll try to swallow a marble, and you probably would miss it. You'd miss the subtle changes that happen every day, because sometimes you're too busy or too wrapped up in yourself to look at them. They will forgive you. They always do." Edda sad wistfully, gulping the rest of her coffee.

"I know. I just...I've been on the other side, Edda." Meredith sighed. "I've been the one alone at her graduation. The one with an empty chair at the school recital. The one who didn't dress up at Halloween..." Meredith listed, feeling the tears build up. "I can't do this to my children. And I know it's not the same, because Derek is here and he's wonderful. I'd sign him up for Father of the Year, if there was such a competition, and he'd be in the top ten."

"And you're just as wonderful, Meredith. You never give yourself enough credit." Edda pointed out, squeezing her friend's hand. "Can we go back to Astrid's room now?"

Meredith smiled gently, and rose on her feet as she tried to repress her building fears. They walked back chatting of nonsense, trying to ease the heavy topics they had just discussed, then Meredith let Edda have her private moment with Astrid, walking out with Derek.

"She needs surgery?" Derek asked, noticing that Meredith had lingered outside.

"Most likely. We're just gonna wait for Damianos and Kari."

Derek smiled. "I'm sorry you missed Bailey's liver transplant."

"It's fine. I'm glad I'm here for Edda." Meredith shrugged. "Speaking of Bailey," she sighed.

"She's getting married." Derek beamed, turning to her with the face of gossip she knew he could have had perfected only by living with five women.

"On April the fourteenth. One day before my due date."

"Oh." His eyes widened. "You can, you know, -"

"She asked me to be maid of honor." Meredith groaned. "I'll be a whale in a gown. A freaking whale." She muttered.

"We'll figure out something, I promise you."

"We'd better." Meredith groaned, checking her beeping pager on her hip, then pushing aside the issue as she went to prep for the umpteenth consult in the pit.

The morning soon became afternoon, and when she was back into Astrid's room to take her into surgery, her whole family was there, trying to cheer her up.

She exchanged a smile with Edda, before she said goodbye to her daughter, then they wheeled away the gurney with Astrid's tiny body on it.

It was a quick procedure, and it went all according to plan, the scar barely visible as Meredith placed her stitches.

"Are you closing up?" Bailey's voice made her look up from her stitches.

"Yeah, almost done. Do you need the OR?"

"Webber needs it." she shrugged. "Have you thought about my offer?" Bailey said almost giddy, and Meredith was grateful that she was wearing a surgical mask to hide her slight grimace.

"It's the day before my due date, Dr. Bailey." Meredith said simply, in the hope that Bailey could take that well.

"No babies are born on their due date. Tuck was a full week late. A full week!" Bailey replied, "You'll be just fine. It's nothing big, really."

"Dr. Bailey -"

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd, I'm asking please here." Bailey said sternly, and she knew she wasn't something she could refuse.

She sighed deeply, muttering "Alright," for the amusement of the whole OR staff "But I get to decide on a few things, then."

"Planning is all yours if you want. I've done it once with the flower compositions and the color matching and it was more than enough." Bailey shrugged, leaving the OR.

Meredith chortled as she dressed the wound and let the nurses take back Astrid to her room, while she scrubbed out and went to the waiting room to inform the family.

Kari was snuggled in Edda's arms, Damianos sitting closely next to his wife and child as Meredith reached the niche of chairs, their faces relaxing considerably as soon as she uttered the words: "She's fine."

They didn't even ask about the details of the surgery, they simply wanted to see her. Meredith didn't even try to stop them, she simply led them back to Astrid's room and walked out, letting them be.

Derek reappeared with Zola at his hip as soon as she had rounded the corner to place Astrid's chart back where it belonged.

"Mama," Zola smiled, a yawn taking over her features, as she snuggled sleepily into Derek's arms, her head falling unceremoniously over his shoulder.

"Hey there, pretty girl." Meredith grinned brightly, kissing Zola's cheek soundly, nuzzling her nose with hers as she squirmed and giggled, delighted.

"How's Astrid?" Derek asked, knowing from Meredith's smile that it must have gone well already.

"Textbook. She's almost awake. Do you mind if I stay here just a little longer, so I can make sure everything is perfectly alright before I leave for the night?" She asked, even though she knew the answer Derek would give her.

"Of course," he smiled dreamily. "We'll be waiting for you."

"Mama is going to be back soon, okay Lovebug?"

Zola sighed, but she seemed to understand. "Nay nay now, Mama?"

"I think so, Zola. But I'd give you a kiss goodnight as soon as I get home. I promise that Daddy is going to tell you a wonderful story tonight."

"Otay." Zola nodded, reaching out for Meredith to give her another sloppy kiss, before she flopped back on Derek's shoulder.

"I'll see you later." Derek added, kissing Meredith as well, then the two of them disappeared in the hallway.

Meredith went back into Astrid's room and smiled warmly when she heard Edda sing in a language she couldn't understand but she could guess it was Icelandic. The rhythm sounded ancient and mesmerizing, the words flowing like a silent prayer or something that only centuries could have shaped. Kai was already dozing off in Edda's lap, as she stroked Astrid's palm with her other, the young girl grinning from ear to ear.

"Another_ rímur_, Mommy." Astrid mumbled, when the hypnotizing chant was over.

Edda simply smiled, her eyes locking with Meredith's, before she started chanting again.

Meredith sat on the couch in the corner of the room and simply listened to Edda's melodious voice chant poems that encapsulated all the traditions that Edda had left behind after her move from Iceland, her hand placed gently over her stomach, her soul filled with peace, as she let go of all her worries, about her growing family, her job, her role in Bailey's wedding, the upcoming year.

There was tomorrow to worry about all that.

* * *

**I promised more rambling, so here it is. **

**First of all, Bailey. Remember that in this fic we're basically still in a post plane crash phase, even if a few months had gone by. So Ben had just proposed to Bailey, hence why I needed to remind you all that there's a wedding in Bailey's future. And I will most likely write about it. So, if you want to see Bailey wearing scrubs or getting married on top of the Mount Everest, you're still in time to make me change my mind about the events at said wedding. If I can't do a MerDer wedding because they're so happily married it hurts, I can definitely do a Bailey's wedding ;)**

**I let Meredith say that Zola has a mild form of spina bifida, because there's no way that Zola has a serious kind of it and she's able to walk. This fic is absolutely not rounded around Zola's spina bifida, even though I would love to explore that side of the Shepherds better. Maybe in another story, because here it's mostly all sunshine and rainbows. [I'm kidding, there's going to be drama, just not Shonda's drama.]**

**The interns. You noticed I threw in Ross and Brooks. Yes, they kick ass and they're my favorites. I started this one out without knowing the interns, but I decided to incorporate them, since I just see myself in Heather Brooks and her weirdness/inappropriateness. Feel free to complain about this choice, but they won't be seen much, don't worry.**

**Edda chanting is the last thing I need to point out. I have been studying Iceland and the Scandinavian countries in general in my Nordic Literature (awesome, life-altering) class, and I'm fascinated more than before. If you want to hear something similar to the sounds I'm talking about, just google _Sigur Rós_ or _Múm._ They're absolutely worth a listen. Since I don't have any songs to suggest here from titles, you get Icelandic bands instead.**

**Alright, I told you I had to ramble! :D  
**

**Have a good week and don't hesitate to ask if you want to know more about any of the above-discussed topics [Especially Iceland, I really want to talk about Iceland]!**


	36. Chapter 36

**First of all, I want to thank you for being patient with me. First there were exams, then the finale made me pour out a one-shot, so I didn't update Hope last week. At least the one-shot is up, and if you want to check it out it's called _Forever Is A Slow Dream_. Also, thank you for being awesome readers, who managed to write so many reviews. I would have never imagined I'd hit -and pass- the 500 reviews mark, but here I am, and I'm humbled.  
**

**Now, enjoy the new chapter! More rambling at the end!**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

* * *

Office hours weren't so bad to have after a physical therapy session. Derek had scheduled the day like this on purpose, knowing that he would have at least an hour of free time to collect his thoughts or regroup after each session. These borrowed moments came particularly useful when it was time for Callie's weekly visit to his therapist.

He knew that he was getting special treatment, compared to other patients, but he was also sure that other patients don't have to operate on brains for a living.

Derek was right in the middle of his fourth set of exercises to strengthen his wrist muscles when Callie breezed in, happy and almost bouncy.

"Good day?" He smirked at her unexpected perkiness.

"It started with two successful back-to-back surgeries, of course it is a good day." She snorted, sounding almost like Cristina. "Let's see if you're going to make my day even better."

Callie slid a stool in front of him, grabbing his wrist without even asking. Derek chuckled at her eagerness, and curiously studied her movements, how she bent and moved his wrist, how she hummed in appreciation, recognizing the already familiar actions, but feeling basically no pain at all.

"You're an overachiever, uh Shepherd?" She smirked, releasing his wrist.

"Everything's on track?"

"I think we can move your physical therapy to the skills lab now." She grinned broadly.

"What?" He asked, suddenly unsure if he had heard right.

"I think that with a week or so in the skills lab you'll be as good as new to get back in the OR." She confirmed, and Derek's eyes widened.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I can see a perfectly normal range of movements. You don't have anything weird to report me, right?"

"I don't think so." He looked pensive for a second, considering the question heavily. "I mean, I made two beds from scratch, Mark can confirm it. I mowed the lawn, I go fishing every chance I get. I changed Mer's car battery for the umpteenth time. This is normal stuff people does, right?"

"Have you tried stitches yet?"

"Not really. But I can chop onions with a chef knife. I couldn't do it that quickly a few weeks ago." He boasted proudly.

"Try the skills lab tomorrow. I have interns there. Monitor them and practice a little. I'll clear it with Owen."

"Do I need to write a report later, or -" he said teasingly, and Callie shook her head, amused.

"Go, get out of here. I don't know how Meredith can put up with you." Callie smiled, patting his shoulder as he practically skipped out of the room.

Derek was glad he had nobody scheduled for office hours that day, because he was floating on cloud nine. He had waited for this moment for what felt like forever, and now that it was there, he just wanted to find Meredith, kiss her and tell her that he was going to be okay for real.

Derek was so wrapped up in his happiness that he had almost forgot that Zola had been in physical therapy with him.

Not even embarrassed, he came back to the room and found Callie there, Zola in her arms as they giggled together.

"Forgot something, uh?" Callie snickered, handing him the little girl, who settled contently in his hold.

"Hey young lady," Derek grinned at Zola.

"Hi silly Daddy." She giggled, smooching his cheek.

"I'll see you around!" Derek called out to Callie then, as he disappeared down the hall to find Meredith.

He walked by the nurses' station and immediately spotted a familiar face, talking animatedly to Nurse Debbie. "Hey Beth!" Derek smiled widely, as she quickly turned towards him. "What are you doing here?"

"Speaking to the university's most renowned superstar, Prof. Shepherd." She chortled, watching as he stared at her with a stunned expression.

"What?"

"They plastered all over your personal website that your office hours are here and not in the university buildings, but I wanted to check that for myself."

"Is that so?" Derek chuckled. "Want to go through the trial together? I must have the papers here, somewhere..."

"Um," she interrupted him "Actually I first wanted to track down your wife," Beth's eyebrows rose at the term, amusement shining in her eyes "You know, for the shadowing, but she had to go into surgery and she told me to 'Go and bother Derek upstairs. He's lonely during office hours.'"

"That sounds like Meredith." He laughed, joining Beth's muffled giggles. "I almost never have students, though."

"Nobody is that bold to come and bother the Head of Neurosurgery in his haven."

"I'm not that scary." He replied, almost indignantly.

"Not at all, but the hospital is like...the ultimate goal of a med student." Beth shrugged, "It can be scary, if you haven't spent as much time as I did here."

"True." Derek agreed, their postures relaxing as they fell into a comfortable conversation. "Look, I was heading up to the gallery to see Meredith operate. Do you want to come with me, so you can wait for her?" He suggested, the urge to tell Meredith that he was cleared for surgery almost overwhelming.

"Seriously?" Beth grinned. "Of course I want in!"

Derek laughed at her enthusiasm, put down Zola and smiled at the little girl.

"What do you think Lovebug? Do you want to see Mama work?"

"Yay!" Zola nodded eagerly, making Beth laugh.

The trio reached the gallery right after Meredith had opened up her patient, so they had the chance to watch the whole surgery. Beth was quiet, fascinated by the procedure taking place in front of her, while Derek bounced Zola on his lap with glee, trying to keep the girl entertained with little surgical trivia or comments about Meredith.

"Did you fill in the babysitting position?" Beth asked randomly then, with a glance to Zola, who was now staring intently at her mother down in the OR "You were looking for one at Christmas."

"I'm at home a lot now, there's no need for one. But well, after Meredith has the baby and we don't have any more days left to stay at home, we'll definitely need a babysitter. At least temporarily."

"Still no surgery?" She asked, a hint of disappointment in her tone.

"I'll be back in the skills lab next week." He beamed, and Beth looked equally happy for him. "Also, Meredith is relegated to easy and quick surgical procedures most of the time, so at the moment we're not the dream team we used to be when we poked around your brain."

Beth laughed heatedly, "I would have quit working already, she's tough."

"Yeah, she is. And everything is going smoothly with her pregnancy, so I can't even argue that she should be at home." Derek smiled softly, "We're trying to enjoy everything as it comes now, so if it means she can work, I can handle it. Meredith is not the kind of woman you can bubble wrap." He chuckled, then he let Beth focus on the trickiest part of the surgery.

Derek loved to watch Meredith operate. Her technique could rival the one of more seasoned surgeons, her quickness in resolving problems and finding strange and unexpected solutions was endearing. He could feel a surgical high by simply watching her, and that had to mean something.

Meredith looked up as she stretched her neck, her eyes locking with Zola's first and the little girl shouted "Hi Mama!" to which Meredith replied with a small wave with her bloody glove. Then she looked at Beth, and smiled just as brightly, her eyes twinkling when they met Derek's.

"You're still considering babysitting?" Derek asked then, a sparkle still in his eyes.

"I guess, yeah. I don't have late classes, so I'm free basically every day after four, and I can definitely babysit in the evening."

"What if you come over one of these nights so I can take Meredith out to dinner, somewhere fancy?" Derek smiled dreamily, already imagining how beautiful his wife could look in a dress, her stomach wrapped up in a soft, colorful fabric.

"Anniversary?"

"Just dinner. She deserves pampering, and if she can manage to stay up until ten, I'm all for taking her out to dinner somewhere fancy."

Beth giggled, but she noticed immediately how his expression changed from neutral to smitten in a simple sentence. She liked to see two people that despite having kids and busy job they still tried to make time for each other.

"You can take her somewhere fancy, just pick a day, and I'll tell you if I have plans." Beth smiled, and Derek's grin doubled.

"Really? We need to be sneaky when planning though, she notices everything."

"Oh, that's up to you, Doc." She laughed, while she could see his brain at work.

"What about tomorrow night?" He announced, "Mere has a shorter shift, she has more time to catch a nap in the afternoon and to get ready without rushing out."

"I think I'm free tomorrow. Also, there's a new fancy restaurant on the waterfront, maybe you could check that out. It's a week night, maybe they have a table on such short notice." Beth suggested, and Derek agreed with a nod.

"If it all goes bad I saved the life of the chef of the Marino's, I think he'll find me a table."

"So being a doctor actually pays off."

"Well, when you have paid back the loans, it does."

The two of them laughed happily, just as Meredith placed the last stitch and asked the nurse to open the intercom.

"Having fun up there without me?"

"Howdy Dr. Grey!" Beth laughed, "Oh, right, it's Grey-Shepherd now" She winked, and Meredith laughed as well.

"Meet me in the hall, I'm done here. Brooks, you can close."

"I can?" The intern's eyes widened "Smooth!"

"Don't let me change my mind, Brooks."

Meredith had a smile on her face as she scrubbed out quickly, then awaited for Zola's mad run in her arms, which arrived promptly as soon as she had vacated the door of the scrub room.

"Hey ZoZo," Meredith greeted her, lifting her up to plant a kiss on her forehead and let Zola do the same on her face. "How was your day?"

"Fun!" Zola replied, as usual. Everything was fun for the almost three-year-old, and Meredith was grateful for that.

"Hey," Meredith said as she walked closer to Beth and Derek. She half-hugged the teenager, "So, you did find Derek."

"Yeah, I found them in the hall, wandering around." Beth grinned.

"Sneaking out of PT?" Meredith chortled, moving closer to Derek to kiss his lips quickly.

"Actually, I'm done with PT." He announced with a serious but smiling face, and Meredith's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Well, I have a mandatory week of skills lab, but Callie believes I can go back."

Meredith's smile could light up a room as she pulled him in for a deeper kiss, for a second ignoring the younger audience of Beth and Zola.

They stood closer to one another, Meredith's hands cupping his face, Derek's hands on her hips, their eyes locked.

"I'm so happy for you, Derek," Meredith said, her voice only for Derek to be heard.

"We're celebrating tomorrow night." Derek announced. "I'm taking you out to dinner."

"Derek, I'm a hippo; I can't fit in anything." Meredith suddenly whined, and Derek simply moved his hand to rest on her stomach and caress it lovingly.

"I'll take you out to buy an awesome new dress when your shift is over."

"But I'm still a hippo."

"You're the cutest hippo." Derek smirked, but he expected the roll of her eyes.

"He can definitely get away with calling you a hippo when he says it like that," Beth butted in. "Didn't know the Seattle Grace's brain butcher had it in him."

Meredith laughed, then broke apart from a disbelieved Derek, only to lean closer to Beth and whisper "There's a reason why we called him McDreamy when we were interns," then she winked.

"Mer," he groaned, clearly having heard everything, and the two of them laughed.

"So your internship was fun." Beth grinned.

"Hell. But it was great too." Meredith nodded. If she had survived her internship, she could survive easily a new World War. "What about we go grab something to drink down in the cafeteria and we sit down to talk about your shadowing?" She proposed then, and Beth nodded happily.

"I can wait for you at home or in my office, or I can take Zola to see Astrid." Derek butted in.

"Oh, I discharged Astrid this morning; she's as good as new. Edda probably hugged me ten times." Meredith grinned "I can take Zola home tonight. I barely saw her today." Meredith smiled, watching as Zola hopped around Derek in a circle, playing whatever pretended game she was imagining alone.

"Are you sure?"

"I have nothing more scheduled, she's a nice paperwork buddy." Meredith grinned, and Derek frowned. "Oh, you're just jealous you're not my paperwork buddy."

"I can be an amazing paperwork buddy."

"I don't think so, Derek. Remember two days ago? At home, in your office?" Meredith had a glint in her eyes he couldn't miss.

"Oh." His eyes widened, and he almost blushed. "Right."

"We'll have Mama and Me and Beth time. Also, I need to go buy a dress and I want to surprise you."

"Ah, I see." He grinned. "You three have good time bonding, I'll see you at home."

They exchanged a kiss as he watched their three forms disappear down the hall after the usual goodbyes.

And Derek was indeed surprised by Meredith's dress the following night, when they were getting ready for their fancy date.

Derek clasped Meredith's necklace confidently and stared at her reflection in the mirror a little bit in awe. She was breathtaking. She wasn't wearing anything fancy, just a burgundy knee-length, loose dress -complaining that she couldn't even remotely fit in the snugly ones anymore- but for Derek, the fact that her waistline had expanded to make room to their child was something she should be proud of.

When the corners of her mouth lifted up in a small, satisfied smile, Derek finally realized that his mother and sister weren't mistaken when they spoke about a pregnancy glow. Because Meredith had it all, fully.

"You look radiant." He smiled back at her, and her grin widened, as her hands went on her stomach to smooth away a few wrinkles on the silky fabric.

"It's not too simple, right? You're not taking me to one of those restaurants with multiple cutlery and crystal glasses, uh?"

"No crystal glasses. Not tonight." He grinned, watching as she grimaced a little. As much as she had changed in the past years, she still wasn't the type to dress up and go to expensive restaurants like Addison had been, and he didn't want to change that for the world.

"Good, because my balance is already compromised and if I try to wear high heels I'll end up falling on my face." She pretended to be serious as she said that, but a giggle escaped her.

"No need for heels. It's just dinner, to celebrate." His grin was now ten times wider.

"You're going back in the OR." Meredith grinned back, and he moved closer to envelop her in a hug, breathing in her perfume and the lavender of her conditioner. She was still warm from her shower and he could see that she was making an effort not to curl up on the couch with Zola and be in bed before eleven tonight.

"I'm one of the lucky ones, Mere." He whispered into her neck, closing his eyes in bliss.

"Uh?" She frowned, grabbing his hand to track the movement of their child inside her.

"I've got you and Zola and Bird, and now I have my OR again. Not everybody was so lucky." He swallowed, and she tightened her hold on him, Lexie and Mark clearly at the forefront of her thoughts as well.

"Mark is trying to move on." Meredith announced, unsure it Mark had told him about the new leaf.

"He told me, even though it's not going so well."

"At least he's trying." Meredith sighed, basking in the warm embrace. "We should actually leave to let Beth babysit."

"Just a minute." He whispered into her hair, and she could feel him smiling as he nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck.

The door slammed open, and their moment was broken as Zola spluttered "Pwetty now?"

Meredith turned towards her daughter and smiled, "What do you think?"

Zola seemed to study Meredith with attention, her expression akin to Derek's when he poured on brain scans, then she smiled "So pwetty!" Then Zola was trying to climb on the bed unassisted.

"I'm sorry, she just...ran!" Beth showed up a little breathless, blushing. "I was picking up her toys, and she disappeared."

"Have her pick her up her toys before bed." Meredith smirked. "We won't be long, but call if you need anything."

"Numbers are on the fridge. List of trivia about Zola is next to the numbers." Beth grinned brightly.

"Alright," Derek said brightly, picking up Zola and holstering her up on his shoulder like a bag, then he carried her downstairs, followed by the other women. "Are you going to be a good girl for Beth tonight while Mommy and Daddy go out and show off their pretty dresses?" He asked to Zola, as soon as they were serious again.

Zola nodded, smiling at Meredith. "Kissie Mama."

Meredith crouched at her level, despite the belly being in the way, then kissed her smack on her forehead. Zola happily grabbed her face in her hands and did the same, making Derek's heart melt.

When Meredith held out her hand to be picked up, Derek didn't hesitate, and he didn't let go of her fingers until they were seated in the car.

As promised, the place Derek had picked was not extremely fancy, but surely scenic. The waterfront stretched glimmering right in front of them, and the candle lit in between them gave to the whole evening a touch of romance.

They had promised not to talk about surgery or Zola, but the conversation fell back to the new developments in Derek's life right after the first course.

"When are you coming back to work full time?" Meredith asked, watching the spark in Derek's eyes.

"I called the faculty head, and he told me I can wrap up my class whenever I want." He sighed, a little sadness in his tone. "I'm going in for the last class next Monday, then I'll come back to Grace fully on Tuesday. I'll give my pupils a couple of weeks to study before I set the exam."

"Do you need me to do anything before you come back?"

"Maybe go check how my office is, see if it needs a better clean up..." He shrugged, the idea that he was coming back still surreal.

"What about stealing one of Nelson's craniotomies?"

Derek looked at her sternly, before he burst out laughing. And the laughter continued well until dessert, the cheesecake they both devoured nothing sort of divine.

"We should do this more often." Meredith smiled gently, as they walked back to the car hand in hand.

"Definitely."

* * *

**There's not much plot-wise, apart from Derek going back to surgery, but it's here. ****Okay, this whole thing? I wanted a MerDer date. I admit it. And it's a little more elaborate to pull this off than when it was just the two of them. I'm not 100% coherent right now, so blame the yuckiness of this chapter on that. It was a busy couple of weeks, and it's probably going to be even worse. After next week though, I'll be free as a bird, if holidays treat me right.  
**

**I don't think I'll be able to post next Sunday (news, uh?), but I can try to move the weekly update to Wednesday/Thursday and go from there. Just look out for a new chapter. **

**Thank you for sticking with me and my rambling!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Howdy readers! It's been two weeks, I know, I'm sorry. The end of this academic year got in the way, but now I'm on holiday, so hopefully I'll be able to update on a regular schedule. I'm probably busier now than I was in winter, but whatever ;)**

**I really hope you're still out there, enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

* * *

The quiet was overwhelming. Meredith couldn't remember a day the skills lab had been so silent. Well, it usually wasn't, because interns asked questions, muttered curses under their breaths or sighed in relief; when Derek was the only occupant of the room though, it became eerily quiet.

Most doctors had already packed their things and went home for the night, leaving poor residents in charge and interns running around aimlessly.

Not Derek. Not even on his first full day back as a surgeon, even when he didn't operate.

The couple had walked to the skills lab together in the morning, as Meredith's shift started and he babysat the interns, and he hadn't moved from the room.

Derek might have had lunch with Meredith and sneaked a quick visit to Zola to see how she was doing on her first full day at the daycare in months, but the rest of the day he had been holed up in the room, suturing. Or cauterizing. Or playing with the microscopes. Honestly, Meredith didn't even want to know what he could have possibly done in the ten hours he had spent in the skills lab, but she surely wouldn't complain about it. He was so focused on whatever procedure he was reenacting that he didn't even register her presence as she lingered at the doorstep. Surely, he had no idea what time it was, or he would have already bolted out of the room.

He craned his neck sideways, and she smiled at the familiar gesture to alleviate the tension of his muscles, her smile widening when she noticed his hair wrapped protectively in his lucky scrub cap. She shuffled closer to him and made him jump lightly, as her hand went to rest in between his shoulder blades, her thumb rubbing a slow circle.

"Boy, you scared me." He chuckled, his grin bright, is eyes so blue and clear that they were almost dancing under the neon lights.

She shook her head, then leaned in to kiss him lightly. His body turned slightly to accommodate hers, then he placed another quick kiss on her forehead.

"You've been here all day?" She asked, her lips curling up in a smile right away.

He nodded, "I did a couple of craniotomies while the interns worked on their shunts." He grinned. "I also removed a fake teratoma. It was fun."

"Probably more surgical than my day was." Meredith sighed. "I think I spent more time in the bathroom stall on the fourth floor peeing than in an OR." She groaned, resting her cheek on his shoulder. His lips went automatically over her temple and lingered there. She could feel him smile though, and she swatted his chest playfully. "It's your fault Bird likes to jump on my bladder."

"How so?" He turned to face her, grinning at her pout.

"I don't know, it just is. No doubt that she's your child."

"Maybe he will snore." Derek smirked, winning another glare and another swat. "Are you sure you don't want to find out the sex later? So we can settle at least one of our major bickering arguments."

"No. No peeking in the lower regions of our baby." She shook her head. "And we don't bicker. I'm not bickering."

Derek smiled, widely and dreamily, cupped her cheek and kissed her lips, melting all her resolves to pretend to be mad at him for getting her pregnant.

"Do you want to find out?" Meredith asked then, their bodies still close and Derek's hand still on her cheek, his thumb drawing small circles on her skin.

"I will live if I stay in the unknown for twelve more weeks."

"Seriously, you can peek. I'll just close my eyes or something."

"And then what? You won't get suspicious when suddenly I want to paint the whole nursery blue and cover it in race cars? Or if the crib magically fits inside a castle in a marshmallow-colored room?"

"What?" Meredith's eyes widened, pulling away from him to stare deep into his eyes. "Race cars and castles?"

"I'm kidding. Unless you want race cars or castles."

"I want green, Derek. Yellows. Freaking tan is better than marshmallow!" She glared. "When you say things like these I'm worried we should indeed find out, so it won't be overwhelmed with weird stuff as soon as it comes out of my vagina." Meredith shook her head, sighing loudly.

"I promise you nothing crazy."

"Well, some things should be appropriate though. We only have a room and a crib."

"And the changing table."

"Yeah, the changing table. But nowhere to put Zola's stuff that is now in the changing table."

"Look, let's do one thing at a time, -"

"What? Have the baby and make her sleep in a bare room?"

"The baby will sleep in our room for weeks, we do have time to get the nursery ready."

"That's _so_ not the point Derek!" Meredith rolled her eyes. "We really have to leave now, or we'll be late for the check up with Nora." She added, too tired to argue with him at this point of the day.

Derek sighed, but his eyes lit up. He kissed her one more time, then untied his scrub cap and put it in his pocket. He quickly changed out of his scrubs in his office, then they headed on the other side of the road where the birth center was.

They had to wait a few minutes for Nora to be free, but it took her less than usual to greet them warmly and usher them in the room with her proverbial warmth and openness.

"Twenty-eight weeks scan." Nora grinned brightly as she set up the equipment, while Derek helped Meredith up on the exam table. "I'll take a look myself before I find a good picture without gender revealing details, alright?"

Meredith noddedand Derek stood alertly at her side, their hands joined tightly as Nora spread the gel over Meredith's stomach.

"There it is." She smiled, still looking and clicking, Meredith's fears building in the pit of her stomach all of a sudden.

"What if it has two heads and a tail?" She blurted, her eyes looking at Derek with a mixture of true panic and shock for the fact that she had indeed voiced that irrational fear.

"A tail?" He asked, almost amused.

"Maybe she has twelve fingers and an arm sticking out from her chest, Derek!"

"Bird didn't have any extra arms nor tails at the last scan, I don't think they grew in the weeks we haven't seen Nora." He reassured her warmly.

"Derek, things grow in weeks. Look at me, I'm a truck! I wasn't this huge at our last check up!"

"No arms, no tails." Nora smiled amused at the couple, turning the screen towards them and switching on the heartbeat, quickly silencing the conversation.

"See, Bird is perfect." Derek grinned, then his eyes softened and his jaw slackened a bit when the 3D face of Bird stared at them from the screen. "Bird is just perfect." He echoed, this time his voice filled with awe.

"Der," Meredith mumbled, her eyes glued to the screen. "Hi, Bird." She breathed out, her eyes misty.

"Bird is right on track with everything. No apparent genetics defects or abnormalities. Ten fingers, ten toes."

"Are you sure they're ten?" Meredith blurted.

"Let's count them." Nora smiled, placing her fingers over the screen and indeed counting each finger and each toe.

"Ten fingers, ten toes." Derek confirmed, his hand squeezing Meredith's even tighter as she reached out to touch the screen herself.

Then she burst in tears.

"Mere?" Derek's eyes widened, as she hid her face in her hands to try and hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry." She blabbered in between sobs.

"What is it?" Derek's hand went on her shoulder, rubbing small circles as she shook lightly under his touch.

"I was so worried." She breathed out, as her tears subsided, her red-rimmed eyes staring deeply into Derek's. "The whole day I've just been...worried."

"Oh, Mere." He smiled, brushing away the last few tears, then kissing the tip of her nose. "You could have told me."

"It's stupid. I know our baby can't possibly have a tail, I'm a freaking surgeon!" She hiccupped.

"You're not the first Mom who's worried about tails, Meredith." Nora grinned, and Derek smiled as well.

"See, it's a Mom thing." He grinned, and Meredith was able to relax and stretch a shaky smile of her own.

"I'm more worried about DiGeorge syndrome, Down syndrome, spina bifida, -"

"We had ruled out all that already. Bird's genes aren't going to suddenly change, and the spine had already closed up pretty nicely."

"But maybe the tests were wrong and suddenly our baby has a congenital heart defect or cleft palateand we didn't even prepare. We don't even have a nursery!"

"Can you give us a moment?" Derek mumbled to Nora, who nodded, leaving on the image of Bird and walked out of the room. "Meredith, -"

"We're not ready for a child, let alone a sick one!"

"Listen to me." Derek spoke gently but resolutely, his eyes boring into hers. "First of all, Bird is doing great and he or she is perfectly healthy."

"I know."

"Even if Bird had a congenital heart disease we missed, we can deal with it. Mer, your best friend is an upcoming self-proclaimed Cardio god. We would be prepared for it."

"Derek,"

"How many articles we read about spina bifida for Zola? How many?"

"A lot." She whispered.

"We're ready for that too, then. Even if we don't need it for Bird, we're ready." He smiled warmly. "Cleft palate? My best friend is one of the best plastic surgeons in the country." He smirked now, feeling like he could go on forever if she needed this kind of reassurance.

"But the nursery is still bare."

"So we'll go home and look at furniture online tonight. We can go shop for anything we want as soon as we have a day off together. Nursery is not a big issue here."

"What about a diaphragmatic hernia?" Meredith swallowed thickly.

"Miranda Bailey wants you as her maid of honor. Don't you think she'll give Bird the best care?"

"She would."

"We got every department covered, Mer. Even if things end up going wrong."

"It's me, Derek. Things go wrong when I'm involved. The least it can happen is me giving birth in the middle of the road or during a super storm."

"Let's prove this theory wrong, alright?"

Meredith nodded weakly, letting out a shaky breath. Derek kissed the top of her head lovingly, then grabbed the stool and sat next to Meredith's stomach, his eyes turning to the still of Bird on the screen.

"Bird has your nose." He commented lightly, which finally forced a giggle out of Meredith.

"She does. Or he does."

"You're calling Bird 'she' a lot today. You didn't peek, did you?"

"I was too busy freaking out about a tail to check for a penis." Meredith rolled her eyes, and Derek chuckled, his eyes sparkling. "I'm sorry about all this."

"No need to." Derek smiled softly, and half-nodded for Nora that it was safe to come back in the room.

Meredith apologized to the midwife, blushing lightly as Nora sat again on her stool.

"It happens at basically every single pregnancy, sooner or later." Nora grinned. "Even more when Mommy is a doctor."

"I'm still sorry. I'm sure you have patients waiting and..."

"I have a lot of time for the three of you, you're not messing up any schedule. And if you were, I wouldn't care." Nora giggled, and Meredith relaxed again.

"So the baby is okay, but Meredith is okay too, right?" Derek asked.

"Her blood pressure was a little too high, but I believe it's because she was worried."

"I can check it during the course of this week, if you think it needs to be monitored."

"That's a good idea. Have you arranged your maternity leave?" She asked Meredith then.

"I've thought about it." Meredith admitted. "I mean, talked to the Chief and all that, yeah. I want to work as much as I can, so I can spend more time with the baby later. Can I do that?"

"Yeah, you can do that." Nora grinned.

"Can I do a wedding?" Meredith blurted, biting her lip once again for the inappropriateness of the question. "I mean, I should be the maid of honor at a wedding the day before the due date. I was just wondering -"

"You can do a wedding if you do surgery." Nora grinned. "Just tell me the location, so I can be ready to come and get you."

"Oh, if it all goes well it's going to be in my backyard." Meredith smirked.

"What?" Derek's eyes widened.

"There were conditions to my being maid of honor thing." Meredith giggled at his stunned face, and Nora shook her head amused.

"Okay, we can discuss that later." Derek frowned, knowing that they needed an extensive conversation about this detail.

"So, I want to see you a little more often now that you're entering your third trimester. Let's say two or three weeks from now, alright?"

"Okay. I'll schedule it at the desk."

"Oh, I almost forgot. I'll pop in at your house so I have an idea what to expect and how I can organize the birth, just in case you end up opting for the home birth instead of coming to the birth center."

"Like a home study?" Meredith giggled. "I freaked out at our last home study."

"She basically hid anything that wasn't necessary from view." Derek recalled with a grin. "Took me a week to find my favorite sweater."

"We were adopting a baby from Malawi!" Meredith retorted with a smile.

"Still. They loved us." Derek smirked, and Meredith sighed in defeat at his cockiness.

"You finally get to meet Zola." Meredith beamed at Nora when the realization hit her.

"I finally do." Nora smiled just as brightly. "Call me if anything doesn't feel right and I'll get back at you for the home study." The midwife laughed, as she shook hands with Derek and gave a light hug to Meredith.

"Are you good to go home now?" Derek asked, smiling softly, his eyes full of love as he tucked the sonogram's image into his pocket, and handed the other one to Meredith.

"We need to hurry. We have to go see furniture." She laughed, and so did Derek as he helped her on her feet. "I think my body is never going to recover from this hippo-like shape I currently have."

"You look great Mere."

She grimaced, before she whispered: "I have stretch marks."

"I know. They're great stretch marks. And I can rub lotion on them as soon as we get home. You know I'm good with my hands." Derek smirked, making Meredith blush.

"Let's go get Zola from daycare, then." Meredith smirked, winking and grabbing his hand as they walked out of the room and back into Seattle Grace.

"I do like when your hands are all over me." Meredith whispered in Derek's ear as they waited for the elevator, their hands joined. She giggled, and he winked at her just as the doors opened, revealing Bailey, her hand holding Tucker's smaller one in hers.

"Meredith," she beamed "The woman I was looking for."

"Dr. Bailey." Meredith grinned. "We were at my check up. We have pictures."

"I don't have time for pictures." Bailey tried to argue, but her eyes softened when the black and white sonogram was thrust into her free hand. She looked up to see the two adults with awaiting expression on their facesand she rolled her eyes. "Cute fetus indeed. Did you find a location for the wedding?" She asked.

"I...guess." Meredith hesitated. "Look, I'm due the day after your wedding -"

"What?" Bailey's eyes widened, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because. I do have a location, though. My backyard."

Bailey stared at Meredith puzzled, almost as if she was speaking in an unknown language.

"You've been to our new house, right Miranda?" Derek asked, amused by the conversation.

"It's a beautiful land."

"And I'm considering a home birth if I don't go into labor at the hospital." Meredith added swiftly, making Miranda's eyes widen further.

"I think we need to discuss this in another time." Bailey said simply.

"Definitely." Meredith smiled. "We can find the time, now we really need to pick up Zola."

"Alright. Have a good evening."

"Bye. Bye Tuck!" Meredith smiled at the child, as they exchanged positions in the elevator.

The doors closed, and Meredith began giggling. Derek glanced at her with a smirk on his face, which only made her giggle louder.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I don't even know why I'm laughing. Probably Bailey's face." She giggled one last time. "The next few weeks are going to be so much fun," she sighed, "Especially if I can't keep my emotions in check."

"You're endearing." Derek said simply, and she melted against his side.

The elevator's door opened, and they exited swiftly, going straight for the daycare.

Zola was there, coloring a picture at the table closest to the door, and she beamed as soon as her eyes met theirs.

"Hi!" She grinned, leaving her crayons on the table and running towards her parents, wrapping her arms around both their legs. Her hand then patted Meredith's stomach gently, leaving a kiss on the fabric, then mumbled "Hi Bird."

Derek picked up Zola as Meredith signed her out, smiling at the teachers and gathering her backpack.

Zola was already retelling her adventures to Derek when Meredith joined them, and together they went home, Zola's voice as the perfect company until they pulled in their driveway.

"I'll go make dinner." Derek announced as Zola scrambled away.

"Can you keep an eye on Zo? I just need to lie down a minute."

"Are you okay?" Derek asked concerned.

"Bird started to move a lot while we were in the car, I need to sit down and wait for it to pass. I'll be back right away." Meredith smiled, pecking Derek's lips in reassurance, then shuffling to her bedroom with a grimace.

She left the door ajar as she reached the bedroom, changed into more comfortable clothes, then sunk on the mattress and closed her eyes, sighing in bliss. She switched on the computer right away to pass the time looking at furniture, one hand firmly rubbing her stomach, the other holding the picture of Bird they had just received as she waited for the computer to load and connect to the Wi-Fi.

"Getting cramped in here, uh?" She whispered down to her stomach, then lifted up her head when she heard a familiar pitter-patter of little feet entering her bedroom.

"Hi Mama." Zola smiled. "What that?" She asked curiously, pointing at the picture Meredith was holding.

"Come here, I'll show you."

Zola swiftly hopped to the bed and managed to sit on the bed with Meredith's help. She snuggled closer to her mother's body, tucked under her arm, then she peeked curiously at the black and white picture.

"This is a sonogram." Meredith explained, "It shows the inside of Mama's belly."

Zola looked up puzzled. "Baby Bird's home."

"Yeah. This little face here is your sibling, ZoZo." Meredith smiled brightly as Zola stared intently at the picture, her chubby fingers tracing the features of Bird almost with the same reverence Meredith and Derek had used.

"Bird's pretty." Zola smiled, her eyes locking with Meredith's. "I thinks Bird's a sistar."

"A sister? Really?"

"You no know, Mama?"

"No, we don't know, yet. Would you like a brother or a sister?"

"Dunno." Zola hummed. "Can have a sistar and a brudar?"

"Just one baby sibling now, Zola."

"Otay," she sighed poignantly. "Soon?"

"We'll see, Lovebug." Meredith smiled sadly. Zola shrugged, then she put her little hands on the swell of Meredith's stomach, her lips placing a sloppy kiss over the fabric of the old t-shirt Meredith was wearing. Almost as if it was magic, Bird stopped rolling and kicking, for which Meredith was grateful.

"Do you want to help me pick out some things for Baby Bird's new room?" Meredith smiled then, running her hand over Zola's curls as the girl burrowed even deeper in the little space they had left between their bodies. "Or you wanna snuggle?"

"Snuggle." Zola whispered, tightening her hold on Meredith.

Meredith didn't mind closing the laptop and sitting Zola on her thighs, as the little girl rested her cheek still on top of her stomach. Meredith rubbed Zola's back evenly as they both relaxed in the comfortable position, for a moment their breaths were the only sound filling the bedroom.

"Mama," Zola lifted up her head then, her eyes full of questions. "Bird no leaves your belly-home?"

"Now it doesn't, but it will be able to leave when it's big enough, then it will never get back to its first home. Our home will become its home." Meredith explained.

"I miss home when not here." Zola frowned. "Bird no miss home?"

"Bird will probably miss home for a little while, but we need to make our home as homey as possible for him or her to come and live with us."

"What if no likes home?" Zola asked with a hint of worry. "Bird leaves?"

"Oh, Bird won't leave in a long time, I promise."

"Ya promise?"

"I promise." Meredith smiled in reassurance.

Zola did the same in return, before she craned her neck down and whispered to the baby: "This home's pretty. No leaves, promise?" Then she placed another kiss right in the center of Meredith's stomach.

That's how Derek found them when he walked in the room to call them for dinner, snuggling in a tight embrace and whispering secrets in the dusk.

* * *

**I had almost posted this with only the exam room scene, then I felt like it lacked a lot of Zola, so I thought about it a long time and ended up writing that last part last night/early this morning. I loved worried Meredith on the show, I think she was pretty amusing and also believable. She deals with diseases all day, I'm sure she'll end up thinking about the worst case scenario when it comes to bad genes. [Did you see what I did there, mentioning the super storm?]**

**I was clearly a little inspired from the show, but I hope you still enjoyed this. I can't believe we have passed the 540 reviews, it blows my mind. **

**I'll get back at you next week if I know exactly when I'll be on holiday -all is still up in the air- but if you do need to brace yourselves for a couple of weeks of Hope withdrawal, I'll tell you in advance.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	38. Chapter 38

**I'm definitely _not_ happy about this chapter. I feel like there's something missing. Maybe because it's short, maybe because it's a filler, I just don't really like it.  
**

**Anyways, I hope you'll do!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

* * *

The papers on the desk rustled as Derek got through them for one last time. He couldn't believe that this was going to be his last official lecture to these young students.

He looked at the empty classroom and smiled, knowing that despite all the reservations he had before starting, he had really enjoyed the experience. At first, it was a way for him to feel connected to a field he was worried he had to leave forever, then it became fun and challenging, something that he was sure made him a better doctor and a better teacher to the new interns.

A couple of students started shuffling in the room, some chatting in quiet voices, other barely able to keep their eyes open; they were all there though, eager to learn from him, despite his unconventional style and more than a couple of privileges the University of Washington had offered him.

"'Morning Prof. Shepherd." Melinda and Devon, two of his brightest students, greeted him, and he smiled back widely, nodding and greeting as well a trio of other students that sat behind them.

They all looked tired, they surely were, after the exam session they had, but he was sure the case he would propose during this lecture was going to wake them up right away.

Jonah, another member of the trio that always had the quickest response to his quizzes, came in last, hastily throwing his stuff on the floor and panting heavily as he slumped in one of the chairs in the third row, clearly having rushed to class not to be late for the last lecture.

Derek projected the x-rays of the patient they were going to examine today, and there was a loud gasp from each member of the class.

A hand rose, and Derek smirked when he nodded for the young woman to talk.

"Is that..." She mumbled, pointing awkwardly at the image on the white screen.

"A giant spinal cord tumor?" Derek chuckled. "Indeed."

"You removed that?!" Jonah, always the skeptic one, asked in disbelief, clearly having recovered from the mad dash in the room.

"I did." Derek knew he was smiling like a little kid on Christmas day, but he couldn't help it. "The patient has worked with me at Seattle Grace since I moved here, and he still does. He's a radiology technician, and he told me I could use his full name when I disclosed the details on his tumor; just go to Grace and ask for Isaac, you'll surely find him."

"Wow." Devon blurted excitedly, unable to keep his tongue in check. "How long did it last?"

"A while." Derek grinned. "First things first, though. Let's start from the beginning."

Derek went on and on about Isaac's tumor, how unfazed Isaac was about the possibility of never walking again, and the pressure he felt as soon as he stared at the tumor for hours and didn't make a single cut.

"They let you open him up, stare at his cord, then close?" A reddish-haired boy commented, skeptical.

"They strangely did. But the Chief of Surgery was not happy that I disregarded his order of not operating on this tumor. The whole staff of surgeons tried to back me up and support me all through the end. I guess they were excited too."

"You don't see such a tumor every day!" Melinda commented.

"You indeed don't." Derek smiled. "Anyway, my wife told me that if I didn't cut the cord the first time and just stared ad it, it meant I had a way to remove the nastiest, most fascinating tumor of my career."

The kids nodded, their attention all focused on the scan of the draw that Derek had made on the wall of their older bedroom, and he had adamantly wanted framed over the bed in the new one.

"I went over the procedure all night talking it over with my wife, then with every other surgeon that came in the operating room, but I had no idea how to go on." He explained, the students enthralled. "What would you have done?"

The silence was poignant, until he saw a hand raising and he met a pair of very familiar eyes. His face split in a grin, as he nodded for the woman to reply.

"You had to go in blind and cut the vessels that you thought were right." She said confidently, smiling back.

"Exactly, Meredith."

The room turned towards Meredith, their eyes scanning her curiously, as the girl next to her asked her something in a whisper.

"I indeed went in blind. I honestly had no idea what I could have compromised, and it literally made me sick to my stomach at some point, but after more than twenty-four hours of surgery, there was only the last cut to make to remove the tumor. I knew Isaac's nerves weren't compromised after everything I had done, but I could screw it all up with one final cut." He smiled at the gasps. "This is why surgery is such a tricky field, no matter how good you think you are, sometimes you have to go in blind."

"Can you refine instincts?" A guy in the fifth row bellowed.

"Sure you can, with experience and trial-and-error, but in this case I was really at a loss. I even tried to guess it with eenie-meenie-miny-moe, but my resident-slash-doctor thought it was a little silly."

The students chuckled, and so did Derek.

"So the guy was perfectly fine afterward." Devon concluded.

"Yes, he was. He still is. He had a hard life, he deserved some kind of miracle to balance things out." His eyes darted for a second to Meredith, and he clearly saw her rest her hands gently over her stomach, grinning back. "You have to be surgeons for the people, not for the cases. If I had been a cut-hungry surgeon, I would have cut the cord, because honestly, a whole day in surgery is a bit too much, especially when you risk to be fired for it. But as a man and a doctor, I knew I couldn't paralyze the man that had put so much faith in me."

Derek smiled shakily, letting a moment of silence settle in the room.

"Patients are the reason you should be better doctors; awards or money or anything are not about the people. This is why I work, this is why I'm here, trying to teach you something, and this, I hope, is the message that I could pass onto you."

From the first row there was a spontaneous start of a slow clap, then the whole classroom followed suit, Derek's smile brightening as the seconds passed.

"Oh, and the exam is in three weeks." He chuckled, and there was a loud laugh as the claps died down.

The students then began gathering their own notes or laptops, and he immediately noticed how Meredith was crowded by a bunch of students sitting near her, clearly asking her about the trial and the many more surgeries he had described and they had performed together.

He had the bittersweet feeling of a new beginning that left behind a good thing as the first students bid him goodbye, but he couldn't help but be happy that he could return tosurgery once again.

Derek sighed, then approached Meredith and the group of students, and he could clearly see her blush.

"What are you doing here?" He smiled as soon as his eyes met Meredith's, and she smiled back.

"I told you I'd come visit you at your lectures sometimes."

He got near her and kissed her cheek quickly, unwilling to show too much PDA in front of his students but still feeling the craving of a better kiss to his wife.

"I'm glad you came."

"My shift doesn't start in another three hours, and Mark offered to keep Zola for the day and have her and Sofia over for a playdate."

Derek hummed in response, smiling brightly at Meredith.

"These kids think I am some kind of medical celebrity Derek, or something not shy from a cape-wearing superhero. What the heck did you tell them?" Meredith giggled, and she swore she had seen him blush a little.

"The truth, Mere."

"Right." She smirked, squeezing his hand. "I do like your way of explaining cases, even the difficult ones like Isaac's."

"Numbers and medical terms would have been boring otherwise."

"I can't deny I'm still hot for my teacher." Meredith winked, making Derek laugh loudly, and the few students around them turned their heads all simultaneously, stretching soft smiles of their own.

Their conversation was cut short when a group of students came closer to Derek to ask him more questions and congratulate him on the recovery of his wrist, then Meredith's pager beeped. She reluctantly headed in earlier than planned, leaving Derek to a free afternoon.

He spent the rest of his day in between the university campus and libraries, signing the latest paperwork or discussing a few topics with a group of students who showed particular interest in neurology. He guest-lectured in one of the advanced classes, booked the classroom for the exam and began thinking about the questions he could put in the exam. He also passed by Seattle Grace to sign the last of the paperwork and grab a few old documents of diagnosis he wanted to revise in case he wanted to add them to the pile of possible questions for the exam.

He was not home until dinnertime.

Derek left his briefcase in the foyer as soon as he got in, and took a deep breath, aware that something good had ended, and he could focus back on being a surgeon and not just a teacher anymore.

He walked puzzled towards the living room when he heard a faint bass sound he recognized well coming from there. The house was mostly dark, but he knew it was not empty. Meredith's shift ended basically when he had finished guest-lecturing, so he knew her and Zola were at home.

He didn't expect them listening to The Clash though.

His eyes widened as Zola danced funnily in the middle of the room, the coffee table pushed aside, her socked feet padding and jumping on the hardwood floor; Meredith was smiling tiredly and rubbing her stomach gently as she surveyed the whole thing, glowingly beautiful.

"Hey," he greeted, then smirked "Playing my CDs?"

Meredith groaned, blushing all of a sudden and burying her head in her hands.

"Dwancin' Daddy!" Zola exclaimed, putting a wide smile on Derek's face.

"Gosh," Meredith whined "It's the only thing that keeps them quiet;" she motioned to Zola and her stomach in a quick gesture "Classical music my A-S-S."

Derek chuckled, walking in the room to kiss his daughter, wife and unborn child. "So, Zola loves The Clash, and they also make Bird sleep. I'll remind you at the three in the morning feeding when Bird doesn't want to go back to sleep."

"Stop it Derek! They're your children, it's your fault," she pouted "I tried every kind of calming, quiet music. Heck, even the Lamaze techniques Nora told me were worse than _London Calling_!"

"What about Zola? Just excited to dance?"

"And on a sugar high. A kid brought cake for his birthday at the daycare. Remind me to never do that." She groaned.

Derek sat next to Meredith then and pulled her closer, letting her head fall gently on his shoulder as he rubbed her upper arm.

"I didn't even ask you how he rest of your day was!" She moaned "I'm so full of myself lately..."

"Hey, it's okay, you're growing a child. My child." He smiled, still not fully believing his words until he could rub her stomach. "My day was bittersweet, though. I'm glad to be home."

"You're going to miss your students." Meredith smiled, turning a little towards him

"They were great students;" he sighed wistfully "I told them that if they want they can come and watch me in the OR." He grinned.

"Do I need to book a spot for my charting from now on? Looks like it's gonna be a full house for a while." She grinned, kissing him sweetly.

"There will always be a spot for you." He replied with a dreamy smile, making Meredith roll her eyes as his cheesy remark "I'm sure these two will keep you quite busy in a while though."

"I can't wait." Meredith smiled "It's weird that I'm looking forward to my maternity leave because it means that I won't be kicked from the inside anymore?"

"No, it's not weird." He smirked "We'd spend a little while together, I hope. If Hunt gives me paternity leave so soon," he sighed, "Otherwise I'll take it when you're back to work, so we can wait a little more to enroll Bird in the daycare."

"I think..." Meredith swallowed "Maybe you could take a bunch of vacation days when the baby comes, just to get settled, then take the leave later." She proposed "I'd be happier if Bird is with you and not at the daycare when he or she is barely a couple of months old."

"Bird will be fine either way Mere, but we can think about it." He suggested, brushing his lips fleetingly on her temple. "There's still time."

"Yeah."

* * *

**I thought I had updated the story much earlier than this, sorry for the slight delay. I got a little sidetracked by the Internet this time around. Nameberry will be the death of me.**

**So, this one was a bridge chapter, nothing really exciting happened, and I know it could have been way better than this. There are probably a lot of typos too. I apologize. I'll work harder on the next chapter, I just had a busy week. I'm helping out at a summer camp in my community, and it's pretty tiring to look after more than 50 kids from 8 to 5. I finally understand exhausted parents ;)**

**Thank you for bearing with me and this slightly lousy chapter.**

**Have a good week!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Happy Sunday, readers!**

**I think that after two weeks of summer camp I'm starting to get a hang of my schedule, so I can write a little more constantly. I have to tell you, as much as I wasn't happy with the latest chapter, I could pat myself on the back for the first part of this. Maybe because I really miss Markie, that's it ;) **

**Anyway, there are going to be a few more chapters before Birds gets here, but I hope you won't mind the longer waiting!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

* * *

Mark Sloan wasn't a sentimental guy. He knew it, everybody knew it, but he surely had a soft spot for Derek Shepherd. He tended to go a little mushy when the neurosurgeon was involved, since he had basically given him a family, a roof and a career goal. So he felt compelled to march straight to his best friend's office on his first day back, right before his first surgery post plane crash.

He walked the familiar path and heard a distinct giggle coming from inside, the door slightly ajar. He could recognize Meredith's distinct giggle anywhere, and right in that moment he didn't want to broadcast his soft spot for her husband in front of her. He liked Meredith, she was loyal and funny and awesome, but she would never let him live that down.

He directed his focus on grabbing two coffees then, maybe a danish or a muffin, which was probably healthier and something Derek would eat without much whining. He wanted to give Meredith time to calm Derek's fears and worries -if he had any,- so he let them be, walking leisurely to and fro the coffee cart a floor down.

When he rounded the corner and spotted Derek's door once again, he couldn't help but have an amused grin on his face, as Meredith exited the room sneakily, while fastening her ponytail and smoothing her scrubs over her protruding stomach, looking around suspiciously.

He knocked on the ajar door once, before he flung it open and laughed loudly.

"Champ!" He boomed, doubling over when he noticed Derek's bewildered stare, as he picked up a series of papers from the floor and put back pens in their holders, his scrub pants still untied.

"Hey Mark," Derek said casually, pretending that it was just a normal visit to his office. "What's up?"

"I think Grey took care of everything that was up." Mark winked, watching as Derek tried to hide his embarrassment by turning around and scanning the textbooks in his bookshelf. "I wanted to welcome you back here, but I guess your wife beat me to it."

Derek chuckled, then shrugged. "What can I say, she has a craving, I have to deliver."

Mark laughed again, and Derek joined him too, their laughter building up to a point that the two of them had to sit down not to fall over. It was only when there was a gentle knock at the door that the men were able to recompose themselves.

"Come in." Derek mumbled, brushing the tears away from his eyes.

"Hey, I forgot..." Meredith's figure walked confidently inside, only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of Mark. Mark looked between the two of them, then burst into laughter again, making Meredith turn a deep shade of red.

"Hi," Derek greeted simply, a little embarrassed himself. "What are you, um -?"

"Uh, I..." she swallowed, waving her hands around "Badge."

Meredith started to move around the room flustered, looking into every corner, until she whined, dropping unceremoniously on one of the armchairs.

"You lost your ID badge?" Derek asked, cocking his head with a gentle smile, and ignoring Marks' chortle in the background.

"I think it fell from my pocket when you, you know..."

"Oh," Derek's eyes widened. "Probably;" he nodded vigorously. "Maybe it's on the desk..." He shuffled some papers, looking around.

"There wasn't much on the desk...after." Meredith whispered, Mark's laughter even louder.

"Maybe you should re-enact the scene, like they do in the crime shows I watch." Mark suggested, unable to contain his amusement.

Meredith growled, ignoring the plastic surgeon. "Look under your desk. I'd do it, but I'll need a crane to stand up."

"Nope, not here." Derek shrugged sadly after craning his head to check the underside of his desk. "The couch?"

"We weren't even close to the couch." Meredith frowned.

"Nice!" Mark commented quickly, making Meredith roll her eyes.

"You were bending over the desk at some point, so it might have..." Derek trailed off, when she noticed the intense glare coming from Meredith's eyes and the whistle Mark gave. "I have it!" Derek grinned, moving closer to Meredith, then putting his hand on her thigh and frisking her playfully.

"Derek!" She yelped, her eyes widening, just like Mark's.

"Got it!" He smiled triumphantly, holding up her badge and clipping it over her breast pocket. "You insisted to put it in your pocket so you wouldn't lose it, like last time." He whispered in her ear, before pulling away, and leaving Meredith stare at him speechless, and flustered.

Derek wasn't really sure if she was going to hit him for his boldness or she'd auto-combust in embarrassment. She decided to ignore him.

"Have a good day, then." She mumbled, hastily leaving the office after a grumbled goodbye to Mark.

"Wow, the two of you..." Mark chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

Derek simply smirked back, rearranging the papers he had to shuffle again in the quest.

"So sex as a pregnancy craving is not just a myth your brothers-in-law made up at Christmas." Mark prodded, and it was Derek's turn to roll eyes.

"We have a healthy sexual life, Mark. And she happens to be pregnant, which makes things even more awesome." Derek stated, a little smirk on his face.

"Don't go all mushy on me, man."

"I'm just stating the facts here. She's..." Derek grinned, lost in finding an appropriate adjective to describe Meredith. She had helped him, while keeping their family together. In fact, she had kept everyone and everything together lately, and he had no idea from where all that strength had came from. She steps up during the hard times, he was aware of that, but never he had imagined she could cope so well after all that had happened.

"I know. I'm happy you have her." Mark said simply,and Derek knew that the statement was just the tip of the iceberg to show how much he still missed Lexie.

"I'm thankful every day."

There was a moment of silence between them, as they let their words sink in, then Mark slapped his hands on his thighs and rose from the couch, taking a deep breath.

"I just wanted to welcome you back, it was weird without you around." Mark said simply, a smile breaking on his face. "Are we still on for the before shift ride tomorrow morning?"

"Of course we are. I even cleaned up my bike. Race you around the hospital block, five laps?" Derek asked with a grin, watching Mark nod then retreat. "You're going down, Sloan."

"Not a chance in hell!" Mark shouted back, as he closed the door behind his back.

Derek barely had the time to take a deep breath, before his pager beeped, and his first day officially started. And to say that he was beyond excited was an understatement.

He was ready, he had been ready for a long time; now the moment was here, and he felt giddy to be back into the same old scrubs to answer an ER page.

The day came around as being routine, more routine that he could ever expect without any elective surgeries, and yet he came home to his family with a smile so bright it could lit up a room.

And his house definitely needed lightening up, because when he stepped in, the first thing he could hear were Zola's cries coming from the living room.

"Just have a bath, then we can wait for Daddy together." Meredith's voice carried out from the house, and he could hear the tiredness and the hint of desperation in the plea.

"No!" Zola shouted back, sobbing.

"I'm home!" He called out nonchalantly, expecting the little body slamming against his, before Meredith could waddle tiredly towards him.

"Hi," she said simply, her voice rough and worn out.

He lifted up Zola, letting her snuggle with him, as he came and kissed Meredith. Zola didn't seem to like the closeness, because she groaned and pushed Meredith away.

Meredith pulled away quickly, a hurt expression on her face, as she shook her head in a way that meant 'Ignore it' more than anything. It wasn't the first time that Zola threw a tantrum when one of them wasn't at home for bedtime, but he knew that with the pregnancy and the long day Meredith had, it was bound to get to her.

He carried Zola upstairs and listened to her little rambled recount of her day, throwing a pointed comment or a smile here and there, as Zola played with her duckies in the tub, then wore her pajama all by herself.

"Do you want me to do your hair?" he asked, rubbing the water away from her growing dark curls.

"Mama," she said simply, and he didn't even try to change her mind to let Meredith rest.

Derek switched place with his wife on the couch, as Meredith walked slowly upstairs to tend to Zola, her face showing surprise as soon as she heard that she had been requested for the braids.

She had the braiding down to a science at this point, she could easily do it in her sleep, but on nights like this, she was glad that she spent just a little more of her attention to focus on her daughter. It was like the best olive branch Zola could offer, and Meredith never complained.

Zola started humming along a tune Meredith couldn't recognize as soon as she began working, but Meredith didn't mind it at all. Zola was perfect as she mumbled words under her breath while she played with one of her stuffed toys, pretending to be in another world. The way she played usually fascinated Meredith, especially how her mood could shift briskly from mad to laid back in the span of a bath.

Even when she wanted to strangle her, Zola was still so precious it made Meredith's heart sore. It was a kind of unconditional love she had never experienced before meeting Derek, a love she was sure she'd never have, and yet she was living deep in it, and she wouldn't change it for the world.

"All done." Meredith smiled, her voice coming out a little chocked up as she tied the last braid and bent for a kiss on the top of Zola's head.

Zola squirmed in her lap and turned around facing her, her hands resting as usual on top of Meredith's stomach, her smile bright and tired.

"Sing, Mama?" Zola asked sleepily, her ear resting gently over the swell of Meredith's abdomen, as she shifted her hands to loosely hug her mother and the tiny human within her.

Meredith placed her hand on Zola's back, rubbing it in circles, as she sang one of the dozens nursery rhymes she had learned in the time Zola had been with them, every single one reminding her of Carolyn's soft voice, singing exactly the same words to her little girl.

In the long haul, she would be happy if she was half of the mother Carolyn had been for Derek. She didn't ask for more.

When she lifted her misty eyes from Zola's half-asleep form, she spotted Derek at the door, his smile so gentle and full of love, she knew she was going to cry tonight. She didn't fight him as he sat next to her and let her bury her nose in his shoulder, finally releasing a couple of tears that had been building from the moment Zola began to scream.

They didn't say anything to each other, because Derek knew that this closeness was exactly what she needed. There was nothing to talk about this time.

"Thank you." She whispered as the tears stopped on their own, then she left a fleeting kiss on his stubble and rubbed her nose against his cheek.

His cheesy smile said more than a thousand words as he captured her lips for a true welcome home kiss. Meredith sighed in sheer bliss of being in her husband's arms, finally.

"How was your first day?" She asked in a hushed tone, still rubbing Zola's back so that the little girl wouldn't wake up.

"Well, it started pretty great." Derek smirked.

"Mark will never let me live that down, won't he?" Meredith grimaced.

Derek chuckled. "You can still blackmail him for the real reason he was in my office." Meredith's eyes began shining in amusement. "He wanted to wish me a good day."

"Aw, he's such a softie." Meredith giggled, trying not to jostle Zola too much. "I saw your name on the board for the MVA that came in before lunch."

"Guy without a seat belt, he had a big shard of glass embedded in his parietal lobe. I didn't even freak out once." Derek beamed, the excitement of the surgery coming back at him. "It all came back like second nature to me. Like riding a bike."

"Good." Meredith hummed.

"Speaking of bikes, tomorrow morning I'm gonna ride with Mark before my shift, I can drive you to the hospital."

"Heavenly." Meredith sighed in bliss. "I don't really like driving anymore."

"I know."

"I talked to Owen about my maternity leave." Meredith confessed. "I don't know if I can still work until I'm full term." She bit her lip, almost ashamed.

"You can do whatever you want, Meredith. If you want to work, you can work."

Meredith sighed."It's just...I can't have more than sixteen weeks of leave, and I don't want to spend the first six or so without a baby to cuddle. Also, Zola will be bored enough after a few hours at home, and I don't think I have the energy to go around town with her like I did before."

"What about using your vacation days and sick days?"

"Honestly?" Meredith grimaced. "Owen asked for twelve weeks tops of maternity leave, I could push it a little further with my vacation and sick days. Maybe two or three weeks more."

"So Bird will be, what?"

"Around five months old. If I start again with half days, I will still have time to breastfeed him or her, then you can take over and use your own paternity leave."

"Did Owen say something about it?"

"He told me two weeks at the most. You can have them separately too, so one week when Bird is born and then another one later."

"I do have vacation days, though."

"Two weeks?"

"Yeah, I guess. We can probably keep Bird out of daycare until he or she is six months old, especially if my mother comes visiting again."

"Early Thanksgiving?" Meredith giggled. "Der, we'll have two babies by Christmas next year."

"I know." He beamed, his fingers sprawling over one of the few spaces of Meredith's belly not occupied by Zola. Meredith sighed in bliss, her eyes closing in her own volition.

"I'm so happy Derek." Meredith confessed in a whisper.

"So am I."

"Is this happiness going to last forever?"

Derek felt his heart squeeze at the childish request for reassurance, but he decided to be honest with her: "It probably won't. But we can try to make it last for as long as it is humanly possible. Then we'll fight, and we'll make up. We'll yell at the kids, and they'll keep misbehaving, but we'll find another kind of happiness." Derek smiled, his lips finding Meredith's temple. "We are going to be so happy, Meredith. Forever."

Meredith hummed, drinking in his words, letting these comforting thoughts lull her to sleep, exhaustion having the better of her.

* * *

**I know I may sound repetitive with all these scenes of the Shepherds in bed, but I hope you enjoy them nonetheless. Also, I didn't really want to get into the details of Derek's first surgery because my competence in medicine is putting a band-aid and fixing boo boos to my summer camp kids. It surely improved by watching Grey's, but I don't want to risk it ;)**

**I have a few chapters to kill before we get to a juicier part, but don't worry, they'll pass by soon! I wish I could update more than once a week, but I'm afraid it won't be possible until July ends. Still, the weekly updates will remain the same -real life considered.**

**Thank you for reading, reviewing and loving this story. You make me a really really happy and blessed writer when I know how much you liked the chapters.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Last June Sunday already. I can't believe it!  
**

**Before we dive into this new chapter, I wanted to point out that my medical knowledge is based off Google, so the description of anything surgical or medical is probably not as accurate as your average friend with an MD would describe it to you. Still, I hope it is good enough for entertaining purposes.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 40**

* * *

Meredith sat for a moment in the waiting room, after delivering the news to her patient's had been complicated, and the guy unfortunately faced a long convalescence, but she was hopeful that he could be just fine in the long haul.

She sighed loudly, closing her eyes and resting her hands on top of her stomach. The lull of the hospital at mid morning was relaxing: voices buzzed around, the automatic doors swished open and close, the nurses tapped furiously on keyboards and a child was babbling loudly at the other end of the big hall.

"'Morning Dr. Grey-Shepherd."

Meredith's eyes snapped open at the voice, a smile plastering on her face when she noticed Beth Monroe standing in front of her with her hands playfully placed on her hips, a wide smirk on her face.

"Hey Beth. What are you doing here?"

"You told me to come today. For the shadowing." Beth grinned, now amused at Meredith's deep sigh of frustration.

"I need to buy a smartphone to remind things for me. This is getting ridiculous." Beth heardmumble between herself and chortled,disguising it with a cough. "I have an interesting case scheduled, and I think you'd have a kick out of it. Also, it's probably going to be the last decent case I'll have until I'm not carrying another human being in the OR with me." There was an eye-roll then, and a deep sigh once again. "Let's go back upstairs."

Meredith groaned a little and swayed on her feet for a second as she stood up, tiredness already creeping up on her. She won a concerned look from a couple of visitors, and even one from Jackson Avery, but she ignored them and waddled to the elevator.

"What are you going to show me?" Beth asked eagerly as they boarded in the metallic cubicle, her eyes twinkling in excitement already.

"Simultaneous kidney-pancreas transplant."

"Seriously? SKP?" Beth spluttered, her eyes now wide. "That's so cool!"

"If I have to go home, I'll go home with a bang." Meredith smirked, pressing the button to the fourth floor as the doors of the elevator closed in front of them.

"You're going on maternity leave?"

"Nope. I still have nine weeks to go, but I know they're going to be long, boring weeks. I'm gonna hang around here for as long as I can, that way I can stay more at home with the baby instead of being here and taking breaks in the middle of surgery to breastfeed."

"I bet Zola is excited that Mama is going to stay at home for a while."

"I hope I'll have time to keep an eye on her too, otherwise I'll have to ask Derek to bring her to daycare, and it would break my heart." Meredith admitted, as the two women walked outside the elevator towards the attendings' lounge.

"Okay, I'll have a snack now, then we'll borrow a pair of scrubs and we'll get you into the gallery." Meredith explained then, as she fished into her cubby for a lunchbox full of Lucky Charms she had packed the morning before.

Beth watched as Meredith munched happily on the cereal, then she unscrewed open the cap of a big thermos and took a long gulp of the liquid inside, humming in delight.

"Is that chocolate milk?" Beth asked, a timid, amused grin on her face.

"Yes, I have the same cravings Zola has." Meredith moaned. "How did you know?"

"Brownish milk mustache, Dr. Grey."

Meredith blushed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, then diving into the snack with a little more composure. Beth wasn't any less amused though.

While Meredith finished her treat with a sigh, Beth changed into the fresh scrubs, exiting the room with a twirl and smoothing down the fabric in a reverential way.

"Wow."

"Pretty surreal, uh?" Meredith beamed, almost as if Beth was her own child, reaching a milestone. Her hand went automatically to her stomach. "So, this patient has Type 1 diabetes, and we're trying to improve his condition." Meredith explained, as the two women walked purposely to the OR.

"Is this a successful way to manage insulin intake?"

"Bearing infections or rejection, it is. It's risky, though."

"How long has the guy waited for both organs?"

"Almost two years." Meredith smiled sadly. "I was still a resident when he came in for the first time."

They reached a room in the pre-op floor and met with a pale, edgy Miles Blake, who greeted Meredith with a wide smile though.

"Hey, Dr. Grey!"

"Mr. Blake, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty giddy, must be the drugs. Is she a new intern of yours?" The patient pointed to Beth with a raise of his eyebrows.

"She's shadowing me. Beth Monroe, this is Miles Blake, the most entertaining diabetic patient I have ever had." Meredith giggled, so did the other occupants of the room, as Beth and Miles shook hands.

"You'll have a kick out of my surgery, Beth." Miles grinned. "It's not often you'll see a grown man with organs to spare. Two pancreases, a bunch of kidneys, it will be fun." He laughed hard again, as Meredith smiled amused at the interaction between them.

"Alright, Mr. Blake. I'll see you in the OR."

"Dr. Grey?" He stopped her, as she was already waking out. "My toddler daughter is coming to visit after surgery. How long will it take me to be able to hold her again?"

Meredith sighed, a sudden deja-vu of Derek's concern after surgery, her hand moving automatically over her stomach. "As soon as the incision heals, you can snuggle up with your daughter for as long as you want. And I know how great that could be." Meredith smiled softly.

"I did miss a lot while I worked in Canada!" He laughed. "How old is she?"

"She'll be three a few weeks after this one is born." Meredith replied, tapping her stomach.

"Oh, my Adeline just turned two. She's a ray of sunshine."

"So is Zola. Most of the time." Meredith laughed, shaking her head. "I'll do my best work so you can have a dozen tea parties with Adeline as soon as you get home. Apparently, they are a hit with little girls."

"They are. I'm lucky I don't get to wear a tiara, though."

"My husband wears a princess crown, he can probably walk you through that."

The laughter boomed in the room, before they bid goodbye one last time, and Meredith guided Beth to the gallery, right above her OR. It was already filling with people, first and foremost was Dr. Bailey, sitting right next to April Kepner. They greeted her with smiles, and welcomed Beth right next to them.

"I'm waiting for the caterer to call me back, so we can taste a few samples." Meredith winked to Miranda, who beamed as she nodded, then went back to fill her chart.

Meredith was a little nervous to have so many people watch over her shoulder, but she tried to calm her fears in the scrub room, as she cleaned her hands carefully. It wasn't a long surgery in the books, but as any other transplant, it had a certain amount of unpredictable risks that could drive the best surgeons into a loop.

She felt ready, though. She had eaten, peed, drank enough water. She always had a Bokey watching over her well-being, not just the patient's one, and she was grateful for such a dedicated scrub nurse. She could do this.

Heather Brooks was the official intern for the day, and she was eager to be there, firing question after question just as soon as Meredith had grabbed a scalpel and started the procedure.

It all fell away, as she focused on the task at hand, joining the pancreas to the iliac vein and artery, watching as it took on right away, then she proceeded with the kidneys, growing a little uncomfortable as the kicks to her lower abdomen started becoming more frequent, easily distracting her.

"Crap." Meredith groaned, stilling her movements right after she had successfully joined the kidney to the bladder. _This could not be happening right now. I get it at the store and the mad dash at the fancy restaurant while on a date, but not here_.

"Is it leaking?" Brooks asked, her expression growing serious.

Meredith groaned. "No." _That's not the bladder that's about to leak_. "I need you to keep suctioning for a moment."

Brooks looked up at Meredith, who had stepped away from the table, straightening her back. "Is everything okay, Dr. Grey?"

"Not right now, alright." She mumbled gently, looking down at her stomach and tapping it with a bloody, gloved fingertip. "It's surgery time now."

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd?" Brooks questioned.

"Do I look like I'm talking to you?" Meredith snapped and rolled her eyes, scrunching up her nose at the umpteenth movement in her stomach.

Meredith took a deep breath, then moved again closer to the table, grabbing the scalpel from the nurse's hand again. She didn't even make the first cut after the break that she muttered another curse under her breath.

"I need to take a walk, Dr. Brooks," she said simply, depositing the scalpel back into the scrub nurse's hand.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"I'm fine." Meredith snapped, blinking rapidly as she felt tears of embarrassment build up in her eyes as the whole OR and gallery were waiting for her next move expectantly. "I'll be right back." She mumbled, shuffling a few steps backwards.

Brooks glanced up to the gallery, noticing that it was halfway filled now, most of the crowd having dissipated. Just Bailey, Beth and a couple of third year residents huddled there. She felt she needed to ask "Should I page Dr. Bailey to finish the surgery?" as soon as her eyes locked with Dr. Bailey's.

"No, you shouldn't." Meredith snapped angrily now. "I'm not gonna die or embark into an epic journey like Columbus. I'm just growing a baby who likes to kick my now pea-sized bladder and annoy me in surgery. I just really need to go pee, and I do know where the restroom is, Dr. Brooks."

Both Meredith and Heather Brooks were now a shade redder, as Meredith ripped off her mask and waddled outside, the intern still rooted in the same spot with the suctioning tool in her hands.

Meredith left the OR with haste, slamming the swinging door with a little too much force than usual. She did her business quickly, allowing a few hormonal tears to flow in embarrassment while she was hidden away in the cubicle, then she scrubbed back in.

The whole OR feigned indifference when Meredith returned, and after a few awkward coughs, everything went back to normal.

"If someone who witnessed this even hints about the events of the past ten minutes in a conversation, I'll make sure they won't see the inside of my OR for the rest of their permanence in this hospital. And yes, this is valid for any person in this OR, or in the gallery."

Meredith glared up at the staff of her OR and the people in the gallery, her gaze resting a little longer on Beth, then resumed the stitches she had left unfinished.

The rest of the surgery was quite uneventful, compared to the first part, but Beth remained in the gallery long after most of the staff had resumed their duties, watching Meredith place the last stitch, before she looked up and gave her a smile, motioning with her hands to meet her in the scrub room.

Beth walked slowly to the room, savoring the feeling of being in a place she had never envisioned herself to be in the next four years.

"That was embarrassing." Meredith exited the room with an awkward smile, pushing the door open with her shoulder as she blushed crimson. The two women giggled, as Meredith started the water to wash her hands.

"The surgery was awesome!" Beth boasted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I never thought you could join both the kidney and the pancreas to the iliac artery and vein."

"Well, that's the tricky part, but you'll get the hang of it at some point. I did it with a rioting human being inside of me, you'll be a rockstar in this procedure before you know it." Meredith winked, grabbing a paper towel, then exiting the scrub room. "Next stop is the lounge again, because I'm famished and I really need to pee again." She groaned, allowing Beth to laugh with her.

As soon as her needs were fulfilled, Meredith and Beth sat at the desk, going over the surgery Meredith had just performed, with questions and inputs from Beth, all the while Meredith kept crunching Oreos, the crumbles getting in the crevices of the chart.

"Is Dr. Shepherd around?" Beth asked then, as soon as the explanations were over.

"OR 2, he has been there since this morning." Meredith smiled sweetly, the novelty of her husband performing surgeries still hadn't faded, and she felt giddy at the mere thought. "Now that he can work like before he has started picking up the hopeless cases again, just to boost his ego some more."

Meredith giggled with Beth, but she knew how much that meant to him. Now it wasn't simply giving hope to people who did not have it anymore, it was honoring Lexie's legacy, remembering her involvement into something big and wonderful.

"So I won't catch him until I come babysitting again." Beth smiled softly at that.

"I think so." Meredith nodded. "Zola loved you. She didn't stop talking about the cookies you baked together for weeks."

"She was pretty helpful, it wasn't the first time she helped out, was it?"

"Christmas. I'm a hazard in the kitchen, but I'm trying." Meredith admitted, feeling a little blush creep on her cheeks, her hands rubbing her stomach lovingly.

"I have a bunch of easy recipes if you ever want to expand your knowledge." Beth winked.

"What about we make a deal? I teach you medicine, you teach me the secrets of baking." Meredith's eyes went wide at the idea she just had.

"Seriously?"

"I do have my mother's surgeries on tape." Meredith winked, and Beth groaned.

"I'm going to take a few weeks of leave, I can call you when I will be bored by spit up, poop and cartoons on a loop." Meredith smirked triumphantly.

"I'll be happy to spend some quality time with Zola and the little one." Beth laughed, Meredith joining in.

"Alright, my shift is officially over." Meredith grinned, "I can go home to eat fried things like there's no tomorrow."

"Do you need a ride there?" Beth offered, eying her stomach.

"Oh, I'll just go pick up Zola then I'll wait for Derek's surgery to be over. He has only that surgery today, then he's on call for the rest of the weekend."

"Alright then. I'll hear from you soon, then." Beth smiled, lightly hugging Meredith as they exchanged their goodbyes. "Thank you for calling me in."

"Anytime, Beth." Meredith smiled widely, giving back the hug and giggling as Bird kicked Beth through the fabric of their clothes.

"Wow, that kid has a lot of energy!" Beth's eyes widened.

"Derek swears Bird will be the spit image of me, both in character and looks, but I feel like I have to disagree." Meredith smirked, almost knowingly.

"Just nine more weeks to wait until you find out."

"Just nine more weeks." Meredith echoed, as she said goodbye to Beth one last time, then went up to the daycare floor to get Zola.

She felt the tiredness of the two surgeries creep up on her as the hum of the elevator lulled her into a daze. The ding of the door opening shook her out of it, and she was quick to sign Zola out of daycare and watch her hop back to the attendings' lounge. She knew Derek would immediately find them there, and she really wanted to put her pager on silent.

Zola dragged out her favorite giraffe out of her backpack and began quietly playing with it over Meredith's lap, the giraffe hopping and crawling following a made up adventure.

"Rafa's sleepy." Zola announced, her eyes a little glassy.

"Really? Is it Rafa The Giraffe who's sleepy, or Zola?" Meredith grinned, watching as Zola yawned widely. Her morning in daycare must have been a pretty wild one if she fell asleep so easily right after they had given her lunch.

"Rafa"

"Why don't we cuddle Rafa together so she can have her nap?"

Zola nodded, quickly crawling under her mother's arm and snuggling against her protruding stomach. She let the giraffe fall over the bulge, hugging her mother loosely, then she rubbed her nose in the fabric of the scrubs Meredith was still wearing.

Meredith sang softly and let her thoughts drift off, the aches of her feet and back disappeared, as her eyes closed, just like Zola's.

Next thing she knew, she felt the hint of a stubble and moist lips brush her forehead. She hummed in delight at the gentle awakening.

"My surgery dragged a little longer, I'm sorry for the wait." Derek smiled, his voice barely above a whisper as he took in the scene. "Looks like my girls had quite the day."

"It was pretty cool, if you ask me. Or Rafa." Meredith giggled, untangling from Zola so that Derek could lift the little girl in his arms without a hassle, the giraffe dangling precariously from Zola's hand.

They gathered their stuff and left the hospital hand in hand, Meredith still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as Zola kept dozing off peacefully.

"I'm already wondering what is going to be Bird's favorite stuffed toy." Derek wondered, as they were safely buckled in their car, driving home. "We did put them a few in his or her crib, already."

"There's a bird, it will be her favorite."

"If you say so." Derek giggled. "If it's indeed a girl we need to add a few birds on the walls."

"And if it's a boy? Falcons and eagles?"

"Maybe keep it neutral yellow like it is now and make it boyish later."

"Are you sure yellow was the perfect color?"

"The furniture is pine, it matches perfectly. It's a sunny room, it will be vibrant and colorful, just like Zola's lavender one. We can still change it as soon as we don't like it anymore."

"I know it's irrational for me to think that Bird will hate the nursery. She won't even be able to see it fully until he develops his eyesight!"

"It is a bit irrational, but I get it." The smile on his face broadened, as he squeezed Meredith's hand.

"We're ready for Bird now, Derek." Meredith whispered.

"We are. We have been ready from the moment we knew Bird was here." Derek allowed his hand to make contact with Meredith's stomach, smiling at the kick Bird delivered there. "Though we can wait a few more weeks to meet him or her, can we?"

"We can. We just need to make a deal about kicking my bladder during surgery time."

* * *

**I have researched Type 1 diabetes because I came across a child who wears an insulin pump and I wanted to make sure I would be prepared in case something happened while he was at camp. Plus, the surgical-junkie in me couldn't help but wonder. I googled a few things, and I finally filled the [medical, medical] brackets I left while I drafted up this chapter the first time. See, I told you the kids at camp will be a great source of inspiration!  
**

**"Rafa" just came to me from the Spanish translation of giraffe, girafa; it is also pretty similar to giraffa, the Italian one. I guess that being around Sofia and Callie, Zola is bound to absorb a little Spanish, especially when it comes to similar names. Zola is a little genius, after all ;)  
**

**This chapter did bring Beth back and told us that the nursery is basically finished, but it is simply another step to the final arrival of Bird. It's getting closer and closer. I really hope Bird can arrive here before the end of July, but I can't give you a more specific deadline. Sure, it's February/March in fic-time, so it will never add up, but you don't mind, do you?**

**Thank you for reading and loving this story. You guys deserve all the Oreo leftovers Meredith has ;)**


	41. Chapter 41

**Howdy, awesome readers! It's Sunday again! First Sunday in July, and it's starting to feel like summer in Italy. Better late than never, uh?**

**Anyway, I have to ramble more at the end, so...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 41**

* * *

The elevator doors opened with a metallic sound right after Derek had pushed the button to hold it, and he sighed in relief. Zola was hanging limply from his shoulder, too sleepy to even babble about her day. _Her very long day_.

Derek had offered to free up a little of Meredith's time, letting her enjoy her afternoon off without Zola in her hair, but now it was almost nine and father and daughter were still at the hospital. Meredith was going to be mad, no matter how long of a nap she had taken while she enjoyed the house all for herself.

He had thanked the daycare teachers profusely when they had offered to stretch Zola's stay and give her dinner, even if unplanned. They might be working in the hospital, but they liked surgeons with half of a schedule better than craniotomies running long for sure.

Her rubbed Zola's back, as the little girl sighed contentedly, adjusting the hold on him, as a hand inserted between the doors, just before they closed.

"Phew." Mark appeared, him too carrying a tired Sofia against his hip. "That was a mad dash."

"Late surgery?" Derek inquired, as the two men stood side by side.

"Yeah. I don't know if I will live until tomorrow, since I was supposed to bring back Sofia by seven-thirty." Derek chuckled, knowing he was in for a similar predicament. "I have her all day tomorrow, it's my day off. It was supposed to be mothers' night." Mark sighed.

"Your day off, too?" Derek smiled, "We can do something together. With the girls." He added with a grin.

"I just heard about this dance classes for toddlers..."

Derek cocked his head, an amused smile on his face. "Dancing for toddlers?"

"A grandma who came in for a boob job was bragging about her Nevaeh going."

Derek flat out laughed at that, trying not to wake Zola in the process.

"Sofia has moves. It's a free try-out thing." Mark fueled. "The park is getting boring."

"You're right." Derek laughed, "Maybe Zola will have fun. I'll talk to Meredith about it, I'll let you know."

"It's at eleven in the morning, but I'll ask if they have afternoon classes too. I'll e-mail you the details later."

"Thanks. For tomorrow it's fine, but I don't think mornings and a surgeon's schedule get along well, though."

The elevator dinged, and it opened in the lobby, then the two friends exited, carrying their sleeping daughters through the main hall and receiving a few awestruck stares from the females around them.

"See you tomorrow, man!" Mark grinned, as they went their separate ways right outside the sliding doors.

Derek nodded as a salute, then found his car, carefully buckling in Zola. She merely fussed, and babbled something incoherent, before she was back to sleep, clutching Rafa in her hands.

The ride home was uneventful, but Derek was dreading walking through the door that night. He felt he should be glad he was carrying Zola in, or he would have gotten something thrown at him.

He didn't expect the house to be dead quiet, though.

He found Meredith asleep on the couch, the book of baby names cracked open and resting on her belly, her fingers barely holding it as she snored softly, her other hand cradling her stomach so gently his heart swelled with love.

He sighed in bliss, got Zola ready for bed then walked back downstairs, hovering above Meredith's. He marked the page Meredith had lingered on, his eyes reading the name details as well -just in case it ended up being the final name-, then placed a kiss on top of her head. He went around the couch and settled his arms under Meredith's shoulders and knees, lifting her up almost effortlessly. Surely, she was carrying another human being inside of her, but he would totally risk a hernia for her, instead of waking her up from such a content sleep. Halfway to their bedroom though, her eyes opened, and widened just as quickly.

"Whatcha doing!" She yelped, half asleep and clutching his shirt. "I'm..."

"Asleep, Mere. At least you were." He grinned, carrying her through the door and depositing her on their comforter. She yawned widely, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles just as childishly as Zola did it.

"You could have woken me up. What time is it?"

"A little after nine." He admitted, weakly. "Craniotomy ran long."

"Derek..."

"The daycare gave Zola her dinner. She's already in bed." He pleaded, and Meredith let it go. He looked at her, dressing up for bed, and she definitely seemed dead on her feet. He was almost going to suggest her taking an early maternity leave, but he had already pushed his luck tonight. It could wait tomorrow.

"At least Zo can sleep tomorrow morning. You're still off, right?"

"I am." He smiled. "In fact, Mark had almost roped me into dance classes."

"You're a horrible dancer." Meredith giggled, her eyes shining in utter amusement.

"For Zola and Sofia." Derek chuckled too.

"Well, I thought you were taking your girlfriend. You do need classes to impress Mark."

"I'm wounded." Derek frowned, then he was mischievous again, his mind flashing back to prom night. "I impressed you."

"I was clueless back then." Meredith laughed, as the two of them settled under the covers, snuggling in each other's arms. "Isn't it too early for Zola to be taking dance classes?"

"I think it's gonna be something simple, where they can just play around with music in the background. We'll be there the entire time. Zola likes to dance."

"Every little girl does." Meredith smiled. "I don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't want." She sighed, then whispered: "Or we can't keep up."

Derek squeezed her closer, burying his nose in her hair and leaving a lingering kiss there, as she nuzzled in the crook of his neck. "We'll be able to take her once a week to dance classes if she likes it."

His phone buzzed on his nightstand, signaling a text message.

"This is Mark's e-mail with details for tomorrow." Derek read silently, bringing the phone closer to Meredith so that she could take a look as well. "It's tumbling classes, from ten-thirty to twelve tomorrow morning, even though they have a group even from five to six in the afternoon."

Meredith scrolled down the e-mail herself, studying the place, then the website.

"Take her there, Derek. If she likes it, we'll see if we can manage everything."

She sighed, her eyes closing on their own volition again.

"Are you secretly hoping she'd hate it?"

Meredith looked at him sideways, frowning at him: "I took dance classes, Derek. It wasn't that bad."

"What? How long?"

"A year, maybe a little more. I was in first grade."

"Your mom made you quit?"

"I was more interested in playing with the ribbons than doing a low beam." Meredith laughed, and Derek joined in.

"A little rebel already."

"Mother was pissed when the instructor told her. I can still see her face clearly." Meredith kept laughing with gusto, looking for Derek's support as she was barely able to sit straight from all the laughter.

"Can I give Mark the go for tomorrow, then?" Derek smiled, kissing Meredith's temple as her laugh subsided to giggles.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"I'll call you as soon as it's over, to tell you if there are tears or we need to pay for dance classes."

Meredith sighed, rubbing her belly. "I can't believe Zola is already that big. I mean, didn't she learn to walk yesterday?"

Derek grinned, his hand joining Meredith's. "We get to do the walking and the talking all over again sooner than you think."

"Derek, Bird can barely breath on its own, let's not think about the day she's gonna be up and talking. If he's anything like you, I'm going to be surrounded by chatty people!" She retorted, hitting Derek playfully.

"I'm not chatty." He pouted, and Meredith cocked her eyebrow.

"Seriously? I was asleep before you came home." She chortled, and he shook his head in amusement.

"You know, maybe it's a good thing that you're awake, now. Zola is asleep already, and she looks dead to the world." He suggested, his eyes gaining a twinkle, then his lips joined Meredith's suggestively, almost as a preview of how their night could play out.

"Maybe we can make the most out of this brutal awakening, uh?" Meredith giggled, her nose still touching his, "You did carry whale-me to the bedroom, after all. You deserve a proper thank you."

"What do you have in mind?" He smirked, as Meredith's lips moved lower and lower, as he craned his neck to give her better access, then mimicked her kisses on her, eliciting low moans and making Meredith's breath hitch in her throat.

"All your favorite things I can still do while looking like a truck." She whispered in his ear, and the truck part was soon forgotten, as the sounds of their lovemaking filled their bedroom, only to be replaced by Meredith's snores a couple of hours later.

Derek woke up with Meredith the next morning, despite being his day off, so that he could make her breakfast and tend to Zola. The little girl luckily slept in a little longer, but she was barely able to see Meredith at the door when she woke up.

All her disappointment was replaced by a bursting impatience as soon as the plans for the day were revealed, then Zola launched herself into a rant about tutus, ballet and dance moves she pretended to know how to do, moves that Derek had yet to witness.

She was literally bouncing when they met Mark and Sofia outside the studio, and Sofia was in a similar mood.

"What did I do?" Mark whispered to Derek, as a perky blonde ushered the girls into the changing rooms to leave their shoes, as the parents sat on a little bench just outside the mat where the girls were going to perform.

"Man, this would have been a great place to pick up girls." Mark mumbled to Derek, when they noticed that they were basically the only two men in the room.

"It kind of reminds me when one of my sisters had a sleepover, or a birthday party." Derek shuddered, forcing Mark to muffle his laughter.

"I'm sort of seeing someone, though." Mark sighed, his tone more serious now. "It's nothing big, but we get along, and she's not bad company. We're more friends than anything now, but..."

"That's good." Derek smiled, feeling a little better than his friend was moving on. "Where did you meet her?"

"Grief counseling groups." Mark shrugged, then tried to lighten the mood: "It's like AAA meetings, but with death."

"Yeah?" Derek frowned, surprised that Mark had gone to such a group. He didn't believe in psychology.

"I had a shrink after I broke it off with Addison," he confessed, and Derek had a hard time not to widen his eyes and let his jaw drop. "Crazy, uh?"

"Just...unexpected." Derek smiled, but before their conversation could fully develop, Zola had already called onto his full attention, and so did Sofia with Mark.

While Sofia tried her best to follow the woman teaching her a few simple steps, Zola seemed hypnotized by a smaller group of girls playing with soft, bouncing balls. She waited patiently for their round of exercises to be over, then she dashed to that corner and stole a ball, kicking it around the best she could, then throwing it in the air and trying to catch it, most of the time unsuccessfully.

Derek tried more than once to move her along with the exercises, but Zola was pretty content playing alone with the newly discovered ball, only glancing towards Sofia from time to time. She was so enamored with the ball that the instructor almost told her that she could take it home.

"I'm being emasculated." Mark called out, almost in a plea, as Sofia dragged him even closer, to show him her exercise.

"Story of my life." Derek sighed, amusement shining in his eyes though.

"Shut up, at least Zola is doing the only thing a boy would do in this place. Can we trade daughters for the day?"

"Not a chance." Derek laughed, seeing Sofia boss her father around. He knew he should show respect for his friend, knowing that he'd be in a similar position if only Zola was even remotely interested to the activities playing out, but for a few more minutes he decided to enjoy Mark's discovery of all the girly things, something he had been subjected to his whole life. Mark's pager beeped right after they had finished the class, so there wasn't even time for him to tease back his best friend about his daughter's tomboy attitude.

Derek took a while to untangle Zola from the ball -nearing a full-blown temper tantrum more than once,- then she was grumpy and frowning as she went to retrieve her shoes.

Derek's phone rang, and when he noticed the caller's ID he smiled to himself.

"Guess what?" Derek announced in the receiver, as soon as Zola had disappeared in the changing room.

"She likes the ribbons?" He sensed Meredith's amusement even through the phone.

"Bouncing balls. She hit them around the hall for twenty minutes, before I had the heart to give them back to the instructor and let her perform a few of the steps she was asked to."

"Really?" Meredith laughter was apparent now.

"Like mother, like daughter." Derek smirked. "Mark wasn't that lucky, though. Sofia seems pretty hung up on the dancing, and so does Mark."

"Were the other moms hot?" Meredith grinned, knowing that their old Mark was creeping back.

"Actually, he told me he's been dating a girl for a couple of weeks."

"Really?" Meredith smiled softly. "I'm glad."

"Me too." Derek sighed, grinning back, keeping the rest of the details for himself. There was time to tell her all about Mark tonight. "Look, we're on our way out, we can have lunch together at the hospital."

"Sounds awesome. I really want to hear all about the bouncing balls firsthand." Meredith giggled. "See you later!"

"Bye, Mer!" Derek felt something stir inside of him that made him add: "I love you."

"Love you too." She sighed in the receiver, before they disconnected the call, while Zola was hopping back to her father's awaiting arms.

"So, did you like dancing, ZoZo?" He smiled sweetly, carrying her out of the building.

Zola made a face, as she thought about the answer. "Kinda."

"Why?"

"Music's pretty." She smiled, then it dimmed. "I can no dance."

"What? Of course you can dance and do the steps!" Derek encouraged her, but she shook her head vigorously.

"I little." She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

Derek sighed, kissing her temple. "You did like the bouncing balls, though."

Zola nodded then, her smile bright. "Bwall's pretty!"

"What about we keep playing with pretty balls together and we dance in the playroom, how does that sound?"

"Good!" She grinned.

"And lunch with Mama?"

"Good!" Zola yelped then, her excitement palpable once again. Her mood swings sometimes surprised Derek more than Meredith's latest ones, and that was saying something, considering that his wife could go from angry yelling to laughter to tears in the span of a few minutes.

"I hugry, Daddy!" Zola announced, pinching his father's cheek.

"I know. You jumped around a lot today. Are you happy you can tell all about it to Mama right away?" Derek asked, depositing Zola in her car seat after they had reached his car.

"Yes!" She nodded, cradling Rafa closer to her chest once again.

They drove to the hospital through the main roads, knowing that rush hour was still a few minutes away, but they couldn't help but find a little line at a traffic light, still ten minutes away from Seattle Grace.

It was a moment honestly, when Derek turned to look at Zola, and then saw the right doors of his car disappear, the crunching of metal a sound he wished he had to never hear again.

Then a loud cry filled what was left of the wrecked car, and he had a sudden deja-vu of the sound the plane had made as he crashed in the woods.

This was not good.

* * *

**First of all, don't panic! There were**** tears, and metal crushed, but Derek is still alive, and Zola is screaming. I have never, ever intended to kill off my characters, even if I can harm them, physically and psychologically. I will try to make the waiting worthwhile, maybe even update a little earlier if I can manage. Keep the faith!**

**Alright, I need to set a few things straight as well. I wanted Derek and Mark to hang out together, since I miss their friendship. I also wanted a little more Daddy-daughter bonding, hence the dance classes. You know who tried tumbling classes and fell in love with bouncing balls? Me. Hence, I know nothing about the organization of said tumbling classes, even thought I went to see if they existed for toddlers. Any reference to Mer's childhood is clearly made up, but I wish we'll get to know more of her as a child, now that she's a mother.**

**So, Mark is**** now**** seeing someone. This someone is still blurry in my mind, but I want him to heal and move on the best he could. She will never replace Lexie, but maybe she'll fill the hole she had left in his heart. Tell me if you don't like her already, or if you want to see her as soon as possible.**

**Again, maybe I can manage a mid-week update, then a Sunday one, but the next couple of weeks are going to be busy, with the final weeks of camp and the local festival starting. I have to help out there too, so I won't have much free time to write, but maybe I'll manage to type something in between all this. **

**Thank you for your support, and bearing with my hectic summer schedule. I honestly thought I'd be on holiday this year ;)**


	42. Chapter 42

**I wanted to update on Wednesday, I really did. It is a long chapter though, I hope you'll forgive me!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 42**

* * *

_It was a moment honestly, when Derek turned to look at Zola, and then saw the right doors of his car disappear, the crunching of metal a sound he wished he had to never hear again._

_Then a loud cry filled what was left of the wrecked car, and he had a sudden deja-vu of the sound the plane had made as he crashed in the woods._

_This was not good._

* * *

Derek blinked once, twice, deafening screams still coming from the backseat. He swallowed thickly, then tried to gather his thoughts. Nothing seemed to hurt too badly, and nothing seemed broken or actively bleeding either. He felt aches here and there, but so far, he could move all parts of his body. His windshield looked like a spider web, and he felt a draft of cold, humid hair coming from his right side, but he was pretty sure he had no life-threatening injuries. especially after going over any possible physical function he could think of, twice.

Almost as if a light had gone off in his brain, he turned around to spot a wailing Zola in what used to be the backseat, clutching Rafa almost as if it was the only source of comfort, glass all over her lap as tears streamed down her already blotchy face.

"It's okay baby girl. I'm taking you out right now." Derek soothed her out of an instinct, his voice wavering slightly, afraid that his little girl didn't came out unscathed from this accident like he did.

He forced open the door on his side, more metallic sounds filling the air and making Zola's cries escalate.

"Daddy!" She wailed, in between hiccups.

"I'm right here Lovebug. Right here!"

He grimaced as he pulled open the rear door, his own aches forgotten as he lunged to get his little girl. He cleaned up the glass all around her, at a glance checking for injuries. Zola wrapped him in a vice grip as soon as he was able to unbuckle her, her nails digging into his skin as she buried her head in the crook of his neck, squeezing Rafa in between their flushed bodies.

"Shh, you're okay." Derek whispered soothingly, rocking her back and forth almost in the same way he did when she was just a few months old. "Are you hurt somewhere, ZoZo?" He asked, but she feebly shook her head, making him sigh in relief.

"Mama." She cried out. "I wanna home."

"We're going to see Mama right away." He kissed the top of her head, still running on adrenaline.

"Help!" A voice carried to Derek, and he immediately tried to locate the source of the yelp, stepping away from his wrecked car, then looking around, slightly confused, as he tried to understand what exactly had happened.

"Are you guys okay?" A man in his fifties approached them, concern fully on display on his features. He was limping, and he had a gash on his cheek, but he looked okay.

"We're good." Derek nodded, speaking over Zola's whimpers.

"We already called 911. That guy totally lost control of the car." The man pointed with his head towards a crunched up car, now jammed in between the others.

"Is anyone hurt badly?" Derek asked, "I'm a doctor."

"That man over there is trapped inside his car."

The man led him towards a car in the midst of the pile up, and it was then that Derek tried to let Zola walk on her own. Zola promptly cried louder and clung onto him.

"No leaves, Daddy!"

"I'm just going to help that man, I'll be right back. Do you mind staying here with this nice man and this nice lady?" Derek smiled encouragingly, looking up at the same man who had led him there, and a woman who he assumed was his wife.

Zola shook her head. "I wan' Mama. Go soon, Daddy." She hiccupped.

"Come with me, then." Derek sighed, reluctant to leave Zola in such a fragile emotional state. He scooped her up again, locking her against his hip, then crouched to the man inside the car, trying to check his condition.

"Help is on the way." He stated, trying to be convincing.

The man nodded faintly. "Doctor?"

"I am. Derek Shepherd." He introduced himself. "Can you feel your legs?"

The man nodded shakily, hissing: "Hurst like hell."

Just then the firefighters arrived, sirens blaring as they came to the rescue. They cracked open the door and pulled up the hood of the other car that was trapping the man inside, then they pulled him out. An ambulance was waiting for him as closer as possible to the incident site.

"Dr. Shepherd?" The paramedic frowned at the sight of the crumpled man in a sporty attire and bloody t-shirt, Zola still crying in his arms.

"Can you get him to Grace fast?"

"Are you coming with us?"

Derek frowned, glancing at his totaled car. "I guess I am."

They buckled the gurney, and Derek sat Zola on his lap. The little girl rested her cheek on his shoulder, now simply hiccupping and sobbing once in a while, as Derek rubbed her back evenly. He moved his caresses all over her body then, all the while checking for injuries he could have missed at first glance. Zola seemed better than okay, except for a few scratches and the fact that her cries seemed inconsolable.

The ride to Seattle Grace was quick, and it took them only what felt like a few moments before Derek climbed off the ambulance steadily -still holding a wailing Zola onto his hip- and started rattling the details of the patient to the resident who welcomed them. They were soon joined by a frowning Miranda Bailey, staring at Derek and Zola with questioning eyes.

"What are you doing here all bloody and in street clothes Shepherd? Especially, why is your daughter with you?"

"Pileup on the Interstate; we were on site. My car is destroyed, but Zola and I are perfectly fine," he said, looking down at his daughter who was still steadily crying on his shoulder, "She's just scared to death." He justified the screaming as Bailey kept looking at the pair. "Can I get a bed to clean her up, check a few things, so I can be of any use later?" He continued, noticing that Bailey had no intention of moving.

Before she could reply anything tough, Meredith waddled to the ER, only to freeze in the middle of it, her eyes widening at the sight of Derek and Zola, crumpled and blood-smeared, standing right before her.

"Mama!" Zola wailed, holding out desperately her arms, and Meredith snapped out of her thoughts, rushing to comfort her little girl, crushing her and Rafa in a strong hug, including Derek by proxy.

"Oh Zola," she whispered, as Derek let go of the toddler,and Meredith was able to hold her a little tighter than usual against her. "What happened?" She turned to Derek, her eyes wide as she checked him out, shuddering at the sight.

"We're fine. We were at a red light when a guy had a heart attack and caused an accident. We're not hurt, just a little scratched and scared." He smiled, brushing Zola's messy hair with his bigger hands, and Meredith noticed even more scratches and cuts.

"Oh God." She mumbled, swallowing thickly as the magnitude of the events dawned on her. She watched Derek shake a few shards of glass from his curls, then she started noticing all the cuts and clotted blood all over his body. Her breaths became heavier then, tears building in her eyes.

"Meredith," Derek tried to calm her, gently leading her out of the ambulance bay towards a more secluded area of the ER.

"Derek," she breathed out, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're bleeding, and she's wailing, and -"

"We're okay." He completed with a small smile, his voice as sure as he could muster, but it seemed to crack Meredith's resolutions even more.

"What if...Oh God." She swallowed, her breaths ragged as she held Zola close, her eyes scanning both their figures, then she moved one hand down to her stomach, connecting with the baby, who kicked harder than usual "Oh dear God..." she mumbled again, stumbling on her feet as she rocked Zola back and forth.

"Meredith," Derek began, forcing her to sit on a gurney "I'm going to take Zola up for a full-body scan, just for precaution, for the shunt. You stay here and set up two suture kits, okay?"

She nodded, reluctantly giving him the whimpering baby and standing up, one hand going immediately to rub her stomach. Derek frowned at the gesture.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you serious?" She snapped, her eyes blazing. "You could have died, Derek! My husband and daughter could have died today!" She shouted, fear dripping from every word. "Jesus, I'm not alright!"

She stormed off towards the first supply closet, leaving a speechless Derek standing in the middle of the ER, a few people staring at him strangely as Zola kept hiccupping in his arms, the sound of a door slamming almost echoing in the sudden moment of relative quiet.

"Shh, Zo. Daddy's here and Mama will be back soon." He mumbled, uprooting his feet form the ground and shuffling upstairs for a CT scan, ignoring the looks and the whispers.

When he reached the room, it was luckily empty, too early for the other people involved in the massive pileup to be already there.

"Dr. Shepherd." The technician whose name Derek couldn't remember acknowledged him with a surprised expression.

"Can you spare me and my daughter ten minutes?" Derek cut things short, and the technician nodded, still frowning at Derek's attire.

Derek opened the swinging door and deposited Zola on the machine, kissing her forehead as fat tears kept blubbering out of the little girl's eyes.

"Are you ready to go in here Zo, so I can take a peek into your head?" He tried to be enthusiastic about it, but failed short. "Daddy is going to be right here the whole time," he continued "But you have to stay still, okay?"

"Mama." The little girl whimpered.

"I know, we'll get to see Mama right after this, but you have to promise me to stay still." He smiled, rubbing the baby's arm soothingly where he knew she was most likely to relax and fall asleep, even considering how busy her morning had been, with dance classes and a near death experience.

Zola relaxed even further as Derek kept whispering nonsense to her, until her eyelids drooped and she was out cold. Derek pushed the button of the CT, then walked out to the viewing room.

"Sir, you have blood on your hands." The technician commented plainly, not sure what was appropriate to say in a situation like his.

"I was caught up in a pileup, I just need to make sure she's okay before I get cleaned up." Derek sighed, spent, too overwhelmed to even snap at the guy. "There's a long day ahead of you." He commented, as the images loaded.

He sighed in relief when they turned out to be perfect, the shunt in its original position, her brain showing no signs of bleeding, just like the rest of her tiny body.

"Print a copy, then send it to my office, I want to be sure I didn't miss anything." Derek ordered, moving back to the room to pick up his sleeping daughter. Zola barely snorted as he holstered her up on his shoulder and nodded goodbye to the technician.

When he walked back to the ER, the curtain where Meredith was supposed to wait for him was empty. He frowned, laying Zola down and securing her between pillows, before he moved to the nurses' desk, asking for Meredith.

"She left right before you did, Dr. Shepherd." The nurse replied kindly, clearly having witnessed his wife's outburst and fishing for gossip. "There's an incoming head trauma two minutes out." She added sweetly, but he had already disappeared towards the supply closet towards which Meredith had taken off.

As he opened the door, Meredith was sitting on the floor Indian style, her hands on her stomach as she sobbed loudly.

He immediately knelt in front of her, taking her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. And when she did, he was taken aback by the fear buried deep there.

"Meredith," he whispered softly, not knowing what to say anymore, simply putting his scratched hand on top of hers, resting on her round stomach.

"I..." She began, her sentence chocked by a sob as she held onto his hand for dear life, while one of hers remained low, under her belly.

"Oh, come here;" he said, shaking his head and sitting next to her, before pulling her on his lap.

She curled onto him, one hand encircling his neck as she buried her face in his t-shirt, their hands joined on top of her stomach as he held her.

"I'm fine, we're both fine. Zola is asleep, she was just scared." He tried to calm her, but instead she hiccupped even louder. "There was glass everywhere but the car didn't hurt us. The passenger side is completely gone, we have to replace the car, but we're both okay."

"Replace the car?" Her eyes shot up, and he knew that maybe he should have kept the details for after the breakdown. "God, replace the car!" She moaned, her eyes squeezing shut while she buried herself even deeper into his embrace, her breaths ragged and uneven.

"Mer, you need to breathe." He urged, immediately worried when she clutched at her stomach. He knew it wasn't good for the baby, Bird needed oxygen. "Breathe for me, Mer."

"Can't." She chocked out, full in panic.

"Yes, you can. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." He rubbed her back, rubbing his thumb on top of her stomach, the kicks harder than usual. "Breathe." He coached, bringing her hand on his heart. It had worked, after he had been shot, to remind her that he was alive, it could work again too.

"I'm having contractions." She blurted when she felt his shift in stance, a hint of terror laced in her croaky voice at the knowledge that he was aware of her secret. "I'm in labor."

"No, you're not." He said determined, standing up before bending down to carry her outside the supply closet. "You just need to breathe, Mer. Just in and out, okay?"

"It's too soon." She cried out, her voice coming out in hiccups.

She shook her head, hiding in his sweater as he walked out, moving towards the ER bed where Zola was sleeping peacefully, then he asked a nurse to page OB. He laid Meredith in the bed next to Zola, but she clung to him with all her tiny ineffectual fists.

"Don't leave; please, please, don't ever leave me." She cried out, fat tears popping out of her eyes as he settled her down, scooting Zola a little aside to make room for Meredith.

Then, screwing all possible boundaries, Derek took off his shoes and climbed into bed with them, holding Meredith tight as she leaned her head over his heart, while she kept crying, then he scooped Zola closer to his free side, encircling her tiny body with his other arm.

"Shh," he kept whispering, kissing the top of Meredith's head from time to time, her fists clinging to him, her stomach resting flush to his body as she rode out the pain.

He tried to sort out his thoughts about the last few hours as they waited, Meredith still inconsolable, Zola way too exhausted to be woken up by her moans and hiss.

Alex found them all bunked together, Zola sleeping peacefully with her head resting on Derek's abdomen, Meredith with her eyes squeezed shut on his other side, tears running freely on her cheeks. What stunned him more though was Derek, who looked like he had just survived a battle, his hands covered in cuts and scratches, a gash with old blood over his left eyebrow, his hair a mess as he held his family together while he could barely hold himself half-upright.

"You paged me?" Alex said tentatively, and he knew that something was terribly wrong just by looking at their faces.

"Where's Dr. Harris? Or Dr. Westhill?" Derek spoke in behalf of Meredith, a hint of anger well hidden in his tone.

Alex's face fell. "She's in surgery, Dr. Westhill is at the clinic. I..."

"It's too soon." Meredith interrupted him, her voice void of anything, except fear.

"What happened?"

"I think she's in preterm labor. You have to stop it, Karev. Just, -" Derek trailed off, unable to continue. "She was hyperventilating, I don't..." Derek lost his train of thought, losing his cool a little as he stammered.

"I'm going to give her some fluids and see if the contractions slow down as I figure out something more, okay? It might be nothing." Alex explained his plan as he watched Derek nod and Meredith limply lay over him, her eyes still tightly closed."You should move into a room, it's quieter." Alex suggested.

"Mer, can you move?" Derek asked, but she shook her head vigorously, gripping his sweater even tighter as she moaned in pain. "It's okay, Alex is going to stop the pain Mer, I promise; breathe with me, alright?" He coached, his voice breaking.

Alex noticed the tears pooling into Derek's eyes, then took in his figure and asked tentatively: "I can take Zola upstairs."

"Thank you, Alex." Derek nodded. "Come on, Mere." He whispered, untangling from her and helping her stand up. "Do you want a wheelchair?"

Meredith shook her head, but held tightly onto Derek, as the two of them walked quietly up to the maternity floor.

There, their former doctor, Dr. Annine Harris, finally managed to join them. Alex didn't leave Meredith's side, though, and not because he was still holding a sleeping Zola in his arms.

"How are the contractions?" Dr. Harris asked calmly, her whole demeanor reassuring Meredith. "Is there a pattern? Can you time them?"

"Random." Replied Meredith, shaking her head. "I think they're slowing down." She took a long breath, trying to steady her shaky voice.

"Walking helped?"

Meredith nodded. "Maybe breathing too." She mumbled, putting a smile on everyone's face.

"What brought this on?" Dr. Harris asked, as Meredith's eyes darted to Zola, then to Derek at the request, and they filled with tears again. "I see." Dr. Harris clued in right away.

"We're good, Meredith." Derek repeated for the umpteenth time, never getting tired of reassuring his wife.

"Will you believe me if I tell you that you're not in labor?" Dr. Harris smiled tenderly, watching as Meredith wiped away her latest tears, her hand resting gently over her child.

"False labor?" Alex guessed, adjusting his hold on Zola.

"Yeah, Braxton-Hicks. Although I want you to take it easy for a few days, maybe a week. It's a little bit early for contractions, even false ones, and your blood pressure was still a little too high for my likings."

"Whatever you need me to do." Meredith nodded, determined.

"I want you to take a week off work. Relax, prepare for the arrival of your child, restrain from strenuous activities or intercourse." Meredith bit her lip, glancing furtively at Derek, who made a face. "I'll see you in a week. Or let Dr. Westhill see you, I don't mind."

"Thank you Dr. Harris." Meredith nodded, as the doctor left the room.

Zola stirred in Alex's arms, and in a moment she was sitting on Meredith's bed, flushed against her mother's side. The silence was heavy with many things to say: Meredith didn't want to bring up the fact that she was basically on bed rest, without sex and surgery, because pretending it didn't exist seemed easier; Derek was afraid anything he would say would scare Meredith even more; so no one dared to speak.

No one but Alex.

"Shepherd, do you want to clean up a little? Change clothes?"

Derek blinked, glancing down at his bloody and torn attire, almost as if he noticed the clothes he was in only then.

"Go take a shower, Derek. We'll be fine." Meredith spoke softly, placing a kiss on top of Zola's head, whose eyes had opened. The little girl was now breathing evenly in the safety of Meredith's arms, resting as closer as possible to her mother.

"I'll keep an eye on them." Alex offered.

Derek nodded reluctantly. "I'll bring back clothes for Zola so we can clean her up too."

Derek moved closer to Meredith, breathed in her soft lavender scent, before placing a kiss on top of her head, then did the same with Zola.

"I'll be back before you can miss me." He smirked, this time stealing Meredith's lips and savoring the kiss. _A kiss that could have been a lot more bittersweet_.

He hurried to his office, took a quick shower in the attendings' lounge -which was luckily empty- and changed into his scrubs like a flash. The adrenaline rush faded as he had completed all his tasks, and all of a sudden, he realized that he could have died today. Zola could have died today. His unborn baby could have been born today, and Bird's life would have been surely at risk, being only thirty-two weeks.

He blinked, lowering heavily his body in his office chair, the fabric of his scrubs rustling against the leather. He blinked again, tears forming into his eyes, then he set them free and cried. It was liberating and primal, it made him feel so much better that he almost didn't feel guilty for hiding out in his office to cry like this.

Meanwhile, Alex and Meredith tried to strike up a conversation in between the awkward silence.

"How are the contractions?" Alex asked, his usually sour face softening imperceptibly.

"Almost gone." Meredith sighed, taking a deep breath, only wrinkling her nose as a dull ache settled low in her belly.

"Look on the bright side, you can sit on the couch all day without feeling guilty now." Alex joked, and finally Meredith cracked a smile, which faded as soon as she noticed Zola's blood-smeared hands clutching onto her.

"Can you get me a washcloth or something? So I can clean up her cuts a little?"

Alex nodded, and retrieved a wet washcloth and disinfectant. Meredith carefully cleaned up Zola's wounds, watching carefully if there was glass inside, her heart breaking as the girl whimpered from time to time. Zola seemed to have fallen in a surreal silence, just her body expressing the deep-rooted fear she had, as her hands clutched onto anything and once in a while she shuddered in fear.

"Dirty." Zola mumbled, her eyes now lingering onto Rafa, equally reddish in color and even a little covered in a grayish substance.

"Is Rafa dirty too?" Meredith asked, rubbing the washcloth on her forearm.

Zola nodded. "Wash."

"We'll get Rafa into the tub with you as soon as we get home. It will just take Rafa a while more to dry up." Meredith smiled softly, kissing her daughter's forehead, the one she had just cleaned up from a smear of blood.

"Mama?" Zola whispered, her chocolate eyes filled with fear. "'I 'cared."

"I know Lovebug. I was pretty scared, Bird was scared too." Meredith sighed, rubbing her stomach as the uncomfortableness of the latest Braxton-Hicks contraction faded.

"And Daddy."

"Yeah, Daddy was scared too."

At the mention of his name, Derek was back, his eyes still a little red and puffy, but sporting a more relaxed expression on his face. He held up a tiny pair of sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt, smiling brightly as Zola scrambled towards him with an energy similar to the one she usually had, ready to change into the fresh outfit.

Alex excused himself as soon as Derek had came back, promising Meredith to visit her to keep her from dying of boredom during her forced rest.

"Derek," Meredith whispered softly, as soon as the door closed behind Alex with a mute thud. Derek lifted his eyes from Zola to Meredith, smiling brightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He stated breezily, tying Zola's shoes. "Are you okay to go home?"

Meredith shook her head. "A few more hours."

"Gotsa tell Mama 'bout dwancing!" Zola exclaimed, her eyes widening at the realization as her head emerged from the neck hole in the clean t-shirt she had just worn.

"Why don't we take a little walk as you tell me all about your dancing class?" Meredith suggested, sliding in a sitting position and grinning as Zola held out her hand expectantly.

"Let's go." Was everything Derek could say, as he steadied Meredith on her feet, kissing her forehead in reverence.

He might not have a car anymore, but he still had his entire family alive and well. The bad thoughts could wait for them to finish their walk. There wastime to dwell about the logistics of Meredith's bed rest later. He simply wrapped his arm around Meredith's waist and led her outside, Zola hopping beside her with an excited smile as she recalled even the tiniest details of her morning with Sofia.

* * *

**I have to be honest, I used this car accident just to have Meredith on a forced rest for a little while. I am a bad person, I know, but I didn't want to threaten her life -or Bird's life- with anything weird. It's common for women to go in false labor, but I guess this time it had a perfectly good reason to happen.**

**I will handle the forced rest of Meredith in the next chapter, as well as how things settled for Derek and Zola with Meredith now at home. I just believe Meredith stuck at home is gonna be hilarious to write. **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing, and trusting me with the outcome of this car crash. You guys are great!**


End file.
